Hyune Fics Are So ??? 😭😭😭😭😭😭
hyune fics are so ??? 😭😭😭😭😭😭
The snow falls, we fall apart.
summary: when heartbreak looms on your life, and winter becomes a time you loathe, hyunjin helps you rewrite your memories with the season, and with it, everything you once believed about love.
genre: producer student!hyunjin x reader. roommates!au. friends to lovers. acute descriptions of heartbreak and general sadness. slow burn. hurt/comfort. healing and hopeless romantic hyune. very inspired by long for you so lots of pining and yearning. (wc: 13k)
warnings: mentions of alcohol. it is implied that reader was in an a very toxic relationship but no details are shared.
a.n: happy birthday to my hyunjin, my muse, my light. thank you for being so full of love that it made me love love again in return. this is i think my most personal piece, and i hope it reminds those who need it that love should be soft and kind, that it shouldn’t hurt, that it should heal not break. i love you guys and i love you my xi, writing this collab with you has been a true honor <3 also!! please listen to long for you while reading :,)
winter falls masterlist.
You’ve only ever felt utter despair twice in your life.
First, when you were seven years old, playing hide and seek with your cousins at your grandma’s house. It was a warm summer afternoon, the air sweetened by pastries you devoured hours ago. You decided to hide in a wooden cabinet up in the attic, only to end up stuck there. The walls felt like they were closing in on you, the oxygen seeping away from the cracks underneath the door, leaving you deprived of air, of life.
Second, at twelve, when you've come to discover sorrow's new facet, clad in grief's heavy cloak. Your parents adopted a hamster for your birthday, but they did not know he had a terminal disease. You were distraught, to say the least, when you awoke to its still form, death claiming a frail heart unaware of its imminent fate.
And now, third, many many moons later, you are knocking on Hyunjin’s door a few minutes after midnight. It is cold out, tears tracing rivulets on your cheeks, your fingers tinted pink from roaming outside in the harsh winds, your heart much heavier than when you were a child. More grief-stricken, at your own hands, this time.
A disheveled Hyunjin opens the door, his blonde ash hair tousled and sticking upwards, a clear indication of the many times he had run his hands through it in fits of frustration. His gray hoodie zipped up hastily, revealing the silver cross necklace he was wearing, nestling perfectly against his honeyed skin.
You've always had an aversion to seeking comfort, saw it as revealing your deepest vulnerabilities to a world that isn't always kind. It was easier, much simpler to do so when you were a clueless child— when you sank in your cousin Lia's hold as she attempted to steady your breathing, when your mother cradled you in her lap after Pinky died.
It is much harder now, much more embarrassing because Hyunjin has never seen you this sad, never glimpsed your shadows that now swarm his doorstep, unannounced.
“What's wrong?” he quickly asks, eyes darting over your figure in a rapid search for visible wounds. He wouldn’t find any. All your injuries stem from within— blood doesn’t have to be spilled for your heart to weep.
You had rehearsed a lie as you walked up to his doorstep. You would say that your car broke down near his place and ask if you could stay over for the night. He would insist he could drive you to your place and you’d refuse, saying that it was too late and you did not wish to bother him. You’d sleep on the couch and slip away in the early hours of the morning.
Yet, it is the genuine worry etched in his eyes that dismantles the fortress you've hidden in, melts the lie in your throat, morphing it into a steel lump coiling in your throat. He looks concerned when all you’ve had directed towards you recently was anger. And you missed someone looking at you in care, not reproach.
“I didn’t know where else to go.” You admit, your voice shattered, fragments of your vocal cords scattered out in the wind like a broken mosaic, the sound of it scraping against your ears.
Blow one hurt. It felt like your body turned against you as it deprived you of oxygen. The sobs that escaped you once you perceived the light pained you, perhaps more than being confined in the darkness.
Blow two was even worse, it was your first time experiencing grief. It was too hard of a concept for your innocent heart to grasp, too complicated for you to find solace in anything as adults do.
You promised yourself that you’d reserve blow three for monumental agonies— big pains and big sorrows only. That’s how you managed to keep all your tears at bay for most of your life. Would they be worth losing your third sob for? No, you've always found the answer to be.
And in all the twisted scenarios you’ve conjured up in your mind, deaths and illnesses and the haunting tale of failure, you did not imagine that it would happen on Hwang Hyunjin’s doorstep. That you’d burst into sobs at the compassionate look in his gaze, and the sad smile he sent your way. As if he knew, as everyone did around you. That you had handed a knife to a serial killer and it was only a matter of time before he stabbed you in the heart.
Two weeks ago.
“I’m trying to understand you but you aren’t helping me,” Seungmin is frustrated as he paces relentlessly before you from left to right like a swinging pendulum. You sit on the couch, beholding only his shoes, avoiding his gaze that would reflect the truth you dare not confront.
“He’s sucking the life out of you, can’t you see that?”
You can, out of everyone that surrounds you, you can see it the most. You feel as if you are carrying a skin that isn’t your own, weighed down by a relationship that has taken everything from you. But admitting it is admitting that you were wrong, in trusting him, in loving him. You couldn’t bear it.
“We are fine!” you shout back, the defiance in your voice surprises even you. This is a familiar script with Seungmin, a recurring conversation spurred by your puffy eyes and diminishing appetite. He tells you, begs you to leave, but where could you go? How could you leave a home where you've shed all your treasured belongings at the door— your skin, your bones, your very self.
What place would welcome you now that you're stripped bare of your soul?
“When was the last time he made you smile, huh? All he does is hurt you, and you...” he chuckles incredulously, running his hand through his hair. “You are letting him.”
Deny, deny, deny.
“This isn’t true. He loves me,” the words taste foreign in your mouth like rusty metal dragging across your lips. A small voice whispers that love shouldn't feel like this, but you quiet it down.
“Are you hearing yourself? Yn, I…” he kneels before you, his hands resting comfortingly on your knees. This is Seungmin, your best friend of five years. You know he has your best interests at heart, you are even more sure of it when his voice softens, shakes slightly when he utters your name. “Yn, please. I’m trying to help you. Please.”
“I didn’t ask for your help,” you push away his hands, standing up. “I don’t want your help, and I don’t need it.”
You quickly leave Seungmin’s dorm, your heart heavier than when you entered it, foolishly hoping that he'd ignore your distressed state after yet another fight with your boyfriend. But Seungmin doesn't understand, no one around you does— you’ve gambled your heart, and you cannot stop drawing the cards, even in the face of losing strikes.
❁ ❁ ❁
Hyunjin offers you a cup of tea with a gentle smile and you grab the steaming drink from his hands. The smell of chamomile wraps around your senses, and your brain fizzles out for a second before the soothing aroma. But it is a fleeting respite, the tempest of your thoughts crashes back onto you with an unsettling force, causing you to almost drop the drink as your hands shake. You place it down the table without taking a sip.
“I’m sorry for coming unannounced,” you apologize, wincing at the intrusion, “I hope I didn’t wake you up.”
“I always sleep late. Don’t worry about it,” he smiles, but you know it isn’t a genuine grin, because his eyes betray an unsubdued concern, refusing to morph into their usual moon crescents.
You’ve always thought that Hyunjin wears his emotions openly— when he laughed, he did so loudly, his boisterous giggles traveling around Seungmin’s dorm. When he hurt himself, everyone in the vicinity would know so from his loud yelps. And when something worried him, he would bite his lip, toying with the plush flesh to ease his nerves.
As he is doing now. Looking at you.
“We broke up,” you quickly say, and your words hang over you like a gloomy cloud. “But I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Do you want me to fight him? I’ll bring changbin too,” he suggests a serious tone underlying his playful offer, and it manages to tear a reluctant giggle out of you.
“Changbin doesn’t know me well enough to fight for me,” you counteract and he shakes his head. “He’ll fight for me, I'm his princess.”
“Are you now?” The giggle escapes your mouth less forcefully, and the smile that graces Hyunjin’s face is a genuine one.
“I am. My proposal stands,” he extends his hand and you wrap your fingers around his palm. “Thank you, I’ll keep it in mind,” you smile but he frowns, flipping your hand around in his hold.
“You are freezing,” he whispers, using his other palm to rub warmth into yours.
“It’s fine,” you lie, slipping your hand out of his grasp, not feeling deserving of his kindness.
Wordlessly, Hyunjin stands, walking into what you assume is his bedroom. You only know of his place because you dropped off Seungmin here some time ago. You are too exhausted to even drink in the interior.
“Here,” he returns, handing you a navy hoodie of his and black joggers. “This will keep you warm at night.”
“Thank you,” you whisper, hesitating for a few seconds before speaking again. “Can you please not tell Seungmin, I... I can't face him right now.”
“Of course. I’ll be awake still if you do need something.”
Hyunjin’s clothing is warm, although peeling away your own garments felt like shedding layers of your skin, as if the fabric melted into your very flesh, just like memories from the day did. You have never felt this worthless before, discarded like a forgotten leaf on the roadside, one he stepped on for his own enjoyment, leaving you crushed in his wake, unable to fly away again.
Hyunjin’s rose perfume wraps around you, and you find relief in sleeping somewhere where your, his, scent was no longer around. You foolishly hope that if you close your eyes hard enough, you’ll manage to convince yourself that you’re someone else, tonight. Someone who isn’t tethered to the heartache, someone who can slip away from the clutches of a love that hurts more than hate could ever manage to do.
❁ ❁ ❁
Heartbreak isn’t beautiful, no matter how eloquently you try to dress it in the syllables of poetry, no words can soften the burn in your lungs, the searing ache that courses through your very core, reminding you that deep within, down to the fundamentals of your being and the most basic alchemy that ties your atoms together— you are unlovable. Whether you cut your hair or allow it to grow, change your heart, or leave it as it has always been, you will remain so.
You don’t remember much of the past week, blurry fragments here and there that float in your mind like a distorted water reflection. There is little room for memories when you are busy trying to remember how to breathe— one inhale in, one exhale out. The simple concept seems harder when there are unkind hands permanently lodged into your heart, squeezing it tight.
What you do remember is telling Seungmin through text the next day, because you couldn’t bear the way his eyes would soften if you spoke to him in person. No signs of surprise cast on his figure, because he knew that it was long coming, a train with one final inevitable destination— you in shambles, him okay.
You remember Seungmin cradling you in his arms when he came to see you, and you trying desperately to keep the tears at bay— too focused on pinching your arm to let Seungmin’s warmth radiate through your being, Hyunjin lingering uncomfortably by the entrance of his living room.
You remember begging Seungmin to grab your belongings from the apartment you shared with your ex because you were unable to face him, him, and everything that your old place spelled out for you. Stand in the ruins of what you once thought would be your permanent home.
And now, you watch as Seungmin and Hyunjin bring suitcases full of your stuff into the latter’s place. And you feel like an outsider in your own body, standing at the corner of the room gazing at utter destruction, unable to stop it, unable to mend it. Seungmin quickly reassures you that you could crash in his and Minho’s place until you find a new one to live in, already taking out his laptop to search for new apartments for you.
But you did not care for it, your eyes zeroed in on the satin shirt peeking out of your suitcase. The one he bought you on your first month anniversary. Back when love felt like a gentle feather running down your spine, and not a dull knife slicing away at your skin.
“This place's expensive too,” Seungmin sighs, rubbing his temple warily. Your logical best friend could not fix your heartbreak but he took it to heart to alleviate your other troubles. You would thank him for it, later, when your tongue finds enough will to move.
“What if you move in with me?” Hyunjin suddenly says and his words filtrate through the fog in your mind easily, as if he rehearsed them enough times so they’d roll out smoothly out of his mouth. “I mean, Felix is away for the next year since he went back to Australia. And I was looking for a new roommate anyway.” He shrugs and Seungmin turns to look at you, his eyes convey the question his mouth doesn’t articulate— is it okay with you?
“I don’t…” your voice is croaked, so you clear your throat. “I don’t want you to do things out of pity.”
“I’m not. If I was, I would've told you to move in with me for free. I still need you to pay rent,” he raises his eyebrows, a playful tease and you smile in relief, nodding, “Okay, I will. thank you.”
Heartbreak is ugly and all-encompassing, weaving through the roots of your heart and infecting each organ with its insidious touch. It renders you immobile, incapable of performing the simplest tasks, burdened by a weight unseen by the world. But you try your best, your very best to contain it.
You smile at the cashier as she hands back your money only to wonder if her soft, well-manicured hands would too crush a soul without remorse. You go to all your classes without fail but your mind is elsewhere, contemplating why the sun filtering through the windows no longer warms your skin. Can nerve endings perish when subjected to too much pain? What's left of life when you can no longer feel the caress of the sun?
You watch a movie at Seungmin's dorm but your mind is elsewhere, fleeting to this morning and how you refused to stay in the shower for more than three minutes because your thoughts might become haunting ghosts tempting you to follow them. You brush your hair and spray your perfume, only because you have to, because you live with Hyunjin and you wouldn’t want your sadness to taint him too. You wonder how long you’ll have to bear it. You wonder if it’ll ever leave you or if the veins in your heart have molded themselves after the pain and they wouldn’t know how to accept happiness anymore.
You greet Hyunjin as he walks past you, shaking your head when he asks you if you want to eat dinner with him, quickly retracting back into your room. You have ten unread messages and a pile of growing laundry you need to do, but all you can muster is to gaze at the empty walls, mirroring the void within you. Your mom told you to call her again and you don’t know how you’ll speak to her without bursting into a sob, how you’ll tell her that all it took was one person to break you. Or maybe it was two people, your hands and his tearing apart your flesh and bones. Maybe that’s the worst part about it. So you don’t call her.
And you only ever emerge from your room when you need to, just like now because your water bottle is finished and you need to refill it. You go to open the kitchen door when you hear Hyunjin’s muted shatter, Felix’s distinctive deep voice coming out of the phone speaker.
“Next you add the melted butter and stir it,” Felix instructs, the sounds of pots and utensils clinking in the background. You fidget slightly, mustering the strength to paint a fake smile on your lips.
“What next?”
“Sift the dry ingredients then add them to your wet mixture,” Felix explains, met with a few seconds of silence. You can almost visualize Hyunjin's perplexed expression, blinking rapidly in confusion.
“Explain it to me like I’m five years old,” he requests, prompting a small smile to etch itself onto your face.
“How are you surviving without me?”
“I’m not please come home,” Hyunjin sounds horrified as Felix’s rich chuckles fill the air. “Why do you suddenly want to make brownies anyway?” he then asks.
You go to open the door when Hyunjin’s response catches you off guard.
“They’re for Yn.”
Hyunjin's words resonate in the air, causing a hitch in your throat and Felix’s teasing whistles simultaneously, but Hyunjin is quick to stop him. “No, no, no, it’s not like that. They’re just a bit down and I remember them loving your brownies. So…”
It takes you a fleeting moment to dig the memory out of your mind, a year ago, right before your ex came to pick you up from Seungmin’s dorm. You had a bite of Felix’s brownies, a surprised gasp escaping your lips at its delicious taste, back when food had taste and happiness came easily to you. It was an insignificant memory, you did not imagine Hyunjin, out of everyone, would remember it.
But he did, and he’s now pacing before your closed door, contemplating how he’ll convince you to finally eat something with him. He throws a thumbs-up in the air for no one but himself, inhaling deeply before knocking on your door.
“Hey,” he greets with a hopeful smile, his gaze meeting your tired form. He hesitates for a second, clearing his throat. “Brownies?” You remain unmoving and he falters, “Hm? Please?”
“Sure,” you nod and a wave of relief floods through Hyunjin as you step out of your room. His joy is short-lived when he takes the brownies out of the oven, only to find them thoroughly burnt.
His mouth hangs agape, and he walks back shamefully to the oven, lowering its door only to scream inside of it.
“This will be more therapeutic,” you say, pointing nonchalantly to the fridge and he agrees, opening its doors and yelling once again in the much larger space.
Your melodic laughter fills the kitchen, Hyunjin’s embarrassment is suddenly a forgotten memory.
“I’m craving kimbap. Should we get it instead?” you propose, a touch shyly and he quickly agrees, afraid you’d change your mind and walk back to your room where he can no longer ensure you are okay.
Hyunjin absentmindedly dances along to the music blasting through the convenience store when a girl sidles up to his side, a saccharine grin on her lips as she looks up at him, “hi,” she greets and his tentative smile mirrors hers. “Hey.”
“Are you single?” she asks, her gaze briefly fleeting to the window. “I think you are really cute.”
“I’m…” he glances at you but you're suddenly engrossed in the ingredients of the tuna kimbap you are holding, pretending not to listen. “I am but I’m not interested, thank you.”
“Oh, come on,” she places a hand on his arm and he physically recoils. “Give me your insta and we could talk.”
“No,” he repeats, grabbing her hand to remove it when a loud voice startles him. “Baby, what’s taking you so— What are you doing?” Hyunjin watches in horror as the girl’s eyes grow wide, before she scrambles to the man’s side, feigning fear.
“He kept hitting on me when I said I had a boyfriend, baby.”
“What?” both you and Hyunjin gasped in comical unison. He would find it amusing if not for the escalating anger radiating from the man, who looks like he spends all his days in the gym. Hyunjin suddenly regrets not working out with Changbin.
The man strides towards Hyunjin. “Do you want to die?”
“No? there’s a misunderstanding,” he replies, swiftly standing before you and shielding you with his arm. “Your… baby,” he wiggles his finger in front of the man's face, “she was the one hitting on me!”
The man scoffs loudly, his face growing redder from the anger seething in him. “So you hit on my girlfriend and then accuse her of cheating?” His fist rises threateningly, prompting Hyunjin to step back, accidentally bumping into your chest.
“Wait, wait, wait! Let’s go talk outside, man to man,” Hyunjin pauses, his voice taking on a taunting edge, “unless you're too scared?” he smirks as he feels you pull at his shirt, whispering an incredulous- “What are you doing?” He shakes his head, grabbing your hand and leading you outside, throwing a sly wink at the man behind you now.
“Are you seriously going to fight him?” you ask, your gaze shifting towards the deranged couple who are about to step out of the grocery store. “No, of course not. I'm a lover, not a fighter.”
“You said you'd fight my ex,” you point out and his eyes soften surprisingly.
“You are an exception.” He looks back at the man, who's now walking towards you both. “But anyways, do you know how to run?” he asks and you frown, “who doesn’t know how to—” you pause as realization dawns on you. “No," you whisper furiously.
“Yes.”
“No,” you shake your head, horrified and he nods, eyes apologetic.
“Yes.” His fingers entwine with yours, he squeezes your hand once before he takes off running.
“Hwang fucking Hyunjin!” you shout and he looks back at you, a mischievous smile on his face. “I’m sorry Yn my face is too pretty to be beaten up.”
“He’s following us!” you yell, looking back horrified as the, even angrier, man runs after you.
“Well, run faster!”
“I’m wearing fucking slippers!” you curse and he giggles, tipping his head back, the wind slamming into you both, his hand never letting go of your own.
“Oh my god why is he still running!” you groan and Hyunjin picks up speed, moving you even closer to his sprinting figure
“I know, is it ever that serious?” he yells above his shoulder and you dig your nails into his palm.
“Shut up, this wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t so gorgeous.”
“So, you think I’m pretty too?” Hyunjin grins proudly and an incredulous laugh escapes your lips.
“Really? Is this what you’re getting out of this situation?”
“Silver linings, Yn, silver linings,” he shouts as you round a small alley, finally stopping to catch your breath. You both fall to the ground, heavy breaths escaping your chests.
“Holy shit, I’m not athletic at all,” he heaves, his eyes meeting yours. He expects to find anger lingering in your gaze but all he can grasp is your amused smile before you collapse into a fit of laughter, clapping loudly and clutching your stomach with your hand.
“Oh my god, I’m crying,” you laugh harder, wiping away at the tears falling from your eyes. Hyunjin’s weariness disappears in the blink of an eye— he did not realize how much he missed your smile until he glimpsed it again. And it is beautiful. Happiness looks beautiful on you.
“Idiot,” you hit his shoulder playfully, and his response is delayed for a few seconds, the warmth from your smile rendering him immobile.
“I’m sorry,” he chuckles, pulling you up. “Here, I’ll carry you home,” he squats slightly before you. “How impolite of me. How dare I make your majesty run.”
You shake your head, amused, before climbing atop his back, his warm palms holding your thighs securely. “Only because the slippers hurt my feet.”
You walk in silence for a while, your arms wound up around Hyunjin’s neck, the ghost of a smile still lingering on both your faces.
“They said it will snow tomorrow,” Hyunjin speaks suddenly and you stay silent for so long he starts to wonder if you even heard him.
“Mm? That’s nice,” your tone is melancholic, and he pauses at the peculiar sadness in it— as though you were trying to act nonchalant about something that has once meant the world to you.
“Don’t you like the snow?” he asks and your hold on his neck falters.
