So I Made One Of My Irls Read School Bus Graveyard, And She's Been Reading It In Car Rides And During

vent post bc im tired and feel alone in this

TW; dysfunctional families, implied abuse kinda I'm not really being abused

I fucking hate being "perfect." Stupid, I know, I feel like I should be grateful.

Have you heard about golden child and scapegoat dynamics in dysfunctional households? Because me and my brother are living examples of that. I'm the golden child and I loathe it.

I have it so much better then my brother, I know. But being the golden child, I am my mother's trophy, and it's exhausting. I am a doll, not a person. A bragging right. An award. I have to always do what I'm told, be smart, achieve high things, always have to look pretty, have perfect manners, tons of impossible expectations, be the perfect little girl. Or she starts yelling. I hate it so much. I'm tired, I'm really tired. I stress myself out to be enough for her. I'm the definition of a burnt out gifted kid. Yet i feel like i'm supposed to be grateful because the one above made me smart and pretty. I can only be who I really am online, with my s/o, or with my friends. And I loathe it.

And I just feel alone. I see posts about how golden children will become the abuser and it scares me. I don't feel like anyone understands that both the golden child and the scapegoat suffer. I don't want to be my mother, I swore I'd be better. I don't want to be her. I don't know how to break this cycle.

Fuck.

was on a call with birb the other night while I was really tired and I was trying to explain alien stage to them (bc me and our other friend have been trying to make them watch it but haven't actually explained the plot) and my dumbass went "it's like gacha life singing battles but better"

I did actually try to explain the plot afterwards but yk. gacha life singing battles is funnier

Each alien stage character might have an instrument that symbolizes them in the instrumentals (theory below)

credits to my friend @chuuburar1n for adding some points and also helping me figure out what instruments are in some songs ^^

Basically to start, in each song with a character, an instrument is present for them, and that instrument goes in and out to fit the music. More on that later, but let me list them real quickly. I'll elaborate on each, dw!

Mizi - Piano

Sua - Violin

Till - Electric Guitar

Ivan - Drums (all songs have, but more prominent in his songs)

Luka - Violin, but instrument changes when mimicking

Hyuna - No set instrument

My Clematis

To start with my clematis, in the instrumentals, it's a piano and violin duet. Not out of the ordinary, per se, these are two commonly paired together instruments. However, what leads me to believe piano is Mizi and violin is Sua is the monologue sequence where only Mizi is speaking, there's only piano then. That's the only part in the song where there is, as it's the only part where they're not singing together. And, after Sua dies, the instrumentals come to a brief halt. When they start again, the piano remains similar, yet the violin is in a lower pitch sorta? (I don't play violin, im unaware of terminology, sorry ;-;) Because Mizi is alive and Sua is not. This one is a stretch but yeah.

EDIT: @chuuburar1n has informed me the lower pitch violin is a cello. So the violin does actually cease when Sua dies. Thank you Charly 🙏

Sweet Dream

I'm writing this out after an hours work, and realizing I completely forgot to listen to sweet dream's instrumentals and take notes.. No sweet dream, sorry! :( I'd love to see what others find if anyone else analyzes it ^^ /gen

Unknown (Till The End)

Anyway, onto Unknown. Unknown, there isn't much to really say, as it's a solo song, and most of my notes are around duet songs. However, one thing of note, is that Till is quite obviously electric guitar, and in this song, it's accompanied by piano. Mizi's instrument if my theory is correct. They're both instruments of accompaniment, so this choice to use them together interests me. In other songs in Alien Stage, the guitar is accompanied by drums, generally. This one is also a stretch, though.

Black Sorrow

Black Sorrow, there's prominent drums, which is what I believe to be Ivan's instrument based on this song and Cure. I had a hard time figuring out instruments for this one, but my friend (Thank you, Charly :]) said he heard cymbals and guitar which is typical to be paired with drums. Not much else to note.

Ruler of My Heart

Ruler of my Heart contains Piano, Violin, Drums, and possibly another instrument I can't really identify. Piano is present in all songs involving Mizi in some sort of way, as aforementioned in My Clematis. Not only that, but it takes the spotlight (although other instruments are present) when Mizi is beating up Luka. Violin also makes sense, because not only is it Luka's instrument, but it's also Sua's. And he's constantly mimicking others to try and manipulate people so, y'know, he can win. And his instrument changes with each song. More on that in other songs. I claim Violin is also his instrument as it makes his way into every song he's been in so far (Ruler of my Heart, Blink Gone, Wiege). Drums, i don't take any note of as they're present in literally every song, and at this point, neither Mizi nor Luka have any involvement with Ivan.

