This Is My Reminder To Make A Photoshoot Of This Kind. God, I Need My Tripod. 🙏🙏

I see myself in many things from this list. If I actually am a maladaptive daydreamer, I'm definitely not a severe case, I can mostly function, do my homeworks and chores and other stuff. My life is actually really good and I do have plans and hopes for future. But the daydreaming is always with me, since I was a child. Everywhere, everywhere I go, there it is.

I don't have my own OC's, they are always already existing characters from medias I consume... but I'm worried that I don't have control over it anymore. I feel exhausted at the end of the day from all the daydreaming, my brain hurts. Trigger can be literally anything: a movie, a TV show, books, situations in real life. The conversations with the characters are neverending, and even when I don't daydream, I have this icky feeling that someone is with me. I know they are not real, but I spend so much time in their presence, that it is hard to let them go.

When I'm watching a movie, I have to really focus to not imagine myself in it. I hate it, because it ruins the whole story, every character is suddenly me, I think about them all the time and then I don't even know, what actually happened in the story and what was just my daydream. I watch scenes from movies and random interviews on youtube, and act with them, because I already know them word by word, imagining that it's me whose actually talking. I always loved stories and now I don't know how to consume them normally anymore.

But the thing that is scaring me the most, is that I'm terrified that I will not be able to connect with other people in real life properly. For a couple of months now I feel like I'm losing my friends and they don't even know. I try to act normally, show them that I love them, but I feel weirdly dull inside. I'm so worried that I will not be able to create a meaningful romantic connection (eventho I want it soo badly) because of this yearning for some kind of thrill and passion that only fiction can give me and that I can't get anywhere else.

alright look since people don’t seem to understand why maladaptive daydreaming is a big deal here’s a grand list of some of the reasons why.

first off: yes, you little babies, maladaptive daydreaming is often characterized by:

zoning out

“snapping back” to reality

which is often followed by mild alarm and confusion like “what where am i what am i doing whats going on”

seeking emotional satisfaction in daydreams that you didn’t get from real life

it’s often developed due to childhood isolation, not having a lot of friends, having too much time to yourself as a youngling

yep also those bless-ed long car rides

being deeply comforted by music and/or alone time because it means yay daydreaming time

intricate stories that exist inside vivid imaginary worlds (called paracosms) with their own highly developed “characters” (which are called paras, and i hope you’re taking notes) 

constantly looking for an “escape” so you can daydream

repetitive motions to stimulate daydreams such as swinging on a swingset, bouncing up and down, pacing, spinning, etc.

an idealized version of yourself through whose eyes you live out these daydream stories (called parames, like para-me…)

BUT!!!! but but but but but but (and this is the stuff y'all seem to constantly be forgetting/overlooking/not taking seriously) maladaptive daydreaming is also characterized by:

deep and dependent emotional attachments to paras such as intimate friends, lovers, family, and pets that don’t exist

deep guilt due to favoring paras over “real life” (called thisverse) people

a phobia that you will never be able to care about people in thisverse and will therefore be a terrible lover/spouse/parent, etc.

trancelike states where you lose time anywhere between a few minutes to several hours straight without even realizing it until you’ve returned to reality

maladaptive daydreaming steals so. much. time.

withdrawal-like effects if you don’t daydream for a long time (even a day), such as shaking, nausea, agitation, aggression, breakdowns, etc.

you don’t control your daydreams, they do whatever they want to, they are invasive, intrusive, and often unwanted

intense absorption, so when the daydream is exciting you will get an adrenaline rush and your blood gets hot and starts to rush and you sweat and breathe weird and see red and your heart rate goes up. when the daydream is depressing you will cry with real tears and your limbs actually feel heavy

it steals an incredible amount of energy

daydreams are often violent, sexual, and/or disturbing

difficulty focusing, high anxiety

paranoia caused by a feeling that you’re under observation

compulsive behavior (like, “i have to pace right now” even when your feet feel like they’re broken… I’ve often been afraid to look down because i thought i might see blood but i couldn’t stop walking even when it hurt so much that i started crying)

sleeplessness, insomnia, nightmares

suicidal thoughts and tendencies (“maybe if i die, i’ll be with my paras”, “i can’t take it anymore”)

feeling uncomfortable in your body/with your identity (i often have trouble recalling my real name because i’m so used to be my parame’s name, i avoid mirrors because i expect to see my parame’s face and it always catches me off guard)

weight loss or weight gain

appetite loss or appetite gain

dissociation and “out of body” experiences

avoidance and the death of your social life

not being able to feel anything either neg or pos about “real life” things because you’re only concerned with your paracosms

speaking the dialogue out loud or whispering, acting out daydreams

i have seriously been asked if i’m possessed when i got caught daydreaming

it is so painful and so detrimental and it makes our lives difficult, it is not “cute”, it is not “lol relatable”, it  is not “creative”, and it is not “fake”

Just remember. There is no such thing as a fake geek girl. There are only fake geek boys. Science fiction was invented by a woman.