“I loved it. Loved ice skating and building snowmen.” Your voice is light and airy, like Hyunjin’s favorite mint chocolate ice cream. “But now it reminds me of bad times, bad memories.”
“I understand.”
Hyunjin knows what it feels like to relinquish parts of yourself you never wished to part from. For someone to grab your happiest places and to cast a gloomy filter atop them. Sometimes it is the loss of a season that hurts more than the departure of a person.
And Hyunjin loves winter.
He’ll do everything so that you’ll come to love it again too.
❁ ❁ ❁
Is it a nightmare if the person in it is one you once loved, looked forward to beholding with your gaze, hoping they’d never slip out of your reach? You don’t know, but you are growing tired of having the same dreams every night. Of waking up with an exhaustion that goes beyond your restless sleep but pleads from your soul to rest after almost a year of torment.
You sigh wearily, rubbing a hand through your face before walking to the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water. You find Hyunjin there, eating a cupcake while standing shirtless, scrolling through his phone. You blink at the sight.
“Hey,” you clear your throat and he startles, dropping the cupcake on the ground. He goes to pick it up only to bang his head on the table, a loud yelp escaping his lips. You barely contain your giggles as you walk to his side, rubbing your palm soothingly on his head. “I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you.”
“At least pretend you are sorry,” he mumbles, pointing to your amused smile and you chuckle, taking his hand and helping him to his feet.
“What are you doing up now?” he asks as he grabs some napkins to clean up the pink frosting smeared across the floor.
You hesitate for a few seconds before whispering, “Just nightmares. And you?” you quickly add, not keen on pushing the subject any further.
“I'm working on a song,” he explains, as his gaze lingers on your sunken eyes, weighed down by dark circles from too many sleepless nights.
“And the cupcake?”
“Some people need caffeine to function. I need flour.”
“I literally see you drink three americanos per day.”
“Okay well maybe I need both,” he admits sheepishly and you grin, drumming your fingers along the countertop.
“Can I sit with you while you work?” you ask quickly, before the words linger enough in your mouth that you no longer wish to spit them out.
The smile that Hyunjin sends you is kind, pushing the shadows of your nightmares just slightly out of reach.
“Of course, yeah you can. Don’t even need to ask.”
Hyunjin walks first into his bedroom, quickly slipping on a hoodie while you take in the interior. It is a quite simple room— a large bed with gray covers, and a desk filled with what you assume to be his producing equipment sits adjacent. But what catches your attention is the dried rose hung delicately on the wall, and the array of paintings surrounding it. You edge closer to it, drawn to the well-crafted paintings— a sun-drenched beach, a couple lost in an embrace so intimate their forms can no longer be separated, and an elderly pair riding a motorcycle, their love radiating vibrantly as if enclosed in eternal youth.
“You paint?” you ask, turning around to find Hyunjin watching you. He steps closer, enveloping you once more in the fragrance of his rose perfume.
“In my free time.”
“You are amazing, Hyunjin,” you compliment sincerely, your gaze fixed on that imagery of the old couple, one that most likely grew together. It tugs at your heartstrings, stirs a painful longing within you, a memory of a time when you too believed you’d find such boundless love.
“Thank you,” he murmurs, before brushing his fingertips gently against your forearm, for a fleeting second. “Are you okay?” he asks, a tenderness you’ve been aching for latched into his question. Your eyes refuse to peel away from the paintings and the love spilling from each paint brush stroke, a love that refuses to rest on your being as if you were harboring an armor that repels it.
“No,” you reply sincerely, turning to face him. “It’s really hard,” you say with a smile, hoping that the mechanical display of happiness would keep your tears at bay, tricking your brain into believing you're not as sad as you feel.
It fails to do so, and the tears well in your eyes like a gathering storm. Frustration twists your features as you shut your eyes, tilting your head upward in a desperate attempt to contain the flood. It pauses as Hyunjin cradles the back of your head, drawing you close to the warmth of his neck. His palm glides soothingly along your spine, before patting your back ever so gently.
Your back stiffens, hands curling into tight fists, breath catching in your throat. You've grown accustomed to pushing away comfort, putting up tall barriers to shield yourself. But tonight, Hyunjin seems to break through your defenses.
Tonight, you soften, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, head nestling deeper against his tender skin.
“It wasn’t your fault,” he whispers and another sob wracks through you, but he only holds you tighter. “It’ll get better soon.”
“I loved him,” you hiccup, your voice breaks, “a lot.”
“I know, that’s why it hurts.” His voice is gentle, and yet his hold on you feels secure as if you could stumble and fall, and he would be there to catch you
“I want it to stop hurting.”
“It will, with time.”
Your next words are tinged with a childlike vulnerability, reminiscent of blow one, then two. But you do not care for it, in that instant, you crave the reassurance, you need someone to plant a seed of hope in your soul because your hands are too frail to dig for it.
“Do you promise me?”
His response doesn’t come hastily, carelessly thrown into the air like idle chatters. He takes his time, considering it with the gravity of an oath.
“I promise you.” He finally says, each syllable infused with sincerity. A brief pause hangs in the air before he adds. “And if it doesn’t then you can hit me.”
“On your pretty face?” you ask, a smile tugging at your lips despite yourself.
“On my pretty face,” he confirms with a chuckle.
“What an honor,” you roll your eyes playfully as you lean back and he grins, tenderly wiping away your tears with the back of his fingers.
“I can't believe it took three minutes for you to cry in my room. This isn’t good for my reputation.”
“Good thing this will never leave this bedroom, right?” you point a finger at him threateningly, and he pretends to zip his lips, tossing away the imaginary key. “You got it.”
“So what are you working on?” you ask as you settle on the edge of his bed, knees drawn up to your chest.
“It’s a pretty sad song, wanna hear?” he offers, sitting across from you on his chair.
“Yeah, I'd love to,” you smile, and Hyunjin deftly adjusts a few buttons, before his melancholic whistles weave through the air, coupled with the somber melody of a piano. Your breath catches in your throat, the music reaching into the very depths of your soul. It's as if the notes are calling out for a loved one, for a time that has long passed, for a past that will never come back no matter how much we long for it.
The instrumental continues, each piano note and each violin string echo like a bittersweet lament, springing tears to your eyes. But the melody remains beautiful, akin to the beauty always found in the sadness— in the tears that cascade down your cheeks like glistening crystals, in the tremble of your hands akin to branches swaying in the wind, in the rise and fall of your chest with each breath, mirroring the ebb and flow of the waves.
Hyunjin watches you intently as the music envelops you both, his gaze softening with each passing moment. You bring a hand to your chest, almost unconsciously, too engrossed in the melody to even blink. He feels a blush sprout on his cheeks as your teary eyes hold his with the last fading guitar strings.
“You keep on making me cry,” you whisper, your voice choked with emotion, and he grins, tilting his head shyly against his shoulder.
“You like it?” he asks, a tad eager and you nod, not bothering to wipe the lone tears that are falling down your cheeks.
“I think this is what my loneliness sounds like,” you confess softly.
“As do mine.”
A silent beat runs between you both, it isn’t uncomfortable, but safe. Because you understand him, just as he understands you.
“Sometimes I long for things that have passed," he admits, “although I know I can't get them anymore.”
“The most terrible thing you can long for is yourself.”
“Because no one’s to blame for that loss but you?” he muses and you nod, a sad smile tugging at your lips. “Yeah, exactly.”
You bite your lip, casting a glance back at the paintings adorning the wall. “I don't love him anymore,” you begin quietly. “I stopped a long time ago because there was no room for love anymore to grow amid weeds and thorns.”
He remains silent, sensing that this is a weight you need to unburden yourself from.
“But in the midst of it I think I stopped loving myself too,” you whisper, a confession too terrible to be uttered out loud. “That's what I long for. The things I used to love that I'm indifferent to now.”
“Like you’re a stranger before everything once familiar to you.”
“Yeah, you express it prettily,” you remark with a small smile.
“It's my job,” he grins lightly.
“I think when your heart is pure,” he begins after a while, pausing to carefully choose the words that will soothe your burn, help sleep come more easily to you. “You give love to others more readily than you do to yourself. And it takes time, patience, to redirect that love back to your own heart once again. But it's not a mistake to love, you shouldn’t hate yourself for it. Nor should you blame your past self for loving the wrong person because they did not know what you now do.”
“Think of it as a caterpillar in their cocoon,” he continues gently, “when they finally emerge from their chrysalis, they might long for who they were, where they once were because it is the only place they've ever known. But they do not realize that they've transformed into a beautiful butterfly, that they can now fly, and witness much more than their chrysalis. So maybe, your new self will love the same things as before, or maybe you’ll find new, better things to love that you would have not known before. But in either way, your heart is beautiful. That is what matters, no?”
A small pout draws on your lips, your eyebrows scrunched as you gaze at him.
“You have a very tender soul, Hyunjin.”
Your words linger in Hyunjin's mind long after the sunrise, as you lay peacefully asleep on his bed. The melody of the instrumental he produced continues to play faintly in the background, serving as a gentle lullaby that eases you into slumber, entwined in his sheets, your arms wrapped protectively around yourself, one hand cradling your shoulders and the other resting gently on your stomach. The image sears into his eyes as he sketches the outlines of a figure holding itself absentmindedly, long into the night.
Hyunjin has had his fair share of compliments, mostly pertaining to his face, and others to his craft. but it is you who seems to have sensed that a part of his soul resided in his art, that he left pieces of his heart hidden in the notes he composes and the lyrics he writes, hoping they’ll find soft hands that will take care of them, just like your own.
Five days later.
hyunjin [11:34 p.m.]: are you home?
yn [11:34 p.m.]: yeahh, do you need anything?
hyunjin [11:35 p.m.]: come downstairs, im waiting for youu
if you say no i’ll freeze to death..
hurry i can’t feel my fingers anymore (please please) ㅠㅠㅠ
“This better be a life and death situation Hwang Hyunjin,” you say threateningly as soon as you appear before Hyunjin, causing him to straighten up from the wall he was leaning against.
“It is a very dangerous life-altering situation that requires your immediate assistance, indeed,” he responds solemnly, ushering you gently to his car and opening the door for you.
“Which is?” you ask as soon as he settles inside the car and he simply grins at you, his left dimple coming forth like the very sun on a gloomy day.
“You’ll see.”
Hyunjin’s eyes fleet to your figure every now and then, but you do not seem to notice, your gaze lost into the blurring lights ahead. He can tell you're still not entirely yourself, so he was prepared to forcibly drag you along with him. He’s almost surprised you accepted to come down so easily.
“Is that… Seungmin?” you speak suddenly, pointing to a man waving in the distance, as Hyunjin parks his car near an empty field.
“And Changbin? And Minho?” you continue, squinting your eyes, “and a bonfire?” you giggle with a hint of excitement.
“You love s’mores during the winter, right?”
Hyunjin smiles, your soul softens.
“I do,” you say quietly, “I really do.”
You quickly exit the car, running into Seungmin's arms with a grin of disbelief plastered on your face. “This is insane,” you almost shout, squeezing him tight in a hug.
“It was so hard to find the perfect middle of nowhere for this,” Minho grumbles as you move to greet him, but the warmth of his embrace assures you he's only teasing.
“Thank you,” you say with a smile as you hug Changbin, who affectionately ruffles your hair. “It was Hyunjin’s idea,” he reveals, and you glance back at Hyunjin, who stands with his hands buried deep within his sweatpants behind you. You mouth a silent “thank you” to him, but he shakes his head modestly as if it is nothing to bring happiness to a bruised heart.
The night unfolds in endless laughter, with Minho and Hyunjin taking turns roasting marshmallows over the crackling bonfire, and Seungmin serving you hot coffee to keep your hands warm. Your stomach aches from the uncontrollable fits of giggles that overtook your being as Minho recounts the time he danced so vigorously on stage for his dance club that he ripped his pants, feeling a breeze where there shouldn't be one; and Changbin tells you the story of the time his voice cracked in the middle of a rap battle, and how none of the boys stopped teasing him about it for months to come.
And as the four of them take turns making you laugh, a quiet, tender realization dawns on you—you are loved. It is something he tried to convince you was impossible, that no one around truly cared for you but him. And even then, you weren’t deserving of his love whole, only scrapes of it, as if you were a beggar tugging at the outskirts of his heart.
But Hyunjin reminded you otherwise. And if your friends found something worthy of love within you then perhaps so will you again, one day.
“Did you have fun?” Hyunjin asks as he opens the door to his, your, apartment hours later. What he doesn't expect is for you to respond by wrapping your arms around his slender torso, squeezing tight in gratitude.
“Thank you,” you whisper and he nods, though you cannot see him, returning the embrace by wrapping his arms around your shoulder blades.
Hyunjin doesn't let go first, sensing that perhaps you need this hug more than he does. He smiles as your eyes meet his again, but his grin falters when he notices your gaze flickering towards your bedroom, a hint of unease clouding your expression. It's as if behind that door lie monsters only you can grasp, wearing the faces of people you once knew, once loved.
“Wanna stay with me while I work on the song?”
“Last time I ended up sleeping on your bed,” you say a bit shamefully, recalling the morning you woke up to find yourself covered with a thick blanket that wasn’t there before, alone in Hyunjin's room.
“It's okay,” he shrugs, “I missed sleeping on the couch.”
You stare pointedly at him and he chuckles, “Fine, I did not miss it. But you needed the sleep, so it’s okay with me.”
“Fine,” you concede, though you did not need much convincing for it. “But only if you promise you’ll wake me up if I end up falling asleep again.”
Hyunjin tilts his head, thinking to himself for a few seconds before shaking his head stubbornly, a small pout drawn on his face, his eyes semi-closed. “No.”
“Hyunjin!”
“Nu-uh,” he insists, shaking his head once more as he walks back towards his room. “I'm waiting for you!”
“I'm not coming!”
But you do eventually join him, after changing your clothes and washing your face. You find Hyunjin clad in beige and white checkered pajamas, his glasses pushing back his silky hair as he hunches over his journal, scribbling away before erasing what he wrote.
“Struggling with lyrics?” you ask, leaning against the wall and he startles. “Do you float on the ground? Why can I never hear you come in?”
“Or maybe you just love being dramatic,” you sing-song, laying atop his bed, much more at ease than the previous night.
Hyunjin sticks his tongue out childishly in response, and you playfully mimic the gesture before both of you dissolve into happy giggles.
“Kind of,” he explains once you both settle down, “I have this specific feeling in mind that I need to convey.”
“You'll do well,” you reassure softly, “your lyrics are always so beautiful. Remember Cover me?” you smile and he scratches the back of his ear, a shy grin spreading across his face.
“You still listen to it?” he asks and you nod eagerly, attempting to belt into Seungmin’s ending high note. You fail horribly and Hyunjin throws a crumpled piece of paper on your face to get you to stop singing.
“My poor ears,” he laughs loudly, and you retaliate by throwing back a pillow on his head.
“You just don’t get my artistic abilities.”
“I’d get them more if you stayed silent.”
You gasp, faking offense as you stand up to tickle Hyunjin on his chair, he starts squirming immediately, his loud giggles spilling all over the room, coating it in vibrant hues of happiness, and you’re suddenly captivated by the sight of him— his head thrown back, a golden lock framing his laughter-filled eyes, his top lowering slightly to reveal glimpses of his collarbones and the delicate veins that trace enticing paths on his neck.
You pause, your hand hovering over the side of his stomach, as a long-forgotten warmth spreads through your heart, like the first rays of dawn greeting the earth after a long winter night. It doesn’t diffuse quickly through your being, but rather drapes like sticky honey on your veins, making you well aware of your growing blush, of how beautiful Hyunjin is in his joy.
“Never singing to you again,” you clear your throat, laying atop his bed once again, and quickly reaching for your phone, anything to avoid his eyes which rival the crescent moon outside his window.
Hours pass before a warm hand gently settles on your shoulder, rousing you from your slumber. Blinking away the fog of sleep, you find Hyunjin leaning over you, his grin wide and infectious. “Wake up,” he whispers, but you only groan, burying your face deeper into his pillow.
He doesn’t yield, taking hold of your wrist and guiding your drowsy figure upright, before wrapping the blanket snugly around your shoulders. Without a word, he leads you out onto his balcony, carefully putting his neon green beanie on your head to shield you from the cold.
“It’s snowing!” he smiles, and his excited tone manages to dissipate the fog in your mind. You blink repeatedly and soon enough, you too behold the fallen snowflakes, each one resembling a tiny speck of light bidding farewell to the sky to greet the earth.
“You missed the first snow so I didn’t want you to miss this one too,” he explains, and his thoughtfulness blankets you with a warmth that seeps into every crevice in your body, drips down your fingertips and makes the cold of 4 a.m. seem less harsh, less biting to the touch.
You don’t know how to say thank you, because those two words don’t encapsulate the depths of gratitude that you feel for Hyunjin. Because he is speaking to the person within you who still loves snow, the part buried underneath layers of dust from a ground heartbreak. But you still manage to hear him, and you squeeze his hand tightly, and he doesn’t let go until you finally do.
❁ ❁ ❁
Remembering has become easier for you these past two months— both the good and the bad. And each day, the scale tips towards one side or the other. Sometimes you recall the suffocation you felt with him, the feeling that no matter what you did you could never please him, that your hands were crafted to break rather than mend. And on those days your wound grows, it throbs and bleeds different emotions.
Sometimes it's anger— at him for treating your heart so carelessly as if you were a being devoid of feeling. And then at you— for staying, for giving him excuses and desperately searching for goodness within him, for the one redeeming quality that would convince you he was worth the pain.
And other days bring an excruciating sadness along, a weight that presses down upon you until you're paralyzed. Because you feel bad for yourself and for everything you went through. Because you’re unsure how to rise when unseen hands push you deeper into the abyss.
And on these days, Seungmin becomes your anchor. He buys your favorite food, skips classes with you, and takes you to your favorite gardens. He talks and he talks and you try your best to laugh because you do not wish to worry him more. It is enough to be your own burden, you do not wish to burden him too.
But when he drops you home, your facade slips away, the smile fading from your face as if it were never truly yours to wear. You are too tired to pretend so you don’t, and Hyunjin doesn’t let you, either. He brews you tea and orders takeout because he knows you lack the energy for cooking. He goes with you on walks and drapes you in pieces of his clothing— scarves and beanies and gloves because he knows you couldn’t care less about a cold when there is a frost coating your bones. He lets you sit in his room while he works on his songs, and while he paints. Sometimes you talk and often you don't need to. But he’s there. He's there with you.
But you also remember the good. You remember your movie night with the boys, Hyunjin building an entire fort for you, adorned with twinkling lights and the softest blankets. How you watched movies until 5 a.m. your bodies so closely huddled together that there was no room left for sadness.
You recall Hyunjin begging you to build a snowman with him at the crack of dawn, the two of you collapsing in fits of laughter as you threw snowballs at one another, your footsteps marking the fresh fallen snow.
You remember being so exhausted after one of your showers that you simply laid atop the couch, gaze fixed on the void, too drained to even untangle the knots in your hair. Yet, it is not the tiredness that you exactly recall, nor the salty tears you shed underneath the scorching water jet. But it is Hyunjin's tender hands as he brushed through your hair, his fingers tracing the nape of your neck, his knuckles ghosting over the slate of your shoulder. You remember whispering that it was a particularly hard day and Hyunjin understanding. You remember him watching many YouTube tutorials to prepare your favorite seaweed soup, only for it to end up being too salty. But you still ate it all, because he made it for you, to lift your wounded spirits. And that alone was enough for it to taste good.
You remember your heart hardening then softening again, breaking then stitching itself back together, closing off then blooming like flowers on the first day of spring. You remember smiling only to cry then smile again. And you remember liking snow, a bit more than you thought you would. Because Hyunjin was there, holding your trembling hand, steadying it enough for you to rewrite your memories with winter.
So, you want to say thank you.
You do not wish to spell it out, because there are too many things to thank Hyunjin for and too few words to do so. Instead, you drag him to the farmer’s market near your home, and you tell him to help you pick flowers.
“I could be in bed watching my favorite show and yet here I am bestowing you with my enchanting presence,” he sighs, not too modestly, as you both eye the array of colorful blooms.
“Okay, Shakespeare, are you done?” you roll your eyes, attempting your best to hide your grin.
“Done annoying you? Never. These are very pretty,” he adds, pointing to the white roses in full bloom, their delicate petals emitting a sweet fragrance into the air.
“I agree, what else should we add?” you ponder, picking out four roses.
“Mm, Hibiscus? The red in the center is so vibrant,” he suggests, taking out his phone to capture the flower.
“Cute. Baby breath’s would look good too,” you say as you gather the flowers, heading to the cashier with Hyunjin trailing behind, still admiring the delicate blooms.
“Can I write a note?” you ask the middle-aged man as he wraps the bouquet in a powder blue paper.
“Sure,” he replies with a smile, and you return the gesture, quickly jotting down your words.
“Are you done?” Hyunjin grins when you return to his side and you nod, exiting the flower shop.
