“I Am Dead, Actually Decaying, His Rizz Game Couldn’t Outmatch Her Mentally Ill Game.”

Cooper when TARS makes one more stupid joke than necessary

@l0nesome-dreams 🤣

and that's why Darkwing doesn't like them

"Siri, set a reminder for two days to throw sushi at a French werepigeon.”

“Well, time to go to a breeder and get me a therapist.”

“Yeah, I saw a whole pile of minnows yesterday— like two foot by one foot.”

*Sudden laughing*

“A pile?”

“—Or a herd or something, I dunno.”

— My grandfather and myself

“Time to be violently asexual.”

(Talking about reproduction in biology, and how to hypothetically be in two places than once)

“That was the night I almost drowned in a McDonalds bathroom,” — My dad.

TFP Megatron: Surrender, Prime-!

Bayverse Optimus: *Severe violence, actual attempts to kill him, and threats of face removal*

TFP Megatron: *Starscream worthy scream* GET YOUR FUCKING TEAMMATE, BITCH-

TFP Optimus: Don't worry, he doesn't mean it.

TFP Megatron: YES HE DOES-

(Loosely based on "Get your f-ing dog")

Yeah, that sounds about right

"It is often the most human of us that wish to be human the least.”

“You fool, in hugging range, I am a pro goose gotter.”