Can some of you insanely talented snowflakes make a Destiel edit and use the "I Will Follow You into the Dark" cover by YUNGBLUD and Halsey? It is so haunting and pretty and always makes me think about Dean and Cas. I would do it myself but I have no idea how to work with videos. Thanks! ❤️🤡🤡

Today I saw a girl from my balcony. There was a little creature on the pavement. I don't know what it was, maybe a frog or a lizard. She stopped, watched the creature for five minutes or more, until it disappeared in the safety of grass. I like girls so much.

My Biggest and Most Annoying Fictional Horse Pet Peeve

Big Horses are a Very New Thing and they Likely Didn’t Exist in your Historical and/or Fantasy Settings.

You’ve all seen it in every historical piece of media ever produced. Contrary to popular belief, a big black horse with long legs and long flowing mane is not a widespread or even a particularly old type of horse.

THIS IS NOT A MEDIEVAL THING. THIS IS NOT EVEN A BAROQUE THING. THIS IS A NINETEENTH CENTURY CITY CARRIAGE HORSE.

All the love to fancy Friesian horses, but your Roman general or Medieval country heroine just really couldn’t, wouldn’t, and for the sake of my mental health shouldn’t have ridden one either.

Big warmblood horses are a Western European and British invention that started popping up somewhere around 1700s when agriculture and warfare changed, and when rich folks wanted Bigger Faster Stronger Thinner race horses. The modern warmblood and the big continental draught both had their first real rise to fame in the 1800s when people started driving Fancy Carriages everywhere, and having the Fanciest Carriage started to mean having the Tallest and Thinnest Horses in the town.

Before mechanised weaponry and heavy artillery all horses used to be small and hardy easy-feeders. Kinda like a donkey but easier to steer and with a back that’s not as nasty and straight to sit on.

SOME REAL MEDIEVAL, ROMAN, OTTOMAN, MONGOL, VIKING, GREEK and WHATEVER HISTORICALLY PLAUSIBLE HORSES FOR YOU:

“Primitive”, native breeds all over the globe tend to be only roughly 120-140 cm (12.0 - 13.3 hh) tall at the withers. They all also look a little something like this:

Mongolian native horse (Around 120-130 at the withers, and decendants of the first ever domesticated horses from central Asia. Still virtually unchanged from Chinggis Khan’s cavalry, ancestor to many Chinese, Japanese and Indian horses, and bred for speed racing and surviving outdoors without the help of humans.)

Carpathian native horse / Romanian and Polish Hucul Pony (Around 120-150 at the withers, first mentioned in writing during the 400s as wild mountain ponies, depicted before that in Trajanian Roman sculptures, used by the Austro-Hungarian cavalry in the 19th century)

Middle-Eastern native horse / Caspian Pony (Around 100-130 at the withers, ancestor of the Iranian Asil horse and its decendants, including the famous Arabian and Barb horses, likely been around since Darius I the Great, 5th century BC, and old Persian kings are often depicted riding these midgets)

Baltic Sea native horse / Icelandic, Finnish, Estonian, Gotland and Nordland horses (Around 120-150 at the withers, descendant of Mongolian horses, used by viking traders in 700-900 AD and taken to Iceland. Later used by the Swedish cavalry in the 30 years war and by the Finnish army in the Second World War, nowadays harness racing and draught horses)

Siberian native horse / Yakutian pony (Around 120-140 at the withers, related to Baltic and Mongolian horses and at least as old, as well-adapted to Siberian climate as woolly mammoths once were, the hairiest horse there is, used in draught work and herding)

Mediterranean native horse / Skyros pony, Sardinian Giara, Monterufolino (Around 100-140 at the Withers, used and bred by ancient Greeks for cavalry use, influenced by African and Eastern breeds, further had its own influence on Celtic breeds via Roman Empire, still used by park ranger officers in Italy)

British Isles’ native horse / various “Mountain & Moorland” pony breeds (Around 100-150 at the withers, brought over and mixed by Celts, Romans and Vikings, base for almost every modern sport pony and the deserving main pony of all your British Medieval settings. Some populations still live as feral herds in the British countryside, used as war mounts, draught horses, mine pit ponies, hunting help and race horses)

So hey, now you know!

Queer kids are not allowed to be kids.

They aren’t allowed to get angry when people bully them because by reacting people believe they justify the abuse. They are forced to deal with adult situations often without support from any of the actual adults around them. When they look for leaders in their community they often find no one who is like them and are left with only scraps of representation in media to look to. And they don’t have the support system they deserve, the support system heterosexual/romantic cisgender kids are given without question. They are forced to hide parts of themselves from their family members and we pretend that it is normal. And if they decide to discuss that particular part of their identity it is picked apart and examined often before the kid even knows how to process it themselves. Their own identities is branded as “too adult” for them when it is not their identities that is too adult, but how we treat them once we are informed of these parts of their identities.

Queer kids deserve so much better than they are given. 

