How To Take Care Of A Cat Stuck In A Tree The Russian Way.

I’m glad Heinz Doofenshmirtz is getting the respect he deserves

I’m...I’m sorry, I just this minute realized that there are people out there who have no idea that Heinz Doofenshmirtz is the best fictional father out there. You guys don’t mind if I bombard your entire dashboard with proof right? Excellent.

BONUS: Doofenshmirtz around children he literally just met who wrecked his ‘inator’.

Literally I could go on and on with examples but my computer’s starting to crash from the amount of images.

The point is that Heinz Doofenshmirtz is the greatest fictional father out there and anyone who says otherwise was hit by a Lie-inator.

This is what I needed today

hey if ur ever feelin shitty use this

I didn’t know cheetahs meow I’ve always thought they roar my whole life has been a lie

Sorta Maybe Blind pt 2

First Next

It has been four hours since the initial discovery of his appearance and he's come to figure out it's not just that he looks like he'll kneel over and die with a small breeze but he feels like it too. side effects just keep coming!

Apparently his eyes are extremely sensitive to the light now. he opened them fully once and it hurt like hell, even with the smog. his internal temperature has always been a little bit on the cold side but now he feels like a freezer and his rugged t-shirt and jean combo is not helping. he's a little frustrated with how much he's shaking especially on his left side

Oh he thinks he forgot to mention that his left side now has a huge lichtenberg figure on it, starting from his hand going all the way up his arm and spreading across his back and chest swirling where his heart should be it also goes all the way down his left leg into the bottom of his foot, some of it is even peeking across his neck. He thinks it's the scar that was supposed to show itself when the accident happened but it didn't.

it's here now and it constantly aches too, another aspect of the ectoplasm levels here. He thinks he's become more fatigued but his sleep schedule was already shity to begin with, 4-5 hours a week can do that to a person. same with his appetite, food was more dangerous than edible most of the time at h- Fentonworks.

He ducked into an alleyway to search through the duffle bag that was packed for him, squinting to lessen the light in his eyes. and he found a lot. Hygiene products, a new phone and modified Phantom-phone courtesy of Tucker, notebooks, files, a lot of snacks, bottled water, Med kit, wild survival kits courtesy of jazz, bunch of the Fentonworks inventions now phantom-tech that he and Tucker modified and improved together, some clothing items courtesy of Sam, and a bunch of other miscellaneous items/small bags he didn't want to look into right now except for

Oh. . .

Oh ancients the fuck Sam!?!?

Sam gave him a crossbody satchel filled with big money, and when he says big money he means probably thousands in big money!?!? taking two 50s out and shoving the satchel inside his chest he looked to see what the notebooks and files were about.

One of the files was the necessary paperwork for his new identity that Tucker and Jazz helped create together, and judging by the glowing green sticky note Clockwork helped them too, probably about the sorta maybe blind thing he got going on. The other files containing pretty much all the Fenton works blueprints and or recipes for chemical compounds like the ecto-dejecto and the cleaning spray for ectoplasm.

The notebooks were small but thick, they hold a variety of things ranging from tips and tricks, locations that may be useful, information about Gotham in general, several were blank, and others had other little things he won't get to. One notebook was dedicated to everything he has done as Phantom, his battles, achievements, and things they learned about his weird biology. some of it was clearly done by Clockwork cuz he hasn't told anybody the full story about Dan or the clones or the other fights and challenges he faced.

Did he forget to mention that besides the necessary paperwork everything was written in Braille? No? because it was.

Deciding that he was done searching through the bag for now he put on a black hoodie with blob ghost sewn on the front, took out his new phone, and put the Phantom-phone in. He turned on the blind aid in the accessibility function and turned the brightness down significantly. He pulls up Google to look for a place to rent. They all begrudgingly agreed that they won't call or text until a month has passed so suspicions won't be as tight on them. Finding something close and cheap and pulling up the directions to speak audibly he goes on his merry way.

Hopefully the owner will be nice enough to him even though he's barely 16 trying to rent an apartment.

--------------- *Hour and a half later*------------------

The building fucking abandoned

No like the top half of it looked like it exploded years ago and Google still says it's for rent!?!?

Why!?

You know what fuck it! he's already made his way over here and it geting dark fast. he'll find a decent corner in there to sleep tonight.

Squeezing his his way through a hole that was supposed to be a door, tripping, and landing face first on the broken disgusting floor below him.

