Sometimes I Feel Like I Am In A Bathtub Filling Up Faster Than I Can Drain It. And Lately, The Drain

“Nobody knows as yet what is normal. We only know what is customary.”

- Dr. Harry Benjamin

Spoiler alert: there IS no “normal.” There is: common, typical, etc. Normal is a judgment and a social control mechanism. 

damn baby you are beyond mortal comprehension, wanna make me insane?

You take in the image; the bed that I sit in is a throne of safety. Your eyes are disappointed. Mine are enthralled. You ask, "what's the matter?" I tell you, "you know." You ask, "what can I do?" I tell you, "you know." The crescendo of metal from the chair excites me, and you are on your knees begging, "what can I do?" I rest my palm on your sweat soaked crown, and my final response - "you need to get your shit together." The echo of your cries mix with my empty laughter as the wolves remove you. It is followed by silence broken only by the dull dripping sound of saline against nylon. Ah, it's time for meal number five.

January 19, 2021

“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.”

— Mitch Albom

Feel fear? Feel sadness? Feel lonely or wounded? If you can turn it into rage, you can use it as fuel. Get mad and you’ll get up in the morning.

But somehow I’ve become a person who speaks sharply to everyone around her. Who wants to scream at children, then break down in tears. Whose rage is always written on her face.

You’re one of the angriest people I know.

Anger is part of the engine that makes things happen, but it’s savage and dangerous. It also burns things down.

I never meant to turn that girl into a forest fire.

— Molly McCully Brown, from “What We Are,” Places I’ve Taken My Body

“The moon is a loyal companion. It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human. Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections.”

— Tahereh Mafi, Shatter Me

“Sometimes letting go is the only way to find out who you’re meant to hold on to.”

— J. Sterling, The Perfect Game

girl you look like you drop common loot when defeated

“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”

— Roy Croft

You’re smiling at me like the gate is closed and there’s nowhere for me to go.

You’re smiling like I still want you

through all the slurring, the blurring of your addiction and the cold, long winter of your silence.

You’re smiling like we’re living a party, baby and my eyes aren’t on that neon exit.

You’re smiling like I’m a boomerang, destined to circle back right into your hand

to relive that experience.

Your biggest insult to me.

— s. lee { x }