You Can Hang The Stars And Still Get Cast Out If Heaven, So What Hope Is There For Any If Us

Merlin Takes No Shits AU (crack)

Enemy of the Week: Hah! What can a filthy, pathetic, lowly servant like you possibly do without the protection of your prince?

Merlin:

Merlin:

Merlin: Hasta fucking la vista, bitch (shitty fireball cgi)

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Gaius: What were you thinking?! The king could have sentenced you to death! Have you any sense of self-preservation, boy?

Merlin: No

Gaius: ...And?

Merlin: ???

Gaius: Do you have anything to say for yourself?

Merlin: Nah lol

---

Arthur: Tell me, Merlin, do you know how to walk on your knees?

Merlin: ...Are you propositioning me?

Arthur: (wide eyes) (blush)

Arthur: You—Of course not! What is wrong with you?

Merlin: Cause if you were, I wouldn't turn your offer down. (easy smirk)

Arthur: (jaw drop)

Merlin: See you around, stranger.

[Silence as Merlin strides away]

Arthur: (shouts) I am the prince. You can't just walk away from me!

[Merlin waves without looking back]

---

[Merlin enters the Dragon's cave for the first time.]

Khilgharrah: How small you are for such—

Merlin: Can you, for the love of the Gods, shut up with the mindspeak? I'm trying to sleep.

Khilgharrah: (shocked)

Merlin: thx (leaves)

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Merlin: (mutters) dayum shawty thy bumcheeks should be illegal

Arthur: (who's not deaf) WHAT?

Merlin: what

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Uther: [hate speech about sorcerers]

Merlin in the background, seething: 🤌🤌🤌

sherlock lowkey krobus stardew valley ngl

the count of monte cristo but its either kaeya or venti going down into the catacombs

merthur au where king arthur is tired that the women are crazy over him and the royal court is nagging him to marry so he turns to merlin instead:

Arthur: i need you to be my husband

Merlin (dropping plates on the floor): WHAT?

Arthur (who thinks this is brilliant idea): it’s simple logic merlin if you marry me, the court will back off and the women will be scandalized!

Merlin: arthur im a guy

Arthur: merlin what part of women will be scandalized did you not understand, plus merlin, have you actually heard of ‘homosexual royalties’ before?

Merlin: i don’t think so…?

merlin ended up being arthur’s husband for an indefinite amount of time

tumblr is where i allow myself to unmask i thinks(or as close to unmasking as i can while still interacting)

worm!john....

dialogue from mailbag #5 (abridged)

genuinely baffled that this still gets notes 💀

me and my malewife boyfailure lurking

i love john's anxiety disorder. yes silly man FREAK THE FUCK OUT all the time you've earned it

Saw a thread on Twitter of "gifts to give a person with ADHD and autism" that was full of stereotypical and quite frankly patronizing items, so here's a list of I (autistic individual) want instead as a gift

Money

Fourteen billion dollars

Free coupon to kill somebody with my teeth

Suitcase full of money

Cool looking rock

Scratching post for me to sink my claws into

An albino elephant

The head of Jeff Bezos mounted on my wall

Uncooked rice

A cup full of blood

100k in cash

nothing beats the ship dynamic of “hissy black cat and his loyal golden retriever bf”

I eat that shit up every. single. time.