_______________________________________________

Batman and Robin were investigating a weapons deal that was happening later tonight in an abandoned apartment complex, half the building gone from an explosion courtesy of Two Face. 30 minutes before the deal they were doing a quick sweep of the two floors that remain when

*Smack*

Someone face planted 5 ft away from them.

"Ow " they rub their face for a minute before sitting up and

" That's a blind child " Robin was slightly bewildered by the black haired, blind and before closing his eyes he was able to make out the dull icey blue color. He was ill looking 13-14 in age.

A blind boy that was deathly pale, warringly skinny and most importantly alone.

He points in the vague direction of Robin before stating "I'll have you know I'm almost 16 and you don't sound much older than I do" he feels across the ground searching for the phone that was a few inches away from his reach.

Batman grabs the phone off the floor before standing the boy up himself and handing it to him. " The apartment building you have been following is out of service "

" Oh, why is it still operational on Google?"

" Tch, It seems someone has failed to inform the online networks of this buildings status, which is a incompetence on their part" Robin walked up to be beside the boy.

" what's more important is why you were looking for an apartment building in the first place. You're alone as well, when someone should be there with you when you cannot see or you should at least have a cain. It is also heading to a time of night where you should not be walking outside."

" What is this an interrogation, why should I be telling you what I am doing, who even are you." The boy crosses his arms backing away slightly

" We are Batman and Robin and we are only concerned of your safety" the big bat himself States in a softer than usual for his Batman growl.

Robin looks over at him giving him a look before signing ' are you serious ' then folded his arms. Batman ignores him.

Multiple footsteps could be heard across the floor, Batman grabs a hold of the child before grappling up and away from sight. Robin does the same in a different direction.

_______________________________________________

Holy SHIT

Fenton luck strikes again because he just walked in on The Batman and fucking Robin on an investigation and he interrupted. Being held in Batman's arms he realizes that either he's tiny or Batman's huge because he's at least three times his size.

This is turning out to be one of the more fucked up situations he has ever been in. Let's hope he won't fuck up the situation even more then he already has.

(sorry for the cliffhanger I need to rest my brain a bit with writing, but here is what I've written Hope you enjoy also I saw the reblog from @athyriaceae and took it into consideration thank you for rebloging)

I saw someone do this and decided to do it too since i’ve read a lot of fics recently that deserve to be seen

i’ll be tagging the authors wherever i can, i dont know most of their tumblrs so feel free to tag them

A fic that you loved without knowing the source material: When my body wont hold me anymore (where will i go)- @madasthesea​

- When i read this i had not watched doctor strange yet this is perfect for tony’s grieving process and then the hope when he realises there might still be a chance

A fic with a premise that shouldnt work but does: Here comes the sun-  @motherkarizma​

- Okay so i read this a few weeks ago and it will be one of the only au’s i remember for years to come, this was purely amazing and with tony’s worry as peter struggles, it killed me. Hands down one of my favourite fics.

A fic you’ve read more than once: Danny boy- friendlyneighbourhoodirondad

- Ive read this too many times to count, it’s perfect in every way and the whump is amazing, along with the reveal and may being a badass, its perfect.

A fic you still remember many years later: You’re in my veins (and i cannot get you out)- @losingmymindtonight​

- this was one of the first fics ive read and it got me into the whump scene, i love it.

A comfort fic: Living Nightmare- @svn-f1ower​

- perfect scene from far from home, exactly what i expected and the hurt/comfort is amazing.

A cathartic fic: Somno- romanoff

- i read this a few days ago and its one of the stony fics i love, the perfect blend of fluff and whump, the protectiveness of steve and the perfect display of how the concussion is affecting tony.

A fic you’d print and put on your bookshelf: Mistakes- @yes-i-am-happyaspie​

- this is one of my favourite tropes, i love it completely and the guilt and regret of tony is amazing.

A fic you associate with a song: The parent test- madmonnette

- i cried along with tony while reading this, the bond between tony and peter is shown really well.

A fic that inspires you: Wired shut inside and out- @webtrinsic1122​

- this is a trope i love as well, i completely related to peter and when tony realises what he’s feeling it’s the perfect comfort fic.

A fic that brought you onboard a new ship: Peter and the jailbirds- beautifullights

- okay this is one of the best long fics ive read, i spent about three hours straight reading this and then i read it again. amazing whump and ptsd from peter. and the reunion of sam and steve was adorable. not my favourite ship but definitely cute.

A fic you wish could be a movie: Tennessee whiskey- Superstitious

- The best parkner fic i’ve read, perfect ending and Harley’s reaction to peter leaving was A+. Then Peter comes back and its just- so adorable.

