❥ Twisted Wonderland Dormitory Songs

no really, don't

Sir Knight… that's not...

re: mainsto 2 ch 16.7

— longing for someone prompts ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡

im bathing in angst rn, enjoy!

them haunting your mind constantly, but are you even in theirs?

unconciously searching for them wherever, whenever

itching to text them, yet the guilt of pestering them hits

your stomach being on edge whenever you see someone who has a similar figure to theirs

regularly scouring their social media for any updates

them acting so sweetly which turns out to just be a cruel dream

envy creeping up your throat whenever other people hangout with them

taking them off your mind by hanging out with your friends, just for you to only see bits of their personality in your friends

weeping frustruatedly on your knees because you can't stop recalling your memories with them

surrendering to your insecurities; perhaps they truly are better off without you

hopelessly persuading yourself that you were able to go on with life before knowing them, so you can definitely do it after they left

urging the universe to see them one last time before letting them go (it never happens anyways)

"if anyone is listening, please let our paths intertwine again before the day I take my last breath"

/ Orv novel ch 489 spoilers

[ Story, 'Saviour of the Star', is having a chat with the Story, 'Insect King' ]

Girl i will never recover from this chapter. the whole "gilyoung is jealous of yoosung" and "gilyoung would also put his life on the line and sign a contract with his sponsor to protect yoosung" breaks my heart and im just AUGHHHH SCREAMS

and now I will ramble about sys and lgy under the cut.

THEY MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME. have you guys ever realised how gilyoung was growing to become so fucked up in the beginning of the story? killing monsters and even people without batting an eye, offering to dokja to leave him behind, and even sangah and dokja were genuinely worried about his development. (sangah telling him she'll kill and he doesn't need to kill anything) and the one thing that sort of grounds gilyoung from this taking over his growth is when shin yoosung joins the party

its only after she joins that he's able to act his age like a lil kid, bickering and fighting and just... aughhh,, THEY ONLY HAVE EACH OTHER AS FRIENDS FROM THE SAME AGE OKAY... like having friends your age is so important when you're a kid, they literally stay together all the time. and they argue a lot but they defend each other and hold each others hands whenever the other needs help.

its SO fucking wholesome. NOT TO MENTION, yoosung was the reason gilyoung signed a contract with his sponsor in the jttw arc, (it was never specified why but i think he did it so she would survive and save dokja? Or like so he could have the power to fend off the enemies on his own and keep them occupied away from sys. Maybe I'll go reread that part again) the whole yellow aura thing yknow. and im like half certain they picked up the idiot-calling from like yjh kdj and hsy calling each other bastard stupid and idiot all the time...its kinda funny..

anyway. they make me so ill. SO ILL.

a kinder world

miscellaneous mhyk doodles

Always wrecks me up that Meleanor is as forgotten as Knight of Dawn is, that even her son doesn't remember her.

Just like Silver, Lilia didn't inform him of his identity as a Silver Owl so that Silver can live without guilt of the atrocities his original kingdom did.

But, I think, in Malleus' case, Lilia and Maleficia (I think) didn't inform him too much about Meleanor's demise, not so much because they don't want to guilt Malleus about her sacrifice to him, that's a part of it, but I also think it was more so that his hatred for humans wouldn't go deeper. Especially since he was raised in the castle with only the Senates and pure faes who has limited interaction with humans, so naturally he grew disliking humans too (until he met Silver).

As we know, Malleus is very attached to his past, that's why in Book 7, he's having a hard time to let go. Even his interests mirrors his tight attachment to the past, i.e his fascination on history, ruins, antiques, abandoned places, etc.

I think in an alternate reality where he had knew about every detail that happened on Meleanor and Levan and the faes on Wild rose Castle basically, his view on humankind would be even more negative. He might even reject his invitation on NRC just like Gen. Lilia did. And, unlike Lilia, since Malleus always attaches to the past and not on the possible future, he might even never give chance that he can get along with humans.

I know its popular analysis that Meleanor and Malleus are different, but to me, they're fundamentally the same person, just raised in a different environment. Meleanor was never given a chance to see a good side of the humans, Malleus was like that for a bit, even in NRC, he still held his deep rooted belief that he really doesn't believe that humans would understand faes as Lilia hopes (Dorm Uniform Vignette). Malleus and Meleanor are the "same person" but Malleus just "had the chance to not know" the entire history of it, so that he can form his own opinion about it as he grows up.

