🌈 Some Soft Things To Stay Alive For:

I recently started using a cane everyday and so my previously invisible disability is suddenly visible. I also started medschool. It's been a while since I was properly social so I have questions...

People don't walk next to me. And if they accidentally do, they leave to walk next to someone else even if that means squeezing in three people on the sidewalk. No one talks to me if it's not to ask me "what's wrong". I have really tried to make an effort and talk to people but I don't know what to do.

Can it have something to do with my disability and my cane? Like they're scared to say the wrong thing? Or maybe it's because they've sensed the autism?;)

For my American mutuals🫶🏼

Dudes healthcare is so fake. My ADHD meds are $940 without insurance. But they gave me a website of "coupons" which straight up looks like a scam website, and I got it today for $60! Just a coupon from a random website and it was $900 cheaper. America, I am confusion!! America explain!!

“Don’t be such a big baby.” I say to myself as the pain from my body starts to grow so loud I can hardly hear my own thoughts anymore. 

YAAAY!! FINALLY GOT 12 POINTS!!

Apparently I'm winning in life

must-have accessories

bandaids

visible nipples thru shirt

leg bruises

armpit hair

undereye dark circles

normal vs not normal: pain edition

normal: your knees/hips starting to twinge after climbing a big set of stairs

not normal: climbing stairs is hard for you, and you start to feel pain after a couple steps

normal: you wake up feeling pain after doing a lot of exercise the day before

not normal: you wake up feeling pain regardless of your activities the day before

normal: you are usually a zero on the pain scale

not normal: you cannot imagine what a pain scale zero would feel like

normal: when you experience pain, there is a direct reason for it, and it is able to be fixed with over-the-counter drugs (such as paracetamol)

not normal: you can’t figure out why you’re in pain, and taking over-the-counter painkillers doesn’t always work to fix it

normal: you do not spend most of your time in pain

not normal: you’ve spent most of your time in pain for over three months

if you experience pain regularly and for seemingly no reason, go to the doctor! you are not supposed to be in pain, and you deserve to find out what’s going on with your body!

Living with chronic pain.

I forgot about this post. But I did it @wittlepuppydog. I didn't shave my head completely, I just got a short hairstyle instead. It was about 5 months ago now and I absolutely love it. It has made the pain considerably more bearable as hair is no longer brushing against my face constantly, and I no longer have to tie it up to get it out of the way (which also hurts).

Honestly, it's not even just about the pain. I feel more like me. I recognise myself in the mirror. I like my hair, I like my face - something I could never comfortably say before. It feels like my pain gave me a gift. I never thought I would say something like that about my chronic pain. But yeah, it has helped and I have never felt more like myself than I do now.

And people's reactions and their staring honestly haven't faced me. I don't care about it anymore. Also, it's hard to say whether they're staring bc of the hair or bc I'm young and disabled and walking with a cane.

Thought I'd add some pictures for reference;)

I've been considering shaving my head because of the pain. It's still constant and my hair makes it worse. Is it stupid? Will I regret it? Will I feel like I'm "giving in" to the pain? Does that even make sense? I'm tired of feeling like I have no control over the pain. And this feels like a way I can maybe at least not hurt myself more and gain a little control back? I don't know. I'm tired

Just made an account on Medium so I could read this. Made it about 1/3 through and I'm absolutely hooked and excited to finish it!! But first, time for a nap.

For the longest time, I have had trouble understanding FND - specifically whether it's just a shitty diagnosis made up by the medical system to gaslight people or if it's a genuine medical condition. This essay is rly helpful and has already broadened my understanding. It's incredibly well written, particularly bc of the extremely thorough research it's a result of

Medium

Cadenza for Fractured Consciousness

A Personal History of the World’s Most Misunderstood Illness

I am one of the most medically examined people in North America. For over a decade, no one could explain why I lost my ability to walk, speak, and use my hands. Why the lightning-like headaches? Why the ringing in my ears? Test after test came back negative. Doctors thought I might have a genetic abnormality no one's ever seen before, or a condition so rare that it had previously escaped medical classification. Then I got accepted to the top undiagnosed disease research program in the world, and they told me the only diagnosis I was unprepared to hear: it was Functional Neurological Disorder (FND), a much-misunderstood condition which was once known as Conversion Disorder, and before that, as Hysteria. And that was only the beginning of things getting weird. The essay above is the product of three years of research into the history, neuroscience, and politics of FND. It touches on the many medical failures that define the history of the disorder, the pervasive sexism and lazy mind-body dualism that prevented scholars from seeing it clearly, and why - finally - a better understanding may be at hand, with revolutionary implications for how we understand human consciousness and the experience of having a body.

FND fucked my life up. This is my reply. Thanks for reading.