“What do you think?” you ask, angling the bouquet towards him.
“It's beautiful.”
“It’s yours,” you smile, growing shier at the intensity of his gaze as it lands on you, then the flowers, then on you again. “Take it,” you hand it to him, your cheeks flushing like the hibiscus’s crimson core.
“Actually?” he says softly, his fingers trembling slightly as he accepts the flowers and you nod in response. You bite your lip as you watch him take out the note, his eyes softening once he reads the words inscribed in it— thank you for making my winter less cold.
“Should we go?” you say a tad too cheerfully, turning away, but Hyunjin grabs your wrist, spinning you around once more. His fingers trail up your arm, coming to rest gently on your cheek as he leans down to plant a tender kiss there.
“Thank you,” he murmurs, his lips lingering against your skin for a moment longer than necessary. You think that if his soft lips grace your skin a few times more, your nerve endings might forget the harshness they were subjected to. If his gentle hands remain on your cheeks, then maybe, your heart would heal quicker, better. Maybe your past self that you long for would emerge again, maybe Hyunjin would be able to unearth it.
Your hopeful thoughts disappear as quickly as they arrive, overshadowed by a sense of helplessness that crashes over you, all of the sudden. You sense him before you hear him, the familiar anxiety that is only synonymous with your ex’s presence.
“Yn?” the sound of your name feels harsher in his mouth, the syllables spat out rather than spoken tenderly, as they are when Hyunjin pronounces it. Your veins run cold as his voice pierces the air, your heart skipping three beats at once before plummeting to your knees. You wrap your hand around Hyunjin’s forearm instinctively, and he looks down at you, his expression morphing into one of concern.
You’re unsure of what he sees in you— whether it is your pale face, the quiver of your lower lip, or the fear that has coated all your features— but his eyes harden, his brows furrowing as he gazes at the man behind you.
You refuse to turn around, bracing yourself for his next words. “Yn,” he repeats his tone laced with anger, his fingertips grazing your arm as if intending to force you to face him. But before he can touch you, Hyunjin intervenes, swiftly stepping in between you and your ex, shielding you with his own body protectively.
“Leave,” Hyunjin's voice is cold, dripping with a venomous edge you've never heard from him before, his jaw clenching with barely contained fury.
“Is this your new shiny toy, Yn?” your ex taunts and his voice cuts through your being against your will, triggering a flood of memories you've tried so desperately to suppress. Memories of his cruelty, his manipulation, and the pain he inflicted upon you—using your love as a weapon to bolster his own ego.
“What's in it for you?” you find your voice again, though it trembles when you speak. He is the very embodiment of your pain and everything you loathe about yourself. You wish for the ground to swallow you whole, for a bolt of lightning to strike the earth, anything to spare you from facing him.
“It's only been three months, I didn't know you were a whore.”
Hyunjin's fist connects with his cheek before you can register his words. It all unfolds so rapidly that you barely have time to comprehend it. Your ex staggers back, blood trickling from the cut on his lip, while Hyunjin stands before you, his chest heaving with restrained anger, his right hand clenched into a fist, the bouquet still held tightly in the other.
“Fine, I deserved it,” your ex chuckles, his voice laced with mockery as he wipes the blood from his lip. His gaze meets yours briefly behind Hyunjin's back.
“You might not be a whore but you are unlovable, keep that in mind.” He spits out before walking away, crude words that tear at every scab covering your wounds, reopening them with a brutal force. Hyunjin moves to follow him, but you grab his shirt, pulling him back.
“He’s not worth it,” you murmur.
Your words seem to snap Hyunjin out of his haze as he turns to look at you, worry cast across his figure. He moves to cradle your cheeks but you step back, refusing to meet his eyes. He swallows thickly, clutching the bouquet in his hands. “Are you okay?”
You let out a heavy sigh, your shoulders slumping as you shake your head slightly. “Let's just go home,” you whisper, eyes fleeting to his for a split second. All the lights in your gaze are muted.
You’re crumbling before him once again and he cannot stop it, no matter how much he yearns to.
It's long past midnight when you find yourself seated on the floor of your living room, a bottle of red wine placed between you and Hyunjin. You exchange it wordlessly, taking turns sipping from it, the alcohol warming your insides but doing little to ease the ache in your heart. You don’t exactly recall when Hyunjin sat next to you, but you don’t mind. You were too lost in your own thoughts to even register his presence.
“Yn,” he calls out softly and you hum absentmindedly, memories of when your ex spoke your name haunting you, each time he yelled your name, uttered it in disdain as if it was the starting point of everything wrong with you.
“Talk to me, please?” he pleads, angling his body towards your own. But you refuse to meet his eyes and Hyunjin’s heart twists in his chest. He is afraid of all the ugly thoughts that must roam your mind. He wishes he could enter it, open the windows wide, and usher the light in.
“I'm sorry you were dragged into this,” you say, your gaze fixated on the bouquet placed atop the table. The crimson painted on the hibiscus’ petals reminds you of the blood that spilled from your ex’s mouth, and your gaze fleets to Hyunjin's hand, slightly bruised from the punch.
“Don’t apologize,” he whispers, “there is nothing to be sorry for.”
It’s as though you don’t hear him, your fingers trailing gently across his scraped knuckles, tears pooling in your eyes the more you stare at his hand.
“Does it hurt?” you ask, voice thick with emotion, and Hyunjin’s quick to shake his head. “No, don’t worry about it. He deserved it.”
“You didn’t deserve to be hurt.”
“Neither did you.”
Your disbelieving scoff that follows scares him. What if you’re slipping away into a dark place yet again, one void and barricaded, in which the only sound that echoes is your ex’s hurtful words? What if he can’t reach you again?
“If the only person I’ve ever loved says I’m unlovable then maybe I am.”
You’re drunk, you wouldn’t have said such an ugly thing otherwise, wouldn’t have allowed this sentiment to materialize into the air, to take a tangible form apart from your abstract thoughts.
“No,” Hyunjin says in a panic as though he’s trying to quickly pull the brakes on your free-railing thoughts. He cups your face between his palms, your tears falling freely atop his hands but he does not move away.
“No,” he repeats, more calmly this time. “How he treated you is a reflection of who he is. And how you see him is a reflection of who you are. And you wanted him to be loving because you’re full of love. You wanted him to be good because you are a good person. And he can’t stomach that, can’t stomach that you are happy without him so he’s trying to ruin you again.”
“Hyunjin…” you shake your head but he only inches closer to you, his thumbs gently caressing your cheekbones. “No, listen to me. Seungmin loves you so much he couldn’t eat properly for the first few days you stayed here, texted me all the time asking me how you were and if you were feeling better. He isn't good with words so instead he tries to make you laugh. He wishes he could give up parts of his happiness for you.”
A sob swells within you but Hyunjin presses on. “And Minho, he tried to memorize all your favorite recipes so he could cook them for you. It isn’t a coincidence that every time we go over to their dorm it is your favorite food that we eat. He takes more pictures of his cats these days so he could send them to you because he knows it cheers you up.”
“You told me Changbin doesn’t know you well enough to fight for you but when we saw your ex across the campus one day he wanted to get up and beat him. He always asks me if you are well and if there is something he can do for you, anything.”
He inhales deeply, tears welling up in his eyes as well. “And me…” a tender smile graces his lips as he gazes at you, “you make this house a home. I feel like my true self when you are around and loneliness doesn’t come to me as often as it did. Because you are here. You are like a beam of sunlight that lightens up every life you touch, mine first,” he’s baring his soul to you, vulnerable yet resolute. “So tell me, Yn, what’s not to love in you when you yourself are so full of love?”
“Hyune,” you speak the nickname for the first time, and Hyunjin’s heart thrashes achingly around his ribcage. “If you keep talking like this I might end up loving you,” you smile sadly at him as if it is a terrible thing to be loved by you.
“But I don’t want to love you, because I won’t know how to, not anymore. So I'll end up leaving. And I'll long for you, and I don't think I can stomach longing for you from afar.”
“So please,” you place one hand atop his own, wipe away the lone tear rolling down his cheek. “Don’t make me love you, hm? You deserve more than to be loved by someone like me.”
You leave Hyunjin in the living room, alone before the white flowers you gifted him. He doesn’t want to put them away in a vase, for as soon as he grabbed them from your hold, everything around you both crumbled. So he leaves them there for the night, the creamy white petals aglow underneath the moonlight. He spends the night painting the bouquet from memory, but the petals end up too tinged with red, perhaps mirroring the blood his heart refuses to stop spilling still.
He did not realize it before, maybe he blinded himself so he wouldn’t see what was before him all along. But it is all the clearer to him now— that in his attempts to make you love winter again, Hyunjin only ended up loving you.
A week later.
hyune [1:25 a.m.]: i miss you
You and Hyunjin spent the last seven days avoiding one another, well you more than him. He just understood your silent plea when you took a step back the one time he tried to talk to you in the kitchen, swallowing thickly before inching away, allowing you to move past him.
You did not know how to face him after what he said, partly because you were embarrassed by your own response, mostly because even in your drunken daze, his words etched themselves permanently into your memory.
It is his reassuring words that echoed in your brain for the past week, not those of your ex.
hyune [1: 26 a.m.]: and i miss sleeping on the couch
You giggle, shaking your head before replying.
yn [1:26 a.m.]: no you don’t
hyune [1:26 a.m.]: no i don’t ㅠㅠ
but i finished the song
wanna hear?
Walking to Hyunjin’s room feels as familiar as going into your own. And when your gaze finally meets his you can’t help but break into a relieved smile. It was foolish of you to punish yourself, enough people have done that for you already.
“Hey,” he greets tentatively, and you respond with an awkward wave, a moment pregnant with anticipation passes before both of you dissolve into laughter.
“What is this? Are we in middle school,” he teases and you giggle, settling comfortably on his bed once more.
“I know. We are so lame.”
“You are,” he corrects with a grin and you gasp, pretending to leave but he quickly catches your hand, stopping you. “No, please stay. I meant it when I said that I missed you,” he repeats quietly, as if afraid that his confession would make you run away once again.
Your heart aches, the knots in your stomach tightening and unraveling all at once. “I missed you too,” you admit softly, and he smiles, his thumb tracing a gentle path above your pulse before releasing your hand.
“So it's done then?” you ask and he nods, running a hand through his hair with a hint of anxiety. “How do you feel about it?”
“Good. I hope you’ll like it, mostly.”
“I'm sure I will,” you reassure him with a soft smile, and he nods once more, pressing a few buttons before his melodious whistles fill the air once again.
Nothing could have braced you for the sound of Hyunjin's voice that followed, its timbre soft as silk yet imbued with profound sorrow. It's as though he recorded the song on one of his loneliest nights, his honeyed vocals dipped in an excruciating nostalgia that seeps into every corner of the room, every corner of your heart.
In the faded photo, I come across a smile spread across a youthful face, overlapped with the seasons.
Your gaze flickers to Hyunjin as a shadow of recollection dawns on you. You remember telling him that you couldn’t stomach looking at pics of your past, ones in which you smiled so freely because you were blissfully unaware of what was to come.
The night’s so cold that it’s almost unreal.
Because you weren’t aware of the winter that will follow and the biting cold that it would bear, for everything that will go astray in your relationship, for your ex's facade to crack like a glacier succumbing to the pressure of lies and pretense.
I wake up in another silence, and I close my eyes.
You remember Hyunjin confessing that silence haunted him more than words ever could, and you had agreed, sharing how sometimes you shut your eyes, pretending that the reality you woke up to wasn't the one you were living.
The white flower we planted together has bloomed. I do not dare pick it. Now it withers away.
You gaze at the white flowers you brought him, now wilted in the vase placed on his desk, yet Hyunjin refuses to throw them still. You see the card you wrote for him hung on the wall, right next to the dried red rose. He kept it. Though it withered, he kept it all.
So I long for you. And I long for you. And I'll long for you.
You remember the longing you both spoke of, how he understood a feeling you felt so incredibly alone in. How he tried to reassure you when he too was caught in the webs of the past. How you longed for him in the past week. How you wished he longed for you just the same.
So I can keep loving you. So I could be loving you. And morе.
The violin swells and so does the emotion in your chest. You remember him asking you ‘What’s not to love in you’ and how you've spun those words in your thoughts ever since. You remember thinking that if he gave you a few more weeks, just a bit more time, you might have found it in you to believe them.
You see Hyunjin’s glimmering eyes holding yours, you see his heart atop a platter handed to you, and you see the resignation in his being. Don’t make me love you, you told him. You didn’t dare to tell him not to love you in return, deemed it too foolish of thought to entertain.
For he was Hwang Hyunjin, the quiet producer who paints in his free time and who wears his heart on his sleeve. Who remains hopeful, loving, and tender, despite the thorns pricking at his side. Who is beautiful, so much so that he allowed you to see beauty in the universe once again, through his eyes.
How could he love you?
How could you not love him?
“The song,” you whisper, the words barely escaping your lips as you stand, trembling, on your feet. Hyunjin rises too, meeting you in the center of his room.
“It is about you. For you,” he says simply as if his words don’t cause your world to burst at the seams only to mend itself once again, too eager to fix itself and exist in the same timeline as Hyunjin.
“I don't… I don’t know what to say,” you say earnestly, feeling your heart pound in your chest, its beats resounding loudly in your ears.
It is wrong of you to assume he wishes you to say something. He is Hyunjin, the one who finds words in your silences too, after all.
“I don’t need you to say anything,” he shakes his head, taking another step closer to you. “I don't want an answer, I don't wish to pressure you. I just wanted to tell you that my love is here, it is yours to take or to leave, to cherish or to discard. But it is yours, because this is who I am. I am someone who loves you.”
“So do not tell me to forget you because I don't know how to. And don’t tell me that you’ll leave because I will love you still, because you’d still be you, near or far, you are you. And you are someone I long for.” He pauses, his voice softening. “And I long for you, Yn, more than anything I've ever longed for. And I've spent all my life longing.”
His lips meet your forehead tenderly, and you feel your entire being grow limp at the chaste kiss, as if your limbs wish to liquefy and form a puddle on the floor. His touch is soft, and you miss it the moment he parts from you.
“There must be something in this room that keeps on making you cry,” he smiles and you bring your hands to your damp cheeks, surprised to find there tears you didn’t realize had fallen.
“It’s you,” you pinch his arm playfully and he squirms away from your hold, stabbing his toe on the desk in the process. A loud fuck echoes around the room, and your laughter dissipates the tension clinging into the air.
“Can you play it again?” you request softly and Hyunjin’s theatrics fade as a shy smile tugs at the corner of his lips.
“Is it good?”
“It's everything to me.”
“It's called ‘long for you’, by the way.”
“Long for you,” you repeat quietly. There has never been a prettier combination of words.
The title all but makes sense as you lay on the bed, your gaze fixed on the paintings hung on the wall, Hyunjin sketching quietly on his desk, the song resonating softly in the background. You've longed for many things in your life—the person you once were and the tender love you once craved—but amidst it all, nothing has weighed heavier on your heart than the longing for the man sitting just two meters away, almost in your loving grasp. Almost.
❁ ❁ ❁
It is an excruciating five days that Hyunjin spends apart from you, the both of you too caught up in your assignments to find a moment to properly speak. But you do not shy away from him when he greets you, and your grin is kind as it drapes across his being, and Hyunjin swears he has never seen a prettier sight than you smiling.
On the sixth night, Hyunjin completes the cover for the song— a figure wrapped around itself protectively, mirroring the way you hug yourself in your sleep. He hangs it on the wall, right next to your thank you card and the white bouquet he drew once again, wishing to properly immortalize its beautiful flowers, to purify that memory from the tumult that followed it.
On the sixth night, the house is quiet, the full moon high up in the sky, snowflakes falling softly to the ground. Hyunjin wonders if you too mimicked the snow’s descent— both of you falling apart with it.
But then, there’s a knock on his door.
His heart catches in his throat, his body freezing as if it forgot how to move. You are here.
“Come in,” he manages to say, his voice barely above a whisper. You push the door open, and Hyunjin's words wilt on his tongue as he sees what you're carrying—another bouquet, filled with white flowers, yet again.
“Hey,” you smile, standing by the door.
He remains silent, unsure of what to say, or how to speak. He longs for you when you are away, even more so when you’re before him.
“We shouldn't let these white flowers wither away too, right?” you smile slightly, placing the bouquet on the desk before walking to Hyunjin’s bedside. His voice falters, vocal cords refusing to move and overshadow your voice.
You sit beside him, gently pulling his hand so that you’d both lie on the pillows. Your hand doesn’t leave his own, instead, it moves to rest on his cheek, reminiscent of the many times he had cradled your face before. Inch by inch, you close the gap between you, nuzzle the tip of your nose against his own. “Hi, Hyune”, you say softly, and he swallows thickly, his voice coming out just as quietly.
“Hi, my Yn.”
“If we take care of the white flowers together do you think they’ll survive a bit longer?” you ask, your gaze never wavering from his, countless stars twinkling in the depths of your irises.
“I believe so,” he says tentatively, too aware of the warmth of your palm against his skin, of the sweet ache unfurling within his being.
“Mm, and even if they wilt we can always buy new ones. We can learn how to care for them better, with time,” you say, and he nods in agreement, laying his hand atop your own, tilting his head to bestow a chaste kiss on your palm.
“With time,” he echoes softly and you smile, vulnerable yet secure in his gray sheets, in his hold.
“Will you give me time too?” you ask, and Hyunjin reads in your eyes what you mean, understands in the shake of your voice the question you are too afraid to voice. Will he give you time to heal in order to love?
“As long as you need. I’m not going anywhere,” he reassures, pressing his forehead gently atop yours, and you both close your eyes, as a running warmth encloses you both, blooms a blush on both your cheeks.
His arms wrap around your back, drawing you close until your chests are pressed together, your head resting naturally in the curve of his neck. And it is long forgotten in your mind, all the nights you slept in this very bed alone. You feel safe, safe enough to long for love knowing that it patiently awaits you behind the door, once you find enough courage to turn the doorknob. You feel serene, as Hyunjin’s warm palms glide soothingly up and down your spine, as every muscle, every nerve, every atom in your being relaxes in his hold.
You are healing, slowly, with each fleeting second that passes in which Hyunjin’s heartbeat resounds within your chest, as its melody runs through your veins, melds with your own as if it was destined to be there all along. As you rest in Hyunjin, as you find a safe home within his soul to discard your worries at the doorstep and breathe.
“It did get better,” you whisper, pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade. “Hm?” He leans back to look at you, and he’s so beautiful, so tender as he gazes at you, you can’t help but trace the contours of his face with your fingers, hoping to commemorate him with your eyes, with your touch.
“You promised me it’ll get better, and it did,” you smile, as your legs further intertwine with his, and his rose perfume becomes an indelible mark on your skin. “Too bad I can't hit your pretty face now,” you joke and he giggles, tipping his head back.
He's so beautiful, body and soul, and he longs for you, you alone.
“But I can still do this,” you murmur before finally pressing your lips against his like a boat finally reaching the shore after months of sailing. You both exhale, in yearning, in relief, as your mouths move together in a slow, languid dance, his hand finding the pulse on your neck, yours settling atop his jaw.
He would kiss you again, this intimately, in the coming months, when your heart expands enough to contain the love Hyunjin deserves. He would kiss you again, when your past comes to haunt you, and healing sounds like an elusive myth you’d never encounter in your life.
And he would kiss you again, over the kitchen table and under the fridge’s light, in between paintings and in supermarket aisles, while picking flowers and watching the first snow.
He would kiss you, this tenderly, in the next winter, and the ones after it, as if his longing for you never wanes. Till blow three disappears from your memory, till all you remember is the love, the true one, the kind one, the soft one Hyunjin alone could have brought you.
More Posts from Kiminis and Others
❣︎ ⎯⎯ you’re mine .
PAIRING ! yang jungwon x reader // GENRE ! fluff, protective/jealous!au // WC. ! 0.2k
PROMPT(S) ! 4. kiss to the side of the head ;; 19. tugging at the other’s clothes to keep them close // requested by a lovely anon <3 // 2k followers event
A/N. ! short drabble for today :) but we got jealous, protective!won for this one, so i hope you enjoy :)
jungwon glared at the boy who seemed to be checking you out from the other end of the coffee shop.
you, of course, happened to be oblivious to it as you were looking interestingly at the menu displayed above the counter before you felt a tug at your sleeve, strong enough to pull you over and straight into jungwon’s hold.
your boyfriend’s hand was now resting securely on your waist, and you followed his eyes which you now noticed were staring down an older boy from across the shop who now diverted his eyes away from you after he realized you were taken.
at the sight, you turned to see a proud smirk growing on jungwon’s lips.
“what just happened?” you asked, entertained, wrapping your arms around your boyfriend’s torso.
“you’re mine,” jungwon whispered.
“what?”
“don’t worry about it,” he told you, pride still written over his face.
you smiled and turned to face the menu again, resting your head on his chest.
