Just A Bunch Of Silly Doodles

recently someone rolled their eyes and told me everyone's neurodivergent these days. i once spent 5 hours zoned out staring at my new wallpaper slowly peeling off the wall. i was too burned out to get up and fix it but it was bothering me so i couldn't leave it, either. i just sat there and watched the paper crawl downwards.

that whole time i was thinking about how fucked up the show danny phantom is because i think the kid might have actually died? or is a lich? or maybe exists in a limbo between two worlds? he was just 14! does he ever get to actually pass on? did his particles fry?

the wallpaper remained half-peeled for 3 weeks. also, i have only seen like 3 episodes of danny phantom.

something my therapist and i have talked a lot about is that kids with mental illness and/or neurodivergence almost always know, even before the diagnosis. we just know. we can tell there's something ... different about us. i don't know how to explain it. a sense of displacement, of alienation. like everyone else is getting secret, important messages - and we just can't. like the floor is a laser grid, and everyone else is a gymnast, and we can't even see where the heat is coming from; only feel it cut off the parts of our life that someone-else would have had easy access to.

cut off like how danny died(?) in the portal, i mean. its like you become... not a person, but not a corpse. something like that changes you.

i thought i was possessed. real-life full-of-demons possessed. it was the way i was raised. there was no other explanation for it, because i did the math - i saw how people talked about neurodivergence, and i was at-once "not bad enough" and also "too broken." therefore (obviously) i had let an evil spirit into my body. i guess that's kind of like danny phantom too?

i keep thinking about how when people are experiencing mental pain, they often secretly wish something horrible would happen to them, just for the "excuse". depression and anxiety are some of the more common mental illnesses, so they're treated like a small wound. like if you slap a bandaid on the situation, that person will just-pull-through. they are not seen as life-altering, much less life-threatening. they're a minor inconvenience, like needing glasses or being unable to process dairy. everyone is depressed. being neurodivergent these days is kind of the same.

if everyone is special, nobody is. it's kind of annoying, because - if it's true so many of us exist like this, why not make the world a better place for us? why not have more access to things like affordable testing, learning centers, and outreach programs? why not make adult life more manageable for those of us still struggling? why not acknowledge that adhd medication has been scarce for a while now, and that it is absolutely horrible that it's forcing thousands of people into a sudden and non-prescribed withdrawal? if there's nothing really different about us - why isn't the world shaped to fit us? why would we have to "just get over it"?

and why did his parents even have a death tube in their basement to begin with? the kid is obviously intelligent, just tell him "hey, this is a death tube, it's got death inside of it." maybe put a sign up. or safety railings! that shit was obviously not osha-compliant.

in the show, they frame it as danny's mistake, and then he has to deal with the consequences.

i haven't been able to eat anything but my safe foods in weeks. in my monthly "check in" meeting with my boss, he said - you just seem distractable. like, easily. there are no guardrails on my life. either i keep myself in a stranglehold of perpetual control, or it dissolves in the rain. it's a joke with my friends - well, you know her. she'll forget. it's a joke, and it's funny, and i'm laughing. my boss wrinkles his brow. you're a perfect worker, but you miss that 5%.

it would be nice if everyone did understand, is the thing.

This meme #yoohankim 🤩

please dear lord this cannot be happening 😭😭😭😭😭

BITCH -

soooo the new bailu theories based on the new lore from scalegorge waterscape are actually making me go insane

I love Mistystar so much. In a world filled with representation of Stereotypical Conservative Grandparent, Mistystar represents all those grandparents who are like. So close. They tell you all these stories of the Horrors they lived through and how that spurred their incredible political activism, and there's so much that the two of you agree on. They're a breath of fresh air at family gatherings because you know that if things turn to Politics, you won't be out here alone against all your conservative kin. But. She just can never take that extra step! She's Meemaw Fascist Murderer, but things like criticizing capitalism are off limits! And you just wish you could shake her and be like come on! You're constantly on the edge of this huge political epiphany, Meemaw! Come with me! And then. Some days. She comes home and is like "You know, my friend said something about [insert insane conservative talking point], and I think she might have a point" and you just want to scream! Meemaw NO! (G-d I hope this is a relatable experience)

It ABSOLUTELY is relatable lmaooo, I've been there in the trenches with you, Nonnie. It is such a unique kind of stress when you have an older family member like that just teeter-tottering on the edge of ONE extra step foward and they DONT TAKE IT

You can file the worst members of your family under "Objective: SURVIVE" and it gives you so much more of a shield against them. You expect dumb shit from Uncle Fungleblock, the Republican Elf, never to the point where it stops hurting, but to the point that you're prepared for the fight.

But nothing prepares you for Meemaw suddenly not having your back when you needed her, because she's genuinely considering that talking point from her friend.

So now you're using the Measured Meemaw Tone, trying to legitimately address her argument the way that sometimes soothing the horse can make it drink, while Fungleblock is casting Racism Fireball at you and you can FEEL his Slur Cooldown ticking away.

You think back to everything she's been through, how gutwrenching her stories are, the things she's experienced, violence and bigotry she's WITNESSED changing over the course of her own life... but on some level, it's as if she's stuck believing that progress is just about fighting The Bad People, or making an argument convincing enough that the good guys win fair and square, and she's gotten as old as she is because she has a support network that your allies may not.

So she never really will truly protect you from Fungleblock himself as long as he behaves just enough. She helps but she isn't your hero. And she'll still keep falling into bigoted traps, because she never will crack that nut and realize the difference between racist stereotypes and material conditions.

Love, pride, and disappointment. How do you hold them all at once? You just let them swirl as they please.

In my experience, at least, lmao. But hey, my own personal Fungleblock threw himself out of Thanksgiving with a tantrum so. Life is good B)

cumplane au

Fuck it. So many of you asked for this so I’m delivering. English Willy part 2. Enjoy

(part 1)

Smooth Reddit to Tumblr integration event.

i cannot stop thinking about the scene where peter b turns around like he just realized miguel is genuinely insane it is so funny

like ohhhhh. okay. yeah he’s gonna maim that 15 year old.