Whatever Else You Want To Say About Jill Bearup, She Called Kylo Ren A "murderous Pouty-faced Space Numpty,"

@glitzbot

Revisiting the drow, playing some more with uncanny bird anatomy.

Spotted Towhees (Pipilo maculatus) look like someone took an American Robin (Turdus migratorius) and tried to make it "edgy."

By Pranav Tadepalli, CC BY-SA 4.0

And they really are edgy little fuckers, too. They'll pull up every single shoot that pokes its head above ground in your garden, and are very clever at getting through barriers. They do not fear humans, not further than you could lightly toss one.

If you find a roadkill or mysteriously-dead towhee in Spring, it's worth its weight in gold, because they are deterred by a corpse of their own species. The next problem is putting it somewhere these ground-feeding birds will notice it, without making it a free snack for the first scavenger that comes along.

This is not a god-emperor.

This is a god whose name is "Emperor."

Long-dead, he was the last ruler of a once-powerful empire whose cultural influence outlasted it.

Was he deified in his lifetime? We no longer know. But he is deified now.

While his memory lives on, his true name has been lost. At some point, the word "emperor" ceased to have meaning except when referring to him, therefore his name is now Emperor.

"...but, hey, I'm pretty happy with this one."

As you should be!

Modern Monsters 9: Lesser Dragon (Dragonet)

The modern world has very little space for giant monsters to roam the land.

If any of the large sapient lizards - the greater elemental dragons, fire and ice drakes, wyverns, wyrms, or any others you can think of - still live today, they certainly don’t venture far from their inhospitable hiding places. Human settlements have encroached too far into the wild edges of the lands. Even the skies and seas are not entirely untouched.

However, just as the more widely-known living fossils like coelacanths and tuataras continue to survive, if one knows where to look, there still remain small populations of dragonets scattered across the globe. They have adapted through necessity to living on the quieter edges where human influence, though undeniably present, begins to fade into wilderness.

Like their larger relatives, these small creatures are sapient and have some influence over the elements. However, these lesser dragons branched off quite some time ago from their more powerful and more intelligent giant cousins. Even the most unusually large dragonets are no bigger than a small domestic cat.

Consequently, their abilities don’t quite match up to dragons of medieval lore.

Dragonets have a level of intelligence roughly equivalent to a young human child.

They understand human languages well but may struggle to articulate themselves fully, given that inter-dragonet communication uses an intricate combination of scents, pheromones, scale colour changes, and elemental flares such as barely detectable atmospheric pressure changes alongside any vocalisations. As a result, they only have so much patience left for polishing up their grammar.

It’s really anyone’s guess whether it’s the brain equivalence to a small child or the genetic link to greater dragons that makes them so temperamental and so keen to hoard shiny things for themselves.

The different populations of dragonets have started diverging into subspecies at this point, with different types showing different elemental affinities.

The pictured specimen’s tendency to leave trails of frost lacing from its path may seem to imply that this type throw ice magic out into their environment, maybe because they love the cold. The fact of the matter is, the opposite is true - they just like to keep warm, and their bodies absorb heat from around them to such an extreme degree that they drop the temperature of everything around them. They are far less snappy and more energetic in the summer when their bodies don’t have to work so hard to maintain their preferred high core temperature.

More than one shrewd hedgewitch has picked up on this, over the years.

The promise of a warm fireside for the winter, along with all the cat food pouches they can eat, has been quite effective in convincing frost dragonets to form a partnership of sorts.

They still need to be treated with respect, and they must have free access to the outdoors, of course; draconians of any size cannot tolerate captivity. However, they can bond with the right sort of humans, and those that do so quickly learn that they rather enjoy a ride in a shirt pocket or on a shoulder when offered.

It is also well-known among such favoured witches that dragonets are surprisingly good with their children, particularly their little girls.

A lesser dragon is still a dragon, after all.

