Jason, Watching Zain Steal Something: Man, What An Idiot, Where Are His Parents?

salim is jason’s manic pixie dream boy

Semper Fi? more like Simper Fi, amirite? 

Pre-marines Jason: it’s always ‘how high are you’ and not ‘hi, how are you?’ 

Nick, out of the blue on a random tuesday: Cats and cows love me.

Jason: How do you know this?

Nick: Vermont.

Jason: Elaborate?

Nick: No.

Nick: Hey we should do this insane dangerous thing that would get us all killed!

Jason: My beautiful baby angel child who can do no wrong, you are usually right but in this case I'm going to have to ask you to sit this one out.

Nick: Aw, okay :(

Eric: Or, we could-

Jason: *shoots him dead*

Jason when he disagrees with Nick: I’m sorry buddy, but no.

Jason when he disagrees with Eric:

Eric, teaching Jason to drive: Okay, you're driving and Salim and I walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit? 

Jason: Oh, definitely you. I could never hurt Salim. 

Eric, massaging his temples: The brakes, Kolchek. You hit the brakes.

friend referred to Jason as Male Wife Two-One Actual the other day and I still haven't recovered

When reading fanfic keep in mind that for professional literature: 

Short story: under 7,500

Novelette: between 7,500 and 17,500

Novella: between 17,500 and 40,000

Novel: over 40,000

Fics over 40k are literally a novel written and shared for free.  If you have written a 40k+ fic, you have literally written a novel.

Interviewer: what kind of guy do you prefer?

Rachel: my boyfriend.

Interviewer: how about you? what kind of girl do you like?

Eric: Rachel’s boyfriend.

I’m going with: it’s a reference to the Pink Panthers episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved for the points

i think it’s reasonable to assume that any spacefaring version of humanity would probably end up wearing funny hats as a cultural thing