You Know What Kills Me? Artificial Flavors. The Notion That Somewhere, Sometime, There Was A Rogue Blue

You know what kills me? Artificial flavors. The notion that somewhere, sometime, there was a rogue blue raspberry. I’ve never seen this fictitious blue raspberry. I have no idea what a blue raspberry should taste like. I know what blue raspberry candy tastes like.

How about apple? Watermelon? Grape? Grape flavored cough syrup? More like fake Concord grape abomination. Yet we accept that this is what they represent. No one believes that watermelon candy actually tastes like watermelon, but if you blindfolded someone and had them eat some, they’d say it was watermelon.

H O W ? ? ?

“Hey, Menah-Tal, I got some candy in a package from home. Do you want to try some?”

Menah-Tal took the bright yellow wrapped candy from Brett. He started to put it in his mouth before Brett stopped him.

“Unwrap it first. There’s a joke on here too - eh, it wouldn’t make sense.”

Menah-Tal gingerly “unwrapped” the candy and took the sticky substance out. These humans. How do they tell what is edible and what isn’t? Menah-Tal watched wistfully as Brett put the tasty-looking wrapper in garbage receptacle. Menah-Tal put the candy in his mouth and sucked on it thoughtfully.

“What is this supposed to taste like on your world, Brett?”

“Banana.”

“Ah.” Menah-Tal continued to suck sagely. “So that’s what ‘banana’ tastes like.”

“Well, it doesn’t actually taste like banana.”

Menah-Tal blinked his three eyes slowly. Why. Why is everything so complicated.

“We had a banana crisis back in the fifties. The banana flavor you’re tasting is modeled after an extinct variety. The only kind we have now doesn’t taste much like that at all.”

Menah-Tal struggled to open his mouth now that the candy had cemented itself around his teeth.

“So your kind has a sweet substance that they eat for enjoyment that is flavored to taste like an extinct fruit?”

Brett shrugged.

“Yup.”

Menah-Tal licked his finger.

“Sounds about right.”