And dragons do so love a princess.

~~~

This time around the picture came first. I just really love dragons, and wanted to dream up a way a pocket-sized one could exist. Once I saw its face, I knew I wasn’t going terribly verbose on the poem this time.

It doesn’t often talk to humans, but it’s trying its best.

I’ve also seen “dragonet” sometimes used to refer to baby dragons, so let me be absolutely clear that yes, I’m using that here as a separate species name, and this is a full-grown adult one ready to fight you for that shiny bottle cap.

I love bearded dragons, so I went straight to that as my baseline for the picture. Which I dedicated far too much time to, as usual, but hey, I’m pretty happy with this one.

~~~

Modern Monsters series

Modern Monsters 1: Dullahan

Modern Monsters 2: Kelpie

Modern Monsters 3: Kuchisake-onna

Modern Monsters 4: Cuca

Modern Monsters 5: Vampire

Modern Monsters 6: Dr Frankenstein

Modern Monsters 7: Frankenstein’s Monster

Modern Monsters bonus: Frankenstein, Monster (it’ll come some day I swear)

Modern Monsters 8: The Scissorman

Modern Monsters 9: Lesser Dragon (Dragonet)

“I will always be on the side of those who have nothing and who are not even allowed to enjoy the nothing they have in peace.”

— Federico García Lorca

Let's thank our villainous voice actors!

Everyone say "Thank you!" to Georgina Leahy, the voice actor who brought to life Stella, this horrible lady-demon-bird-thing whom it feels so good to hate!

Anyone can chew scenery, but to really make a character feel odious in a way that makes it feel cathartic to hate them… that takes talent and hard work.

And the way Leahy voices Stella just a little lower and hoarser than her natural voice… that isn't something you can do all day without risking permanent consequences.

~@~

Let's also remember to thank Jason LaShea, the voice actor who brought to life Andreaplhus, the most punchable conniving bastard in web animation!

Sneering isn't a talent, but building a lawful evil antagonist with just the right balance of arrogance and sliminess, while matching the physical appearance and mannerisms of an animated character, is very much a talent, and also requires a lot of hard work!

So, as we wait for Season 3 and dream of wringing these characters' scrawny little bird necks, let's remember to show some love for the humans behind our villains, yeah?

You drew that whole thing in only 1.5 hours?

1.5 hours of pain in Rennes, France

Now that we've discovered the First-Ever Complaint Letter, perhaps we will discover other firsts among ancient cuneiform tablets baked in long-long-ago city fires. Like, oh, I don't know... How about the First-Recorded Karen?

"O, Tara-Nuwusu, since your father's death, you are the head of your household, and as such, we, the elders of the town, implore you to curb your venerable mother's behavior. Her sharp tongue and endless demands are an affliction to us all. Day after day, she lurks at the gate of the town, seeking those with whom she may take offense and make undignified scenes. Please, Tara-Nuwusu, [...] diligently, for the sake of your name and lineage, and speak to your mother, and [...] to her that she cannot insist on [?receiving] goods without price, as compensation for ill-treatment she has [?imagined/?alleged], nor may she overturn the stalls of vendors who refuse her demands. O, Tara-Nuwusu, we do not wish to bind and confine your venerable mother, but she daily [...] peace of the city with her behavior, and if you cannot control her, we must regretfully subject you and your family to [?humiliation]."

What if real life is the Eldritch Apocalypse, and we have all but forgotten earlier times, before The Planets Aligned, before we discovered Things Humanity Should Not Know, Dug Too Deep, and ruined our world by making it... this?

What if the true Eldritch Horror is... normativity? Conformity? Regimentation? Dullness of mind and experience?

What if we could remember what "whelming" felt like, or when cars still needed to be quarzyk-tested? What if squirrels reminded us of those times, because even though they used to also come in some of the colors that are now missing, they're pretty much the same, otherwise?

Nerf that Ring of Flight by making it the ring itself that flies, while wearing it, you can move the ring through the air in any direction at will. How the character manages to keep the ring on their finger, and their finger on their hand, is the player's problem.