Cw Rant. Cw Parents, Bullying & Ableism (?)

update: i saw the same girl today and like ahhhh OH MY GOODNESSSSS

STORY TIME;

Short actually since we didn't talk much or I didn't do much.

I was walking today and saw her. She looked so fucking cute god I wanna say hi so badly, I wanna kiss her

She's so cute with her braces i just a aahh (it's an Asian girl, me and her meet good so it's fine) and I looked at her and she looked at me then I INSTANTLY looked away then looked back. And I went up (not too close) to her and said hi and waved and HER LITTLE NOSE SCRUNCH I AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH SHES SO FUCKING ADORABLE SAVE ME (braces and glasses)

and she's just smiling too

Then I said how are you and she nodded (I'm guessing she said yes)

I just

God she's such a cutie

PLEASE I WANNA HUG HER SO BAD

I CANT ANYMORE 😭😭

???

i was in class today (i am a highschler and i work alot as well), and since everybody was talking too loud, i carried a pair of ear things for my sensory to carry with me because i was getting a bit stimulated meanwhile masking my neurodivergency (my adhd, autism, everything even my dyscalculia bc i cant do math), and i got irritated and i finished my juice box and put it in the bin while having them on.

NOW TELL ME, why is the WHOLE class staring at me?? and some girl shouted out, “GUYS SHES AUTISTIC?? LOOK AT HOW SHE WEARS THAT” and the “look what shes wearing. are you autistic?” literally the whole fucking class looked at me and called me retarded and the teachers did NOTHING TO HELP ME.

then the fact that she has neurodivergent issues of her own too and she fucking said that.

now how is this fair. theres ppl in my schl, same year, who had adhd + autism + sensories + stim toys + dyslexic ppl, etc and they’re praised (most of them are white and some are black) but me, as a child (whos mainly mix but shows black to others), im the one targeted???

but if i was the one to scream due to overwhelming feelings and had everyone laugh at me, I’d get into trouble.

never bringing my stim toys + earphones + etc AGAIN. idgaf ill suffer.

nice to know that everybody suddenly knows you’re “autistic” over some “headphones” 😹

now i have to mask my neurodivergency the whole day tomorrow.

i got outed by my “friends” to others that im gay now ppl are being weird about it and they’re “disappointed”

🫡

i am literally. this close. THIS. close. to. fucking. cry. and shout.

my family has a serious obsession w me being gay and keeps forcing me to come out and out the closet. no matter how hard I say no, I REPEATEDLY hear “oh you came out? cant hide now can you?” like no bitch i was basically out years ago at a young age w all those subtle signs of queerness but brushed it off and went w being straight until my queerness became visible to me. i just wasnt so sure and i didnt know this community existed until i was like really old. back then you never knew I was GAY LMFAO.

and they keep saying “you owe me an explanation as to why you’re gay”, “if youre gay why watch kpop boy groups?” (she keeps calling them chinese and i wanna fucking smash a wall omfg), “you owe us a coming out story”, “youre not gay stop lying” etc then I said I don’t owe them shit and they REALLY said “oh but we’re your family? we should know” like.. there’s worser they said but dear god. that house is so lgbtq+ phobic, im suprised. the homophobia, lesbophobia, biphobia, transphobia, etc was REAL and showing in that HOUSE and the whole convo was just utterly disgusting.

i had my own PERSONAL experiences, lemme keep it confidential between me, myself and I.

then she says “oh but do you like 🐱 (down there) or a 🍌 (a guys below)” ? like dont fucking sexualise me??

they kept outing me multiple times,, and keep bringing up that i am a GAY PERSON.

LEAVE ME ALONE?? then my sis had the audacity to say im making up “excuses” like you’re straight? stfu you are not GAY. don’t speak for me. ever heard of unattainable men? oh ofc not cause youre so ignorant lmfao

I hate it here so much...

y’all mfs need to understand, not every person who likes women is a fucking lesbian. People can be bi and have a gf / attraction to girls. and just like how having attraction to men doesn’t mean you’re “being gay” or “straight”. you can be bi, pan, omni, etc even ace and like men. NOT EVERYONE WHO HAS SAME SEX ATTRACTION IS GAY AND/OR LESBIAN. bi, etc people EXIST.

