My Biological Mother Is A Pathological Liar - I Became A Pathological Liar As A Defense Mechanism Growing

do i save this to my tarot collection

or my arcane blog.

University really is about looking at the worst pdf known to man huh

getting really into journaling is so fucked because you will fr end up with pages like "dear diary, it's fucken wimdy today!!!!! also I might be a talentless hack with no real creative drive or discipline to speak of. xoxo ✨"

“Don’t infantilize autism” should be used when people who aren’t autistic treat autistic adults like children.

It should not be said when people who are actually autistic have “childish” interests or stuffed animals and such. Autistic adults are allowed to find comfort and express their autism in ways that works for them (without causing harm), even other autistic people don’t get to tell them not to enjoy those things just because they dislike stereotypes or don’t want themselves to be infantilized.

You can’t tell someone else their life should be breaking a stereotype you dislike. That’s not up to you.

04.17.25 - Weekly Tarot/Oracle Reading

legend:

red: fire blue: water green: earth purple: air pink: the Divine; the Aether, Spirit, wtvr the fuck u wanna call it.

🔥 question 1: as the second week of my training comes to an end, what is it i need to know about mine and the collective's current progress in the energetic realm? 🔥

Ace of Wands: embrace new beginnings and creative ventures. A spark of inspiration leads to great achievements. 🔥

new beginnings

inspiration

creative potential

the spark of an idea, the start of a new project, a newfound sense of excitement and enthusiasm.

the element of fire, 🔥the spark of life, the energy that animates matter. when it appears, it represents a new idea, creative fervor, burst of motivation, kindling of confidence or fresh beginning involving something u feel passionate about.

this card urges u into action not merely for action's sake, but for the fulfillment of ur heart-driven purpose. all Aces are gifts from the Universe, but what we do with them is up to us. this one offers the gifts of fire, but it's only potential, not a sure thing. as the hand reaches toward the lighter, as in Mx. Charlie Claire Burgess's Fifth Spirit tarot deck, u have to reach out and take what's offered. u have to feed and fan the flame, nurturing ur ideas and passions from potential into reality. if u don't the spark will fizzle out.

overall, the energetic realm 🔥 is on the right track and has been for quite some time. maybe ur like me and u've just started kindling the flames of a new job, project or relationship that's doing wonders for u. maybe ur getting inspiration or preparing to start one of the above. either way, Universe is telling u to get a damn move on and start doin the shit that needs gettin done to fulfill that flame deep within your chest.

B.O.D.: THE SUN ☀️ - light, warmth, and vitality to everything it touches. an experience of being wholly ur authentic self, with ease and joy and no apologies. the Moon's shadows have been integrated, and now u get to enjoy a moment of rightness and bliss. visibility, as in being seen and appreciated by others. it might coincide with success, recognition or a celebration that has u all aglow. or it may be private, quiet, and simple: a day when your outfit has you feeling swaggy as fuck, or 20 minutes spent dancing to ur favorite tunes, or a leisurely afternoon in the dog park when, for a time, all feels right with the world. a spiritual knowledge that we're alive and part of an interconnected cosmic ecosphere; the ecstasy of the cell-deep knowledge that we are each as right, worthy and perfect as the trees, the animals, the sky and the Sun. 🌞

question 2.: how about the emotional realm? 🌊

the world, eight of wands, page of pentacles, two of cups.

u have come so fucking far, u have no goddamn clue.

The World: celebrate your achievements and reflect on your journey. now is the time to prepare for a new chapter in your life.

banishment, is the first thing i heard. a complete rejection of any negative energies, dark forces or thoughtforms, and toxic mindsets that have kept us anchored down to what no longer serves us.

💦 completion achievement fulfillment unity wholeness success 💧

eight of wands: prepare for rapid movement or decisions. now is the time to act quickly and trust where the current takes you. ☄️

fireworks about to explode 🎆 a fuse just begging to be lit 🧨 rapid movement, like a riptide in the current 🌊 or a healthy blue delphinium rising towards the sky 🪻. the path to success, passion and creativity; now's the time to light the fuse.

🧨 action movement change speed progress growth adventure excitement spontaneity momentum ☄️

page of pentacles: be open to exploring new opportunities for growth and learning. a message regarding finances or education may be coming.

a young child, maybe a young adult holding a baby sapling ready to be buried in the Earth and grow into a great beautiful redwood. a rainbow, shining brightly in the sky behind them, the pentacle disk laying at their feet.

i continued my studies of Afro-Brazilian divination and numerology methods today while training to begin my new job, as well as grading papers for my class. it made me feel whole, as though i have a purpose beyond working a day job and counting the days til i save enough to fulfill my vision.

