Carefully Frustrated

Carefully frustrated

Ok so this is a sequel to 'No rest til' the sunrise'. Hurt/comfort. I drew a lot of what Remus was feeling in this fic from my own feeling with my disability, I see Remus as having arteritis if there is anything in this fic that you see doesn't fit with this description let me know I don't know a lot about arteritis apart from the research I did for this fic. I hope you like it :)

The sun dipped behind another cloud as Sirius flick the indicator to the left intending to follow the sign to the zoo.

“You have to go on the next right Sirius” Remus spoke up from the passenger seat.

“The sign says left, love”

“Yes, but that’ll take us to the queue, go right up here and we’ll cut round the back and park easy peasy”

“Is that even legal?” Remus shrugged in response as Sirius laughed lightly and flicked the indicator off and continued down the road. The right turn that Remus had indicated was more of an overgrown dirt track with several potholes. Sirius stared down the track wide eyed.

“Re?”

“Sirius your car will be fine it’s a four-by-four stop being a baby!” Remus was right of course his car was fine but that didn’t stop Sirius from pouting as he parked the car by the entrance to the zoo. The car doors were slammed simultaneously.

“Look at this!” Sirius gestured wildly “my car was clean this morning and now there’s dirt everywhere”

“Yeah, but no queueing”

“We’re British Remus all we do is queue”

“Yes and I’m sick of waiting to see the sun bears now lets go” the sandy haired man said with a smile and grabbed his boyfriends hand promptly pulling him to the entrance. Once they paid for the tickets the pair wondered around the zoo hand in hand. The sun bears were the first enclosure as it was the closest to them, but they slowly made their way around. As they approached the wolf section a plethora of jokes ensued.

“Hey, wolf wolf” Sirius started with a grin that was answered with an unenthusiastic groan from Remus “knock knock”

“Who’s there?” Remus’ voice was muffled from where his hand was in his hands.

“Howl” Remus poked his head up with renewed interested as this wasn’t a joke he’d heard from Sirius before. He still seemed unsure when he said the next line.

“…howl who?”

“Howl y’know until you open the door” the look on Remus’ face was better than the actual joke and caused Sirius to let out a loud barking laugh as Remus hide his face once more. Though it seemed like he was hiding his own laughter more than his embarrassment.

“It’s even worse that my mothers maiden name is Howell” Which set Sirius off on another round of loud ruckus laughter.

“Oh, Moony you are brilliant” he said with an air of finality dragging Remus down to plant a kiss on his cheek.

The pair made their way over to the sun bears and watched as on walked on his hind legs from side of the enclosure to the other. One of the bears was sat right in front of the window licking the glass as if it was the tastiest treat ever. They walked hand in hand down the path stopping briefly to look at the Medellin and Mangabey monkeys. They continued down the path quietly until Sirius suddenly pulled at Remus’ jacket arm like an over excited toddler until they stumbled over to the meerkats. A few of the babies ran around at the edge of the glass while the older ones poked their heads out of small holes in the logs almost imitating the game whack ‘a mole. Across the path was the lions den, the walls around it were so tall you had to climb a spiral of stairs up to the viewing platform. It wasn’t that busy, so the pair started to make their way up. Sirius bounded ahead taking it two steps at a time, Remus, however, grab the cold metal rail and started to pick his way up. After three steps an ache appeared in his right knee and caused him to clutch the rail tighter and clench his jaw in the hopes he could ignore his knee. Sirius had turned around when he reached the top and noticed his boyfriend was only a quarter of the way up. Immediately Sirius started picking his way down the narrow staircase and guilt flooded through Remus like a dam being opened. He wasn’t ashamed of his disability, but it wasn’t like he wanted it to be announced to everyone around him by the fact that he couldn’t get up a few stairs without hobbling. It made him feel so out of place, it seemed that way a lot. That he shouldn’t be here or anywhere, that he should hide away and get out of everyone’s way. But Sirius was there, with that stupid smile and those adoring eyes that never looked at him with any judgment, not once. Carefully his left hand was taken into Sirius’.