“i’m glad to be yours,” you said softly so only jungwon could hear.
he looked at you, a smile rising to his lips before he leaned in, pressing them against the side of your head, squeezing you slightly tighter in his arms in a puppy-love-type-bliss.
and he repeated softly, smiling, “you are mine.”
A/N. despite this being a shorter drabble, i hope you enjoyed ^_^ and as always, feedback and reblogs are always appreciated <3 thanks for reading ^_^ <3
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read this without reading the tags, thinking that it would be a tooth‐rotting fluff but goddamn 😭😭😭😭😭😭⁉️⁉️⁉️ got me sobbing in seconds at 6am 😭⁉️
⋆ ｡⋆୨୧˚— I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE.
𝜗𝜚 ༘⋆ ⋆˙pairing. husband! park sunghoon x fem! reader synopsis. you and sunghoon swore to be faithful to each other, unfortunately sunghoon couldn’t keep that promise. genre. angst ,, wc. 2012. 𝐥u𝐧a notes ⋆.˚ guys…how r we liking the layout 🤭.. 🫧 — 𝓵𝗂𝖻𝗋𝖺𝗋𝔂
if you enjoyed reading ,, pls like and reblog !! ‹𝟹 it helps out a lot ¡!
the past year had been a painful rollercoaster of emotions, each high point you’ve had has been followed by a devastating low. you remembered the countless amount of nights you waited for sunghoon, watching the clock tick away the hours as he stayed out late, you had gotten so used to the sound.
the scent of his cologne lingering on his clothes when he finally came home, the way his tie was undone, the way he avoided your gaze when you asked where he'd been. your accusations of him being unfaithful were met with immediate denials, his words cutting deep even as he tried to reassure you that you were his one and only love.
"i would never cheat on you, y/n" he'd say, pulling you into his arms.
"you're my everything." he would say with that look in his eyes, with both love and a conflict he is fighting deep within himself.
and you believed him, of course you would. he’s the same boy who courted you for six months in university because he was so deeply in love with you, the same man who flew you both to hawaii and gave you the most magical proposal ever to be done.
you tried to hold onto the love and trust that had once been so strong, so unshakeable. but each forgotten date, each broken promise chipped away at your trust, leaving you feeling hollow and alone.
today, on the morning of your anniversary, you awoke with a sense of something different, hope for you and sunghoon.
this would be the day you reminded sunghoon of the love you still had for him, and always will. the love that had brought you together in the first place.
you spent hours in the kitchen, preparing his favorite dishes, your hands moving with practiced ease as you cooked. the smell of his favourite kimchi stew and freshly made kimbap filled the air, the same cooking he said he would never ever get tired off.
the scents mingling with the hope that maybe, just maybe, this would be the gesture that rekindled sunghoon’s love for you, you missed his touch, his kisses, the sparkle in his eyes, he still has it- but nowadays all he could really do is look down.
as you wrapped a red bow around the lunchbox, you grinned, perfect.
you drove to his office, each mile a reminder of the distance that had grown between you. as you walked through the lobby, your heart pounded with a mix of anticipation, fear, and longing.
the elevator ride seemed to take forever, the seconds stretching out as you rehearsed what you would say, how you would greet him, how you would kiss him.
but nothing in the world could have prepared you for the sight that met you when you opened the door to his office. sunghoon, your husband, the man you had vowed to love and cherish, for better or for worse, was locked in an embrace with his secretary, their lips moving together in a kiss that was all too passionate, all too real.
the box slipped from your hands, the sound of shattering glass, some pieces piercing your legs barely registering as you stood frozen in place.
you felt like you had been stabbed in the heart, you had never felt heartbreak before, and you didn’t understand people when they said everything hurt, now you did.
"y/n," sunghoon's voice broke through the fog of your shock, his eyes wide with panic as his hands trembled.
the hand with your wedding ring trembling.
"this isn't what it looks like honey,”
your chest tightened at the name, the name he couldn’t be bothered to address you as in months.
tears blurred your vision as you shook your head. the pain was unbearable, a physical ache that made it hard to breathe. without a word, you turned and fled, the sound of sunghoon calling your name fading as you ran. the drive home was a blur, sobbing as you got concerned looks from other cars, you were not in any shape to be driving, really.
but you didn’t care- your mind was reeling with the betrayal you had just witnessed.
at home, the same home you and sunghoon bought a month after your marriage- the home with six bedrooms because that was how many kids sunghoon wanted to have with you, the same home where you and sunghoon had late night talks, wrapped in each others embrace.
you moved through the house like a ghost, avoiding staring at the picture frame at the end of the hall, a picture taken on your wedding day.
your hands mechanically packing your belongings. each item you placed in your suitcase felt like another piece of your heart being chipped away.
you were almost finished when you heard the front door slam open, sunghoon's frantic footsteps echoing through the house.
“y/n-“
he cut himself off at the sight before him- the suitcase being packed, the sight of the wardrobe being oddly empty because your clothes would always be overflowing it.
"y/n, no.. please," he begged, sobbing as he fell to his knees before you. "don't leave me. i can't live without you, i won’t do it ever again."
you looked down at him, your heart aching with a mix of love and complete despair.
even after what he did to you, all you wanted to do was to be held by him again, all you wanted all these months was for him to finally long for you like you longer for him- how unfortunate the circumstances were, you thought.
his tears fell down his glass cheeks, his hands trembling as he reached out to you, you shivered at his touch, it felt so foreign, unfamiliar.
"i made a mistake," he cried, his voice raw with emotion. "i love you more than anything in this whole world. please, give me another chance- i’ll make you the happiest girl in the world, we’ll have six kids and we’ll grow old together!”
your mind wavered for a moment, the memories of your life together flashing through your mind. the happiest memories of your life with sunghoon in them, but you knew that staying would only be betraying yourself, that the trust between you had been shattered much beyond repair.
leaning down, you pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek, it wasn’t for him, it was for yourself. the taste of his tears mingling with your own.
"goodbye, hoon," you whispered, your voice breaking. "i hope you find the happiness you couldn't find with me."
with a final look at the man who had once been your everything, you turned and walked out the door, the sound of your suitcase trailing behind you as you tried to keep your composure at the hysterical sobbing from sunghoon behind you.
the drive to your best friend heeseung's house was filled with the sound of your sobs and screaming, each mile taking you further from the life you had known.
when he opened the door, heeseung’s heart dropped. his eyes filled with concern at the sight of you. he pulled you into his arms without a word.
"it's okay, y/n," he murmured, his voice a soothing whisper to your wounded heart. "i'm here for you, im not leaving."
you clung to him, your tears soaking his shirt as you let out all the pain and heartache that had been building inside you. heeseung's presence was a comforting anchor in the storm of your emotions, his embrace a reminder that you were not alone.
as the night wore on, you found solace in the company of your best friend, knowing that you had made the right choice, even though it had shattered your heart into delicate pieces, pieces you didn’t know could be fixed.
in heeseung's arms, you allowed yourself to grieve the loss of the love you had once believed in, the loss of your best friend, and lover. the betrayal, the heartbreak, all of it poured out in waves of tears and hushed sobs.
heeseung listened to you without interruption, his presence feeling like a heavy blanket over you and the world, comfort as you navigated the gut wrenching feeling in your heart.
"it's not your fault, love" he said softly, brushing a strand of hair from your tear-streaked face.
"you did everything you could." he said looking at you with a gaze in which you didn’t notice, you never did. the gaze you’d given sunghoon for years, the gaze he gave you long before you’d even met sunghoon.
"but it wasn't enough, hee" you replied, your tears rolling down your cheeks, voice raspy from all the sobbing, it was barely above a whisper.
"i wasn't enough."
heeseung shook his head, his expression filled with an ache in his heart and anger at your self doubt. "no, y/n. you are enough. you always have been. sunghoon's mistakes don't define your worth, he’s the dumbest man to ever live, i’d do anything to have you."
you turned to him, bewildered at his words. you looked down at his shaking hands as you sobbed wrapping your arms around him.
“i’m so sorry, hee. i’m selfish, you don’t deserve this- you should tell me to leave-“
he cut you off with a hard hug, you cried harder as his own tears soaked your bare neck.
“don’t say that- i don’t care if i get hurt, or you use me, i don’t. all i need is you beside me, okay? don’t worry about anything.”
his words, though comforting, couldn't fully erase the pain that lingered in your heart. but in that moment, surrounded by the warmth of your best friend's embrace, the love that radiates off of his body.
you felt a glimmer of hope, you were in no shape of moving in just yet, the road ahead would be difficult, filled with moments of utter pain and sorrow, but you knew that you wouldn't have to face it alone.
as the orange sunset began to filter through the windows, you found yourself at a break from the pain in your heart, staring out at the view in peace. heeseung's steady breathing beside you, the quiet hum of the world settling down, it all felt like a promise that everything would be okay.
you took a deep breath, letting the fresh air fill your lungs, and allowed yourself to believe that maybe, you would find happiness again.
with heeseung by your side, you faced the days ahead with strength. the pain of sunghoon's betrayal would always be a part of you forever, but it wouldn't define you. in the embrace of heeseung and the promise of a new beginning, you found the courage to move forward, one step at a time.
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➳ strange | psh.
non!idolsunghoon x fem!reader
“from strangers to friends, friends into lovers, and strangers again?”
synopsis: you and sunghoon find it difficult to see each other after a fresh breakup when you meet at the wedding of your two best friends.
warnings/content: written in third pov. heavy and pure angst. sunghoon sad hours. cursing (i think). not proofread.
comments, likes, and reposts are appreciated :)
word count: 4.2k
a/n: fictional characters — dae (jungwon’s boyfriend), min-su (heeseung’s girlfriend), and ji-woo (jake’s girlfriend).
༘˚⋆𐙚｡masterlist⋆.✧˚
current song playing: strange by celeste
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺
2:58 ──────────────|───── -1:18
𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎..
the invitation appeared clear in front of y/n’s eyes. her gaze softened as she scanned through the paper. “finally sent it out,” she mumbled under her breath.
her face lit up for a second in excitement that her friend, min-su, was getting married; but once took a pause when she realized something.
𝐏𝐋𝐔𝐒 𝐎𝐍𝐄? ☐
the girl’s heart shattered at the two words. “plus one..,” she repeated in a soft scoff. “yeah right.”
*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ — flashback
“sunghoon!” y/n giggled, feeling her boyfriend’s hands snake around her waist.
his loud, booming laugh echoed in the apartment as he flashed a wide grin. “i have to hold you there!” he yelled out, giving a hearty chuckle at her squirming figure.
“that tickles!”
she tried to push the hands away and sunghoon kept a firm grip where they laid. “come on, get used to it!” he murmured, trying to bring their bodies closer for the dance.
her heart quickly thumped, knees falling weak at his push for their chests to meet. “hoonie..,” she tried to whine, ignoring the fuming butterflies in her stomach.
“yeah, pretty?” he whispered in her ear, head leaning down to meet her height.
y/n felt a tickle in her throat, almost coughing at the flustering reaction he caused. she swiftly pushed him away, catching her breath once he let go with a soft smirk.
“baby, you know you’re gonna have to get used to it, right? we’re gonna be dancing for min-su and heeseung’s wedding soon.” hoon chuckled, loving the way her cheeks were so flush with pink.
“i know! but you’re very close to me.”
he laughed again before approaching closer. his finger flicked under her chin for a split second, smiling as he murmured, “that’s the whole point, y/n.”
the girl sighed before shoving his hands away. “you do it on purpose, idiot.” she rolled her eyes.
“no i don’t??” he loudly beamed, chortling out laughs afterward.
“sunghoon..,” she whined while nudging his arms.
“okay, okay, i won’t do it again! now can we please try one more time?”
she glanced up at her boyfriend who began giving a soft pout. a sigh escaped from her. she just can’t say no to that face.
her arms wrapped around his neck as his own fell to the waist again, fingers gripping tighter by the second.
his eyes peered into hers, getting completely lost into them as he started smiling like an idiot.
a smile crept onto his lips, unable to hide his longing desire to keep her in his arms like this while y/n returned back his charming grin.
her gaze attracted onto his and her face began to glow with a tinge of pink, blood rushing at the mere thought of having her lover boy near her.
the music was kept low in the background, almost drowning in their eyes as they slowly held each other in the dim-lit living room.
their foreheads bunked and they took in the sight of their perfect person.
everything about this was as memorable as one’s wedding day could be. nothing in the world mattered, but them, and they knew it.
*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
y/n’s eyes filled to the brim with tears, heart aching and chest tightening at the memory that ran through.
her breathing began getting heavy, and the only thing she could feel was her body in physical pain. her knees curled up to her chest and she lowered her head, drowning her tears to herself as she remained in the empty living room that was once lively.
the wedding was just in two days, but the breakup between her and sunghoon were still fresh.
granted, it had almost been two months since, but those two months were the hardest she’s ever had to endure. and with one of her best friends getting married, she couldn’t dare to put the news out there so soon.
y/n’s breath hitched, tears still flowing as she felt her world crash down. her head laid against her knees again, sniffling in hopes of pushing the pain away.
was it even possible to get through this without her other half?
she huffed out a sigh before finding her phone buzzing with texts.
jake’s girl 🫂:
are you excited, min-su??
AHHH
I AM
jungwon’s bae 🩶:
ME TOOOOOO
YOURE GONNA LOOK SO GOOD MIN-SU
hee’s fav 🤍:
STOPP
I CAN’T WAITTT
HEE AND I ARE SO EXCITED
as the group chat continued, y/n smiled to herself, heart healing at the excitement that surged through every text.
she wished she responded but her heart couldn’t recover from losing sunghoon.
✩ ‘say isn’t it strange?’ ✩
she sniffled again, hands shaking as she closed her phone and let tears run down her wet cheeks.
“i miss you, hoonie.” she whispered, heart shattering at her cracked words.
she wondered if the boy she loved was going through the same thing, or had moved on quicker than she imagined with how little contact they’ve had.
but what she didn’t know was that sunghoon was holding his knees up to his chest just like her, tears flowing down the exact same pace as he looked back on the photos he had. the photos he couldn’t dare to delete, even if he knew it was what was needed to move on.
his puffy lids drooped down a little more each time he scrolled, unlocking memories that were now filled with a stranger he once knew.
✩ ‘isn’t it strange?’ ✩
at times, he’d tilt his head and wear a soft smile he didn’t even know he had when finding pictures that defined them, defined their whole existence within each other.
how could he ever move on from the perfect girl he wanted to marry?
sunghoon quickly sniffled and shut his phone off, laying his head down next to his knees while mumbling, “i miss you, y/n.”
. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆
the awaited day had finally arrived.
everyone in the wedding gathered at the banquet hall, rushing to get everything in place.
y/n walked out of the room to grab her friends a few drinks, finding no harm in doing so. but she came to regret it after finding sunghoon firmly standing near the bar.
her heart was quick to drop and butterflies immediately gathered in her stomach. she gulped down the bundle of nerves that tempted to push out as his eyes finally fell on her.
she watched them soften for a second, and soon enough, the light reflected in his eyes and emphasized the tears that gathered around them.
the girl felt her chest tighten just like it did when they had agreed on breaking it off. feelings were quick to rush back and she almost couldn’t budge from the glued ground.
and that was when he walked up to her, getting a better view of his pretty girl in a cream colored dress, highlighting her body figure that he used to adore.
his heart rang for her as he tried to keep his composure, hands shoving into his pockets with a cleared throat added in.
“y/n…,” he weakly voiced. “you look beautiful.”
✩ ‘i am still me’ ✩
tears threatened to spill at that very moment but she choked it back in, though her glassy eyes still said more. “thank you, sunghoon.” she said with a shaken tone. “you look very handsome.”
✩ ‘you are still you’ ✩
her gaze fell to the suit he wore. handsome couldn’t even begin to describe him. he was still as gorgeous as ever, and it pained her that that was all she could say.
“you picked this suit out for me,” hoon murmured with a faint grin.
and almost instantly, he regretted his words because memories started to flashback for him, and her.
✩ ‘in the same place’ ✩
they were both quickly brought back to when he was debating on either suits and his person helped him choose, forced him to wear it, and teased him relentlessly on how handsome he’ll be at the wedding.
then he kissed her everywhere on the face, leaving littering pecks to show that he wouldn’t be looking good for anyone but her.
y/n softly gasped for air at the flooding memory, turning her head to hide the reddened eyes.
all the reasons to why they had to break up were suddenly gone. every single one vanishing in the air with their desire to cave in and hold each other again.
✩ ‘say isn’t it strange?’ ✩
“i should go,” she mumbled. “min-su’s waiting for me…,”
sunghoon didn’t say anything, only nodding and letting her leave in fear that he’d say something unplanned.
he watched her figure make its exit, eyes lingering for her to stay another second longer just to have her presence near.
but she didn’t, so he heavily sighed and walked away as well.
✩ ‘isn’t it strange?’ ✩
. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆
time was ticking and soon enough, the ceremony began.
y/n’s friend, min-su, walked down the aisle with tears in her eyes. her lips trembled and her heart stood in the right place in knowing she was marrying the man of her dreams.
y/n watched her slowly make her way as she stood by her two other friends, ji-woo and dae. her heart was almost heavy in this bittersweet moment she was experiencing.
she wanted nothing more than happiness for the soon-wedded couple, but she just couldn’t help and think about if her and sunghoon had really made it through this to be their wedding.
she quickly chewed on her lips, forcing herself out of that mindset as her friend finally reached to where heeseung was.
“please be seated,” the officiant spoke.
the ceremony continued on with faint flashbacks the bride and groom had of each other, earning giggles from the crowd. then there came the vows, and the rings exchange that melted everyone’s hearts.
“i do.” both min-su and heeseung firmly said, smiling with tears in their eyes.
“you may kiss the bride.”
and that was when hee quickly pulled his newly wedded wife into his arms, pressing a firm kiss for everyone to cheer for.
y/n quietly sobbed, clapping while ji-woo uttered, “they’re so perfect for each other.”
she softly laughed as she wiped her tears, glancing across the room and accidentally meeting eyes with the boy she loved.
his gaze had already fallen on her, and he couldn’t stop himself. he just couldn’t stop thinking about what it would’ve been like if they were still together and had arrived as a couple.
his heart ripped to shreds at the sight of her crying, bringing him back to when they broke up.
*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ — flashback
✩ ‘back to this room’ ✩
sunghoon had just arrived home after a long shift, drained from the used up energy he had to give.
he quickly sat onto the couch, sighing in relief of some peace and quiet.
y/n finally approached out of their shared room, walking toward with the same, exhausted expression he had on.
the two were growing out of the relationship with how busy they were, schedules never aligning and both always wanting time for themselves as introverts.
she sat near him, sighing in defeat of the realization she had. she didn’t want to let him go, she wasn’t ready.
but nothing could save the crumbling truth.
“sunghoon..,” she whispered, laying her attention on the tired boy who had his eyes closed.
“hm?”
“can we talk?”
his eyes instantly shot open and his body shook itself awake once he realized she was serious.
“yeah,” he cleared his throat, furrowing his brows and uttering, “what about?”
but he knew what it was about.
✩ ‘what could i do?’ ✩
she hesitated for a second, hands trembling and heart standing fragile. “our relationship…,” she said. “we’re both getting really busy..,”
she stopped, voice cracking within each second. her mouth opened to speak but sunghoon’s shuffling made her go mute.
he sat up with his eyes shut. “i know we are, and i know we might not make it but, please…,” he pushed himself closer to her, hands firmly holding her cheeks. “i can’t let you walk away from this, from us. we were almost there.”
✩ ‘i touch your head’ ✩
tears streamed down his face now and the area around his eyes reddened, which y/n reflected.
“we were, hoonie.” she confirmed with a weak voice. “i wanted us to last for so long.. you’re my everything, you know that but..,”
she couldn’t bring herself to say it, so he did.
“but we have to break up.”
✩ ‘to pull your thoughts into my hand’ ✩
the two immediately broke down once the harsh reality hit them.
y/n clung to his chest, arms wrapping around tightly to remember how it’d be like hugging him when they separated.
“this is unfair,” she sobbed. “we were so close, sunghoon, so close.”
the male’s heart tightened at her words as he cried into her shoulder, wetting her hair with tears. he couldn’t bring himself to say anything, scared that anything else would force him further to see that they were done.
so y/n kept quiet too, letting their mixed cries echo in the living room that was once filled with joyous laughter from their practice dance nights.
they clung onto each other just a little longer, and perhaps also clung onto their little fragment of hope until one of them pulled away.
it was unclear of who it was with how much they lingered to stay that way forever, but they were now separated, and what’d seem like forever was now never.
sunghoon’s hand cupped one side of her cheek, holding her face for one last look in the most beautiful girl he’ll ever meet.
“i love you, y/n.” he sniffled, thumb rubbing away the tears.
she whimpered out a few more cries, heart stabbing at his sentence that’d linger in her ears forever. “i love you too, sunghoon, always will.” her hand reached over the one that held her cheek, grasping it to hold what she’d soon be losing.