A fic that lead to you being friends with the author: If youre going through hell, keep on going- @baloobird​

- Best child Peter fics, amazing display of ptsd and the comfort from tony as he slowly becomes more involved in peter’s life. also @baloobird​ is one of my best friends and i love her writing so much.

Free space: That’s what you call irony- nanerich

- fake dating au with parkner, amazing, adorable, full of fluff.

A fic you’ve gushed about irl: Hydra’s not a home- tempestaurora

- Purely amazing hydra Peter fic. Ive reread it so many times, its just perfect.

A fic you accosiate with a place: In the home- aloneintherain

- This is the perfect blend of hurt/comfort, the best ratio of whump to recovery, 100% would read again and i will always recommend this to anyone

A fic that made you gasp out loud: Take my heart, not my life- elephreak

-amazing evil obadiah and ross fic. love the guilt from tony and the flashbacks are just amazing.

A fic you found at the right time: Three seemingly small words- @yes-i-am-happyaspie​

- i read this a week ago, such an angsty fic, amazing concern from tony and the comfort from his amazing.

A fic that you would read a fic of: Hindsight- elephreak

- 100% the best May’s boyfriend fics ive read. I love the desperation you feel along with peter when he’s so close to getting away. Then tony not knowing how Peter got hurt, and the reveal at the end. 

A fic that made you laugh out loud: Creepy crawlies and peppermint allergies- @webtrinsic1122​

- amazing allergy whump fic. I laughed so hard when tony found out and they both finally got what they deserved. Peter’s need for comfort when he sees tony killed me.

A fic that you know a line (or two) from: i want to go- chvotic

-i cant express how well this was written, the distant feeling you know peter is feeling just kills you, and you see tony trying to comfort him as much as he can.

A fic that gave you butterflies: project pride- TheSleepingOwl

- One of the best coming out fics for peter, amazing in every way, especially with the display of internalised homophobia.

A fic that embodies something you value in life: Hope is the strongest power- sarayin

- I dont want to say too much about this fic but it’s so so good so please go read this. It’s amazing

A favourite au: Nothing is Impossible with you- Highqualitynot

- THESE SHIPS. MJ and HARLEY being BROS. Harley being a disaster gay over Peter. Oh my god this was amazing. please go read it, its so adorable.

A fic you stayed up too late to finish reading: round two- caraminha

-amazing comfort, in the time after the snap, after they got everyone back, peter has to go through the mutation again, one of the best switch ups from the normal fix-it au you see

A fic that made you feel seen: What’s In a serum?- purplestarfish  As well as Ace of hearts- @shadedrose01​

-first of all, amazing trans posativity between tony, steve and peter, and you still come out of the story loving scott.

-next, Perfect parkner fic, peter being insecure and harley being reassuring. i would read 50k words of this.

Tagging people to join in doing this: @romeoandjulietyouwish​ @baloobird​ @just-the-daydreamer​ along with anyone else who wants to do this

Please go read ALL of these fics, tag the authors if i havent. Thanks guys!

hiii, this might be weird, but who is Lazarus? I'm not religious, so I've tried searching for who he is, but I can't seem to get a clear answer and was wondering if you could explain him?

ah yes, lazarus of bethany. a man i consider to be equal parts friend and foe.

lazarus lived in bethany with his two sisters, mary and martha. and when we meet him, he’s sick. so much so that his sisters send for jesus of nazareth saying, “lord, your dear friend is very sick.”

jesus of nazareth was in jerusalem when he received the message. and despite being only a few miles from bethany, and despite jesus loving martha and mary and lazarus, he waited. he didn’t go to them straight away. he waited. he waited until lazarus died and then said, “lazarus’ sickness will not end in death. no, it happened for the glory of god so that the son of god will receive glory from this.”  

and when jesus finally made it to bethany he was told lazarus had already died. that he has already been in the grave for four days. and when martha, sister of lazarus got word that jesus was coming, she went to meet him. and mary, sister of lazarus did not. and when martha saw jesus she said to him, “lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

and jesus said to her, “your brother will rise again.”

but then mary arrived and she saw jesus and she fell at his feet and she said, “lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” and she wept over her brother. because she loved him and he was gone. and jesus should have been there. because if jesus had been there, her brother would not have died.