All-In

There's less instruments in All-In then there is in other songs. Drums, occasional guitar, and other sounds created by non instruments, like clicking and clapping. Adding to my point that I think Hyuna has no set instrument, why? Because she has no hallmark instrument in all her songs, yet also, she's a rebel, she's the only one of main cast free from the competition when introduced, hence why she lacks a signature instrument if that makes sense? It's a stretch, I know. My friend also pointed out that it could be because the rebels are out of alien stage so they don't have much musical equipment or the proper setting to make music. Hence the present of the non-conventional productions of sound to add, and the lack of instruments.

Cure

Cure's two prominent instruments are electric guitar and drums. Electric guitar is more prominent when Till sings. When Ivan begins to sing, the drums are not there at first, leaving just piano, then pick up and are more prominent. And when they both sing, they (as in Electric Guitar and Drums) both are prominent, unlike when the other's instrument is in the background of the other's part, accompanying. Also, when Ivan dies, the drums stop, leaving only electric guitar. Only the guitar, Till is left, and the drums, Ivan, aren't around anymore. I believe an instrument stopping or changing in a duet of instruments symbolizes a death generally, as it's present here, My Clematis, and somewhat in Wiege.

Blink Gone

This is where I get my Luka changing instruments motif. In Blink Gone, there is guitar, drums, piano, violin, and xylophone. Guitar picks up when Till sings, but Luka? When he sings, violin doesn't pick up, although it's played in the song by Luka, Piano does. I was stuck on this, but my friend then suggested the instrument change to represent how he mimics and changes to manipulate others. Yet it's not his true instrument. And I think that works really well. The one i believe is his true instrument, Violin, is present only at the end of the song, when it's clear he's winning. What's also worth noting is that the drums become more prominent in the parts where Till is thinking of Ivan. The end part with the Xylophone I don't have much to note on the symbolism behind it, maybe that it symbolizes childhood/innocence, I've heard people say it symbolizes Till's heartbeat? But although it does slow, you never hear it come to a halt, it just cuts out, which is why TILL IS ALI- (/j, I didn't use this in my evidence for why he's alive bc of how iffy it is. Go check out my Till is Alive theory if you want actual decent points on why I think he's alive lmao.)

Wiege

There's another point why I think Violin is Luka's instrument, and it's because this is what symbolizes him, when he isn't mimicking and he's being more true to himself when he's with Hyuna. Also, fun fact, the morse code in the beginning translates to 'ALIVE.' Because he feels alive when he's with Hyuna. Anyway, wiege has violin, piano, xylophone, and some sort of string instrument. I've talked about in the previous song how xylophone can symbolize childhood, when times were better. There's also just violin and accompanying instruments here because Hyuna doesn't have a set instrument. This is where I got iffy on my theory, because when Hyuna dies, Luka's instrument fades out, not any others. But I've realized it's a mix of how Hyuna has a lack of instrument, and Luka only feeling alive when he has HER. When Hyuna dies, he feels like he's died too; dying inside. Maybe he's still surviving, but is he really living?

I think I've covered everything and all my points and all. I don't know, I've been working on this for two hours, so my brain feels like mush. AuDHD be damned, i guess. Whether you choose to agree with me on these points is up to personal intereptation of the storyline! And if you read this far, thank you :)

no, spotify, i don't want to use ai to "turn my ideas into playlists". i already fucking do that with my brain and hands and i do it for fun. what, should i get ai to pet my cat for me? to play my silly games for me? to spend time with my beautiful wife for me? how about i rend you asunder

just finished playing in stars and time with @birbwithapen over the course of a few weeks where I went in blind and they'd already finished it and OH MY GODDSHSHSHJAHSJAMJZMSMSK. /pos

ilove this game so much I cannot contain all my thoughts. I cant count the amount of times I said "these bitches gay good for them" /silly

this isn't even all of our work i have to do all my history classwork because my history teacher is sick today. And read our book for ELA. I'm gonna crash out

Thoughts and prayers for me chat /silly

is that an mcu reference /ij

@mocha-505 i will helena at you

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Okay??? And it's not a game, it's just a ride???

"im a virgo"

"im a cancer"

well im a swinging space age bachelor man?