“you’ll forever be my favorite person, nothing can change that.” his deep voice muttered, lips frowning as he continued, “i still want to fight for us and i still want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
hoon pulled her in for a soft kiss on the forehead, holding himself against her skin longer than usual to savor his last moments with her.
“i know life is against us right now, so i can only hope that we’ll come back together again when the time is right.” he confirmed with a sniffle. “when the time no longer separates us from each other.”
y/n but her lips and sobbed, eyes glistening with tears as she nodded her head. she knew though that it was just a lie, they both did, but it was what they needed to soften the blow.
“you’re the love my life, how am i gonna go on?” she said, feeling her mind go numb at the mere though of continuing on without him.
“hey, hey,” sunghoon quickly cooed, bringing her in for another hug. her head snuggled against his chest as he uttered, “you’re strong, gorgeous. you always are, and you can live without me so easily.”
he softly chuckled when she continued to cry in his comforting embrace. “you’re my independent girl, that’s what i’ll always love about you. you’ll continue on and do great things without me, just don’t forget me, okay?”
his joke only made her sob harder, along with a faint hit to the arm, making him laugh and whisper under his breath—“that’s my girl.”
so they held on a little longer, hands tightly grasped around each other while still holding onto the tiny hope of them together again.
✩ ‘but now i can’t’ ✩
*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
“hey?” jake snapped to him. “you okay, bro?”
sunghoon quickly shook his head, bringing himself back to the present where the reception would be starting soon.
“i’m good, yeah.” he confirmed, hiding away the tears.
his friend chuckled before patting him on the back. “okay well, grab your girlfriend, we gotta go in before the new couple comes in and we miss it.”
hoon nodded, heart shattering at the term—‘girlfriend’ though still walking away. he searched for y/n, trying to find her so there were no suspicions but she was nowhere to be found.
he sighed before walking into the reception, eyes still scanning for her. and just when he was about to give up, he found her already sitting at a table where his seat wasn’t assigned.
his brows furrowed from the distance and he was close to approaching her when jay had stopped him.
“can you believe our hyung is married now?” he laughed. “i’d never imagine it’d come so soon.”
“best believe it, jay. one down, six to go.” jake chuckled, flinging an arm around sunghoon.
“i’m next.” the shorter males eyes flickered to his girlfriend, ji-woo and he instantly smiled. “yeah, i’m definitely next.”
the others finally approached and jungwon laughed. “nice try, hyung, but it’s dae and i next.” he murmured, attention flashing to his partner who had his brows raising.
the two softly bickered on who’d be next, causing sunoo to utter—“are you guys forgetting sunghoon and y/n? what if they get married first before you guys?”
the six members lingered their gaze onto the said boy who awkwardly stood and laughed. “oh yeah.., i don’t know though, i don’t think we’re ready for that yet.” he tried to excuse.
“yeah right, i saw this guy in a ring store months ago! he’s definitely proposing soon,” ni-ki snorted with a head shake.
hoon froze for a second before denying, trying to break the attention away from him while ignoring the tightened chest.
✩ ‘what did we lose?’ ✩
as the rest of the members continued, he turned his gaze to y/n who was now talking to her friends.
“i can’t believe our girl got married,” ji-woo huffed, still wiping away the happy tears.
“told you she’d be the first to get married,” y/n joked.
the three bursted into giggles as dae said, “well that was to be expected, who else would it be?”
dae and y/n immediately turned to ji-woo, who gasped and playfully rolled her eyes. “alright… why are you guys targeting me?”
“it’s definitely you and jake next.”
“and then you and jungwon!” y/n added in.
“then you and sunghoon!”
the girl laughed, trying to hide the awkwardness in her tone as she only nodded.
“by the way.. are you guys okay?” ji-woo mumbled.
y/n whipped her head at her. “what??”
“well just asking… you guys haven’t been as affectionate as we thought you guys would..,” she replied back.
dae nodded in agreement. “in fact, we haven’t seen you guys near each other today at all. did you guys get into an argument again?”
he furrowed his brows toward the girl who only forced a smile. “no, we’re okay, i swear! we just.. agreed not to be too affectionate since it’s min-su and heeseung’s special day!”
“girl, are you sure because you guys have been really distant.”
“i’m sure,” she falsely confirmed. “sunghoon and i are doing great.”
the words left a sour taste in her mouth as she puckered her lips together, not wanting to ruin her friends day. eventually, she convinced the two who began giving in.
before they could say more, the announcer had suddenly yelled out—“ladies and gentlemen, for the first time as a newly wedded couple, heeseung and min-su!”
the two came out and cheers were quick to fill the room as they walked through with huge smiles plastered across their faces.
y/n’s heart lightened as she watched her two friends smear cake frosting against each other. her eyes softened at the sight and everything was forgotten for a second.
then the couple had their first dance, where ‘can’t help falling in love with you’ played in a soft melody, melting everyone who watched min-su and heeseung bunk their heads against one another.
she loved the view in front of her as she happily watched, gaze too fixated on them to notice that sunghoon wasn’t watching them, but her.
✩ ‘you look at me’ ✩
he observed how she admired the wedded couple, how her eyes began to sparkle with tears, and how she wasn’t even aware that his longing gaze remained on her.
he could fall in love with her all over again.
when the couple shifted from the center just a little, y/n followed and finally let her attention fall onto him.
✩ ‘i look at you’ ✩
her heart picked up on the rapid pace that was setting off and they let their eyes lock before she looked away, not wanting to experience another ache in her body.
✩ ‘with nothing to say’ ✩
. . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆
as the night continued, the married couple soon left to their honeymoon, leaving the rest to maintain their fun at the reception.
when a slow song began to play, y/n’s friends left to dance with their partners, leaving her alone.
she watched for a split second, dear admiration in her eyes for the two couples not too far from her.
ji-woo locked her arms around jake’s neck as he held her close by the waist, whispering sweet nothings in her ear that’d earn giggles in return. then he smiled and pulled her in closer for a sweet kiss.
dae and jungwon were in the same position but the taller male was staring down at his boy with a mischievous grin. then they both murmured something y/n couldn’t hear and next thing, won’s hands are holding him closer by the waist.
the girl almost gagged, but still grinned at her happy friends, wishing she could experience that with her special someone. her gaze fell down, remembering how her and sunghoon had practiced for that exact moment in the wedding.
✩ ‘if i could’ ✩
her lips trembled and tears pooled in her eyes but she pushed them away before smiling to herself, looking back at the faded memories.
✩ ‘i’d pull your strings for one more dance’ ✩
she remained lost in her thoughts, unaware of a figure in front of her when a cleared throat caught her attention. she glanced up and her heartbeats were suddenly the only thing she could hear.
sunghoon stood with a hand reached out, brows softly raised and lips slightly curled.
“i owe you a dance,” he uttered.
her heart throbbed quicker and she almost jumped to her feet, but she stopped. “sunghoon..,” she chewed her lips.
“just one dance.”
a sigh left her and she soon stood without thinking, taking grasp of the hands that perfectly molded with hers.
after reaching the dance floor, her arms snaked around his neck like it was natural and he beamed a quiet smile. his arms wrapped at her waist, keeping the grip light as he stared into her eyes.
y/n pulled him down closer, hands giving soft strokes in his hair just like when they were together.
✩ ‘from strangers to friends’ ✩
sunghoon breathed in this moment, taking in how it felt like nothing’s changed between them. his fingers dug into her dress a little more as he leaned in to bunk their heads together.
both of their eyes shut, noses grazing against each others with every slow inch they took. but they stopped, leaning away when they realized their lips were about to touch.
y/n shamed her head down and sunghoon gulped away the lump in his throat, both regretting their decision.
the girl soon laid her head against his chest, and he nuzzled his chin on top of her. she felt his heart begin syncing up with hers, rhythms pounding to prove that they still belonged to each other.
she savored every possible second of this, missing how she fell perfectly into his arms. everything felt right with him in her world.
✩ ‘friends into lovers’ ✩
tears welled in her eyes as she quickly sniffled, burying herself deeper into his comforting hold.
if for even one second, one or the other pulls away, she’d come to realize that he’d still remain a stranger with memories even after this slow dance.
“so what now?” y/n shakily mumbled against his warm chest.
sunghoon softly sighed, allowing her to feel it as he replied, “let’s just.. enjoy each other’s company for now.”
he paused, gulping down the pained cries in his throat when saying, “just before we have to actually let go.”
he felt the girl he loved sigh, knowing he was right.
“okay, hoon, one last dance before we leave this behind.”
✩ ‘and strangers again?’ ✩
she pulled away and glanced up at him with a forced grin plastered on. the male reflected it back as he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss against her forehead.
the two shut their eyes at the contact, tears flowing down. they were quickly pulled into the same position as before, where her head laid against his chest and his chin muzzled on top of it to hide their muffling cries.
“one last dance, gorgeous.”
★・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・★
a/n: i cant lie, i wrote this as someone who’s heavily sleep deprived. i will proofread this sometime later.. also someone let me know if it turned out okay bc my brain started to rot towards the end
... just learned that hashtags here don't work like on twt where it automatically becomes a tag 🥲
I just melt with these hyune fluffs
the premise: ur reaction to hyunjin's new short purple hair. this is very self indulgent and silly and fluffy and im mad at this man for being so pretty (i love him so much)
"are your eyes closed?" hyunjin's voice echoes from behind the door, as you lie on your stomach upon the bed.
"they are!" you yell back, palms pressing tightly against your eyelids. "can you hurry, i miss the light."
"you are so dramatic," hyunjin giggles, and you can vividly imagine him, head tipped back, a fond smile etched on his face—the one he reserves just for you. it sends a tingling warmth through your spine; you've come to learn hyunjin through these past three years, you can now clearly envision him, even behind your darkened eyelids, picturing every mimic of his as if he's right before you.
"save me boyfriend with pretty brown eyes, save me!"
"just a few more seconds baby, i promise," he quickly reassures, and you bite your lip slightly. you know he must be running his hands through his hair, trying to tame the stubborn strands you love to tuck behind his ear. a slight nervous shake in his limbs as he assesses himself in the enormous vanity mirror in your room. hyunjin knows he's good looking, it would be idiotic of him to believe otherwise. but it is always after significant changes in his appearance that he becomes almost shier, as if adjusting to the person reflecting back in the mirror.
"you're really pretty, you know that, right?" you speak softly.
"you didn't even see me yet," a smile is latched onto his words, making them ring sweetly in your ears.
"i don't need to. i think you are physically incapable of being ugly. beauty just oozes from each one of your features."
"okay, you can look now because i need to kiss you before i pass out," he sighs and you laugh before swiftly pulling your hands away from your eyes. you blink rapidly, trying to adjust to the stream of light coursing through your pupils. and then, your gaze locks on hyunjin.
his hair is short again. deep purple reflections dancing underneath the silver light of your bedroom.
you blink.
his hair is still short. and purple.
you blink again.
"are you... malfunctioning?" he chuckles, eyes disappearing into moon crescents.
"holy shit," you whisper, scrambling to the edge of the bed where he's standing, fidgeting from one leg to another. you quickly stand on the mattress so you can tower over him, turning his head to the left, then right.
"you cut your hair," you whisper in wonder.
"i did. do you like it?"
"do. i. like. it?" you repeat incredulously, running your fingers through his silky threads. "i prayed for this day to come, you don't understand," you beam at him, wrapping your hand around his neck, his hands find the slate of your waist, pressing you closer to him.
"did you now, love?"
"you're so pretty. i hate you," you sigh, tugging at his strands in wonder, admiring the rich color that's dancing off his hair.
"that sounds contradictory," he chuckles, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. you bite his arm in response. he yelps loudly in true hyunjin fashion.
"you're actually so gorgeous it maddens me. how are you real," you pinch his cheek slightly, and he only screeches louder. "how are you mine?" you add, poking his nose, and he wraps an arm around your midriff, before throwing you back into the bed, this time hovering over you.
"because you're you, so i can't be anything but yours."
"give me a minute," you sigh, closing your eyes. "i can't handle your words and your hair at the same time."
"you're an idiot," he laughs, and it sounds so genuine, a barely concealed 'thank you' peeking behind the syllables, as he buries his head in your neck. you can't help but smile in response.
"let me look at you," you cradle his face between your hands, your noses brushing against one another. your gaze turns serious as you drink in each feature of his. you love his long hair, love running your hands through it and braiding his locks before you sleep. but his short hair makes his features more prominent, undisturbed by stray strands that never want to remain in place.
you can feel his cheeks warm up underneath your touch, his gaze growing shier under your scrutinization, his head tilting to the side, pressing further onto your palm. nothing about your love has changed, even after three years of dating.
"you really like it?" he asks, tone quiet, lips brushing against your own, velvet meeting velvet.
"i do," you whisper, before pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. "you know what's insane about you?"
"do tell," he smiles, bopping his nose against your own.
"your face is so goddamn pretty, and yet, it is the least beautiful thing about you."
"i know," he smiles, pecking your cheek, then your wrist in a tenderness that makes your heart drop to your knees. "you're the most beautiful part of me."
first impressions matter.
wc: 593
genre: highschool!au ; rich boy!jay ; fluff
feat. park jongseong ; 박종성
note: first drabble in a whiiiiile ahshhdh she’s been sitting in my drafts for a bit so i just cleaned her up and here she it >:0 i’m gonna work on putting out more one shots :D
your best friends, jimin and soojin, stood next to you, lightly nudging you with excitement about finally being able to see your boyfriend, park “he goes to another school” jongseong for the first time.
you’d talked non-stop about him ever since you two finally started dating after being childhood friends for so long that jimin and soojin knew him probably as well as you did. although, you did withhold some information about him from them, like his family life, his fortune, his livelihood. they’d only seen pictures of him on both of your social media accounts, on which he appeared as just a normal highschool boy.
they hadn’t met him yet, considering the fact that you ended up going to different highschools and your two excited friends around you were ones that you’d made during your first week of class. they simply had no prior knowledge of him before that.
your eyes glanced over the text you had sent to your boyfriend 10 minutes prior that read “please don’t tell me you’re coming in anything flashy."
a text that he had left on read.
oh boy.
full disclosure, you loved your boyfriend dearly. you loved him past his wealth and flashiness and love to show off.
as you waited at the front of your school for him to come by to pick you up, you scrolled through your previous text messages with him recounting your date plans for the night after you’d both gotten out of school. he told you he’d pick you up after your classes, and you obliged without thinking about the fact that your friends had never met your boyfriend before.
then, you saw it.
his ever so beautiful black and blue mclaren 720s.
you sighed heavily as you watched all eyes look toward the car. entire friend groups turned their heads to get a glance, eyes wide open, jaws dropped. your friends were just as amazed and you stood still, just staring at him as you heard them whisper around you.
"no way, who is that?”
“does he go to our school?”
“no way, that has to be someone’s parents.”
“that’s literally my dream car.”
if only you could capture a picture of their faces when the supercar pulled in front of the three of you and stopped.
he stepped out, making direct eye contact with you, dressed in black slacks and a button down, a bouquet of roses in hand.
“hi, darling, i hope i didn’t keep you waiting too long.”
jimin and soojin’s jaws dropped at the realization, and your cheeks heated up when you became aware of all the attention you were getting from everyone around you. you shook your head quickly and walked toward his car, reaching for the door handle.
he quickly made his way over to your side, intercepting your attempts to let yourself into his car, placing his own hand over the handle.
“let me, love."
your best friends watched in amazement as the door opened upwards and he helped you step into the car, him closing it behind you and making his way to his side.
you glanced over at the girls, giving them a sheepish smile and wave through the window as they continued to stand there, stunned and speechless.
when you heard jay’s door close, you turned to him with a playfully angry look in your eyes.
"i thought i said not to come in anything flashy.”
“you did.” he started his car and revved the engine before driving off to begin your date night.
“but first impressions matter.”
I'm so single bye
hopeless ☆ heeseung lee
☆ horrendously down bad! heeseung x fem! reader ☆ summary: absolutely no one would have expected the dark, brooding, and rough heeseung lee to be hopelessly head over heels in love with the sweet, oblivious you. especially you. even with the help of practically the entire year, it's almost pathetic the way heeseung struggles to utter three, simple words to you, let alone look you in the eye. ☆ genre: fluff!!! pining, SUPER WHIPPED HEESEUNG, high school! au, non-idol! au, a lot of 01 liner idols + the rest of enha make appearances, btw this follows the asian school system, SO MUCH FLIRTING OMG, heeseung is kinda pathetic and awk ☆ warning(s)? swearing and dumb characters lol, there is one SA scene, but it is not graphic + very minor violence ☆ word count: 10.8k ☆ this is extremely based off of "danger" by bts, especially the lyric "you're cute, and i'm pathetic" lol enjoy!
Heeseung Lee was stressed.
No. He was distraught.
Distraught about how fucking cute you looked today.
Ever since he was a kid, Heeseung loved Halloween, because he loved Trick-or-Treating with his older brother and cousins. However now, at the age of seventeen, he found himself resenting it. Not because there was any issue with the holiday, but because today was Halloween.
From across the classroom, Heeseung found himself staring, all dazed and empty-headed, at you, who was clad in your cute bunny costume. The way the fluffy, white ears stuck out from the top of your head, as well as the fluffy white coat draped around your shoulders, made you look so soft and cozy and adorable. The way your nose crinkled as you laughed with your friends, sweet sounds coming from your lips as you threw your head back.
Were you real? How could anyone be so goddamn beautiful and not be an actual angel sent from above? What country did Heeseung save in his past life in order to get to be in your presence in this life?
"Dude, you're staring," a new voice interjected.
"What?" Heeseung tore his eyes away from you. "I wasn't."
Beomgyu Choi was one of Heeseung's classmates. And, like everyone else in their year, Beomgyu knew how enamored Heeseung was with you. Other than yourself, of course.
"I'm tellin' you," Beomgyu plopped down onto his seat, which was beside Heeseung's. He slid his chair so that he would be closer to his classmate, before throwing an arm around Heeseung. "You need to make a move. Like, now."
Heeseung glanced over at his classmate. If he ignored the fake blood on Beomgyu's chin, as well as the fake, plastic vampire teeth and the god-awful Spirit Halloween Dracula cape, he'd know that Beomgyu was 100% correct.
Everyone (and seriously, everyone) knew that Heeseung Lee had the biggest, juiciest, most obnoxious crush on you. In fact, your own friends had even tasked themselves with the job of putting in a good word for Heeseung, saying things like "Isn't he so cool?" into your ear to hopefully guide you straight into his arms. It's such a well-known fact that some of your teachers have purposefully placed you and Heeseung next to or near each other in order to help him with his more-than-obvious crush.
With such a big, school-wide effort, it should be expected that at least some progress was made.
Wrong!
Not even a single stroke of progress has been made.
Probably because there was one teensy, weensy, eensy, problem: Heeseung was an absolute mess around you. Heeseung was known as this tall, blunt, and rough guy at school. When he wasn't silently judging everyone, he hung out with his group of friends, who had a reputation for being delinquents. Heeseung Lee, clad in his iconic black leather jacket, was intimidating, and usually had no problem speaking up for himself. But around you? Absolutely not.
If anyone thought that Heeseung Lee could easily speak to you, they were out of their goddamn mind. There were too many instances where your classmates would push Heeseung and you together, only for him to blow it because he was completely incapable of looking you in the eye without turning red.
In Heeseung's defense, you were the most beautiful person in the world— How is he not supposed to get nervous?
"You know I can't," Heeseung murmured, clenching his fists.
Beomgyu rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Hee. What happened to banger Heeseung Lee? Heeseung Lee that beats up kids? I didn't think you'd be scared of talking to girls."
"First of all," Heeseung frowned, "I'm not a banger and I don't beat up kids. And also, I'm not scared of talking to girls."
His classmate quirked a brow. "Really?" Heeseung nodded. "Because the last time I remember, you could barely get a word out in front of [Name]."
At the sound of your name, Heeseung jerked in his seat, reaching out to grasp Beomgyu's arm. "Shhhh, don't say her name so loud!" he hissed, eyes quivering over to where you were with your friends.
"What?" Beomgyu looked around indiscreetly. "It's not a secret to anyone how you feel about [Name]."
"Shhhh! Shut up!"
When the bell rang, everyone scurried to their seat, and class began. As Beomgyu tuned out the sound of the teacher's voice, he couldn't help but notice the way Heeseung's eyes were completely glued to you. It was almost laughable, the way the boy's eyes were wide, staring at you like you were some god.
Oh god, Heeseung Lee was hopeless.
"Heeseung-hyung, are you free tomorrow?"
It was lunch time. Heeseung and his friends liked to hang around the rooftop of the school, because it was always empty. And plus, no one wanted to be where Heeseung and his friends were— they were too scary!
Heeseung looked at his younger Australian friend, Jake Sim (or Jaeyun Sim, as his official documents stated), who had just asked that question. Heeseung took a bite of the instant ramen that they bought from the vending machine.
