Just Guard Things

GOOD LUCK TO ALL TEAMS COMPETING TODAY!

*sits in pile of guard flags*

I am the color guardian guardian of the color

JV team as we’re screwing around before practice like we always have: What would you do without us?

Our Director without hesitation and with a stone cold face: Work on the varsity

Shit I’ve heard Band say

“A triangle could be hanging from your earlobe all I care is that you sound good”

“Put those balloons BACK in my locker!!!”

“Banana Pipeline. Like from Brazil to Times Square. No it’s only slightly puréed”

“You told me to take what I want.” -Freshman

“That’s called STEALING BITCH!!” -Senior

“I love the crunch of a frozen chicken nugget.”

“When in doubt pull out!” -Director to horns

“I AM THE MESIAH!!!” -A trumpet

PREACH!

Why is guard considered a "girl's sport" if it's considered a sport at all?

A few classmates of mine (football players, who else) had the gall to tell me today that guard isn’t even a sport and it’s “just a girl’s thing anyway”.

Sometimes I want to hit people like that upside the jaw. With my rifle. Although that would be cruel to Igg.

Guard is not a “girl’s sport”. Guard is a sport. The only reason there are not so many guys on my team is that people like those two football boys say it’s too “girly”, so guys don’t bother to join.

But one of my captains is a boy and he’s honestly the best person on our team. One of my best friends in guard, one of my best friends PERIOD, is a boy and he loves guard more than anything in this world. Guard has kept him happy, alive, and out of trouble, and it’s so much fun for him too. The third boy on our team just tried out today and you can see how much he already enjoys spinning rifle. He got near-perfect flourishes in under a day, people. That’s not something you do because a sport is “too girly” for you, a male.

Just because we bleed out of a few different places, just because we have the ability to create new life, just because we have slightly different bodies DOES NOT MEAN that guard is limited to us.

Just because guard involves dancing and spinning pretty things and wearing makeup DOES NOT MEAN boys can’t be in it too.

Fragile masculinity, people who are anti-guard, and people who think guard’s a “girly sport” get on my nerves.

To those people: MAN UP. Have you ever tried to spin a rifle? Have you ever gotten bruises on your arm from sabre? Have you ever pulled multiple muscles trying to master a dance move? Have you ever tried to do a routine with a very large and heavy piece of equipment while looking UP, AWAY from the equipment? And SMILING? Showing EMOTION? Running a show nonstop on a floor or a field for up to ten minutes?

I didn’t think so. Man up, and grow up. And try out for guard.

Senior Advice P1.

Band boys are always horny, brass especially

-Update-

I have now broken a second light with the same toss

Over Yeeting

Here’s a tip, from an idiot freshman.

Don’t

Over

Do

The

Toss

Even

If

You

Can

Lights are expensive

SOMEONE STEPPED ON A TUBAS MOUTHPIECE AGAIN!

Some good quotes I’ve heard from the band this season

“Hydrate or diedrate.”

“What on God’s good earth did they teach you over at drum corps???”

“Ok, if I say ‘cool?’ I want you guys to say ranch, cool?”

“Nevermind,I guess you guys are lame.”

“I was gonna roll down my window and yell ‘NERD’ but I chickened out and just drove up on the grass.”

“What an absolute goddamn unit.”

“Ok, can someone that’s NOT a senior please raise their hand”

“Literally everyone here is a breathing meme and it’s kinda scary.”

“I think I have some ligma in my part.”

“SAY LIGMA ONE MORE TIME SEE WHAT HAPPENS”

Add on if you want

The Tubas Made Memes Again, this time at 6:30AM