“I Can’t Tell You Exactly What I’m Looking For, But I’ll Know It When It Happens. I Want To Be

INTJs doomed by design?

stlsrr submitted: Hello, Harsh title i know, but its the best to describe what im about to express.  Its not long ago i found out about my INTJ character, though to my surprise it explained a lot!  The way i acted and reacted to specific situations, my love for solitude,  not much talking etc… you probably are aware of these things. But its the first time I was justified by knowing that. The reason was  simply, that when you are the ONLY one to act differently (not akward) and EVERY single person you know to judge  you and turn against what you are you begin to doubt your self and your ways. Though that is very painful  thing to do because deep in you you know you are acting in a “correct” way that asides morality and happines of your self. INTJs love to have it rough, indeed we adore challenge, but this is something way different.  Despite i dont wish to write about me self rather to express my ideas i have to say that my life the past few years been … lets just say not to pretty.  Both my actions and my luck costed me and made me lose a lot.  Thought that’s one of my biggest debates as an INTJ.  Did i brought it upon my self or just people behaviors did? In other words cant an INTJ ever avoid this presure about their “inner be”   I havent met any other INTJ , the closest i got is an ENTJ ( a Godsent gift!!!) , and because of that i havent the slightest idea  how other INTJs deal with their lives.  Me , as an INTJ tend to have most of the characterists that make a person of that temperament to be jugded as wierd, loner, sarcastic, selfish and many more, but i Never let that to take me down.  There were many times i trully wanted to give in my nature and be sarcastic, snobbish, through my ingenius ways i could be extremly evil and revengeful. But i withhold my self. Due to my  evolved  sensing and feeling  I wanted to like people, to respect, appreciate and accept them for what they are. I was by their side in their darkest hours, i was always looking for the goodness in them… 

I’m not sure if that was a mistake but defently people never apreciated the efford  and value i gave em.   I never asked and gotten nothing in return rather a cold and unfair behavior by them.  I dont know what caused that and i dont know who to blame, but i all  know is that it made me more cold and less expressive. After two years of extreme conditions i was tired to withhold over and over again and again…  I wasnt aware of how i could reacted through a very negative perspective on life.  Long story short very outraging. I started to defend my self againt others will to change me.  Are INTJs so … violent as in terms of self preservation ? That time i figured that not only people were afraid of me and started to respect me but as well i met my capabilities, something that made me afraid of living through a negative side. So my points out of all the above are:  Do INTJs have it rough in their lives? and if so how should they react? Respect towrds others? Or their selves?  ( I believe both isnt an acceptable anwser as we are people of edges, the is no shades of grey in our lives, just black and white)  Should an INTJ show compassion and patience for what  people are or simply people brought it to them selves (Our reaction to their actions)?  For the same as we INTJs want to be accepted as we are ,  i believe we should show some but… im out of alternatives, they just dont accept us.  And as the title suggest are INTJs doomed by design?  How can a person thats destined to see and fix mistakes to ever find peace and happiness in such a flawed world?   Thanks for reading and thanks for any kind of reply. 

Bonds are burdensome.

They are what makes life worth living,

albeit the feeling of burdening someone else with your own emotions or lack thereof obliges you to take a step back or running away on a 180 degree path in comparison to the one you’re on at that moment.

You begin craving that loneliness that picked at your heart every night,the one that made you cry your own blood since tears did not hurt enough.

I want to turn back in time,or keep being the myself i knew before giving out pieces of it to others.

Opening up is not much of a good decision sometimes,or easy to accomplish either.

Everything just hurts.

It’s overwhelming.

It’s flooding my well.

Oh wait—

how long has it been since my well last had a shape?

What is happening around me?

What am I?

“Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment. Which is pretty amazing, when you actually think about it.”

— Sarah Dessen

I found this on Pinterest and am crying for some reason-

I’m Not/I Am

I’m Not…

I’m not the girl who would tie your tongue.

I’m not the girl who turns your head.

I’m not the girl you’d ask to prom

Or even on a date.

