Falling Down The Kamen Rider Hole.

Because commenting on the site doesn’t feel right.

Because what I want to say feels too much like making things all about me.

http://archiveofourown.org/works/6919726 Yep, back on a bit of a Red Dwarf kick.

The more I think on it, the more I have mixed feelings about this one. Although, maybe I’m slightly emotionally burned-out right now and am having trouble connecting. Or it’s just because the OCD portrayed doesn’t fully fit with my experiences. But that’s the problem with OCD, it’s different for everyone. Heck, as a teenager, for a while I was seeing a psychiatric nurse that specialzed in kids with OCD, and some of what I told her about my problems at the time kinda threw her for a loop.

Honestly, I’m wondering why this fic doesn’t reasonate with me more- the number of times in my teenage years, being locked into ritual behaviours that were part of my pre-bedtime routine. The times I’d mess up a step and have to start it over before I could proceed to the next one, or worse, have to go back to an earlier step and start from there, in tears because I had to start over, and all I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep.

Maybe it's the "voices" part. It's never been voices for me, heck, it's not even really words as the intrusive thoughts, it's never been that structured. For me, it was feelings. It was all coming from my own brain, just a part I couldn't control. And as it turns out, couldn't defy. ...Not without repercussions.

For years I was trapped in the glass maze, running the same paths over and over. "Normal" was outside the maze, I could see what it was like, but I couldn't experience it. Pounding against the glass only hurt myself.

My psychiatrist got me out of the maze when he gave me something else. The Dragon The Dragon has rules, if I obey the dragon, I stay safe under it's belly. But if I challenge it, I get stomped.

Different psychologists, all sorts of therapies. All to appease my mother. But that, it was all challenging the dragon. And I got stomped. And afterwards, for daring to challenge the dragon? It's rules got more strict.

Still, I kept following my mother's battle cry. Every different therapy a futile attack, every new therapist or psychologist a new lance. And all the while, me getting stomped, because even though I'd learned about it's punishment, I was still trying to appease my mother first.

So now, I'm effectively housebound. For a while I was bound to my bed, but even my parents had learned not to fight the dragon, and instead of a lance, gave me something better- my own cozy resting place under the dragon's belly. -A granny flat in the backyard.

I'm still living at home, but I have my own place. I pay rent, but it's covered by my pension, and I gain so much more than I could lose. The dragon's punishment is heavy- I can't touch anyone with bare skin, but I can afford the gloves that let me pat our dogs.

And best of all? My psychiatrist is not a lance, not a challenge to the dragon. More a Sage, from whom I purchase tributes for the dragon. ....I'm getting too into the metaphor thing, aren't I? - I'm medication only. The dragon's fine with medication. It's not an attack, it makes the dragon happy enough to rescind a few rules.

Translation being, behavioural therapy only made things worse, but meds and finding ways to work within the boundaries set by my OCD is not only fine, but has seen some small improvements for me.

So yeah, what was going to be a short post in place of a comment didn't work out, I put out a standard wall-of-text attack instead. -But I was right, it was all about me. Which is why I just left kudos instead.

Have I said too much? Probably. Luckily, no-one will ever read this. ;)

Wait, there are people that don’t like his outfit? What’s wrong with them, it’s a good look on him.

He’d be perfect as a Ringbearer though, I can’t see the One Ring making too much progress in corrupting Sportacus, it’d likely think it was tripping or something while he holds it, and as soon as someone else gets the ring, the thing is “Sportscandy! No, no, wait... POWER! Yeah, that’s it. (Oh man, what was I doing last night?! Gotta lay off on the metal polish. Ugh, I'm a ring, I shouldn't even be able to get a headache.)"

Ever since I found out that the reason Sportacus’ hat is usually awkwardly pulled down to cover the tips of his ears is that he’s canonically an elf impersonating a human, I can’t help but picture him just showing up in various scenes/locales from the Lord of the Rings movies.

Can you imagine?

Sportacus at the Council of Elrond

Sportacus at the Battle of Helm’s Deep.

