INFJ X ENTP

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People might shout and swear at the narcissist. And think they’ve put them in their place. But really they’ve played into their hands. Like a petulant young child, if a narcissist can’t get positive attention, they’ll settle for negative. And a good argument or telling off still fuels their fire. Yes, they’re happy you’re focusing on them. Even if you’re telling them how awful they are.

The above quote is from: https://narcissisms.com/why-narcissists-create-drama/

I read through an old journal today, with entries from a time when I was in an emotionally manipulative relationship. INFJ's are particular magnets for malignant and emotionally abusive individuals. I didn't know it back then, and even though I know it now, it still hurts to remember it.

It took me almost a decade to realize that with certain people, attempting to have a calm conversation about your needs and feelings is actually a field day for their continued emotional manipulation. The alternative--standing up for yourself and being assertive, or even letting your righteous anger flow--also fails to resolve things and, what's more, it even fails to create any amount of distance between you and the offender. In fact, anger feeds the narcissist, and further fuels their desire to remain attached to you like a leech. Whether it's a calm conversation or a fury-filled telling-off, both give them exactly what they want--attention, be it good or bad.

It took me a while to realize that even when I was driven to tears, when I was sobbing to my ex about how much he had hurt me, that in those moments, he seemed to gain an air of peacefulness. My anger seemed to be a key that unlocked a sense of comfort within him. At first I thought I was misreading him. Then, when I realized I wasn't, I thought it odd. Then, when I realized that my despondent tears actually fed his need to be needed, and that because of that, he was totally okay driving me to tears over and over again--I finally realized I had had enough.

The INFJ "door slam" is a gift. It is not a flippant choice, but wisdom pulled from the depths of an almost unbearable despair. At some point, you get the point--reasoning nor anger can fix it. Only an end can fix it. A total and complete end. Cut ties to that person. Take the ties and burn them. Then gather up the ashes, douse them in gasoline, and burn that shit a few more times.

Then walk away and be free.

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Poll: INFJs, what's your ideal day?

Imagine you have one glorious day all to yourself. No work, no errands, no obligations whatsoever. How would you spend your time?

A) Cottage core coziness

You settle down on a couch in a sunny corner, with your sketchbook, latest needlework, or a good book, along with a pile of blankets, and a pot of tea. However, you may or may not get around to any of it because napping is strongly encouraged. When you wake up, you stroll through the garden and then bake a batch of scones.

B) Rainy academia rabbit hole

You turn on some classical music, pull a chair up to a magnificent mahogany work desk and crank out the newest plot twist in your murder mystery manuscript. For inspiration, you go for a walk in the rain, grab a coffee from your favorite cafe, and end up strolling the halls of a local museum.

C) Wanderlust wayfarer

You hop on the local public transportation and get off at a stop you've never been to before. You stroll through charming streets, go antique shopping, and browse bookshops and thrift stores. For a break, you grab a table at a local restaurant, order an indulgent meal, and journal about your excursions that day.

D) Brew-hopping bookworm

You grab your favorite travel bag, pile it full of books, a journal, and/or a sketchbook, and make your way over to your favorite coffee shop or bar. You snag a small table in a cozy corner and, over the course of several luxurious hours, imbibe in your favorite drink, and get lost in reading, writing, or sketching for hours. At the end of it all, you purchase a growler of your favorite brew, or bag of your favorite roast, and head home.

E) Fresh air friend

Fresh air is calling, and you must answer. You lace up your favorite pair of walking/running/biking shoes and hit the trail. The weather is perfect. A crisp breeze greets your face. As you breathe it in, the endorphins start flowing. You're making great time, but that's not the point. It's going to be a great day.

F) Gamer of Thrones

A whole day to yourself? You breathe a sigh of relief as you settle into an ergonomic chair in front of a desk equipped with enough monitors to create a screen the size of the Pacific Ocean. You feel the security of your noise-cancelling headphones suction to your ears like a life vest, and dive into the comforting world of your favorite game. With a minifridge within arms reach and plenty of snacks at your fingertips, life gets very, very good, for the next several hours. (Time? What is time? Also, what is “outside”?)