🌲 youthful energy new beginnings education practicality focus stability potential. 🌏

two of cups: embrace the connection and mutual respect in your relationships. partnership and harmony bring growth.

two full cups, balancing each other out, filling each other when Water spills out on those rough days where things are a little rocky 🌊 the moon 🌙 and sun ☀️in opposite corners of the card, embracing the duality of night and day, good and bad, order and chaos.

maybe ur like me and u just started a truly fulfilling, non-toxic, solid relationship with someone really special. maybe ur like me, who knows what true romantic love feels like after not having had it for so long for so many reasons. maybe ur like me and u say u love them, just not quite out loud - in other ways, like paying for lunch or paying attention when they play the game til 4a or coming to visit while one's at work. if ur not and i'm just making u want to kill urself, this is ur sign to put urself out there, even if romantic shit isn't ur thing. im a demi transmasc pansexual blonde and kind of an asshole, i didn't think romance was EVER going to be an option for me, let alone with an emotionally intelligent cis guy who has their shit together. even if u're not looking for a partner, sometimes just a friend can give u that same warmth in ur chest that u long for on those bad nights when it feels like there's no point in coming home when there's no one to come home to.

🌊 love partnership balance harmony mutual understanding cooperation attraction commitment ⛲️

overall, if any of the above resonates it sounds like u're either in a good space or getting there right now. good, keep it that way - take care of ur body, mind and soul and the Universe will do the rest.

question 3.: well what about the mental realm?

queen of wands, page of swords, the emperor, the hierophant: the need to balance innovative thinking with established wisdom, and to lead with confidence while maintaining structure.

queen of wands: nurture ur passion and creativity. ur warmth and enthusiasm light the way for others. believe in ur power to inspire. 🔥

a bold, unapologetic, fiery energy. someone a bit mature, either physically or mentally, who understands how the world works and refuses to hide who they are for fear of persecution or hate regardless. someone who understands what it means to own themselves, and that that in itself is the cure to oppression and discrimination. someone who understands that sometimes, the people need someone to lead and that someone needs to step up and get shit done. that person is u. this card is telling u that yes, u are what they need to succeed; even if it seems like giving in to what they want in some way, understand that this is ur path to claiming ur personal power, to showing everyone exactly who u are and that the experience will yield unbelievably beneficial results. kick ass, take names, be gay, do crime.

🔥 confidence leadership determination passion personal power success. ☄️

page of swords: stay curious and question everything. your thirst for knowledge drives your exploration of the truth.

a young person on their way down the path of curiosities, the wind sweeping through their hair, their notebook or textbook in one hand and their sword in the other; [there's a reason percy jackson's sword is a pen.] someone eager to learn, quick-witted and perceptive -- someone with the ability to think on their feet. the need for new ideas, communication, and learning.

as i mentioned earlier, i continued my studies today in my culture's divination practices. i came to the united states when i was 2, and came back and forth between my father's family in brasil and his new family with my adopted stepmother until i was 7; i injured my knee during aerial silks and had to stay in the us for the surgeries since my adopted mother could afford it -- that's when i permanently moved to florida, in a little town called boynton beach. i've long since escaped that hellhole, but all of that is to say that i grew up essentially knowing one piece of where i came from before it all sort of...faded away. as i've grown older and found my way into spirituality and specifically, Chaos magick, i have felt a deep yearning to get in touch with all of my heritage, which lead me to discover another side of my Brazilian bloodline. my biological mother revealed that her family is originally a part of a Calão Romany community, that she escaped her arranged marriage which lead to her coming to my hometown. ever since, i've done deep research into what it means to be a Romany spiritualist because in reality -- there are not many, much to the disappointment of Hollywood, i'm sure. Romany culture is a closed practice and I've been doing my absolute best to remain respectful while learning about my culture, and I'm so happy to have learned so much in so little time. I am not a babalosha or priest yet, but i've learned my obatian (obaachan, Japanese for grandmother) has experience in Kimbanda and Umbanda practices from my father and auntie, so I'll be able to ask her about the initiation rituals and process of becoming officiated in Kimbanda divination and rituals. for right now though, i'm basically giving myself a little 101 intro course to prep for that.

all of that is to say, if you're like me and any of that resonated, this is your sign to either start or continue learning about whatever it is that feeds that hunger for knowledge, to fuel you on your pursuit of what cannot be known. know your limits -- some things cannot be known for a reason, and you shouldn't push that which you don't understand. if this applies to you in a spiritual sense as far as dealing with negative or malevolent entities and energies, please do the appropriate research and protection spells needed to face whatever it is you intend to face. Diego de Oxossi says "the practice of spirituality is based on the union of these three aspects:

consciousness: i know what i am doing and i do it of my free will.

magic: i seek divine intervention to transform the energies of the ritual elements into supernatural results.

