Why The Fuck I Would Want To Eat Detergent Tumblr?! I Have Far More Tasty Stuff In My Kitchen Waiting

Would love a part two.

Vexation

warnings: obscene language, reader talking back to elder people, sweet, fluff. That's all, I think? Haha!

pairings: Aemond Targaryen x Tyrell!Reader

summary:

The well-known Lady Thorn of Highgarden finally visited you after a year of being wed to Prince Aemond. However, you have a feeling it will not go well.

a/n: this was supposed to be a 100 followers thank you fic but I just finished it today lol Enjoy!

like always, LIKES are really welcome but this duck will do the duck dance if you also REBLOG and LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS about her stories. i love reading them and they inspire me a lot. ✨

You have been acting up since earlier when your mother informed you that your grandmother decided to visit the two of you after many moons of being wed.

~~~~~~

"For someone who hasn't seen their grandmother for years, you seem not thrilled enough, my love." He gave a light chuckle when he saw your face with a sneer.

And you have a feeling that he was enjoying this different side of you.

You're always calm and collected and it was rare to see you so agitated about someone who used to be your mentor.

No, you're not like this because you're troubled she did not visit you sooner.

Nor, it was due to you not caring about her enough either.

It's the opposite.

You love her.......truly.

And you know her better than anyone in this kingdom. Her old bones, wit and all.

If you have been asked to give one word to describe her, that would be; a nuisance.

"Well, if I were you, you should too." He raised his eyebrow at that but the look of wonder was still etched all over his face.

"I still fail to understand what was so wrong in meeting, not just your grandmother but your teacher when you were young. I bet she can share stories I do not know about you, Lady wife."

"I also fail to understand why such a man of your stature was so excited to meet a chattering old lady, Lord husband." You said as a matter of fact.

At this point, you knew that he truly thinks you do not want to meet her for fear of hearing embarrassing stories about your childhood.

He did think about one thing right, but he did not hit the head in the nail on what your fear truly was for.

"Enlighten me, my love. What did your grandmother do to earn your ire?" Before you could share the reason for your distress, a servant's knock disrupted your conversation.

"Pardon me, my prince and my lady. Lady Tyrell was waiting in the sitting room." The servant bowed once she announced the arrival of your family. She stood near the door, waiting for your command.

With a sigh, you stood up and went near your husband. Your hand reaches for his hair and you run through your fingers on his soft locks. Your hand fixes the ones that always seem to find themselves unaligned.

He closes his eyes and leaves a soft "hmmm" on his lips as he savors the feel of your fingers through his hair.

"Are you certain you want me to go and waste my time with that old monster instead of doing this with you?" You smiled sweetly at him and pouted your lips to convince him not to let you go and finally meet your grandmother.

However, instead of saying yes, he chuckled and warm calloused hands clasped yours.

"As much as I love to do that and stay with you in our chambers, wrapped around my arms, your refusal to meet her might leave a wrongful impression towards who I am. So go now, dear wife, I know you'll come back to me safe and sound."

A grumble left you before you pecked his nose. He frowned a bit at your rebellious antics. You always give him a kiss on the lips and wish him well before he trains. But today, you're not giving him that.

Before he could protest though, you stuck out your tongue and winked at him. Leaving him on his own devices as you were escorted by the servant to the place you truly hoped not to visit today.

Even from afar, you can already hear your grandmother's feeble voice from old age. Yet, you know that despite the soft sounds, she's far from tender.

"Here I thought I'll meet my death bed first before you finally show up here." She said with eyes-closed while sipping her tea.

Trying not to roll your eyes, you smiled at the servant and dismissed her. You gave your mother a smile before you sat down beside her.

Servants who were standing closed immediately placed a cup and saucer in front of you. They also filled the table with new biscuits and sweets.

"Well, I guess my timing's not that impeccable because I would have waited more just to see that." The servant who was filling up your tea almost let go of the teapot from shock on what she heard. But as she was a highly trained servant from the palace, she composed herself right away and bowed once she finished her task.

Meanwhile, your mother let out a cough and a choked sound of surprise before deciding to dismiss the servants fully and avoid any more witness from your family banter.

"I can't believe you call yourself a lady with that manners." Once all the servants were dismissed, your grandmother spoked again.

"Apologies, mother. I will make sure to teach her the proper decorum again later." Your mother gave you an eye and you just rolled your eyes at her.

"Not my granddaughter. She's perfect as is. I meant you. Who would have choked on her own tea?" Her feeble voice cracked from hoarseness as she raised her voice, scolding your mother.

A knowing look was passed between you and your mother as she gaped at your grandmother from shock.

If you do not respect your mother, you would have said I told you so.

"Anyway, enough lessons about etiquette. How was the life of being a wife, my favorite grandchild." Even without a mirror, you can see your face twitched from annoyance.

This old hag was indeed testing your patience. It has been a year since your wedding. You'll understand if she did not come to your wedding due to an official business. However, all those times, she was sitting on her favorite chair, sipping her warm tea, inside her chambers in Highgarden.

"It was well, until you decided to come here and ruin it for me." At this point, your mother feigned ignorance and continued with her afternoon tea. She's smarter now as she realized that your grandmother came here for you with an agenda. You're trying to decipher what it was. Yet, you have a feeling you know it already.

"If that was true then, when are you going to give me my grandchildren? Are you impotent? Because I believed based on stories inside these walls, your lord husband made your legs wobble on several occasions. I can only assume that problem was you." The cutlery rang when you put your cup down full of anger from her statement.

It wasn't as if you did not want a child either but no matter how much you did it with Aemond throughout that year, you were still not blessed with a baby. Your husband, the ever sweet partner, assured you that it was fine. Some couples had the hardest time having children and there was no rush.