“Sorry love got a bit excited didn’t mean to leave you behind” and that’s what was so good about Sirius. He never made a fuss about Remus’ disability, never made him feel bad or different about it. he could just be so understanding sometimes it was infuriating and infatuating at the same time. How was this not annoying to him? Having to wait for Remus to climb a bunch of stupid stairs because his stupid arteritis decided right now was a good time to act up. Stupid stupid stupid. Perhaps if he was so pissed of with himself Remus could be more articulate than ‘stupid’ however he figured it was a good enough adjective for now. Together they slowly made to accent up the stairs and spent a while staring down at the lions den. One of the lioness’s was stretched out on her back basking in the sun, it seemed like a perfect nap spot and Remus informed Sirius of such. There wasn’t anywhere to sit up in the small watch tower so trying to keep all the weight of his aching joints was a task that Remus only just managed to succeed at leaning against the wall. They soon started to pick their way down the stairs and walked up to the top end of the zoo. The walk there was a little longer than Remus had anticipated at first, constantly having to put weight on his knee meant he was shifting a lot weight to his left side which made his hip start aching painfully and he didn’t even have his cain today because it had been a good fucking morning and he didn’t need it then. Logically he knew both his cain and wheelchair were in the car but that would mean walking all the way back through the zoo just to come back to this point and it wouldn’t be fair to Sirius to drag him through the zoo and back again. No, it was fine, he was fine. His teeth gritted and fists curled up tight. Sirius delicately touched the inside of his wrist and slid his hand down silently asking for permission to hold. Slowly Remus released the stiffness in his knuckles and spread his fingers out allowing Sirius hand to curl around his palm as a delicious sense of comfort washed over him. Ever so carefully Sirius pulled them to a stop and the side of the pathway and drop his voice low.

“Are you ok?” the tenderness in his voice almost made Remus cry. (and he had been holding it together so well). Words seemed to have failed him, so instead of replying with actual words Remus just gripped Sirius’ hand tighter.

“Alright.” Sirius seemed to study his next words with high regard. His gaze dropped to their joined hand causing dark tendrils of hair to fall in front of his face. When his gaze rose to Remus’ however they parted around his face framing it perfectly. “I can run back to the car and grab your wheelchair?” Shame began rising up in Remus like a tidal wave, he didn’t want to ruin the day by sending Sirius off to grab something that he didn’t need. He could walk, he could walk without any problems this morning he could walk now.

“I’m fin-“

“You are not fine you are in pain. I can see you clenching your jaw and limping on both sides like your trying to keep the weight of your entire body.” Sirius spoke with a slight tightness in his voice like he was angry that Remus hadn’t told him or that he couldn’t help.

“I don’t need my wheelchair; I’m fine I can do this without help.”

“There is no harm in you needing help Remus, you are in pain and if you don’t use a mobility aid you could cause more damage. Powering through this is helping no one.”

“I am not powering through anything. I don’t need it” Sirius softened quicker than butter on a hot day.

“Remus, love, it is ok. There is no shame in you needing help sometimes. You have chronic pain, your wheelchair or your cain is just a tool to help you move without issues. Just like James needs his glasses to see two feet in front of him and how I need my hearing aids to hear your beautiful voice” Sirius had a loving smile on his face, but his eyes were wary as if taking in everything Remus was doing.

Remus had been getting slowly more and more frustrated since the lions but a few soothing words from his boyfriend was like balm on his burning irritation. A slow nod made Sirius break out in a grin.

“I’m sorry you’re right. I just-“ The hand not wrapped around Sirius’ was dragged down his face in a huff of annoyance with himself. “today was supposed to be a good day”

“It still is love; your disability hasn’t ruined anything, and it never has. We can enjoy ourselves whether we walk a little slower for you or if your wheeling around. Being around you will always be my favourite pastime.”

“But no one else needs help walking around the fucking zoo for a day, its frustrating how my body makes me feel so weak” the dejected look on Remus’ face staring and the ground in between the couple was nearly enough to break Sirius’ heart.

“Darling, listen to me” Sirius right hand came to rest under Remus’ chin and pushed up slightly until golden flecks hidden within gorgeous amber eyes lifted to meet with grey storm clouds hidden in Sirius eyes. “Your disability does not make you weak Remus it makes you strong. Stronger than so many other people that I know. You can deal with it, persevere, and come out the other side there’s not a day that goes by where I am not in absolute awe of you Remus Lupin.”