and jesus saw her weeping. and he saw the other people wailing with her. because lazarus was deeply loved. and now he was gone. and they had sent for jesus. they had prayed for a miracle. and that miracle didn’t come until it was four days too late. and they didn’t know that jesus was going to bring lazarus back. they didn’t know that jesus had waited that long to teach a lesson. to prove a point. they just knew jesus was too late. and now they were forced to grieve.

and then a deep anger welled up in jesus. and he was deeply troubled. and jesus asks, “where have you put him?” and the people say, “lord, come and see.” and he does. and when he sees, jesus weeps. when he sees, we get the shortest verse in the bible. a mere two words to sum up an entire town’s grief. two words to convey the loss of a sibling. two words are offered for the preventable death of a loved man.

jesus is four days too late. and jesus?

jesus wept.

and the people who loved lazarus turned to him and said to jesus, “see how much he loved him!”

jesus loved lazarus. and then he let him die.

and some of the people said about jesus “this man healed a blind man. couldn’t he have kept lazarus from dying?”

and then jesus, who knew all along that he would revive lazarus. jesus, who let all those people mourn. jesus, who let those sisters lose their brother. jesus, who let them weep. jesus, who wept with them. that very same jesus said to those who loved lazarus, who mourned him, jesus of nazareth said to them, “didn’t i tell you that you would see god’s glory if you believe?”

and then the stone of lazarus’ tomb was rolled aside. and then jesus looked up to heaven and said, “father, thank you for hearing me. you always hear me, but i said it out loud for the sake of all these people standing here, so that they will believe you sent me.” and then jesus shouted, “lazarus, come out!” and he did.

lazarus the dead man came out, his hands and feet and face wrapped still in burial cloth. and then jesus of nazareth told them, “unwrap him and let him go!”

and then lazarus of bethany became lazarus of the grave. lazarus of the grave that will never be left behind even though he has risen and relinquished. lazarus of the grave who did not make good his escape unscathed. lazarus of the grave who will now check each darkened doorway as death and his sting is keenly felt.

lazarus was a man. a man whose family loved him. a man whose sisters sent for a miracle. a man whose sisters mourned him in the four days it took for that miracle to show up. a man who was made an example for no reason other than being loved by jesus. a thing that we are all told to be. loved by our savior.

lazarus is a man who makes me wonder three things. firstly, if jesus had been there that my brother may not have died. secondly, if jesus of nazareth too weeps for me. and thirdly, if jesus loves us and we in turn love him too like the scriptures command, why does he use us in the lessons he teaches.

why must we be the men he makes believers of?

so lazarus was just a man whose crime was loving jesus. and martha was just a girl whose crime was loving her brother. and they both suffered a miracle because of it.

Some days, you wake up and you’re content in life.

Other days you wake up and wish you had been thrown into the void during the night.

Please yeet me tonight

Shadowed Hearts/Winter Souls (Chapter Seventeen)

MASTERLIST

******************

“Come home with me.” “What d’ya mean, come home with you.” James scoffed, blowing on his fingers to warm them enough to roll his cigarette. “Why would I do that?” “I dunno.” Stevie dropped onto the ground next to James and knocked their knees together. “Cos you should come ‘round and meet my Ma. S’just a few miles away and the Commander says us boys who live close enough to go home for Christmas can go. Want you to come with me.” “Don’t like moms.” James grunted and Steve knocked at him again. “Cut it out, Stevie. Gonna make me spill this.” “Give it here.” Stevie took the cigarette away from James and rolled it himself, quickly and efficiently. “And you do like moms, so quit lyin’ and come on.” “Stevie–” “Bucky.” Stevie glanced around to be sure they were alone, then leaned in and covered James’s mouth with his own for a long, lingering kiss. “C’mon baby. We can sleep on a real bed and be warm and dry and, you know–” a shy smile. “Almost two years we’ve been together and it’s about time my parents should meet the fella I’m gonna spend my life with, you know?” “Oh yeah?” The words came out a little hoarse, James’s annoyance of the nickname Bucky washed away by the love shining from those beautiful blue eyes. “You gonna spend your life with me, Stevie?” “So long as you don’t drag me back to Russia with you.” Steve inched closer and kissed James again. “You think you could stay around here with me? Learn to farm and all that? I’d let you chase me naked through th’corn fields and do all sortsa dirty things to me.”

James burst into startled laughter and Steve lunged forward with a kiss to shut him up. “Come home with me.” He breathed when they parted for air. “I love you, Buck, and I wanna spend this Christmas with you, with my fella. It’ll be the first of a hundred more we’ll have together.”

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