purpose: i have a specific goal for what i'm doing and a specific plan as to what i'm going to do when i achieve it. "

he goes on to summarize that these aspects do not absolve u of the responsibility of ur actions, motivations and intentions -- do not do good things for the intent of bad motivation, for what goes around comes around and Spirit does not speak chess. there is no hiding things from the Universe; It made u. instead, ask It for guidance as to where ur putting your energy, because again, if ur like me and ur a bit too smart for your own good, u know that sometimes being subtle, indirect or cunning is not the right approach to take. sometimes it's okay to use that smartass mouth for something other than niceties and white lies to people please people into working with u. Lord Hermes is screaming at me and Inari Okami is sort of looking at me weird but it's fine. be brutally honest, tell people what's on your mind with little to no filter -- u might be shocked as to who agrees with u.

🌬️ curiosity learning communication news new ideas quick-wittedness perceptive adaptable energetic. 🗡️

the emperor: exercise authority and discipline. structure and stability are key.

well first off if ur transmasc ur totally passing, good shit dude. if ur not then ur just stepping into ur big dick energy, which in a world that favors the patriarchy is exactly what you need to keep going right now. emperor stands holding the parts to their next creation, their blueprints and tools scattered around them in somewhat organized order. ram's horns protrude from their forehead in an ethereal, Intangible Substance not quite visible to the naked eye (unless you look at it with another one). emperor represents stability, structure and authority, which, if ur like me is everything u fear hate despise want to kill with fire (can u tell im ADHD yet?). but sometimes its necessary, and as my partner loves to say, sometimes it's easiest to do it if u work within ur constraints.

hate waking up early as fuck for work? ask a friend to fall asleep on the phone with u so u can wake up and get ready together. accountabilibuddies, guys -- body doubling works. hate doing chores? create a thoughtform to manifest as the anthropomorphization of ur home -- give it a name, a backstory and an altar if u fucks wid it like that. mine is a kitchen spirit named Axina Kaliari, she's a lovely brown-haired dark-skinned Brazilian pombagira who sings songs with me while i do the dishes and the laundry, even when it hurts my back and sides to no end. don't wanna get in the shower cuz its Wet and u don't quite wanna be Wet yet? get some epsom salt in that shit, invite a deity u feel comfortable being nakey with (they know what humans are, they don't perceive clothes like we do its fucking fine and not inherently sexual unless They want it to be), say a prayer and wash off the miasma (spiritual grime and grit) -- boyle wasn't lying when he said washing ur hair is the ultimate romantic show of affection and self-love can count as romantic; i dated myself for the longest time and look where i'm at now. romanticize the shit out of ur routine and pretend ur in the montage of a cheesy 2000s coming-of-age movie and i swear ur life will end up feeling like one. the power of the mind is belief. u don't have to become a type A strict clean freak overnight, but a little bit of a routine will work out in ur favor if u customize it like an avatar's environment in Sims. the world is a computer simulation, u can put in whatever cheats hacks and bugs u want once u figure out how to work the system.

😌 stability structure authority power assertiveness order control 🥷

the hierophant: honor tradition and shared values. guidance may come from a mentor.

this one may seem to only be for me personally -- GO TALK TO UR FUCKING OBAACHAN U PROCRASTINATING SONUVABITCH !!

but maybe this resonates with u too -- the need to learn from someone in-person, consistently, who's experienced and understands what they're dealing with and how to teach it; someone who understands how u learn and how to present the material to u in a way u actually grasp the concepts efficiently; someone who can hand u a set of keys to answers of the mysteries of the unknown after learning everything it is u can to prepare urself for that experience. ego death is not fun, not if u do it right, yet it is necessary to access the parts of ur subconscious that will allow u to connect with that which is DIVINE. tradition can be rigid, unforgiving, and uncomfortable sometimes, sure -- but there are secrets to the Universe hidden inside them, like a scavenger hunt only meant for those on a specific path, and guess who's the goddamn scavenger? that's right, look in the mirror pal.

find a workshop class on tarot or channeling near u. get on socials and find groups and servers and communities that share ur interests. do some shadow work and meet with ur higher self to get some guidance on the future; hell, ask one of or more of ur deities to start teaching u something specific, like woodworking or needlepoint or wtvr the fuck else u nerds do in ur spare time - i asked Lord Ares to guide me while playing marvel rivals as magik for the first few times and guess who got MVP twice inna row?? this guy right here *finger guns*

🪬 tradition religion spirituality guidance wisdom meaning connection to a higher power 🔮

this is where i'm going to leave it for tonight, but it seems that everyone is feeling some version of blessings in their life right now, and i pray to my Divine Court that u get to enjoy it as much as i've been so far. go follow my tiktok im funny as fuck. i'm gonna set up shop for consultations by tarot and energy work soon, lemme know if anyone's interested. bye for now sheeple.