Remus sniffled slightly and gently chuckled “sap”

“I suppose I am. Now lets get you to that bench over there and I will be right back.” And he was, it only took Sirius just over 5 minutes to grab the wheelchair from the car and run right back to Remus’ side. The weight off of his joints was an absolute god send and Sirius insisted on wheeling Remus around the wallaby walkabout. All in all it was a perfect day.

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Hello, My name is Mosab Elderawi, and I live in Gaza with my family. Life here has become harder than I ever imagined, and I’m writing this with hope in my heart that you might hear our story.

The ongoing war has devastated my family. We’ve lost 25 family members—each one a beloved part of our lives, taken too soon. I miss them deeply—their laughter, their presence, their love. Every day is a reminder of this unimaginable loss.

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koifish86

1 month ago

Having a crush while being aro-ace is soooo funny because I'm literally just like. I wanna go to the grocery store with you

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koifish86

3 years ago

Cherry blossoms

Happy birthday to one James Potter!! It's also mothering Sunday which is perfect as we know James is the no.1 mum friend! This is a fluffy Jegulus fic I hope you enjoy! TW/ food and mention of making out but its mostly light kisses

James wasn’t sure what was happening, accept that one minute he was talking to Sirius and the next Reg had sidled up next to him and said “Gonna need to borrow your brother, brother”

Now he was being dragged through the halls of Hogwarts by the arm and his boyfriend was the one doing it. I mean who could complain. Regulus was often very thought out and didn’t do anything without thinking over it for days at the very least. James might be the sportier of the two, but the slight seeker had speed that’s for sure. The messy haired boy tumbled after his boyfriend practically tripping over his own feet in order to keep up.

“Reg, where...?”

“Shhh it’s a surprise come on” somehow the younger boy managed to speed up despite James already heaving for breath. Suddenly Regulus came to a halting stop causing James to almost crash into the back of him, instead he practically doubled over taking a few deep breathes.

“I thought you were supposed to be the sporty one, Potter. Oh, great quidditch champion” the fact that he hadn’t even built up a sweat just made James admire his boyfriend even more.

“Oi cardio is hell, its why I never do it” he straightened up having caught his breath and leaned in for a quick kiss which Regulus gladly returned. Then his wrist was once again circled with Regulus cold fingers. Honestly, why were his hands always so cold, maybe it ran in the family since Sirius’s hands were often cold too. Another tug at his wrist drew James’ attention to the staircase behind Regulus. For a second, he panicked before the ever-graceful Black started walking up the stairs backwards, he didn’t even stumble or second guess his stepping. James on the other hand practically fell over every step in his effort to keep up with the other boy. After another failed attempt and climbing the stairs, the pair started snickering at James’ poor coordination.

“How can you be so flawless on a broom and yet you can’t climb some bloody stairs?”

“I’m only this clumsy cause I’ve got the best view and they keep distracting me” the blush that was then painted across Regulus’ cheeks was easily the best birthday present he’d received all day.

“Shut up potter” the words didn’t match the soft lilt in his voice or the sappy smile pouring across it.

“Oh, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop saying how much I’ve fallen for you. Especially if it makes your face to that cute thing” pale hands moved over Regulus’ face to cover his expression, but they didn’t stay long as calloused hands moved them back down to their sides. Regulus’ pale hands looked even lighter cradled in James’ darker hands.

“Hey, no hiding from the birthday boy” the grin on his face was mirrored by a small chuckle from the boy on the taller step. Tugging at his hands James drew him down for a soft kiss, and another and another before Regulus pushed lightly at his chest.

“Come on, we can’t just make out in a stair well for your birthday” a small huff left James’ mouth as a followed closely behind the Slytherin. As they finally made it to the top of the stairs, and they slipped inside of the astronomy tower.

“Reggie wait…” James stumbles inside and looked up, the view made him stop dead. There was a checked red blanket laid out with a perfect view of the stars. Little snacks ranging from his favourite crisps to a tower of profiteroles were littered around the blanket. There was also cherry blossoms everywhere. Some had been charmed to curl up the walls like vines, while some had been put in several vases dotted around the room. James had told them how the cherry blossom was his favourite flower; he was lucky his birthday was the perfect time for the flowers to bloom.