"Yeah, why?"
"Good. Because you have a date with [Name] tomorrow."
Heeseung choked. As he coughed, his other younger friend, Sunoo Kim, let out a whine.
"Hyuuunggg!" Sunoo pouted. "Why'd you tell him?"
"It was supposed to be a surprise!" Riki Nishimura, the group's Japanese foreign exchange student friend, added, elbowing Jake in the ribs.
"Whatever," Jake crossed his arms. When Riki nudged him again, Jake opened his mouth to holler, "Jay, back me up!"
Jongseong "Jay" Park was another one of Heeseung's friends, probably the closest person to him.
"You guys know Heeseung-hyung is going to fuck it up either way, right?" Jay said. "Remember last time?"
"Yeah," Sunghoon Park joined in. "No matter how much we prepared him, Heeseung-hyung still acted like a fucking idiot."
"I'm right here!" Heeseung shouted, still hitting his chest to dislodge the ramen that he choked on.
Jungwon Yang, the seventh person in their friend group, put a hand on the older boy's shoulder, his lips lifting up into a half-teasing grin, revealing sharp canine teeth, "Hyung, don't listen to them. I think you'll really impress [Name] tomorrow."
It was Heeseung's turn to elbow Jungwon in the ribs.
When Heeseung finally finished coughing up a storm, his friends were already onto another topic, making plans for the next weekend.
"Hey, hey!" Heeseung grumbled. "Aren't you guys going to explain this so-called 'date with [Name]'?"
"What's there to explain?" Riki said. "You're going on a date with [Name]. End of story."
The eldest of the group's face contorted. "What are you guys even saying—"
"Well, it's not technically a date," Sunghoon said, taking a sip of his juice box. "You're, like, hanging out with [Name] though."
That still didn't answer Heeseung's question.
"When? Where? What time?" he spluttered, eager for answers.
Jake huffed exasperatedly. "Do we have to explain to you everything? It's not that deep, man."
Jungwon rolled his eyes. "Hyung, [Name]'s friends are the presidents of the Environment and Ecology Club, and there's a social tomorrow. It's like birdhouse painting, or something. [Name] is attending to support her friend, so we signed you up, too."
"Birdhouse painting?!" Sunoo's features morphed into confusion. "I thought they were making bracelets?"
"No, I thought there were weaving baskets?" Riki frowned.
"Whatever it is, it sounds lame as hell," Jay remarked.
Jungwon rolled his eyes again, earning a punch on his arm. "Whatever it is, it'll be a great opportunity for you to talk to [Name]."
The younger boy offered Heeseung a reassuring smile, only to receive a pensive one in return.
When classes resumed, Heeseung felt light-headed and distracted the entire time as he processed the fact that he was going to be around you tomorrow.
Oh god, he sounded like a total loser. Did the mere thought of being in your presence make him nervous? Yes, yes it did. You were just so pretty and sweet, he had no idea what to do. Poor boy, his teeth dug into his bottom lip, clammy palms pressing into the underside of his desk. His knee bounced, and there was absolutely no way that he could even make out a single word the teacher was saying.
Heeseung was going to pass out.
"Hey, Heeseung?"
That's your voice. It was so pretty and nice on his ears. Was he in heaven? He wouldn't be surprised if your voice was the voice of an angel.
"Heeseung?"
Heeseung was convinced that he was in heaven now. What he wouldn't do to hear your voice every second of his life.
"Heeseung!" another voice interjected. That's what snapped Heeseung out of his daze. Too deep in his head, Heeseung hadn't noticed that the class period ended, and the short passing period had already begun.
At his desk stood Yunjin Huh, Minjeong "Winter" Kim, and... oh my god... you. The three of you had somewhat matching Halloween costumes: Yunjin was a gray mouse, Winter was a cat, and you were a bunny. And now that he looked at it, you all were holding a bag of candy.
While your two friends were giving him the"Are you serious?" looks, you looked at him with wide, kind eyes.
"Heeseung?" your beautiful voice said, fingers reaching into the candy bag that you were holding. "Would you like candy?"
He stared at you. You were giving out candy to everyone in class because it was Halloween... You're such an angel... What did the world do to deserve you...
Winter stepped on Heeseung's foot, snapping him out of his daze once again. The boy let out a small yelp in pain, and as the embarrassment settled in, he heard you let out a small giggle, lips raising up to show off your teeth.
Oh my god, he was going to die.
"Y-Yeah," he stammered out, cursing himself internally. Heeseung couldn't help but feel everyone in class's gaze glued to him. When you handed him a piece of candy, your hand brushed up against his. Heeseung could feel his ears becoming hot, the warmth rising to his neck.
You smiled at him, before saying in a sing-songy voice, "Happy Halloween!"
Heeseung had to force himself not to stare like an absolute fool.
He was really hopeless.
hee: jay i don't think i can do it tomorrow
It was 2AM when Heeseung texted Jay. He spent the entire night thinking about the "date" (probably the least necessary word at the moment), and he simply couldn't sleep.
Heeseung had embarrassed himself too many times in front of you. Like that one time you and him were on cleaning duty together, and he was so distracted by you that he tripped over a bucket of water. Or that one time he sat next to you for a few weeks and his shoes kept squeaking against the floor, making it look like he was farting. Or when he tried to look cool and suave in front of you at some social your friends invited him to only to rip a hole in his pants. And then what happened today... He could not embarrass himself again.
hee: like i think i'm going to die if she sits next to me tomorrow
It was only a matter of seconds when his friend texted back.
jay: you'll be fine trust
Heeseung frowned.
hee: stop lying to me
hee: you know how i am around her
jay: i believe in you
jay: like srsly
hee: that's blind faith
Jay typed for a little bit, before stopping altogether. Heeseung huffed. Did his friend just leave him on read? A few minutes later Jay sent a Wikihow article.
'How to talk to your crush,' it was aptly named. Heeseung deadpanned.
hee: are you being fr right now
jay: give [name] your sexy heeseung charm and you'll be walking off into the sunset hand-in-hand with her in no time
jay: read the article btw
How was this guy an actual person?
hee: kill yourself
jay: give her that passionate, sexy, boiling hot, hotter-than-the-sun, steaming hot heeseung that makes her just want to come up to you and give you the fattest, juiciest kiss on the mouth, i know you can do it soldier
hee: DIE
Heeseung couldn't sleep all night.
At school, the entire day was just plagued with anxiety for what was to come. It didn't help that your friends kept turning around and giving him knowing looks throughout the day. When school finally let out, Heeseung went to the classroom where the birdhouse-painting-bracelet-making-basket-weaving social would be held. His friends told him to go there the moment that school ended, but when he came, there was literally no one there.
Until someone yanked him into the classroom.
"Hey!-" he yelped, before the door slammed. In front of him stood two people that he recognized: Sumin Bae and Sieun Park, two of your friends who also coincidentally were the co-presidents of the Environment and Ecology club.
Sumin cocked a brow at him, crossing her arms. "I hope you're not as hopeless as everyone says you are."
Heeseung opened his mouth to respond, but Sieun cut him off.
"Ugh, that doesn't matter," she pinched her nose-bridge. "We told [Name] to sit near the front, so you better sit there, too."
"Right-"
Sumin cut him off, too.
"[Name]'s favorite color is pink, and her favorite Sanrio character is Keroppi," Sumin asserted. "And she really likes things that are cute, so like fruit patterns, hearts, stars, yada yada."
Heeseung blinked at them. "And this is relevant how...?"
Sumin and Sieun shared a look.
"You are completely hopeless."
As it turned out, they were giving him details about design-elements that you liked, so that Heeseung could somehow impress you with his birdhouse painting abilities (Jungwon was right, it was birdhouse painting). After info-dumping on him, they kicked him out of the classroom to actually prepare for the social.
As Heeseung was pushed out of the classroom, he bumped into someone. Just as he was about to say, "Watch where you're going," he realized that it was you.
"Oh, hi, Heeseung!" you greet him cheerfully, your eyes pressing into thin slits as you smile.
Quick! What does he do? "Hi... [Name]."
"Are you here for the social, too?" The way your eyes gazed at him made him feel shy already.
"Y-Yeah...."
"I didn't know you were interested in the Environment and Ecology club..." You remarked, and Heeseung panicked— Was it obvious that he was here exclusively for you?— but what you said next made him sigh in relief. "That's great! I'm so happy that I finally have someone familiar with me here!"
He's going to faint.
When the social began, you invited him to sit next to you. Heeseung felt stiff as he sat beside you, watching the way that you happily painted your small, wooden birdhouse. Heeseung wanted to start a conversation with you, but each time he thought of something to say, his voice caught in his throat. Sumin and Sieun had given him two dirty looks already, so he needed to make a move now or their efforts would be in vain.
"W-What's that?" he finally stuttered out, pointing to the glob of green on your birdhouse.
You laugh airily, leaning closer to him so that he can see it better. "Can you guess?"
Heeseung tries to concentrate on guessing, but it's hard when you're close to him. Quick! What's green and something that you like?
"Is that... K-Keroppi?"
"Yeah!" Your face lit up, flashing him a cheeky grin. You nudged him with your elbow, raising your brows at him playfully. "Awww, Hee, you smarty pants! How'd you know?"
Hee?
OhmygodohmygodohmygodyoucalledhimHee.
You stopped laughing, pulling away from him. "Sorry, do you not like being called Hee? Beomgyu sometimes calls you that, so I thought-"
"No, I like it!" Heeseung blurted, a little louder than he wanted to, earning a few questioning looks from people around him. The boy felt abnormally warm, embarrassed at his outburst. "I-I'm okay with you calling me that..."
"Noted!" you said, before your lips curled upward. "Now... are you going to tell me how you could tell that this green blob was Keroppi?"
"Oh uhm..." Heeseung's lips were moving faster than his head, "Y-You dressed up as Keroppi last year for Halloween with Yunjin."
Almost like you were a cartoon character, you perked up at his statement. "You remember?"
Of course he did. How could he forget? You wore a cartoonishly-big red bow around your neck like Keroppi, and had a green Keroppi-style headband. You looked adorable, especially when you went around showing off a Keroppi keychain that you got at the Cinnamoroll Cafe in Hongdae to anyone that was willing to listen.
Heeseung found himself chuckling. "Of course I'd remember your massive red bow."
You stared at him for a few moments, before a bashful grin broke out on your face. You then buried your face in your hands, letting out a groan. "Ughhhh, that's so embarrassing!"
"How?"
It's going good so far, Heeseung thought. Just don't mess it up!
You pouted cutely, your bottom lip jutting out. In the light, he could see the gloss shining off of it so prettily. "My makeup was so fucked up last year, ughhh, it looked so bad."
You? Look bad? Impossible.
"What are you talking about?" Heeseung asked, his doe-like eyes scanning your embarrassed face. "I thought you looked cute."
You stared at him. It took a few pulses for Heeseung to realize what he just said. His face instantly turned three shades warmer and panic was evident in his expression.
"I-I mean— You jus—You were really—"
He shut his mouth when you began laughing. Laughing so hard that you clutched onto his knee, keeling over yourself. His cheeks burned.
You're laughing at him, aren't you? Did he fuck up?
When you noticed the sulky expression on his face, you stopped laughing.
"Sorry, Hee," you said, giving his knee a reassuring squeeze. "It's just... You look so intimidating, when you're really just a sweetheart."
If Heeseung was red before, he was quietly literally the color of a tomato. It was a wonder that the entire room’s temperature didn’t rise given the sheer amount of heat radiating off his person.
"A s-sweetheart?"
"Yeah!" you happily respond. "You're just the cutest, y'know? Like a little puppy."
As much as Heeseung wanted to die happily now that you called him cute, he needed to keep this conversation going. Sucking in a sharp breath, the boy looked at you in the eyes. "W-Well I think the same about you... [Name]."
You looked at him curiously, so he continued, his voice soft and sheepish, "I... also think that you're the cutest."
You blinked at him a few times, before the widest smile that he'd ever seen spread across your cheeks, stretching ear to ear. If only Heeseung wasn't too busy grappling with his shyness, he'd notice the way you let out a soft, bashful giggle, shaking your head and squeezing your eyes shut to keep yourself from being too visibly flustered. Slowly, with all the courage that you had left in you, you raised your hand and placed it on Heeseung's head. You ruffled his soft locks, gushing, "God, you're so cute, Heeseung!"
The rest of the social is filled with soft chatter between the two of you, but Heeseung was honestly too captivated by you to notice the time passing. With his heart on his sleeve, and a sloppily-painted birdhouse in his hands, Heeseung mentally high-fived himself.
Heeseung's friends never heard the end of it. The moment that he got home, Heeseung spammed their groupchat, giving them paragraphs and paragraphs of the events that ensued.
hee: and then she called me cute. like CUTE CUTE, not even like she was alluding it, she used the word CUTE
hee: oh my god i think i'm gonna faint
His friends don't have it in them to flame him. After all, this was progress.
Unbeknownst to him, you were feeling the same things. Everyone knew that Heeseung liked you, except yourself. You had the opposite case: you've had the biggest crush on Heeseung since middle school, but never told a single soul about it. You're a naturally expressive and sweet person, so it was so incredibly hard hiding your feelings for him.
After all, under that handsome and brooding outer shell, you saw his softness. This past year, you've had so many miscellaneous interactions (at least, it seemed miscellaneous-- everyone but you knew that those interactions were set up) with Heeseung. At the beginning of each interaction, he'd act all mysterious, but as time passed, he'd speak so softly and slowly unravel.
It was so, so cute. Heeseung was so cute. To say you wanted him would be an understatement. No words were sufficient to fully express the nights that you stayed awake thinking about him, or the makeup looks that you intricately practiced to impress him, or the sheer number of times that you had to hide the fact that you were staring at him.
Maybe you couldn't hide it any longer.
"Wait, what?!"
Heeseung's heart dropped to his stomach the moment he heard the words leave his friend's lips. Chenle Zhong was one of you and Heeseung's mutual friends, and according to him, someone had confessed to you via a letter today.
"Are you serious?" Heeseung asked, pulling his bottom lip into his teeth, chewing pensively. "Do you know who wrote it?"
"Nope, but I'll try to get more info on it," Chenle frowned. "Yunjin says that [Name] laughed at the letter."
When Heeseung didn't say anything, Chenle continued. "Hey, man, that could be a sign, y'know?"
When Heeseung's face morphed into a confused expression, his friend added, "Like, maybe [Name] thinks it's a joke? Maybe she doesn't care for it."
That's what Heeseung hoped for.
Later, Chenle texted him a screenshot of the love letter. To say that Heeseung was appalled would be an understatement. The letter read,
'To my dearest [Name], you're as beautiful as the plum blossoms in the spring. Your lips are soft like pillows, pillows that I would love to fall into an eternal in. I love you, I love you, I'll love you until this paper decomposes and becomes a part of the earth, and maybe then they will be able to force me to forget you. Love, your admirer.'
Heeseung immediately sent it to his groupchat.
jakey: yo who invited shakespeare???
hoon: i had a stroke reading that
sunoo: "your lips are soft like pillows" is crazyyy
hee: chenle gave me updates, apparently [name] knows who the sender is
jay: AND WHO IS THE SENDER??
hee: i don't know
hee: but minjeong says that it's someone from class 2
niki: class 2 is full of snobs
jungwon: i'm still in shock because of "i'll love you until this paper decomposes"
hoon: WHAT IF IT'S JUNGSU HYUNG
niki: oh it's SO over for you heeseung-hyung
As it turned out, it was not, in fact, Jungsu Kim from Class 2, thanks to your friends, who were quite wonderful info-brokers. But he still didn't know who it was.
Laying in bed, Heeseung felt weight on his chest. You laughed at the letter. While that could mean that it was a joke, it could also mean that you thought the person writing the letter was funny... which could mean that you liked them back. Just the mere thought of you with someone else made Heeseung frown deeply. This entire time he was worried about how to act around you, completely ignoring the fact that you yourself could be interested in someone else! God, he was so stupid.
Heeseung needed to know who it was that sent it, and more importantly, if you were romantically interested in them.
Fear makes man do crazy things.
Like walking one's crush to school.
Look, Heeseung was mulling over the situation as he walked to school, when he saw you across the street, walking in the same direction as him. In what could only be called an adrenaline-high, Heeseung ran across the street up to you.
"[Name]!" he called out.
"Heeseung?—Oh my god!"
Poor boy was breathless, flushed in the face. It took him a few moments to catch his breath. Flashing you a grin, Heeseung said, "Let's walk to school together, [Name]."
You're silent for a few moments, before you return the smile. "Of course."
The walk was silent, only the sound of early morning traffic, footsteps against the concrete sidewalk, and the occasional sniffle courtesy of you filling the cold air between the two of you. Speaking of which, your sniffles began to get louder and more frequent. Now out of adrenaline, Heeseung was back to being shy.
Clearing his throat, Heeseung forced his voice out. "Are you— Are you sick?"
You sniffled again, bringing your hand up to swipe your nose. The two of you were at an intersection now, so you pressed the pedestrian button. "No, I just get sniffly when it's cold."
That's. So. Cute. Was what Heeseung was thinking. The way you were rubbing your hands together made you look so adorable, he just wanted to put you in his pocket.
He must have been staring at you for a while, back in his you-loving daze, because Heeseung did not notice that the streetlight changed, and it was time for the pedestrians to pass.
Not to worry!
Heeseung was completely kicked out of his daze when your smaller hand grabbed his, pulling him along the street. His eyes were glued to the two of your hands, especially where they connected. For someone sniffly, your hands were warm. He liked the way that they fit in his.
Even in the cool morning air, Heeseung suddenly felt warm all over.
You were in the middle of the sidewalk when Heeseung stopped. Feeling bold, he dropped his schoolbag, and began slipping off his thick, black, leather jacket, before draping it over your shoulders.
When you looked up at him with those curious doe eyes, all his boldness went away.
"Y-You're cold aren't you?" He avoided looking you in the eyes. "Just... Just take it. Y-You can give it back later... or whatever."
You giggled, slipping your arms into the sleeves.
God, you looked so cute in his jacket. Heeseung was going to melt.
And he did melt, because you began doing cute twirls to show off the jacket, posing for him.
"How do I look?" you cheekily asked, popping your leg up.
Heeseung was speechless, his mouth just left agape. He had to force himself to speak.
"Cute..." he answered, barely audible.
A grin was growing on your face. "Sorry, I didn't hear you. How do I look?"
Heeseung squeezed his eyes shut, huffing. "I said you looked cute!"
The sight of Heeseung's pink cheeks and his cute little pout was enough for you to be satisfied. Before the boy could realize what he said, you picked up his school bag for him, shoving it into one of his hands, before snatching his free hand. You pulled him gently to continue walking, but Heeseung was frozen in place, eyes too busy on you.
"Heeeeee," you elongated your syllables. You squeezed his hand twice, tugging him again. "We can't be late to class, can we?"
Heeseung audibly gulped. "Y-Yeah. You're right.."
You guys began walking again, neither of you wanting to let each other’s hands go.
"And then she held my hand— Isn't that crazy?! She held my hand!"
"Heeseung-hyung, please, I am peeing right now."
It was the lunch period once again. As Heeseung and Sunghoon traversed the hallways to get to the stairwell, the older of two chatted about the events that morning.
"So you held her hand?" Sunghoon asked half-heartedly, barely listening. "And then what?"
Heeseung perked up. "And then we walked to class together, and then she—"
"That's cool and all," the younger friend was walking in front of him. Sunghoon turned over his shoulder. "But did you get any more information about the letter fiasco?"
Oh.
No, Heeseung didn't.
When they reached the rooftop, his friends gently nudged him to get more information about the letter.
"You don't want to have one of those 'too late' moments, right?" Jungwon said, chewing on his rice ball. "What if by the time you gather the courage to talk to her, [Name] is already walking off into the sunset hand-in-hand with her secret admirer?!"
"What's with you guys and walking off into the sunset..." Heeseung muttered, running a hand through his hair.
"I'm serious, hyung!"
"I second that," Jay said lazily.
"I second that," Riki mocked in a squeaky voice, earning him a soft smack at the back of his head.
"Well, what am I supposed to do?" Heeseung asked, frustrated. "I can talk to her or her friends later, but not right now."
Jake scoffed. "What's stopping you from going back inside and talking to [Name] right now?"
The eldest boy didn't have an answer. That's true. There wasn't anything stopping Heeseung from talking to you right now. All the boys were now watching him for an answer, ready to pounce on him for being a coward.
"I don't know!" Heeseung finally said. "I've used up all of my bravery today... I don't think I have it in me to talk to her!"
His friends stared at him questioningly, until the silence was broken by Sunoo taking a loud and very obviously fake phonecall.
"Hi! Yes! Mhm. He's right here. Yeah. Mhm. Thank you!"
Sunoo hung up loudly, and looked at Heeseung with a cocked brow. "I was just on the phone with Yunjin. She says you should probably go talk to [Name]."
