Happy New Year, Everyone!

Esmerelda Weatherwax is literature's greatest Witch. And it is not even a little close.

What other Witch could so shrewdly bend the very story she was in to her will? To take the tropes and clichés and to weaponize them against those who were wrong in defense of those who could not defend themselves?

What other Witch, when faced with the Good Fairy Godmother, would rip the story from her very fingers and set things to right?

What other Witch, under vampiric assault, could turn the famous bite around and, instead of becoming a vampire herself, through force of sheer will Weatherwax the vampire? What does that even mean?

What other Witch could give a child a gift so powerful it would override narrative convention and let the long lost prince refuse to take his rightful crown in favor of pursuing his dreams?

Indeed, what other Witch would resist the crown when it fell into her lap?

There have been untold millions of Witches in literature, but not a one of them could sit demurely at a social gathering, doing absolutely nothing, and drive everyone around her to near insanity through sheer nervousness?

No one else could be so proficient at both Magic and People that she would barely need or want to use the former because of how effective and predictable the latter could be.

And all of this, ALL of this, while going against her own narrative nature as 'The Bad Witch'. To resist your own role in the story so completely that you transcend expectations and settle into legend as one of the ultimate forces of righteousness on the Disc? That requires more power, more cunning, and more skill than any, every other Witch. Combined.

And she did it by knowing people. By watching them and knowing things and by understanding, better than their own mothers, how to talk to everyone and precisely pass along knowledge. How to command respect, even if they don't like you very much. How to be indispensable, while dispensing with the pleasantries.

She didn't do it alone, but she wouldn't admit that within earshot of Gytha or any of her numerous brood (So, she would never admit it). She benefitted by her associations with Nanny Ogg, with Magrat, with Agnes, with Tiffany, with Ridcully (allegedly), and even with Death.

Who else would earn time for her candle to flicker in the wind, and a warning by the Grim Reaper himself, for the right she had done in the world.

Right. Not good. Not nice. Right.

She was the vessel Pratchett poured his every indignant thought at the inherent injustice in the world into, and she brandished those white hot notions against every part of the stories that tried to make her into something she did not want to be.

Esmerelda Weatherwax is literature's greatest Witch. What more could possibly be said?

Well... to bad Fives

Irene being a dominatrix in BBC Sherlock pisses me off for so many reasons, not the least of which being that there was so much wasted potential!! What would the modern day equivalent of an opera singer be? She could have been a pop star! She could have been the front woman of a devastating jazz ensemble! She could have been, you know, an OPERA SINGER!!! Cause crazy enough, we still have those. Anyway comment what you think modern day Irene should have been

I hate when I get clickbaited by physical mail. The envelope says “NOTICE: IMPORTANT INFORMATION” and then I open it and it’s like “Sign up for HelloFresh :)”

This is where the dragons went ...

And although the space they occupy isn’t like normal space, nevertheless they are packed in tightly. Not a cubic inch there but is filled by a claw, a talon, a scale, the tip of a tail, so the effect is like one of those trick drawings and your eyeballs eventually realize that the space between each dragon is, in fact, another dragon.

They could put you in mind of a can of sardines, if you thought sardines were huge and scaly and proud and arrogant.

-Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

I had to speak French once (like, it was a test, it actually had to be French, not whatever works) and I had to really resist the temptation of saying “hombre” (spanish for man) instead of “homme” (french for man) because my brain somehow decided that “hombre” sounded, like, more beautiful? more natural? more suitable? idk. I wasn’t even learning Spanish back then yet.

Also, during the same test I think I almost said (or even actually said, I don’t remember) a really tired “Yeah…” instead of what should’ve been a really tired “Ouais…” (same thing but in French). Since English is also a foreign language to me, this is yet another example of what OP’s describing.

What they don’t tell you about speaking multiple languages is that your brain does not in fact have a box labeled Spanish and another one labeled German. Instead it has a box labeled “Not English” and sometimes when you’re talking or writing in one of the languages you speak it will just start pulling random words from that box.

anon hate

Witty response

The Auditors: We just need everyone to stop moving so we can get on with the paperwork! How are we meant to get the filing done when humans are running around all the time causing fresh chaos?

Rufus Drumknott: Skill issue.

Breaking Bad & Better Call Saul x the “can I copy your homework” meme: my version

"I’ll help you with it!": Walter, Kim, Hank

"Yeah sure": Nacho, Flynn, Huell, Gale

"bold of you to assume I did the homework": Tuco, Todd

"lol nope": Lalo, Hector, Howard, Marie, Victor

"wait we had homework????": Jesse, Saul

*Read 5:55 PM*: Mike, Skyler, Gustavo, Marco, Leonel, Lydia

Bonus: *didn’t even read the message bc the phone burnt his hands & then he burnt the phone*: Chuck

Hello, tumblr user. Before you is a tumblr post asking you to name a female fictional character. You have unlimited time to tag a female character, NOT a male one.

Begin.