I’m not the girl who likes frills and lace.

I’m not the girl who’d be flirty or flighty.

I’m not the girl who you would daydream about.

I’m not the girl who everyone sees,

The one who beams beauty, radiance, and so carefree.

I’m not the one to be in the foreground.

I’m not visible to anyone.

I Am…

I am the girl you’d pass in the halls,

Who’d probably like you from afar, but never say a word.

I am the girl who’d sketch or write,

My words never reaching your heart or eyes.

I’m the girl who stands in the rain

That mixes with her tears and drowns out her cries.

I am the girl who is always the second choice.

Why on earth would I ever be the first?

I am the girl some would torment

Because I’m different and hide in the background.

I’m the girl that’s invisible to you.

The one you’d never remember until we meet again.

The scariest part of a depressive episode isn't crying due to the intense sadness and pain, but when you can't.

Art by Claralieu

“Why? Why does what was beautiful suddenly shatter in hindsight because it concealed dark truths? Why does the memory of years of happy marriage turn to gall when our partner is revealed to have had a lover all those years? Because such a situation makes it impossible to be happy? But we were happy! Sometimes the memory of happiness cannot stay true because it ended unhappily. Because happiness is only real if it lasts forever? Because things always end painfully if they contained pain, conscious or unconscious, all along? But what is unconscious, unrecognized pain?” 

 The Reader // Bernhard Schlink

05/28/2021

Fear and excitement.

Greatest oxymoron to have ever lived inside of me.

There is such a lack of balance in my soul,emotions seem to be extending their roots further and further in that which is my tangible existence.

A grandiose future awaits me,every cell in my body and every sliver of my being seems to be propelling themselves so as to reach the right spot in time.

It feels preternatural,as if what life made me go through is not anywhere near describable as pain,it is no more than the path i had to go down to in order to achieve my current standing.

I am no more than myself,thus I am all there is to live.

On Suffering

It seems evident to me that all living creatures must, in some form or another, suffer. So ubiquitous is the evidence for this, that I am forced to believe that the ability to suffer is a requirement for life. Even the most basic life forms who have no mind or complex thought to speak of are able to feel or experience discomfort. This, I presume, is a necessity to ensure the continuation of the individual and of the entirety of life. The modern scientific definition of life is quite in agreement with this, in that it recognizes that for a something to be termed alive it must respond to external stimuli, pursuing that which promotes its well being and avoiding that which has an opposite effect. 

The complexity of a species, or of a being, determines the complexity of its problems. The most basic of life also has the most basic of needs and adversities. Our species, like all others, began with the simple task of surviving, procreating, and expanding. Harsh climates forced us to create clothes, hunger transformed us into better hunters, gatherers, and eventually cultivators. We learned and adapted but our problems did not disappear, they were only replaced. As society began and grew, so too did many new issues as a result. As we learn to solve those and in so doing manage to progress our way of life, new challenges arise creating a constant need for improvement. All life follows this pattern. Certain struggles are presented and life must either adapt or perish, and, in the case of the former, what follows are brand new challenges equal in complexity to the new and improved life. Following this mode of thinking, it becomes clear that our modern way of life, indeed all of human greatness, is only a direct result of constant adversity and our attempt to overcome it. 

In this way, it may be said that all of life has been leading to us now. That many of our comforts, luxuries, and joys are the result of countless others who underwent more basic struggles than ourselves. And so we believe that suffering is a necessity for life and as such cannot be called evil or wrong in any inherent manner. If it has been through adversity that life has progressed as it has, then the true evil is found not in suffering but in suffering pointlessly. And since suffering is indispensable to life and its forward progress, then it must be that insofar as suffering may be called evil, it simultaneously represents an equal good found in the potential for improvement and the bettering of life.

“Nobody knows as yet what is normal. We only know what is customary.”

- Dr. Harry Benjamin

Spoiler alert: there IS no “normal.” There is: common, typical, etc. Normal is a judgment and a social control mechanism.