Heeseung looked at Sunoo incredulously, but the expectant expressions on his friends' faces made him groan.
"Fine!"
As Heeseung creeped down the school hallway, he came to the classroom that you hung out in at lunch: your homeroom. Standing outside the door, the boy took a deep breath.
Relax, it's just [Name], he had to tell himself, as if that helped at all. What was he even going to say?
'Hey, are you dating the person that sent you that letter? If you aren't, do you want to get married to me? Haha.'
????
Just as Heeseung was about to slide the door open, he heard a very familiar laugh from inside. Of course he could recognize it. After all, it was you.
"Yuri is so cute!" he heard you giggle. "She wrote me that little letter as a joke, but I think I'm actually in love with her."
In.
Love.
With.
Her.
"Awww, Yuri, come here and give me a kiss!"
Come.
Give.
You.
A.
Kiss.
"I'm gonna marry you, Yuri!"
Marry.
You.
Yuri.
To Heeseung, everyone was an enemy. No matter their gender or class, the moment that he heard that you got a love letter, everyone became a suspect. It all made sense now. Yuri Jo, the 'Yuri' that you were talking about and to, was from Class 2. He knew that you and her were friends, but he didn't know that you were romantically interested in her.
Jungwon was right. Now you were going to walk off into the sunset hand-in-hand with her!
hee: guys what if [name] is already taken :(
jakey: what are you on about this time
There was something scary about a 6-feet tall guy mulling around and sulking all day, so luckily no one got in Heeseung's way as he brooded. Unfortunately, he felt his heart hurt whenever he looked at you. Almost cartoonishly, he'd turn away, close his eyes in dramatic pain, and pout. Although he acted a little bit theatrical, it was no doubt that Heeseung felt sad. He really thought he had a chance with you, and now he felt stupid.
Except, he was stupid.
But for a different reason.
"Jesus Christ, you're actually hopeless, Heeseung."
After school, your friends cornered him, somewhere where you wouldn't see. His friends were somehow in close communication with your friends.
"I can't believe you thought me and [Name] were actually dating!"
Heeseung scowled, crossing his arms over his chest, as he leaned against a locker. Before him stood Yunjin, Winter, Yuri, along with a few other of your friends, Hitomi and Minju.
"I don't know!" Heeseung huffed. "Everyone is an enemy to me—” he glanced at Yuri— “Including Yuri.”
Yunjin scoffed in disbelief. "You're insane."
Soooo... You weren't in any romantic relationship with anyone. Yuri sent you that letter as a joke, and you were just really close to her. Good.
"I don't know how I feel about this guy getting with our [Name]," Winter muttered to Hitomi and Minju, but loud enough for Heeseung to hear.
"Hey!"
"I know, he's a total dumbass," Minju grumbled back.
"Dude, I'm right here!"
Hitomi rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Well, are you free on Friday after school?"
"Yeah, why?" They always asked Heeseung that question when they had some crazy plan up their sleeve. Not like he was any better.
"Wellll," Hitomi began in a sing-songy voice. "[Name] really wants to go to that Cinnamoroll Sweet Cafe in Hongdae on Friday, but none of us are available."
Heeseung nodded slowly.
"I think it'd be a good way for you to get closer to her, dontcha think?"
And that's how Heeseung scored his first (unofficial) date with you
When your friends told you that Heeseung would accompany you to Hongdae, you almost jumped for joy. Almost. Friday couldn't come any faster. The plan was that you'd meet Heeseung at the train station at 4:30PM, meaning that you had a bit of time to change and get ready. You didn't want to get too ahead of yourself and call it a date, but oh boy did you want to.
What were you going to wear? What if you were too formal? Should you go for a casual look or something more put-together? You needed to impress him!
When Friday came, you practically ran home to get ready. You perfected your makeup, and put on your prettiest outfit. Spraying yourself with your signature perfume, you looked in the mirror. Hopefully, he'll like how you look.
At the corner of your eye, you spot a black, leather jacket. His black, leather jacket. Without even thinking, you slinked toward it, slipping into the jacket. It smelled like him, the faint scent of his cologne lingering on the leather.
With a final glance in the mirror, you left for the train station.
On the other hand, to say that Heeseung was nervous for the date was an understatement. His heart was about to fall out of chest. He changed into something more casual, made sure to brush out his disheveled hair, and reapplied his cologne. He came to the train station 20 minutes early, just in case something went terribly wrong. He glanced at his phone. For the date, he managed to get a hold of your number, for “communication purposes.” He’d wanted to text you all week, but didn’t have the courage to.
“Hee?” your soft voice calling his name got his attention. Behold, you standing there before him, all dolled up and pretty. This must be the sight he’ll see when he enters heaven, he thought.
“Hi,” he said, his eyes glazing over your face. You were so pretty. Did you dress up for him? He didn’t want to get ahead of himself, but the idea that you wanted to look good for him made Heeseung’s heart skip a beat. “You look…”
He didn’t mean to say that. You smile bashfully. “I look…?”
“So pretty,” Heeseung breathed. “You look so pretty.”
“Thank you,” you smile. Your fingers reach for the hem of his shirt, playing with it, which sends his heart racing. “Well, I think you look handsome, Hee.”
“Th-Thanks.”
The two of you stare into each other’s eyes for a few moments, and Heeseung swears that you’re looking at his lips. You spoke up, breaking the silence. “You notice anything about me?”
Heeseung grasped the collar of his jacket gently with both hands. “My jacket.”
“I was going to give it back to you earlier,” you begin, eyes trained on his lips, “But I think I’ll keep it for today, yeah? Since I look so pretty in it.”
“Oh fuck,” Heeseung cursed under his breath, loud enough for you to hear it and giggle. “Yeah, you can keep it for as long as you want.”
“As long as I want?” you purred, taking a step closer to him. Although it wasn’t clear to anyone else, you were a mess inside. Your heart was palpitating so hard that you could hear it in your ears. Your throat felt dry, and your hands were shaking with mere anxiety and excitement. “What about forever?”
Heeseung cracked a grin. “Do whatever you want. You’re pretty.”
If it wasn’t for the train announcement, you thought you would have kissed his pretty lips right then and there. Taking Heeseung’s hand, you led him to your train cart.
“Let’s go, Hee.”
The train is much more packed than you expected, but it was the beginning of the weekend after all. The trip from Gyeonggi Province to Hongdae should take no less than an hour. Unfortunately, because of the amount of people in the train, you and Heeseung had to stand for the majority of the time. It should have been uncomfortable, but it simply wasn't. Because you were with Heeseung.
Standing only a few inches away from the boy, your chests almost pressed against each other. You could feel his breath fan your cheeks. The both of you held onto the pole, hands barely brushing against each other when the cart shook against the rails.
At some point, the shaking was a lot more aggressive than it had previously been. Instinctively, your hand reached for his broad shoulders for stability. Likewise, Heeseung reached for your waist, holding you in place. You and Heeseung shared a long, drawn-out look, eyes getting lost in one another's, before you both avert your gazes shyly, muttering, "sorry." Yet, neither of you moved your hands from their newfound positions.
As minutes passed on the train, your eyes were glued to Heeseung, at least when he wasn't watching.
You loved the reddish blush that naturally decorated his under-eyes, and the natural corally red at tinted the tip of his ears. His glossy eyes and heart-shaped lips had to be your favorite feature of his, if not for his large, yet delicate hands, so gentle and soft.
You were deep in thought when you suddenly felt a hand creeping on your leg. Nimble fingers from behind, brushing up against the hem of your dress. From the corner of your eye, you saw an older man. He looked unkempt and scruffy, like a delinquent– but nothing like Heeseung. Heeseung looked much better than him.
The man reeked of cigarettes and musk. A nasty grin spread across his face as he peered down at your exposed legs. His hands creeped toward them again, now slightly pushing your dress up. Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip, your entire body stiffening. Your heart began to pound in your chest, your cheeks and skin feeling hot.
Panic overtook your system. Your once soft breaths became much shorter and quicker, inhaling and exhaling shallow air.
You’ve never been in a situation like this; you’d never wished, thought, or even considered something like this happening to you– why would you? You had no idea what to do, and were not at all prepared for this. The train was packed to the brim, this man was much bigger and stronger than you, and you did not know how to fight.
The hand moved past your skirt, now under it and directly in contact with your skin. The hand felt dirty, brushing against you. A small frantic whimper escaped your lips when the man’s hand squeezed your bare thigh. It was a small sound, barely audible in the vast bustle of the subway. However, someone did hear it.
Heeseung, doe-eyed and lost in his own world, immediately darted his eyes over to you the moment he heard a sound of discomfort.
When your eyes met, you could only signal helplessly. Your gaze was wide, pupils dilated, with fear and panic. Heeseung’s eyes narrowed, staring into your eyes for a moment before analyzing your expression. The way you were extremely tense and overwrought casted a sense of suspicion in his head, and your eyes that were seemingly pleading him made him think.
Help, your eyes said.
Heeseung’s dark eyes flickered from your face, to your entire body language, and back to your face, before he spotted a few, foreign fingers creeping around your leg area.
Your shifty eyes kept moving from Heeseung’s to the side, but now that he looked at it, it was like they were pointing behind you. And lo and behold, behind you was a musky pervert, who was shamelessly touching you.
“[Name]…” he whispered. His fists clenched, teeth gritting. He sucked in a deep breath, feeling anger build up in his stomach. You whimpered again in response. He brought a hand to ghost over your shoulder, pushing you very, very, gently to the side. “Move.”
He wound up his fist and sent the hardest punch he could muster to the man square in the jaw.
The man lurched back immediately, his hand moving far, far, away from you. A groan left his lips, his head being thrown back in pain. The man’s fall had pushed a few other people down as well. Other bystanders watched on in shock. Some took out their phones to record and take pictures, others to tell their friends.
You just stood still, leaning into Heeseung, whose fist was a faint red color. With a very careful hand, he brushed the lifted hem of your dress down, which had been messed with earlier.
The man quickly got up once he noticed the new and tense silence over the subway cart.
“Hey!” he shouted, pushing himself up from his downtrodden position. “You little punk, who the fuck do you think you-”
The train announcer called for the stop. Heeseung, ignoring the man, took your arm, pulling you out the door. Before he himself left, Heeseung landed a kick to the man’s crotch, muttering, “Fucking bastard.”
"W-Wait, Hee-!"
Heeseung was silent as the train doors opened, only pulling you along with him. When the two of you were far from the train, he finally stopped, turning to you.
"Are you okay?" was all he asked. You shifted uncomfortably at the thought of what happened earlier.
"Y-Yeah..." you played with the hem of his jacket sheepishly. "Thanks for what you did back there."
Heeseung jolted up at the mention. He didn't love using violence, despite his 'delinquent' reputation, especially in front of you. His hands joined yours at the hem of his jacket, shyly brushing up against yours.
"Next time," he began, beginning to play with the zipper, "I'll fight every person on that train so that you can sit."
You smiled softly. "You don't have to do that, Hee."
Heeseung slowly zipped up his jacket on you, meeting your eyes, before straightening out your collar.
"But I want to," he breathed. You gazed at him. His hands were still on the collar of the jacket, close to your face. You noticed the red smudges on his knuckles from punching the man on the train. You took that hand, opening it up, and nuzzling your cheek into it. You took his other hand. To Heeseung's surprise, you pressed soft kisses on his knuckles, rubbing them with your thumb.
"What are you..." his breath hitched when your eyes flickered to his, holding steady eye-contact.
You pressed one last kiss on his palm. "Thank you, Hee. Really."
"Of course, [Name]," he finally whispered. "Anything for you."
And so, your first date with Heeseung began.
The sweet scent of cinnamon and pastries hit your noses the moment you guys stepped into the Cinnamoroll Cafe. When you were seated, you took a look at the menu. So far, the date was going smoothly. Other than the run-in at the beginning, the chemistry between the two of you was sparking. The conversation was flowing, and if that already wasn't a dream come true, you kept touching Heeseung. On your end, you were practically vibrating in your seat with the sheer amount of excitement you had bubbling in you. You couldn't believe you were on a date with the Heeseung Lee sharing a strawberry banana parfait.
"Hee," you said, motioning him to come closer to you. He did, so you cupped his cheek, bringing your thumb up to wipe a stray piece of the parfait from his cheek.
"Oh-" Heeseung's face reddened. How embarrassing! Did you think he was a slob now? You only giggled, bringing both hands up to hold his face. You squished the boy's cheeks, laughing at the way his brows cutely crashed into each other.
"You're so cute, Hee," you said, playing with his cheeks. "The cutest."
That's all you, he thought. You're going to drive him crazy.
Or, at least he thought he thought.
Did he just say that out loud? Heeseung groaned when you threw your head back laughing, hiding his own face in your palms. You chuckled.
Feeling bold, you cupped his cheeks again. You leaned closer, holding his face close to yours. You kissed a soft and chaste kiss on his nose. You couldn't help the heat that rose to your cheeks as the boy flopped over the table, hiding his face in his arms. You ran your fingers through his hair comfortingly, cooing at his cuteness.
"You can't do this to me," Heeseung murmured.
You laughed. It wouldn't hurt to tease him a little more, right? You leaned down, giving the boy another kiss. This time, though, you kissed the top of his head.
"Hee, baby, you're just the cutest, you know that right?"
Heeseung combusted.
After the Cafe, Heeseung and you walked around the Hongdae Festival Street. By now, it was beginning to get darker outside, the air cooling down. It was cold, but to Heeseung, it was perfect, because now he had an excuse to hold your hand. As the two of you walked and talked, you enjoyed the sight of the lights and bustling street.
Suddenly, a new voice interrupted the two of you's conversation. Turning around, you saw two guys who looked around your age. They were holding a camera and a microphone.
"Hi!" they said, smiling. "We're interviewing couples in Hongdae, would you guys like to be in it? We’ll blur your faces."
Heeseung glanced your joined hands, then back at the two guys, then back at your hands, "O-Oh, we're not a coupl—"
You cut him off. "Of course, we'd love to!"
You flashed Heeseung a grin, squeezing his hand twice, almost as if to say, 'Just go with it.' His ears began to burn, his neck prickling with warmth, before clearing his throat. "Y-Yeah..." he squeezed your hand, "We'd love to."
The two guys cheered, turning on their camera. "All right, first question. How did you guys meet?"
"We went to middle school together," you were quick to answer. "I thought he was really cute, but we didn't start talking until this year."
You didn't know what the fuck you were saying. Was it risky to be so truthful for an internet interview, right in front of your long-time crush? Absolutely. But your heart was pounding so hard in your chest, simply waiting for Heeseung's response.
On the other hand, Heeseung's mind was in complete shambles. Were you telling the truth? The way you answered so smoothly with absolutely no hesitation made it almost seem natural.
"And you?" the interviewer asked. "What did you think about her when you first met?"
"I—" Heeseung's breath hitched. "I thought she was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen."
The way you glanced at him made Heeseung's heart feel like it was about to fall out. "I.. I still think that."
Your expression was unreadable, your lips pressing into a thin line. Then, a huge smile broke out on your face.
"Awww, Heeeee! I didn't know you thought about me like that!" You squeezed his hand again, and he squeezed it back.
"How long have you guys been together?" the interviewer asked.
"We just started dating!" You answered enthusiastically, a weird, surprised sound coming from Heeseung.
The rest of the interview went smoothly, with you mostly answering the questions. You quietly thanked the interviewers, and you and Heeseung were on your way.
Your words kept ringing in Heeseung's head.
Especially your answer to the question, "Why did you like him?"
You answered, "Because he's so perfect."
Heeseung? Perfect? He couldn't believe his ears! Were you telling the truth?
A calm silence fell over you and Heeseung as you walked the bustling streets of Hongdae. That question lingered in his mind, and before he knew it, his mouth was moving faster than his mind.
"Did you mean anything you said?"
His voice seemed to reverberate against the night air, ringing in his ears. You chewed on your lip. Then, you sucked in a sharp breath.
"Of course, Hee," you finally answered. "If it's you, I mean everything."
Heeseung sucked his bottom lip into his teeth, biting down so hard he drew blood. Once again, his hands found home on the hem of his jacket draped over you.
"Good." He couldn't meet your eyes, not with the knowledge that you meant everything you said. He forced his attention onto the hem of the leather jacket that you were wearing, too shy to look at you.
Heeseung only looked up when he felt your thumb pressing against his lip, eyes widening.
"Don't bite your lip too hard, Hee," you said, a smile in your voice. You thumb swiped against his lip, wiping off the small blotch of blood on it. "You'll bleed, and I'll have to kiss it better."
Heeseung's tongue darted out to swipe over his bleeding lip, brushing against your thumb. "What if I want you to kiss it better?"
"Well, then you better not keep me waiting."
His eyes flickered to your lips. He wanted to kiss them so bad. They looked so soft. What would they taste like? You liked strawberries— maybe they'd taste like that. When he didn't say or do anything, you changed the topic, unable to hide the disappointment in your face.
"Did you mean it?" You asked. "When you said that I was the most beautiful person you'd ever seen?"
"Oh my god, yes," Heeseung said under his breath, eyes still trained on your lips. "Always."
Another silence fell of you two, simply getting lost in each other's eyes. Maybe it was something in the Hongdae air, but Heeseung felt brave. His hand slithered to your waist, bringing you closer to him. When you slid your hands up his chest, resting them on his shoulders, Heeseung audibly gulped. Your faces inched closer and closer, until you could feel his breath against your cheek. You wanted to lean in and close the gap so bad. And you could tell that he wanted to, too.
Just as you were about to, however, the sound of a car honking and tires screeching interrupted you. Heeseung instinctively pulled away, his head whipping around to look at the commotion.
Oh hell no.
You were not going to let that stop you.
You snatched Heeseung's hand, before pulling him with you. You don't know how much you ran, or for how long, but you ran and ran until you found an empty alleyway.
You pushed him against the hard, concrete wall, a bit harsher than you expected too. Holding him by his shoulders, you put all your weight on him, caging him against the wall.
"You'd let me kiss you, right?" you rasped, out of breath.
Heeseung, also breathless, stared at you, lips parted.
"I thought I already said," he breathed, "Do whatever you want. You're pretty."
With that, you crashed your lips onto his. His lips were soft, a little chapped. It felt so surreal. The scent of his cologne made you feel dizzy. When you pulled away, it was evident that he was feeling the same as you were.
It was a chaste kiss, but the tension was so thick in the air. Somehow, that made it even more intimate.
"Wow..." was all Heeseung could utter. Under the moonlight, with you pressed up against him, you looked so goddamn pretty. Your face was illuminated with the pale light, making you look like an angel. Was he in heaven? Did he die yet? He wouldn't mind if he died right then and there, now that you (you!) kissed him. "Fuck, you're gonna kill me, [Name]."
"But you'd like it, right? Because I'm so pretty." The teasing tone in your voice would normally make Heeseung melt, but all he could do was grin.
"You know I would."
The rest of the night, you and Heeseung don't kiss anymore. Not because you guys didn't want to kiss, but because the adrenaline wore off, and now the both of you were shy. It was almost comical, the way both of you completely reverted back to your bashful and sheepish selves, barely able to make eye-contact with each other.
"Thank you for tonight, Hee," you hummed, as you and Heeseung walked to the train station, hand-in-hand. "I had a lot of fun."
He scanned your face. The slight curve on your lips (oh god, your lips, the way the corner of your lip had a smudge of lipstick from kissing him earlier —how badly he wanted to kiss them again) was contagious. "Of course. I had a lot of fun, too."
The train ride back was quiet. You eventually began dozing off, resting your head on his shoulder.
"You did what?!" was the collective reaction of both you and Heeseung's friends. After that Friday together, you called together all of your friends to your house, to spill the beans. Likewise, Heeseung forced every single one of his friends into his living room.
"Ouuu, you little flirt!" Yunjin exclaimed. Currently, Yunjin, Winter, Hitomi, Yuri, and Minju were seated on your bedroom floor, while you dramatically flopped around on your bed.
It was now that you explained to your friends your long-time crush on Heeseung, much to their pleasant surprise.
"And then what happened?" Minju asked, filing her finger-nails. "Did you profess your undying love for him?"
You groaned into your pillow. "I can't!"
"Why not?" Winter quirked a brow. "You guys literally kissed."
You let out another groan. "What if he doesn't like me like that?"
Your friends deadpanned.
Heeseung Lee didn't like you. He loved you. They would know better than anyone.
"[Name], honey, you're overthinking it," Yuri nudged you with her foot. "He gave you his jacket. I think that says enough."
"Well, what if I'm just getting ahead of myself and he's just being nice?"
"Girl..."
Heeseung had a similar reaction.
All of his friends stared at him like he just punched their grandmothers.
"You can't be serious right now, hyung..." Sunghoon said, pinching his nose-bridge.
All of his friends were piled onto one couch, while Heeseung laid out on the one across from them, almost like they were in a therapy session.
