No Shes Not

im not even kidding i researched oceanography institutes and their distance to a (fake) address in berkley just for this post. am i insane? yes. do i care? no.

god i just want to kiss her so bad

i want her to kiss me on the way out of our shared apartment in berkley before she grabs her coffee and keys and walks out the door to her job at the uc berkeley oceanography institute. then at her lunch break, she texts me a photo of the lunch i packed her and a selfie of her doing kissy lips and saying "thank you for the lunch, my love" and i'll send her a selfie back and say "of course! love you! can't wait for our date tonight, you booked the dog sitter, right?" and she'll say "oh shit i forgot" and i'll say "babe im just kidding, the downstairs neighbors said they'd watch luna, remember?" and she'd send back the sighing emoji and then say "i gotta run, see you tonight!" with a red heart emoji

dont play music you like in front of you parents i guess?

so ive been hospitalized twice and every time i listen to music that isn't happy go lucky my parents freak out so this morning i was listening to Relapse by Cheap Perfume (GO LISTEN TO IT ITS AMAZING) and she was being all "are you ok? do you need anything?" ik its great i have supportive parents but im just really tired of it

crazy

put me in the psych ward again, idgaf, it wont change anything

change my meds, put me on antipsychotics, make me do therapy 4 times a week, make me drink more water, make me go outside more, it doesn't fucking work.

im crazy no matter what. no treatment will help or change it at all, and dont you dare say that im not trying hard enough it doesn't work. ever.

is it the lack of medication or is it inevitable

literally me i am afab and look like a cishet teen girl but im not?

Love nonbinary people forever, regardless of how they look, how they present, what pronouns do they look or whether they want to pursue medical transition or not. An AMAB nb person has a beard and looks like a bear? Good for them. An AFAB agender person is breasting boobily down the stairs? Good for them! A genderflux person decides to pursue medical transition and still be genderflux? Fantastic stuff imo. A nonbinary person does not want to disclose their ASAB? Also great! Again, love nonbinary people forever, unconditionally so.

just dyed my hair! ignore everything but the hair (also i just woke up and haven't styled it yet)

this is how i feel about "girl". ik its just a word ppl use like dude and bro and stuff i just really dont like it in relation to me. yeah you can say "girl is gender neutral" but it isn't to me. call other people girl, idgaf! but dont call me girl.

imagine if someone just like started addressing you as Dipshit, like youre just talking about your day & they say "no way Dipshit, that's crazy." and then maybe you say to them that you would prefer not to be addressed as Dipshit & their response is "well in my major metropolitan area 'Dipshit' is not considered an insult. im not saying i think youre stupid when i call you Dipshit, i call my mom dipshit all the time" so you say Thats cool but please dont call Me that. and then they just repeat that it's something they say daily, they call all of their best friends & lovers dipshits & are called dipshit in return. "my grandma calls me dipshit at the dinner table, it doesnt mean anything." so you say Yes i understand that your friends & grandma arent bothered by being called Dipshit but *i* am, & i would prefer if you didnt address me as that. and they say "it's literally not possible for me to stop calling you dipshit, and it's not reasonable for you to ask me to, dipshit." anyway this post is about nothing in particular

i hate exposure therapy so much

shes amazing

she is disgusting

ive watched a video of her drinking literal piss

when i confessed to my friends they told me that in middle school she would write things on the walls in shit

ive seen her lick the ground

i love her

everything she does is magic and nobody can convince me otherwise

she is awful

i hate her.