Even if he grew up knowing it, it would be immature to stay on his hatred for humans for so long (I think Malleus would do this considering his trait of being attached to the past) and I think Lilia and Maleficia didnt want Malleus to grow up like that,, they must usher him to a better future yk.

Its just that its tragic that for Malleus to grow up and take a chance towards a better future, he has to forget major things about his mother and all the sacrifices that his family made, just so he wouldn't be "stuck with it. "

Maybe in a reality where Malleus does know every detail of his history, but just that, it would take a long time for him to let go of his guilt and hatred, that by the time he's ready to forgive humankind, Lilia might not be there to guide him anymore.

I think I read an analysis back then (or was it a legit line in game?? lol) that Malleus shouldve been in Briar Valley for just a bit longer instead of suddenly transferring to NRC where there'll be too many culture shock for him, he's just not entirely capable yet of balancing his feelings and power, but I think Maleficia/Lilia couldn't afford to have that much time to emotionally grow Malleus in Briar Valley, for the reason that by the time Malleus would be in control of his power and feelings, Lilia wouldn't be there anymore to guard him in NRC and guide him about human culture. (He says his magic weakens over the years)

I feel like Maleficia only agreed to take Malleus to NRC bcs Lilia will be there, he's the perfect guide for Malleus to have with in NRC, he's strong so he can physically protect him while also being a wise person that can teach Malleus about understanding humans while still upholding his fae values. Other guards wouldn't be suitable. Silver and Sebek are not fully trained, Baul is an advisor now not a soldier and he wouldn't be a great guide to have in human society lol So, she has to take that chance while Lilia is still here, even if Malleus is just "too young."

side note: what if thats also the reason why Maleficia let go of Meleanor to Wild Rose Castle alkfdklsd She trusted Lilia and Levan would protect her and they did yet even so.... 😭😭😭 I feel like its so tragic that everytime Maleficia let go of Meleanor/Malleus, they're always leading into a danger where she cannot reach and help them (on Meleanor's case, the communication on Black Scale and Wild Rose was disrupted bcs every envoy that Lilia and other soldiers sent to inform Maleficia that Wild Rose was besieged was all killed by the Silver Owls, so Maleficia knew too late. On Malleus' case, it would be too risky for her to just suddenly show up on Sage Island, it would leave Briar Valley in a very vulnerable state with no Draconia residing in their land, STYX is calling her to meet Malleus but I think many faes would disagree on their plan bcs that's exactly the type of situation that cornered Meleanor years ago, Levan/Malleus is lost and in danger so Meleanor/Maleficia has to save them, if you think about it in Briar Valley's view, it feels like a trap lol. It's not an easy decision to just let go of their only Draconia ruler to a human territory and on top of that, they're on the verge of losing one(Malleus). I wish they create a scene of the Briar Govt in the book, I'm sure the Senates are in ruins and regretting that Malleus went to that school or something, like its always STYX when its equally intriguing to know Maleficia and the Senates reaction to Malleus' overblot.

I find it really depressing that Malleus, like Silver, was born out of so much love from their family, yet they never knew the full scope of it (until now). 😭😭😭

[Event Story] Cage of Black Raven Translations

Chapter 1: The Black Raven’s Introduction Chapter 2: The Black Raven’s Gathering of Members Chapter 3: The Black Raven’s Attack Chapter 4: The Black Raven’s True Identity Chapter 5: The Black Raven’s Dining Table Chapter 6: The Black Raven’s Letter Chapter 7: The Black Raven’s Release Chapter 8: The Black Raven’s Stroll Chapter 9: The Black Raven’s Doubt Chapter 10: The Black Raven’s Crisis Chapter 11: The Black Raven’s Mask Chapter 12: The Black Raven’s Cage Chapter 13: The Boy’s Name

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Welcome to Zen's writing blog!

Thanks for stopping by! My name is Zen, and I'm a Filipino non-binary lesbian (they/them) who likes wasting my time by overanalyzing details and writing stories. My main interests are currently: 2ha, Twisted Wonderland, Mahoyaku, Akuneko, Persona 5, VS AMBIVALENZ, and Vtubers (Nijisanji/HoloPro/FSP EN)

You can find me on Twitter/X, Ao3 (gumunita), Ko-fi (icylancet).

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