How are people able to love each other romantically so much? How are they able to fall in love since they are in kindergarten? How are they able to find humans that they want to hold and touch and kiss on a regular basis and how they don't think about being somewhere else while doing so... How? How? How...

Is everyone just pretending? Is it that... at some point, you just stop looking? Is it that you settle? Is it that you stop hoping for a great love and you let it go? Do you love the people that you fall asleep next to? How does it look like? How does it feel like?

Is it just luck...

Are some people conditioned to want, to yearn, to wish with no place to release theyre heart? Is wanting really everything there is for some?

Bring them back! Bring back the loose, low cut shirts!

Hey Boys

You see this outfit?

The loose, low cut shirt? Yeah, could you not wear that anymore?

Some of us can’t handle it

Czech

Cas: „Vždy jsem přemýšlel, od toho, co jsem na sebe vzal to břemeno, tu kletbu, přemýšlel jsem, co by to mohlo být, jak… jak by mé pravé štěstí mohlo vůbec vypadat. Nikdy jsem nenašel odpověď. Protože ta jediná věc, kterou chci… je věc, o níž vím, že ji nikdy nemohu mít. Ale myslím, že vím… myslím, že teď už vím. Štěstí se nenachází ve vlastnění. Je v bytí a ve vyřčení věcí.“

Dean: „O čem to mluvíš?“

Cas: „Já vím, já vím, jak vidíš sám sebe, Deane. Vidíš se stejně, jako tě vidí naši nepřátelé. Jsi destruktivní a jsi zlostný a jsi zlomený. Jsi… jsi ‚tátův ztupený nástroj.‘ A myslíš si, že nenávist a hněv je to… že to tě pohání. Že to jsi ty. Ale nejsi. A každý, kdo tě zná, to vidí. Všechno, co jsi udělal, to dobré i to špatné, jsi udělal z lásky. Vychoval jsi svého malého bratra z lásky. Bojoval jsi za celý tento svět z lásky. Takový jsi. Jsi ten nejstarostlivější muž na Zemi. Jsi ten nejobětavější, nejvíce milující člověk, kterého kdy poznám. Víš, od té chvíle, kdy jsme se potkali, kdy jsem tě vytáhnul z Pekla, jsi mě změnil. Protože ses staral, staral jsem se taky. Záleželo mi na tobě. Záleželo mi na Samovi. Záleželo mi na Jackovi. Záleželo mi na celém světě, jen kvůli tobě. Změnil jsi mě, Deane.“

Dean: „Proč mi to zní jako loučení?“

Cas: „Protože je. Miluju tě.“

Dean: „Nedělej to, Casi… Casi.“

Cas: „Sbohem, Deane.“

I invite to all my friends to reblog Castiel's beautiful declaration of love and translate it into your languages. Because is a gift for our fandom. I will start it now.

English:

Cas: “I always wondered, ever since I took that that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be, what...what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer. Because the one thing I want...it's something I know I can't have. But I think i know...I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having. It's in just being. It's in just saying it.”

Dean: “What are you talking about, man?”

Cas: “I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive and you're angry and you're broken. You're...you're 'Daddy's Blunt Instrument.' And you think hate and anger, that's...that's what drives you. That's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met and ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.”

Dean: “Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Cas: “Because it is. I love you.”

Dean: “Don't do this, Cas...Cas.”

Cas: “Goodbye, Dean.”

Spanish

Cas: “Siempre me pregunté, desde que tomé esa carga, esa maldición, me preguntaba qué podría ser, cómo ... cómo podría verse mi verdadera felicidad. Nunca encontré una respuesta. Porque lo único que quiero ... es algo que sé que no puedo tener. Pero creo que lo sé ... Creo que lo sé ahora. La felicidad no está en tener. Está solo en ser. Es simplemente decirlo ".

Dean: ¿Qué estás diciendo, amigo?

Cas: “Lo sé. Sé cómo te ves a ti mismo, Dean. Te ves a ti mismo de la misma manera que te ven nuestros enemigos. Eres destructivo y estás enojado y roto. Eres ... eres el 'Instrumento contundente de papá'. Y piensas en el odio y la ira, eso es ... eso es lo que te impulsa. Eso es lo que eres. No es. Y todo el que te conoce lo ve. Todo lo que has hecho, lo bueno y lo malo, lo has hecho por amor. Criaste a tu hermano pequeño por amor. Luchaste por todo este mundo por amor. Eso es lo que eres. Eres el hombre más cariñoso de la Tierra. Eres el ser humano más desinteresado y amoroso que jamás conoceré. Sabes, desde que nos conocimos y desde que te saqué del infierno, saber que me has cambiado. Porque a ti te importaba, a mí me importaba. Me preocupo por ti Me preocupaba Sam. Me preocupaba por Jack. Me preocupé por todo el mundo por ti. Me cambiaste, Dean ".

Dean: ¿Por qué suena esto como un adiós?

Cas: Porque lo es. Te amo.

Dean: No hagas esto, Cas… Cas…

Cas: Adiós Dean.

////