Transatlantic Travel Is Hell, Actually. I've Been Awake For Over 20 Hours, It's Been Day For All But

tim “my immune system is fucked” drake and his boyfriend bernard “my parents still send me to school sick” dowd

If you're not making your Christian parents vaguely uncomfortable with your characterization of god in your poetry, are you even doing it right??

Me: I'm Tinkerbell if Tinkerbell was an effeminate trans man

Friend: ... Twinkwrbell?

Work reviews are so fun, it's all "your skills are all really good, you're progressing really fast, good work." And then they get to the attitude part and, "you have good days and bad days... When you have bad days you tend to be a bit coarse and cold. We have to fight a bit to get you to take direction, you need to understand that you aren't in trouble if you need help with something." Somehow, that all ends up knocking you on your ass faster than any therapy session has, and wow! I do, in fact, worry that everyone is mad when I don't know something! My ADHD and all the heavy hormonal fluctuations that come with it, is in fact a disability that I should get help with!

And then you almost cry in front of you manager and it isn't cool.

Jason and Tim are arguing, Jason brings up how Tim stole his mantle

Tim, yelling: I did what I was supposed to do!! I got an adult! It's not my fault the adult wouldn't help! I had to take matters into my own hands, I will not be shamed for that! If you want to be mad at someone? Don't be mad at me. Or Bruce. Or Alfred. You wanna be mad at someone? Be mad at Dick Grayson, because when I saw that Batman was falling apart at the seams, I went straight to him! I asked him to help, when Batman was going to tear Gotham apart, piece by piece, in his grief, I BEGGED Dick to help, and he said no, so I had to step up because otherwise no one would.

Jason, not angry anymore: Wh- Tim, you were, you were 13! It wasn't your job to fix a grown man, you didn't have to be the one to save him...

Tim: Then why didn't anyone help!!

Jason: Tim...

Tim: why didn't anyone help?

Batman isn’t a mask; It’s a leash. In this essay I will—

Tim tells the Batclan he's going on a space mission with Young Justice for a few weeks, he's got everything sorted civilian side and his cases and patrol routes covered, and also if any of his usual Rogue's Gallery suddenly comes looking for him don't worry about it.

And all of that is fine and normal - except that last part hey Tim what the fuck does that mean?

and Tim just goes it's fine don't worry about it anyway gotta go bye! and then he just bounces

and everything is fine until not even a day later when Babs forwards them a video Red Robin uploaded to his social medias that is a music video of him (Red Robin) seductively lip-syncing along to Chappell Roan's "My Kink is Karma" against a backdrop of fail compilation clips of several of the villains Tim has a particular grudge against, including Azrael, Lex Luthor, and most prominently Ra's al Ghul.

so there's Tim, in a form-fitting catsuit styled like his Red Robin costume, in heels, feeling himself up with a video clip in the background showing Ra's tripping on his own robes and face planting into the brickwork, evidence he dyes out some of the gray in his hair, his sash coming undone and pants falling off in the middle of a fight, trying to swipe the effects of a glitterbomb off of himself, etc.

It all ends with the Mean Girls clip of "why are you so obsessed with me?"

The video is immediately viral.

(There's some clips of Red Hood in there fucking up but Jason can't even be mad because he's laughing so hard he's gonna throw up)

Tim's Rogues absolutely DO show up to Gotham looking for him, and while they all want revenge, Red Robin is THEIR arch enemy like HELL are they going to work with these other embarrassments, so they all start fighting each other and it is absolutely CHAOS (Lex decides discretion is the better part of valor and makes a statement that no of course he has nothing against Red Robin he has no idea why he was included in that video haha yes of course it was Very Funny when a bird accidentally pooped on his head he is Very Capable of laughing at himself Thank You, and then he quietly goes to one of his vacation houses and moodily drinks for several days waiting for things to blow over)

Tim, meanwhile, is having a wonderful vacation with Young Justice, catching up with Lobo and Slobo, chasing down some space pirates, and just getting out of Gotham and away from his Rogues trying to challenge him/seduce him/kill him/whatever.

Bruce is taking the constant psychic damage of having the image of softcore Red Robin erotica burned into his brain along with the realization that way, way, WAY too many of Tim's Rogues want to sleep with him like an absolute champ. (Dick is not taking it like a champ, Dick is taking it like an unhinged vengeful wraith and has had to be benched for trying to tear out Ra's throat with his teeth.)

Stephanie is having the Time of Her Life. Damian cannot look anyone in the eye and absolutely cannot look Ra's (or his mother who ALSO showed up prominently in the video) in the face and is Not Having the Time of His Life.

(Jason is with Steph on this one, he is having SUCH a blast, this is so fucking hysterical)

saw a video that was like “everybody comment what you did today so we can see how everyone experienced something different” and the comments have me tearing up on this train. what the fuckkkk. the human experience

My work boots are the most expensive shoes I’ve ever owned.

Also the most comfortable. I chose them after trying on several different brands and comparing lifespan vs usage vs comfort - I needed them for a physically demanding job, not the weekend hiking trails. I could have easily chosen cheaper boots that would have lasted long enough to be worth their low price, but I know the Sam Vimes Boot Theory and knew weaker, less comfortable boots would make my life harder in the long run.

So when the outside edge of the heel started wearing down after three years of heavy use I went to the shop I got them from and said “hey this is a common problem for me with how I walk but now it’s affecting my ankles and knees and I don’t wanna have to buy a new pair, is there a way to fix this?”

The salesman at this very fancy upscale boot store said “oh yeah, there’s a shoe repair place that can give you some heel guards - it’ll keep the rubber from wearing out.”

So at 8am this morning right after my 9hr shift ends I went to the shoe repair shop and it is the most hole-in-the-wall, is-this-a-real-business-or-a-mafia-front, am-I-gonna-get-shot tiny cinder block cube I’ve ever seen in my life. I grew up plenty poor and love me a good hole-in-the-wall business, but going from upscale store to this cash-only repair shop gave me whiplash. Wasn’t expecting this when a guy who wears three piece suits to sell boots said it’s the best place to go.

The skinny kid behind the counter looks somehow 16 and 25 at the same time, but when I tell him this place was recommended he smiles and says to hand over my boots. I hand him the vaguely warm foot-smelling boots, and stand in my socks in the 3’ square entryway surrounded by every color leather polish you could buy and watch as he turns my boots around in his hands, sizes up a crescent moon bits of plastic, and unceremoniously hammers tiny nails through them before handing them back.

The heels are perfectly level again. I can walk without almost rolling my ankles. They don’t clack loudly on the pavement or feel different. This is gonna fix my knee pain. It cost $10.

This kid had every tool he needed within arms reach, worked fast and smoothly, I was in and out the door in less than 8 minutes, and it only cost $10.

I didn’t think anything could cost only $10 anymore. I’m so used to hyperinflation prices I was spiritually thrown back to the 1400’s visiting the cobbler in town square. This kid might have been that cobbler and just decided to never die.

I’m still reeling from the whiplash, and gobsmacked at the price, and thrilled I didn’t have to go buy new, worse work boots (cuz I don’t have that kind of money for a second pair, I’m expecting these ones to last a decade) and it feels like I just experienced one of the rare little chunks of magic that floats around our world.