5:57am For The Win

Solid medications (pills) really do be coming in two varieties - edible plastic, and smarties (derogatory)

Collage…

Going to a friends concert (he’s the bassist) wish me luck (at a bar, ick)

See mine is both, I just live on the creepier side

I learned some things apparently

Ok, good and ethical life hacks from the batfam pls

the fuck is this, church?

Dick: Freeze your deodorant in the summer

Jason: To fix a wet book: put toilet paper between each page, weigh it down with something heavy, and replace the toilet paper every half hour 'til the pages are all dry

Tim: Eat something if you're mad, take a nap if you're sad, and shower if you're anxious. If none of those work, then start looking for other reasons

Damian: Distract your dog while you give it a bath by sticking peanut butter on the wall

Duke: Before you edit, change the font to Comic Sans. The mistakes will pop right out

Cullen: You don't owe anyone online any personal details

Stephanie: To calculate a 20% tip: move the decimal one spot to the left and multiply by 2

Cassandra: Vinegar removes a lot of water and calcium marks

Barbara: Google Sheets has a translate function that allows you to translate lists of words

Harper: Nail polish remover dissolves super glue

Carrie: Citrus candle scents last longer

Kate: Migraine relief: Tylenol + aspirin + caffeine

Alfred: 35 isn't old, the media just destroyed any concept of age

Selina: U.S. bills are valid as long as 5/8ths of it is intact

Bruce: Life is a lot more enjoyable once you realize most conventions are 100% optional. Like, there's no law saying you can't use a night light as an adult

For all the chronically ill

May your pain medication always kick in right after you take them. May your compression garments always slip on your body with ease. May you always find your footing when you walk. May you wake up with energy and zest. May your sinuses always be clear

Birb

There are a few 'Jason Stayed with the All Caste' stories floating around, but I think it might be funnier if an All Hands On Deck situation happened and Talia had to join him in Stabbing Cthulhu, so they dropped Damien off without explanation and Bruce only found out about Jason X months later when Robin II's old 'SOS World Ending Threat' code was entered into a com system somewhere.

Cue Damien crowing "I told you they didn't abandon me, they were preoccupied!"

i do very much like the idea of damian growing up under jason’s influence at the league and thus not giving a shit about being ‘the son of batman’. like he had jason, fuck that old guy who apparently donated sperm. so when talia sends damian to bruce to train so they could go off on other work its less damian being like ‘i am the blood son it is my right to eventually inherit the cowl’ and more like ‘…..:/ man ahki was right. batman aint shit’ and bruce is genuinely just so bewildered hes just ‘what. wait what.’

they’re training in the batcave and bruce is like ‘im going to show you this move on how to non-lethally take out an attacker’ and damian is texting jason from the other side of the room just ‘no thanks. i’ve been taught everything i need to know already.’

‘what do you mean by that’

‘when you run out of bullets, throw the gun into the crotch of whoever is left.’

‘excuse me?’

‘i was also told to say a cool catchphrase every time i cock the gun. ahki gave me a list to memorise.’

‘why do you have a gun’

bruce has no idea who this child is but he’s starting to get concerned about who the fuck raised him before he got to the manor. jason is cackling from 2 continents away

Plane