I feel so annoyed and upset, and they SAW my vents in my phone about everything that happened to me. like don’t go through my fucking phone w/o permission??? and then my friend blocked me cause she got jealous AFTER ALL OF THAT.

and this is ALL on christmas. YESTERDAY.

ffs this christmas is fucked up bruh.

I’m never coming out.

and then the way I said people can change lgbtq labels of their sexuality, nothing bad and then my family goes “but you aren’t cake? how the fuck can you change labels lmfao stop lying”

Well done, thanks for forcing a fucking person to come out and out me numerous times.

the only way I’ll come out in when I leave this fucking dungeon. now I can’t even like women anymore now cause i feel so disgusting....

i really need help to feel comfortable in being queer. im really going through a hard time and I need some support please.

the kit conner situation is so rude and unpleasant. literally where the hell is respect for closeted people,, the community is actually disgusting for making him out himself.

dear potato seventeen jeonghan left for military please show me a rainbow to make sure he's okay for me and I want to see it please I hope it comes out today so I can see it

I didn't ignore it, and I got a 5% raise on my salary! And everyone in town said I was married. Don't ignore the golden potato.

i have to work tmrw and i had a crush on this girl for like a little while now and it’s just so heartbreaking cause i got multiple crushes on the girls who are friends with me and the ones who i wanna become friends with. it’s so much funnier cause she is dating men right now and she likes/loves me and is in love, but if i ever said i liked her, there’s a 50% chance of her being my girlfriend, 50% of her not being my girlfriend and another 1% chance of the other girls who i have a “crush” on liking me cause one is dating a guy right now and i just know once i let her know, she gonna bully me and reject me 😝 /s (the other girl, not the 1st one)

story time today:

i was in my class and i got into a fight w my bullies and he threw his bag in my face (thank god i dodged cause my face would've been damaged), and i threw it back and got into deep trouble, and wasn’t allowed in the class.

this random teacher tells me she knows some kids with adhd, autism, etc and she goes ahead telling me, “why do you wear those ear defenders?” and i told her, “i’m autistic”, and she says in this manner, “you can’t keep wearing them. get use to the noise or i will make mom take them” okay so what if i start screaming and crying because noises get too loud leading to sensory overload, and can’t handle anything, i wouldn’t have anything to help me cause you took them all away?? and she goes ahead stereotyping me, using outdated terms, and she claims she knows autism yet i had to educate her on EVERYTHING. “oh you can’t wear those cause students will get mad” ok fuck them

“are you that autistic?”

“don’t bring toys”

“just stop making yourself look stupid. I’ll just tell mom to make you stop using them”

like how she gonna get mad or listen to you when she clearly got my diagnosis, be so for real women..

throwback to when i used to date alot of men and called a slut but at that same time, i fell in love w girls for the first time and ppl started calling me rude names lmfao

remembering when i had my first date and i dumped him cause he wasn’t interested and my female friend came and i fell for her too

then my “boyfriend” liked my female friend and i felt annoyed cause i fell in love w her but didn’t realise my queer “signs” from that memory. i really wanted to be w her and to date her but i felt fucking nervous.

remembering when i had a second date and i absolutely hated when men had a crush on me especially when he had a gf and went “oh youre (mean comment)”

i would force myself to have a crush on men and even if they LIKED me, i NEVER felt the same cause trauma experiences and reasons (mostly into girls that time)

the way i fell in love w (a) girl(s) bf and then i felt disgusting afterwards because i didn’t like men that much.. then I ended up catching STRONG feelings for her TOO BUT MORE than that BOY.

then caught feelings for all my female friends. ALL of them.

then my family wanna have audacity to say i’m lying and that i owe them alot of things w being gay and queer and coming out and that if i didn’t come out, they’d force me out there themselves.

my god my comphet was showingg. i’m suprised how i am gay my whole childhood but never realised. i’m so disgusting oh my my myyy😹 /neg

(tone tags pls)

the v app just shut down today #kpop