The insult stings, especially, since it was your family who mentioned it.

"If that was the reason for your visit then I'd rather spent more time doing it with my husband than wasting my time here talking to a wrinkled old thorn." You were about to leave your seat when suddenly, your grandmother grabbed your arm and pulled you back down.

"Oh dear. Your patience was still shorter than my lifespan. Sit back down and let this wrinkled old thorn finish what she was trying to discuss." Still fuming, you followed her but crossed your arms in defiance as you stared straightly in her eyes.

"Well, I would not even agree that you were impotent as our family were known to have no problems with giving birth compared to the Targaryen. But still, answer my question truthfully.

.

.

.

.

.

When you're doing it, have you tried using your mouth and licking the tip while massaging his balls so he'll enjoy it. In my time, ladies let their husbands cum first and that method was certain to make them pregnant after a month." Your mother who was quietly listening to your discussion was left coughing violently at your grandmother's shameless words in broad daylight. The tea she was holding splashed everywhere as she tried to compose herself.

To help her calm down, you put your hand soothingly on her back. Your face red with shame as your grandmother continued her obscenities and the advice for the right position to get pregnant next time.

When she realized that you and your mother gave her silence as she told you what must be done, she looked in your direction and raised her eyebrow at your reddened looks.

"Ha! I do not understand why the two of you act as if you did not know what I am saying. Stop pretending to be prim and proper! A man can do and tries everything when he's fucking every lady on these realm but a lady had a chance to only do it with once with one man on her lifetime. Enough with this nonsense and do me a favor and use this." You almost backed away when she suddenly stood up and placed a bag inside your hands. The bag emits a strong sweet smell you've never smelled before.

"What is this?"

"An aphrodisiac."

As if your skin was burnt by the bag, you immediately throw it on the table and stay as far away from it as possible.

"Have your old brain finally given up?" You yelled at your grandmother. Fingers pointing at her accusingly. You can feel the hotness run from your face to your ears and you know that you looked just like an apple from how red you were.

"Oh hush now. Me and your grandfather used to add that to our tea and it always ended up with a child so that product's safe from testing. Not that we need it much but the feeling we have after using it was something I missed so much. Believe me, it will just help your body relax and be more sensitive from your partner's touches compared to other aphrodisiacs." The disgust you felt when you saw her close her eyes and shudder from remembering what she did with your grandfather were so immense you felt all the hair in your body rise.

"Oh gods. My dear ears." On the other hand, your mother's laments as she tries to console her ears and head from what she heard today.

A sudden knock made you jump from where you were standing and you three looked at the door and waited for the announcement of whoever was on the other side.

"Lady Tyrell, his grace, the prince Aemond Targaryen is here to see you."

"Let him in. Let me see my grandson-in-law." Before you can react, your grandmother smiled wickedly at you and announced to let your husband in.

Panicked, you grabbed the bag and put it inside your dress, where a hidden pocket was made.

Your husband came in with a warm smile but frowned when he saw your pale face and rigid body as you stood near a chair.

He titled his head at you in silent question about what happened when your grandmother opens her mouth to greet him.

"If this wasn't the infamous one-eyed prince who was able to tame the biggest dragon at such a young age." A toothy grin was plastered on her face and she walked towards your husband. She opened her arms and hugged him tightly. She also patted him loudly and the gesture confuses your husband but let her do it.

"Hmmm... I know now why my granddaughter is protective of you. I will surely climb you if I am a little bit younger."

The world stopped as you tried to understand what your grandmother said to your dear husband.

You were just glad that your husband did not skip his etiquette classes as he was able to compose himself right away and gave a proper answer from that obscene remark.

"You flatter me, Lady Thorn." He replied with a smile.

Your grandmother chuckled at that and decided to walk back in her seat. But when she passed your way, she whispered something that only your ears can hear.

"If you do not pull him away from this place, I will make sure to make his ears bleed." You looked at her incredulously as she sat back down with a soft look on her face.

Blinking, you looked at your mother, who was still red, and looked back at your husband who was staring at your mouth agaped expression then back to your grandmother, who ordered another servant to bring another warm tea like normal. As if she did not just whisper the most absurd order you've heard.

Without further ado, you stride towards your husband with a purpose and grab his arm away from the chamber.

"Make sure to use my gift tonight, my favorite grandchild." Your grandmother reminded you with a wink.

All you were able to say was a loud groan and you stomped away dragging your husband with you.

"What was that?" He asked. Obviously confused with your manners.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Looking at your husband's face, your thoughts immediately come back from the nights he kisses your skin and presses himself closer to you. Thanks to your grandmother's scheme.

Stepping backwards farther in his direction, you stride and start running away.

He called your name many times but you can't look back as you slapped both of your cheeks from embarrassment.

How could you feel so turned on in the middle of the corridors just from staring at him. You groaned as you felt your core slicken from just the thoughts of him.

With a scream, you look at the clear sky with determination.

You will prove to your grandmother that you do not need that tea to enjoy your husband's company and bear his child!

~~~~~~

Meanwhile, back inside the room, Lady Tyrell cleared her throat and finally opened her mouth to talk to Lady Thorn.

"Do you truly need to edge her that way? I believe they're doing their best."

"Then, their best was not enough. With that type of husband, I can't believe she was having a hard time having a child. All she needed was a little push. I know it." The old lady smiled to herself and sighed as she looked outside and witnessed the beauty of spring.

She was sure that this will be a fruitful year for the Highgarden.

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