User guide to your INFJ

Your INFJ comes with: 

One (1) crystal ball 

One (1) social mirror

Five hundred (500) calendars 

Unlimited stock of fears and worries 

Features:  

Ni: This feature makes the INFJ able to think of any consequence of their action, making them seem psychic. Ni also leads to sudden realizations. 

Fe: This feature makes the othervwise socially awkward INFJ able to socialize by mimicing the features of their interlocutor. Fe does sometimes fail. When this happens make sure the INFJ doesnt start digging a hole for themself to live in.

Ti: This feature makes the INFJ able to overanalyse the crap out of people, pay too much attention to insignificant detail and read too much into said detail. 

Se: This feature is the INFJs appendix. You should might consider to have this feature removed, as it causes the INFJ to occasionally overeat, oversleep, binge drink etc. Call the service number for advice if this is wanted.

Care: 

Food: The INFJ may forget to eat, and they may overeat. When your INFJ haven eaten in a long time, suggest that they should eat something. They will appreciate this and take it as a sign of care. However, do not speak about their overeating. EVER.

Sleep:  Your INFJ will (usually) make sure to get enough sleep. The exception is if they are in a particularly stressful period. In such periods they might end up pulling all-nighters, or they might just sleep to avoid the stressful problem. 

Hygiene: Your INFJ will have an ok hygiene. This is because of their fair of smelling or in other ways making themselves look bad to other people. With some INFJs this will comepletely change if they are alone for the day. They might forget that brushing their teeth is even a thing. 

Stress: If the INFJ is put under too much pressure and get stressed, the INFJ might: a) become emotionally cold, forget essential needs and become too focused on work. b) overindulge in certain activities, like watching a lot of TV, overeating, binge drinking etc. 

Other needs: Your INFJ will need hugs and words of affirmation. However, they will usually not initiate it or ask for it. As much as they hate to admit it, they also need advice sometimes. If your INFJ seems to be having troubles with opening up, you can always give them some alcohol. NB: your drunk INFJ may just end up handing you all the drinks. This is because they fear being the drunkest one at the party. 

Relationships with other units:

NTs: Your INFJ might feel intimidated by the xNTJs, but usually love the company of xNTPs. 

NFs: In interaction with other xNFJs, the INFJ and the other unit will usually just mirror each others behaviour, opinions and feelings. It usually works out fine. In company with certain NFPs the INFJ will sometimes feel scared to voice an opinon. With other NFPs this isnt an issue at all. 

SPs: The INFJ will usually get along ok with the SPs, but might get tired of their need for adrenaline, as this will tire out the INFJs Ni. 

SJs: Your INFJ will usually get along great with xSFJs. The xSTJs, like the xNTJs, might intimidate the INFJ. 

FAQ: 

There seems to be a problem with my INFJ’s speech, how can i fix this? Theres nothing wrong with your INFJ. Not being able to speak properly is one of the INFJ’s “charming” characteristics. You can however give the INFJ something to write on, and they will comminicate like a poet. 

Why is my INFJ so emo?  We are trying to fix this problem, but have not found a cause yet. When this is fixed, there will be a softwere update available. 

My INFJ is being really socially awkward and asking me weird and boring questions, what should i do? Nothing. The INFJ will usually be very stressed out when talking to new people. This will get better as your INFJ feels more comfortable around you. 

My INFJ is just like me, does this mean i am an INFJ myself? Nah bro, they want you to think you’re alike. 

Can my INFJ read minds? What no ofc not huh hehehe ehm hehe….. 

My INFJ knows things about me haven’t told it. Has it developed AI? We are aware of this feature in the INFJ, but can’t offer any answer to how they do it. 

My INFJ has been sitting in the corner of their room staring into the air for three days. What should i do? In this situation you have a few possible solutions: a) Let your INFJ sit there. They will get back to normal in not too long… (hopefully) b) Give your INFJ chocolate and hugs . c) introduce your INFJ to an ENTP. The INFJ will hopefully get so distracted from their thoughts that they forget all about them. d) try turning your INFJ off and on again. 

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