God I Fucking Wish I Could Get Some Actual Compensation For The Harm Trans Healthcare Has Done To Me,

Something that's severely undertalked about it the loneliness and lack of real friends that come with being disabled, both mentally and physically. I especially don't see physically mentioned a lot.

But how tf am I supposed to have close friends when I'm constantly sleep deprived? If my general physical strength and endurance are severely limited?

excuse me, but REAL MEN only chop and saw their own wood

Get yourself some IKEA furniture and assemble it!

Can people please stop infantilizing gen z? A lot of us are in our 20s or nearing our 20s.

I'm tired of posts like "lmaooooooo my coworker just told me they're from 2003 isn't that INSANE??!?!" or "someone just told me they're from 2004 I can't believe these LITERAL BABIES are already PAYING RENT the same as me lolololololololololol" literally just stfu up please-

Yes, most of us do work a job. Yes, a lot of us do pay rent and taxes. Because we're *adults*. The majority of gen z is over 18. Please stop treating us like "literal babies", and don't be shocked when we do anything mature or adult like we're literally supposed to.

society abandoned me. People don't even know I exist. People literally ignore me when I talk to them. Quite literally pretending I'm not there. It's literal torture. I'm seriously considering forcefully kicking the bucket early because of it.

Looked up my new (kinda shitty) job's company and I get shit like this.... Not too surprised. Company ideology like that seeps into all branches, no matter how big or small, how high-up or "lower level employee"...

It's like nowhere in the world is it truly "safe" or good anymore.. At this point I assume that every single big company has donated to war criminals, racists, or homophobes unless very explicitely stated otherwise, which I haven't encountered yet.

This 100%. Why is it always "awwww but I'd miss you so much" and never like.... something that would actually matter to me, or would benefit me. Even just a "I'm sorry you'll never get to live life to the fullest" or "I'm sorry for everything you got robbed off" because at least that's about ME, the actual person, and not about the relation I have towards other people

It's cruel that others expect me to keep living a life of suffering just because it'd make them feel bad if I died

sigh.

Not to be a hater but I genuinely hate the fact that people get disability checks for stuff like autism when I'm here, suffering crippling depression and dysphoria, as well as a health condition that makes endurance and stamina incredibly hard, juggling college classes, a job, and general life maintenance because I live alone, relying on financial aid for college students that disappears the moment I graduate(or get kicked out), and then my minimum wage job.

Idk, it just almost feels offensive to be juggling all that, when there's people who claim disability checks because they just find it so hard to talk to people, or because they're unable to focus on anything, and then they just sit on their ass and play videogames in their childhood bedroom all day, or in the free housing apartment they got.

People will call me jealous, and, well, yeah? Of course? Like wym somebody is getting free housing, free insurance, and free income while just sitting at home all day, when I'm constantly managing all the aforementioned and I get told to "just man up"

Fuck all the way off. I'll never support neets no matter how much they claim they're "fighting the system". You're an adult baby, and it's time to grow the fuck up.

"it will get better"

"it will get better" they told me, aged 11, when puberty really kicked in and felt extremely dysphoric about my body, but didn't know what it was yet, and also got bullied for not being truly either gender.

"it will get better" they told 13 year old me, now aware of what dysphoria was, but still suicidal because of it, and felt terrible for not being accepted as a real boy.

"it will get better" they told 15 year me, who just got sexually assaulted for being trans, as well as missing lots of school(and social development) for being constantly in the hospital to navigate the medical gatekeeping for being trans.

"it will get better" they told 16 year me, still freshly traumatized from being sexually assaulted, and now disabled due to medical abuse and neglect from doctors, as well as failing school due to said disability.

"it will get better" they told 17 year old me, who was getting abused at home, while going to school and working my ass off at a minimum wage job, trying to save whatever I could while also trying to sustain myself.

"it will get better" they told 18 year me, still being abused and barely graduating high school, while fighting with my mom to let me attend the college I want, while still not having fully recovered from being temporarily disabled.

"it will get better" they told 19 year old me, now living on college campus, stuck doing a degree I don't truly want, but my parents won't let me chance. I'm succumbing to depression, adhd, and anxiety, but who cares. My body has most of its functions back but will never be the same. Still dysphoric and suicidal every day despite transitioning.

It will get better. When, my love, when? It's almost been a decade of being suicidal every single day, as well as being abused and to a degree, disabled. Some people's foundation for life crumbles, I didn't have one to begin with.

on top of that, a decade is a pretty long time. Would you expect a person to undergo cancer treatment for 10 years, only for it to not be solved? You'd feel sympathetic, right? Maybe even feel bad for them? You wish their suffering would just be over.. Why is this any different? Why am I suddenly "just not strong enough" or "just try harder"?

I'm genuinely convinced it'll never get better. I don't really have any (easy) method of... you know what, but I still want to "commit" every single day. I genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, believe it will never get better.

I think I genuinely want to end it all. Nobody cares about me, not in a way that matters anyway. I constantly get discriminated against simply because I'm a foreigner, and they make it incredibly difficult to navigate all the legal stuff in my new country. And even if I do have everything in order, sometimes I still get denied simply because "fuck you, that's why".

I'm also struggling with severe mental illness and trauma, which at this point I only expect to be neglected even further. Not to mention dysphoria and being trans amplifying the above tenfold.

I just don't see the point. I want to withdraw from society. It doesn't deserve me.