!! Kin Call !!

As if there were any doubt..

That being said, I'm pleased that our blogs crossed paths. I enjoy seeing your posts on my dash so I am at least a little familiar with your source. Just a bit.

Okay, I keep reading a lot of your dreams, how they're about you being some sort of cryptid monster. I see in your pinned post that you have a feeling (one of) your source(s) is horror and that you also doomed souls and came from a bad timeline or something.

This is a really long shot- especially since this source isn't finished yet, but it has timeline splits and a demon that steals and eats souls, with the help of yours truly. (Also the demon can see the future so, like, that's pretty cool)

Though, I could just be putting my own want of finding my canon demon onto you, but... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyway, at the current time source is 5 hours long with all endings and secret dialogue. It's like $15 on Steam but free to watch by Faz Faz on YouTube.

CW for like... All the typical stuff you'd see in gothic and psychological horrors, though.

-Ashley Graves (from the Visual Novel/Puzzle Solving RPG: the Coffin of Andy and Leyley)

Well, I certainly feel like a demon. The detail of it having premonitions of the future does speak to me, now that you mention it. I'm not sure if it's kin shifts, but often during and directly after dreams, I get this feeling. 

It wriggles its way into my brain and gives me this sense of knowing, this sense of how things are or will be.. and then when it's done shifting things into focus, it just bleeds out of me, leaving me wanting more. It leaves me feeling less than human. If these words sound familiar to you at all, then I may owe an apology to one Ashley Graves from a doomed timeline. We will soon see-

i think i responded to something you posted somewhere but i figured i'd just reach out here instead!

from my own kin stuff and source and everything, i don't know if you've gone through the magnus archives before but what you're saying sounds a lot like someone deep within the beholding to me. that need to watch, to know things even if it destroys you or others, the intake of others stories. it reminds me of jon honestly with the guilt aspect of it, or maybe even jonah or elias, maybe the archivist from the magnus protocol.

either way, you're always welcome to reach out and talk about your own experience or process of figuring things out!

-marcus keay (non-cannon magnus archive)

@the-neon-attic

I've been hearing that name come up a lot actually, among a few others. The need to watch in spite of the destruction it brings is a good way to put this feeling, you certainly hit the nail on the head there.. There's something more to this though, it's parasitic in nature. I feel as though I'm filling a hollow part of me that's raw and hungry with the mismatched parts of others' memories just to feel whole, and I never have a way to compensate them for this favor. Not in a way that really matters, or makes up for the damage. If that is what the beholding feels like, then I might just have a few questions for you.

I Have Never Been A Hero

I’ve had time to reflect upon my dream, and it has led me to some revelations about my own nature, and what lines I’m willing to cross in order to find the truth I’m so desperately craving. I think that the reason the dream bothered me so much is that I don’t know if I would’ve done differently if I had another chance. I have never been a hero. 

I wanted to once, you know–

Even before I had so many wonderful tumblr users trying to help me find my identity, even before I put it out there into the universe with absolute certainty that I was a villain, people have always compared me to the antagonist of the story. 

It's a vibe I'm giving or something I'm doing, maybe it's the sins I carry on my back. 

I remember reading all these books as a child, and even when I outgrew them and I'd be loathe to admit to what would indefinitely ruin the academic image I have so painstakingly built up around me like a shell-  the classic fairytale story always held a special place in my heart. 

I would sit there with my eyes scanning over every line, rereading the best parts, the ones that really made you feel like you were there with the protagonist, and I would think, 

‘I want to be the hero. I want to save the princess from a tower and defeat the big bad and live happily ever after!’ …but I don't think I'm that. These things that I do, digging into the depths of people’s anxieties, and breathing them in as if it were my own.. I don’t think it’s a noble cause, to tear into other’s fears in hopes of finding my own closure. So I’m not a hero. 

People seldom are, it's rare to find that kind of excellence out in the world but even with all the signs pointing that I'm a villain, or a monster, or god forbid a world ender– it is flattering that so many people reached out to me, when my mood has been so low. There is something about hearing about so many wonderful stories of others that keeps me tethered, and for that I'm grateful to all of you. The beauty in your experiences is what makes everything worth it- both your triumph and strife. So please, bare with me. Even if I am a villain.

