Hyuna&edawn: We Been Dating For 2 Years

So you know this scene...

I always found it a bit odd. Hilarious, but it raised too many questions. When did Steve make these? Why did Steve make these? How did he manage to be so cheesy and overly sincere knowing how much crap he would get from the other Avengers for it?

Well, today my sister told me her headcanon. Picture the scene. Steve leans on the back of a chair, as above. Peter immediately launches into ‘So, you got detention…’. Cap blinks. Peter awkwardly tries to explain. It turns out Cap has no idea what videos he means, and neither do any of the other Avengers.

So they get in touch with the company who made them, and they swear blind that it was really the real Captain America, and that it all his idea. That he came in and said how much he wanted to help the youth of today.And the Avengers all lose it because someone is running around doing an unbelievably good impression of Captain America, they could have destroyed his reputation, they could have infiltrated the Avengers; and instead all they are apparently using it for is to make silly, embarrassing videos.

It’s completely baffling. Who could possibly be behind it all?

A mystery.

rob’s ad libbing causing david & aidan to break character

STILES IS REAL. #RememberStiles

THIS IS MONEY $UHO

REBLOG IN 3 SECOND$ AND MONEY WILL COME YOUR WAY

IGNORE FOR BAD LUCK!!!

shoutout to people with simultaneously great and terrible memories. like oh yeah i remember in perfect detail that random story you told about the banana costume from a year ago but all of novemeber? completely blank.

Hey I did a thing be proud of me.

I love tumblr. I love that tumblr is the best social media site of 2021.

Every other site has spent the last decade perfecting the art of targeted ads. I am a wallet of flesh and blood which must be stripped bare and profiled and picked apart for the maximally efficient way to squeeze profit from my presence. Every other site will fold and morph itself to a shape of my liking - like a fairy tale trickster stealing memories and taking their mold - to lull me into compliance and loosen my coin purse.

Facebook sees me searching fitness equipment and injects my timeline with athletic wear ads. Reddit profiles the subreddits I follow and eagerly promotes a new coding bootcamp or cloud service at every turn. Google overhears me lamenting over my moving to-do list on voice call and fills in my “how much to tip movers” query before I’ve gotten the third word typed out.

Tumblr never even tried.

They could have. The information is there. The basic infrastructure, presumably, exists. Tumblr can recommend me tags based on tags I follow, blogs based on blogs I follow, even posts that for one reason or another may strike my fancy. Tumblr could be - SHOULD be - funneling this framework into advertising, as the only means that free-to-use social media platforms can turn a profit in our capitalistic hellscape.

They just don’t.

Today I saw an ad for treating Hyperhidrosis - a condition, I think, in which a person sweats too much - and I saw it twice, four posts apart, and it is so incredibly benignly impersonally ineptly untargeted toward me compared to all other pinpoint-aimed advertising that I’m endeared to it. Tumblr knows NOTHING about me. 8 years, 51,000 likes, and tumblr has not learned a THING about me.

Advertisements for a mattress? Shitty mobile game ads that don’t make even the slightest pretense at being anything other than a candy crush rip-off? Choose-your-own adventure games either about Royal Espionage or Choosing The Wrong Dress For Your Date with ZERO in-between.

And then this. This here. The culmination, the crown-jewel of tumblr’s nihilistic non-compliance with the state of social media advertising. Any pretense of capitalistic exchange is abandoned at the gas station by the side of the road. This is not a company. This is not a product. This is not anything that fulfills the contract of consumer and seller. 

THIS. THIS IS WHAT TUMBLR HAS TO OFFER INSTEAD.

“Pour vinegar on your bread, fuck you.”

“Put it in the garbage, fuck you.”

“Your wife says you’re a fucking dumbass, fuck you.”

That’s it. That’s the advertisement. You vinegar-breadless cuck. You virgin extraordinaire bereft of bread and garbage can. I am fucking your wife right now in our vinegar-soaked motel bed. She puffs a cigarette which I pulled from the trashcan and we both laugh heartily at her recounts of your immasculine ineptitude. I don’t want your money. I don’t want anything from you. Fuck you. 

Amazing. Amazing. What a state of things to ring in 2021. What a great platform we all collectively choose to be on.

Luther *points to Vanya*: She's a killer !

Five, Allison, Klaus, Ben, Diego *chorus*: QUEEEEEENNN

he looks so scared omg jin they’re only kids :’D

concept: the year is 2034. i walk into work with coffee in hand. coworker is wearing cool shoelaces and i compliment them absentmindedly. they look me dead in the eye and say, “thanks, i stole them from the president.” scalding coffee leaks out of every one of my orifices and i hide in the bathroom convulsing for the rest of the day