Sportacus in the court of Thranduil.

To be fair, those are plaits (or braids is you prefer that term). Maybe he’s trying out a new way to get those waves in his hair? Plait hair while still wet after washing it, let it dry = wavy hair.

I present to you... Gou in dreadlocks

https://www.instagram.com/p/CPegOhJH0fl/

what the fuck

I see this combined with the post just before this  :

crystal-caper: “I’m also trying to imagine a rotten vs rivet scenario but nothing is happening all I see is two dudes falling asleep on the ground instead. “

Then Esport and Sportacus come across the two sleeping Robbies, who have slightly cuddled up to each other in their sleep. Sportacus is all "Aww, and they look so content! I'm glad Robbie's got a new friend. I'll have to think of something quiet for everyone to do so they can get some rest."

Esport: Suddenly needs to go to his airship to ... uh, get in a workout so he can beat Sportacus in their next match. Yeah. It's got nothing to do with needing a cold shower and why are you bringing up twin fantasies?! Just because that oddly charming yet annoying do-gooder he's dating is currently curled up with his identical yet naughtier counterpart, does not mean there are are any fantasies going on here! It's about making sure he beats the pants off that sickening, watered-down, goody-two-shoes fake copy of his in their next competiton!

He's going to win big, so big that even that nerd of his will act as impressed he's supposed to be! And the nerd's double! They'll come running up, telling him how amazing he is, two pairs of creamy-pale hands running over his muscles, awestrck by the power they contain and... and...

So yes, two sports elves come across a pair of sleeping Robbies. The elf in blue greets the sight with soft, fond smile. The elf in red stands shock-still for an instant, cheeks slightly reddening before whirling around announcing that he needs to bench press something.

Rivet hands rotten a bottle of melatonin. rotten cries because he can finally fucjign sleep

Finally world peace achieved. Both of them can just nap in peace and temporarily ignore their sports elves. ((Rivet is 100% sure sportacus can handle his hell goblin. ))

Or take the time to log out and leave kudos again.....

Current annoyance: I keep clicking kudos button on AO3 and then that fucker announces:

I don’t care. Some things just deserve more kudos. 

Wow, the tip? I can touch my nose with my tongue but I can’t manage the tip. Still, nice to know I share a skill with one of my favourite scenery-chewers.

I’ve stopped being surprised by finding out new insane things about Iwanaga EXCEPT this one time

Hey, it's a legitimate reason for not getting off the couch in my family. "Can't move- catted."

I always imagine this happening to Wash and either Carolina or Maine just walk over like “get up” and he just points to the cat like “i cANT now shush it’s sleeping”

My brother's comment on this- "Obame-hame-HA!"

My feelings on the Fallout 4 trailer.

Okay coming late to the party here, but then, that sums up my relationship with games for the most part.

Promo: It's Fallout 4!

Me: Ooh neat, I've been having a lot of fun with Fallout 3, what's this one about?

Promo: It's Fallout 4!

Me: Yeah, but what is it abou.. Promo: Fallout 4! Look! Dog!

Me: Hey, great looking animation on the dog. I never used the dog, I can't stand dogs getting hurt, even in video games, I took the Animal Friend perk just so wouldn't have to hurt the wild dogs. So anyway, what's the game about?

Promo: It's Fallout 4!

Me: Ah, that's all pre-rendered stuff, I'm with Yahtzee on this one, that doesn't count. Nice looking locations, but what's the gameplay like?

Promo: It's Fallout 4! Vault 111!

Me: So is this still in the Washigton area? Does the story tie in with the events of Fallout 3? Is it set sometime after? Before? During, but in another place? Are you going to give me anything?

Promo: It's Fallout 4!

Me: Yeah, but what's the storyline? What's the starting goal of the game? Hell, what's the gameplay like? I’m not going to drop my cash on a name and some pre-rendered graphics that tell me nothing about the product.

Promo: It's Fallout 4!

Me: Oh fuck this.

Promo: It’s Fallout 4! Pre-order now!