Do You Dream of the Stars? Or Better Yet, Is It What Makes You Wake Up Screaming?

Have you ever thought about the vastness of everything in the macrocosm? About looking out a spaceship window and seeing nothing but an endless sea of darkness? Ask yourself, can space really be endless? I mean, we all know the universe isn't… but what happens at the end of the universe? Like if I was to get in a spaceship could I just keep on going and going forever without ever revisiting the same places? This is terrifying to me, that there are places out there that will never be seen by human eyes. Then there's that pesky phrase, “Space is expanding”. Well how can that be true? How am I supposed to conceptualize cosmic inflation theory, if there isn't the dark matter of space in the spots it's expanded to before, then just what was there before? What do we call that? This doesn't freak anyone else out?

 I want to visualize and understand all of it. The below, the above, what surrounds our being.  If. I could just map it out and understand fully, then it wouldn't make my head spin as much. It feels like unfinished work that will never be completed... Which I guess in a way, it sort of is

(x)

I'm taking this. It's mine now.

some horrorkin and monsterkin blinkies :] pssst... i'm taking requests for this template if anyone wants it in a different color/different words! (free to use, no credit or permission required, no dni)

I think I understand what you mean, Jay. Or at the very least, the spirit of it. As alterhumans, we have found ourselves in such unlikely circumstances. Experiencing these memories that shake the very core of our realities, and then you’re expected to go on with life like everything is fine- because it is for everyone else around you.

You’re feeling the echoes of something a lifetime ago, and there is all this tension building up in your body, like you’re waiting for a punch that never comes.. And of course, when you try to explain this people will give their unwanted opinions of “seeking help”, or whatever else the anti otherkins say nowadays..

Sometimes when we’re sitting with that feeling of something being so terribly wrong in our heads, it’s only natural to want something to confirm what we’ve been feeling, if only to let go of the breath we’ve been holding for so long. I’m sure there’s something freeing in that, as you’d put it, because once you let go of that breath, it’s like you can finally let your life begin. You can actually experience things properly– presently, and in the moment rather than just feeling like you’re sitting on stand by for a beckon call. Life will come for us though, and it’ll pick us up off our feet. The adrenaline will be so overwhelming that we know for certain that’s why we’re here, and it’s what we’ve been searching for.

 I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all, Jay.

Sometimes, I almost wish I was in danger, if that makes sense. On the run, or being hunted by some entity, shit I wouldn't even mind an end of the world scenario. This boring circle of work, home, work, home with the occasional money spending to waste time can make me feel trapped, desperate for a crumb of adrenaline. Real adrenaline, the kind that sends you racing back out of the woods. I want to fight to protect a tight knit group, all scared but undoubtedly more alive than they've ever been. I want to sleep under the stars, be shocked by how vibrant the night sky is without all those lights. I want true freedom in a time where we're all chained to our desks, fucking explodes myself

Okay because I have no idea, how does House of Leaves work?

It’s a book about a guy stuck in a hellish version of a 90s stereotype who finds an academic paper about a documentary film about a home that is bigger on the inside than it should be. Except that the home isn’t a real home. The documentary doesn’t exist. The academic has no credentials.

It’s a book about a guy who finds an unfinished novel his neighbor died in the middle of writing about a photojournalist who puts aside his career to save his marriage but who gets sucked into an adventure within his own home.

Except that it’s none of those things. It’s an assault on the reader. It’s a crowbar thrown in your confidence in The Consensus. Its (404) errors in the directory of Narratives.

The House is older than God. The House is God. The House is nothing. The House is a 5 letter word in a blue font.

The House doesn’t like tourists

It’s a typographical horrorshow. It’s a caricature of an analysis of a documentation of a map. It’s an Atlas of The Backrooms. It’s a non-Euclidean document. It’s the only book I’ve ever hissed at.

“How does it work?”

It doesn’t