“Cherry blossoms are my favourite, you remembered?” a bewildered look passed over Regulus’ face

“You talk about them all the time… I do actually listen to you. I mean you talked about cherry blossoms for an hour about how they’re supposed to impart wisdom on your soul or some shit.” By this point he had started waving their hands about trying to prove his point and almost wacked James nose.

“Yeah, but you were staring into space I thought you’d dozed off or something”

“I was staring at you” now it was James’s turn to blush “come one there’s so much food”

The two of them settled down on the blanket and turned to the large array of food and began to tuck in. Halfway through stuffing a profiterole in his mouth James remember that a lot of students used the astronomy tower to spend some private time. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of Reg, he just wanted to spend his birthday night with him, undisturbed.

“Reggie?”

“hmm”

“Y’know a lot of people come up to the astronomy tower” as if reading his mind Regulus then responded

“Disillusionment charm, love. No one is even gonna see this place until I take it down” Damn. Every time he thought his boyfriend had forgotten something Regulus amazed him. Struck by awe of the boy before him James lent in to place a chaste kiss on their cheek.

“You’re like a jedi Reg” he then continued to speak in deeper voice while waving his hands in front of him “These are not the droids you’re looking for” Regulus blink a few times

“…sure?” the baffled look on his face apparently just made it more kissable in James opinion, so that’s what he did. Once, twice, three times, four times, until it all just melded into one long kiss.

This was pretty perfect, kissing his boyfriend under the stars with the smell of cherry blossoms in the air. He couldn’t think of a better birthday present. He hadn’t realised he was smiling into the kiss until Regulus pulled away smiling right back at him.

“What are you thinking about?” they practically whisper into his skin.

“How perfect this birthday present is.” At that Regulus jumped out of his reach looking slightly frazzled. James was suddenly worried he’d said something wrong as his arms were awkwardly hanging in the air where Regulus was once between them.

“I forgot I hadn’t actually given you you’re present. What kind of boyfriend am I? hold one” he then took of to the other side of the room and started pushing several of the cherry blossoms aside looking for… something.

“Wait this wasn’t the present?” James said sounding more confused by the minute.

“What? No this was just the lead up. Here.” he was standing in front of him once again with a box wrapped in light blue birthday paper. Carefully James took the box out of his hands and set it in his lap as Regulus settled beside him again. In an instance paper was strewn every which way and the lip of the box flicked open, inside lay a pair of simple quidditch goggles. As a confused expression crossed James’ face Regulus jumped to explain.

“They’re your prescription, cause you always complain about wearing your goggles over your glasses and then when you don’t you hate the rain on your glasses because then you can’t see. I also got new goggles cause your other ones are falling apart at the seams, I mean you don’t take care of them ever and I couldn’t exactly regift your old goggl…” their rambling was cut short by James’ lips pressed firmly against their own. As he pulled away an excited grin was passing over James face.

“They’re awesome! I love them Reggie” he stated as the goggles put into place over his eyes with a sharp snap. Honestly, they looked a little ridiculous with tussles of hair pouring out from under the elastic. James was blinking at Regulus rapidly as the other boy was trying not to explode into a fit of giggles.

“Love, - you have to - take your glasses off - first!” he said in between belts of laughter, that sound was James’ favourite in the whole world. The young boy who always seemed so calculating finally carefree and laughing at his ridiculously stupid boyfriend. Well, James would make himself the fool over and over again to hear that sound. Slipping the goggles of once more to be able to see his boyfriend again so he could safely land a kiss to their cheek.

“Thank you, they’re perfect” the pair were still staving off the last of the giggles and smiles into each other’s eyes under the starlight. Eventually Regulus lent his head against James’ shoulder and nodded off. Shortly after James fell victim to sleep as well with his arms wrapped around Regulus’ shoulders.

They woke to the rising sun peaking through the trees wrapped up in each other content to stay there forever, alas they had to leave the perfect cocoon that they had made. It would always be a memory.