"What if she just thinks I'm a good friend?" Heeseung used his hands to speak, theatrically moving them.
"What makes you think that?" Sunoo asked incredulously.
Heeseung groaned. "[Name] tells Yuri Jo that she wants to marry her and they're good friends."
"Okay, and?"
"Well," Heeseung huffed. "What if [Name] kissed me because she sees me the same way that she sees Yuri?"
"Well, I'm good friends with Jungwon-hyung and I don't kiss him," Riki said matter-of-factly.
"Right..." Jungwon nodded his head slowly. "Hyung, do you really think a good friend would pin you against a wall and kiss you?"
"Do you think a good friend would kiss you three times and then call you cute like a bajillion other times?!" Jake chimed in.
"Let alone choose to keep your jacket?!" Jay sounded tired.
Heeseung clasped his hands together, thinking for a few moments.
"Yes."
All of his friends groaned in defeat.
"You're hopeless."
After a lot of urging and cross-communication between friend-groups, both of your friends managed to convince both you and Heeseung to confess to each other the next Monday.
"What if I faint the moment she says my name?" Heeseung catastrophized to Jay in the school bathroom.
"Uh, I doubt that, hyung."
Heeseung texted you to meet him under the stairwell, and that was when he was going to confess. On your end, the moment that he texted that, you decided that you'd confess to him then.
When the time came, Heeseung headed out to the stairwell. His hands were clammy, and even when he wiped him on his uniform pants, he couldn't stop the trembling of his hands. What if everyone was instilling false hope in him? Gosh, Heeseung thought he was going to throw up. His stomach was churning, he was going to collapse if he saw you right now—
"Hee?" Your voice broke him out of his internal spiral. Seemingly, there was a halo around you, a light so bright that Heeseung was blinded.
"H-Hi," he stammered, straightening out his posture and clearing his throat.
Your hands were clasped behind your back, leaning forward toward him. "You wanted to talk to me, yeah?"
Heeseung couldn't bring himself to meet your gaze, his shoes suddenly becoming interesting. "Y-Yeah..."
The hallway where the stairwell was located was beginning to feel stuffy. Heeseung had never felt so nervous in his life. He was light-headed, barely able to even balance himself.
"Hee," you reached out to touch his arm, noticing his discomfort. "Let's go outside, okay?"
Going outside should have helped him cool down, but when you shrugged on his leather jacket to combat the cool air, Heeseung realized that there was no way in hell that he was going to get through this confession without dropping dead.
The two of you walked around the school yard for a few minutes in silence.
How should he start this confession? He had Sunghoon and Jake write out a script for him, and he spent the entire night memorizing it, but now in your presence he couldn't remember a single word. Should he have written a letter like Yuri Jo? Heeseung couldn't possibly contain himself.
"Hee," you finally said, disrupting the silence. "I have something to tell you."
Heeseung's mind wandered to the worst case scenario.
You're going to tell him that you're moving across the world to marry the love of your life, aren't you? You're going to say that he's a great friend and that you just got a boyfriend, right?
No, he needed to tell you his feelings first! If he didn't now, he'd never, and he'd burst into a million pieces!
"M-Me too!" he blurted, stopping in his tracks.
You blinked at him, then smiled.
Oh, no! It's actually happening!
He could already hear your voice saying, "Hi, Heeseung, my boyfriend just proposed to me and you're invited to the wedding."
You sucked in a breath, parting your lips to speak.
He needed to tell you first! The little demons in his head kept replaying the scene of you asking him to be your groom of honor at your wedding with the love of your life next Saturday. He could hear the marriage officiant announcing, “I now pronounce you husband and wife” at your wedding, and he imagined himself sitting in that little wedding venue holding back tears.
Oh my god, he needed to say it now, or he'll never say it ever!
"Hee, I really--"
Heeseung cut you off. He squeezed his eyes shut, hands balling into fists.
"I like you, [Name]!" he yelled.
.
.
.
You stared at him in disbelief. Or were you flustered? Heeseung couldn't tell. With too much adrenaline in his veins, Heeseung threw away all the preparation and drafted scripts he and his friends made for this very moment.
"I-I.. I like you so much, I'm scared that I'm going to explode!" Heeseung continued shouting at you. He had no idea what he was saying. All he was doing was telling you the thoughts he'd had about you all this time. "You're so, so, so pretty and I can't believe that you're an actual, real, physical, person, and you make me feel so fucking stupid, I can't take it."
Your eyes were bulging out of your head at this point, your jaw dropped.
"I've never liked anyone like I've liked you, a-and I just wanted to tell you this before you... you go off with someone else!"
Heeseung kept his eyes shut when he was done confessing, letting out a labored breath. There was no way that he could face you. The silence that fell over the two of you made Heeseung's heart sink to the bottom of his stomach. He squeezed his eyes in embarrassment. He gripped the hem of his shirt to relieve the bubbling anxiety inside him. Gosh, he was going to puke.
After a few moments, nothing happened. You didn't say a word. Did you just leave him there standing? Of course, you did. You were probably too kind and angelic to outright reject him. He was a fool to think that he had a chance with you—
Heeseung heard footsteps, and before he could react, he felt a pair of lips on his.
His eyes shot open.
You.
Were.
Kissing.
Him.
!!!
After he confessed!
Poor boy was so stiff, eyes wide.
Did that mean you liked him back?
You pulled away.
Usually, you had a reassuring smile on your face by default. Even during times where you were embarrassed, you almost never showed it on your face.
But this time, your entire face was painted with a flustered expression. Your cute lips jutted out in a mini pout, while your eyes were glued to the ground, avoiding his gaze.
A few pulses passed.
"I... I like you, too... by the way," you murmured.
Another few pulses passed.
You. Liked. Him.
Nonononono wait, was he dreaming?
You.
YOU.
The beautiful, angelic you.
Liked him.
Without thinking, Heeseung stepped forward, gently grabbing your face.
"You're real, right?" he breathed. When glossy eyes stared back at him, Heeseung felt warmth spread across his chest. Your lips looked so appealing right now, he was craving them again. "I'm not dreaming, yeah?"
You blinked at him a few times. The corners of your lips quirked upward.
"Why, because I'm 'so pretty that you can't believe I'm real?' " your voice had a teasing tone in it, referencing his earlier confession. Heeseung chuckled, letting go of your face so that he could slide his hands to where they belonged: around your waist.
"Just kiss me," he mumbled, looking at you with lidded eyes.
You grinned. "Gladly."
With that, you smashed your lips onto his. Instead of the chaste, soft, kisses that you shared earlier, this one was different. You shoved your tongue into Heeseung's mouth, exploring all its crevices. Poor boy was so surprised that he squeezed your waist, letting out a small whine. The feeling of you smirking against his lips gave him butterflies.
You finally pulled away breathless, but gave him no time to breathe. You grasped his chin, giving you easy control.
"You drive me so crazy," he murmured against the shell of your ear.
You pressed a kiss at the juncture between his neck and ear. "I drive you crazy?" you cocked your brow.
"You," you muttered. You began pressing kisses down his jaw.
“Drive.”
Kiss.
“Me.”
Kiss.
“So-”
Kiss.
"Fucking-"
Kiss.
"Crazy."
Before you could pounce on him with more kisses, Heeseung, red in the face, flopped over you, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. He let out a cute groan.
"What, are you getting shy on me?" you teased him, running your fingers through his hair. He shook his head against your shoulder, making you coo.
"I can't believe you like me back, that's all," he mumbled, muffled by your shoulder.
You laughed. "How? I feel like I was so obvious."
Heeseung looked up at you with pink cheeks, frowning. "You don't even want to know how hopelessly in love with you I was."
You quirked a brow at him.
"Yeah?" You pecked his forehead. "Try me."
Heeseung let out a breathy chuckle. He attacked your lips.
"How about I show you?"
FIN.
likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated :)
LATTE HEARTS ⬭ SIM JAEYUN
𝗦𝗢𝗠𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗜𝗢─────────𝗒𝗈𝗎’𝗅𝗅 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝖻𝖾 𝗃𝖺𝗄𝖾’𝗌 𝖿𝖺𝗏𝗈𝗋𝗂𝗍𝖾 𝖼𝗎𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗋
❪ 𝖠𝖬𝖮𝖱𝖤 ❫ ｡ 𝖻𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗌𝗍𝖺!𝗃𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝗑 𝖿!𝗋 835 𖥔 𝖿𝗅𝗎𝖿𝖿 𝗉𝗋𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉 ━━━ 𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝖿𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝗌𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉 愛
스루 ܃ for @yuons as a late bday gift ! flustered jake cause i love you the most :3
𝗋𝖾𝖻𝗅𝗈𝗀𝗌 ꣑꣒ 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝖽𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄𝗌 𝗉𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗌𝖾
“so how do you draw these heart shapes on lattes?”
it’s a genuine question. maybe. or maybe it’s the lighting—the soft, golden glow of the café’s overhead bulbs making your eyes sparkle when you look at jake.
he stumbles a little, just a fraction, nearly forgetting the steaming jug of milk in his hand. a few droplets spill over the edge, and he steadies himself right on time before he does something absolutely humiliating, like dropping the whole thing.
you notice. of course, you do.
“you okay there?” your voice is teasing, lips quirking up at the corners.
jake clears his throat, setting the milk down with what he hopes is effortless coolness. “yeah! totally fine. great, even.”
you hum, unconvinced. but you don’t push, instead resting your chin on your palm, elbow propped on the counter as you watch him.
it’s late. the café is empty, save for the two of you. the doors are flipped to closed, chairs stacked on tables, the hum of the espresso machine the only sound filling the space. jake should be wiping down counters, finishing up for the night. but instead, he's here, making you one last latte.
not because you asked. because he offered.
“okay,” he says, forcing himself to focus. “latte hearts. right. first, you start pouring from higher up—like this—so the milk blends into the espresso. then, when it’s nearly full, you bring it lower and kinda... wiggle it to make the shape.”
you blink. “wiggle it?”
“yes, wiggle it. this is an advanced technique, y/n, don’t mock me.”
you grin. “so this is how you impress girls, huh? latte art and coffee shop charm?”
jake chokes on air.
“i—what?” he sputters.
“oh, come on,”you say, tilting your head. “you’ve got the whole cute barista with perfect hair and a pretty smile thing going on. and you flirt with everyone—i’ve seen it.”
he gapes at you. “i do not—”
“you so do,” you counter, smirking. then, a pause. a shift. your voice softens just a little as you add, “so tell me, jake. do you give every girl latte hearts, or am i just special?”
oh.
oh, he is so done for.
jake grips the milk jug a little tighter, steadying himself. he could play it off, laugh it away like he always does. but something about the way you're looking at him, like you already know the answer, makes him decide on something bolder.
he finishes the pour, the heart shape forming perfectly on the surface of the coffee, and slides the cup toward you.
“considering i just made this one after closing hours, for free,” he says, smirking, “i’d say you’re pretty damn special.”
you blink, eyes flickering between him and the cup. then, slowly, you pick it up and take a sip.
and that’s when jake sees it.
the tiniest bit of foam, clinging to your upper lip.
his brain short-circuits.
because you, completely unaware, are licking your lips slightly, and it’s not helping, and jake knows he should just tell you—hey, you’ve got a little something right there—but instead, his body moves on autopilot.
he reaches forward, thumb grazing over your lip, wiping the foam away in one slow, easy motion.
you freeze.
jake doesn’t move either. his hand hovers for a second too long, thumb still tingling from the contact.
“oh,” you say, voice quieter now.
his lips twitch. “oh?”
your gaze flickers to his, and there’s something different in your expression—something playful, something dangerous.
“just thinking,” you murmur, leaning in slightly, a dangerous smirk on your face, “if you do this for all your customers, or if this is part of my special treatment too.”
jake huffs out a laugh, dropping his hand but not stepping back.
“y/n,” he says, voice low, “it this was really special treatment…” he grabs a marker from the counter, scribbles something on your cup sleeve, and slides it back to you.
you glance down.
dinner tomorrow? yes and no. with two little boxes beside them.
your heart skips.
slowly, you uncap the marker, eyes locked on his the entire time, and check the box.
yes.
jake grins, leaning against the counter, impossibly close.
“good choice.”
before he can step away, before he can fully let himself process the situation, you suddenly lean in and press a quick, featherlight kiss against his cheek.
jake almost malfunctions.
his brain goes blank. his face heats up instantly, warmth blooming from where your lips had just been. he barely registers the way you pull back, smiling like you just did not ruin him in the span of a second.
“thanks for the coffee, jake,” you murmur, fingers lightly tapping the cup as you get up from your seat.
jake is still frozen in place.
you laugh, stepping backward toward the door. “don’t be late for our date tomorrow.”
and then, with a final wink, you’re gone.
jake just stands there, heart pounding, hand slowly coming up to touch his cheek.
he is so screwed.
© BYWONS, 2025 / do not copy or repost without permission
taglist────open nets @/k-labels @k-films @kflixnet
⌗ 𝐄𝐍- 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐒/𝐎 𝐈𝐒 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃 𝐍𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐒 !
pairing: bf!en- x gn!reader | genre: fluff, angst | cw: mentions of loud noises, pet names, crying — mostly fluff | wc: 590
໒ ✿ HEESEUNG: ꒱
his initial instinct upon seeing you being scared of or surprised by the loud noise(s) is to take a hold of your hands. he looks into your eyes for any sense of discomfort and when you tell him that you don’t do so well with loud noises, he immediately coos at you. telling you that’s he so sorry it bothers you :( this boy just wants to rubs your back while trying to calm you down, letting you rest your head on his shoulder in the meantime.
“you’ll be okay y/n, deep breaths sweetheart.”
໒ ✿ JAY: ꒱
the way jay’s protectiveness kicks in upon seeing you all upset is just so reassuring. he pulls you by your arms and has you lay sideways on your couch with your head rested on his chest. he whispers sweet nothings in your ear while caressing your face and tells you that everything is going to be okay while you calmly drift off to sleep. the noise that had scared you prior no longer in your train of thought.
“i’m here now baby, it’s alright.”
໒ ✿ JAKE: ꒱
this angel of a boy just knows exactly how you’re feeling and engulfs you in his arms. your head tucked under his chin as you let out a couple of tears because of how the noise made you feel. jake rocks both his and yours bodies side to side to help your sensitivity subside a bit. after a couple of minutes of peaceful silence, he lifts your head up and kisses your forehead. his eyes brightening at the small smile that forms on your face.
“i’m glad you’re feeling better now, my love.”
໒ ✿ SUNGHOON: ꒱
i do feel like sunghoon might be a bit confused at your reaction at first, but he quickly catches on. you call out for him and grab onto his shirt while crying a bit. hoon knew you hated being overwhelmed with noises — especially loud ones; so he peppers kisses all over your face. kissing all your tears away while you laugh at his sweet antics.
“let it all out darling, i’m here.”
໒ ✿ SUNOO: ꒱
the way sunoo is soso comforting makes me all gushy inside. so sweet to you, it’s insane. he takes both of your hands and leaves kisses over them both constantly as you sniffle in his arms. he holds you so tight and plays with your hair as you leave a couple of pecks onto his cheeks as a wordless but considerate ‘thank you.’
“it’ll be okay, lovely. not leaving you ever.”
໒ ✿ JUNGWON: ꒱
jungwon is very mature and great at handling you in situations like these. that’s why when he hears you whimper a bit because of the noise, he wraps his hands around your waist and tells you to breathe. after you’ve calmed down, he urges you to hydrate yourself. after you’re back to normal, won cuddles you as if it’s the last time he’d ever be able to do so.
“come on bubs, just a sip. and then we can go nap, yeah?”
໒ ✿ RIKI: ꒱
tbh he is so confused at first like he kind of laughs at your reaction because he thinks you’re faking it (?). but when you look at him with teary eyes he feels so bad. immediately pulling you into his lap as he kisses the side of your face. and when you tell him about how the noise made you feel super overwhelmed, he takes note of this for next time and plays with your hands as you fall asleep in his arms.
“i’m so sorry, y/n. i love you so much. come on, tell me how you’re feeling.”
© jakeyuni 2022. all rights reserved.
sounds of hyunjin.
in which hyunjin comes home to you after a long day. very fluffy and soft (everyone pls act surprised) and how i missed writing for hyune;;; (blue silk shirt hyunjin makes a fleeting appearance i couldnt help myself)
this is dedicated to @hyunverse because she matches my hyunjin freak! and GO WISH HER A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love you angel :p
It’s a few minutes past midnight when Hyunjin finally returns home to you. For the past two hours, you’ve been in bed, your head buried in your book of the month. But as you hear the distinctive jingle of Hyunjin’s keys, the words on the pages blur and fade. Your heart forgets the names of the characters you’ve been reading about, leaving only two syllables lingering at the edge of your thoughts—Hyunjin.
“Angel,” he whispers as soon as his eyes land on you, his voice barely audible. There’s a palpable relief in his tone, one you recognize instantly. Perhaps you have memorized the different shades of his voice more intimately than your own.
“My love,” you reply, and you know he catches the possessiveness in this specific nickname. Outside, he’s everyone’s to admire and adore, but here, in the sanctuary of your bedroom, he’s only yours—to gaze upon, to hold and to love.
He doesn’t leave you time to fully admire his silky blue shirt and how it contrasts perfectly against his honey-dipped skin. Instead, he’s quick to lay beside you, his head nestled in the crook of your neck, his ponytail tickling your bare skin. He smells of roses and faint, familiar hints of your shampoo.
“I missed you,” he mumbles, his breath rippling across your skin like stones skipping on a river. You tighten your hold on his body, closer, not close enough. Never close enough.
“I missed you more,” you say, and a sigh long caged in your heart finally escapes at his proximity. Hyunjin’s absence always feels like a heavyweight atop your soul, bricks upon bricks that he can dispel with just one sight of his star-laden eyes.
“How was your day?” he asks, his chin settling on your chest. You smile softly, gently unraveling his ponytail as you reply, “It was nice. I finally had time to read my book. What about you?”
“It was good,” he grins, his smile widening as he adds, “It’s better now that I’m here with you.” His familiar crescent eyes unfurl like full blooms— it’s been three years and yet the sight of his smile still makes you blush like a crimson sunset.
You remain quiet, your fingers gently massaging his scalp, trailing up and down the nape of his neck. He relaxes fully in your hold, eyes closed, cheek pressed against your stomach. A lump forms in your throat at how safe he seems in your embrace, how he so willingly hands you the reins of his being.
“Baby,” you giggle faintly, “you need to get changed or you’ll end up falling asleep.”
“I don’t want to,” he shakes his head, wrapping his arms around your waist. “I feel good here.”
“You’ll feel better after a shower.”
“Only if you’re showering with me,” he grins mischievously, and you giggle, playfully bopping his nose.
“I already showered. Just go, I’ll wait for you.”
Hyunjin nods, lifting himself from above you, yet his hands linger on either side of your body, hovering like a gentle shield. “I missed you,” he whispers before his lips press softly against yours. They don’t move right away; they simply rest there, savoring the taste of one another and the sweetness that his presence infuses every instant.
Your hand finds his jaw, drawing him closer. “Missed you,” you murmur against his lips, and he smiles, pulling away slightly, his nose grazing gently against yours.
A quiet fifteen minutes unfold as you remain curled in bed, eyes closed, absorbing the sounds of Hyunjin— the water running quietly in the shower, his gentle whistling weaving through the melodies in his mind, his quiet yelp as what you assume is your shampoo falling on his feet. You trace his movements through the dim light as he emerges from the shower, a towel draped around his waist, droplets of water cascading down his v-line in a dance you’ve long memorized.
There is something profoundly intimate that curls and tightens within your heart as you simply watch him follow his nightly routine— as he applies lotion to his face, followed by his (your) favorite essence, as his fingers glide gently through his hair before he layers his black strands with his serum.
You’ve missed the serenity of witnessing Hyunjin in these moments, in his most unguarded, ordinary form, donning checkered beige pajamas that match with your own.
As soon as he’s done, he’s quick to climb into the bed, immediately bringing your body to his. There are many words lodged within your throat as you feel his heartbeat resonate within your soul— how existing with him is the joy of your life, how your house only comes alive when he’s in it.
He seems to sense your unspoken confessions as he leans back, gently tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I feel as though a piece of my soul was written in the lines of your being,” he whispers, and your breath falters in your throat. “When I’m away, I can always feel something missing, my heart pulsating with a void.”
His thumb glides softly over your cheekbones before his warm palm cradles your face. “But when you are near, every thought in my mind quiets down. It’s like my heart recognizes you, knows you, has learned you.”
His voice is tender, flowing like honey into your ears, wrapping you in the soothing warmth of green tea late into the night. You find peace in your love for Hyunjin, you feel safe inscribing your heart with his name.
“I love you,” you murmur, before pressing your lips to his once more. Your mouth parts only to meet again, too eager to reunite like long-lost lovers, to taste his love for you once more.
It’s only a few minutes past five a.m. when you both finally fall asleep.
…
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