I Am Suddenly Hyperfixating On Harry Potter? This Was An Unforeseen And Unpleasant Experience

imagine that in order to know if someone is an hallucination or not, dick throws something at them if they catch it is really them if it goes through how ever it is an hallucination and everyone just thinks that that is how he just greet people

Oooh that’s fun! I will now ask that everyone reblog this with a weird way dick avoided dealing with the hallucinations

I’ll start

I like to imagine that dick has enough people on direct comm so if he says something in response that doesn’t turn out to be to a real person everyone’s just like. Oh! Dicks on comms.

Even like babs bc I love the non existent beef between the titans and the bats so they are 100% not on the same comm line and babs can’t break cyborgs security so she’s just like “oh look he’s talking to the fucking titans again” and minds her business

And the titans are like “oh he’s dealing with the bats” and leave him be bc they’d rather die than deal with the bats

And Donna from the grave is violently face palming at her idiot and his collection of idiots

Dick Grayson: parentified eldest child who loves his family too much to cut contact, will willing drain 1/2 his blood and take a possibly deadly vaccine if it means his dad is okay

Jason Todd: black sheet child who resents the elder sibling for willingly ruining himself for a man who will not bend his belief to accommodate a child he claims to love

Tim: well fuck the parent pushed the eldest child too far and he’s little to no contact now (I didn’t even know you could do that?) now the parent is self destructing… i guess it’s my turn to be the emotional support child

Damian: youngest child, borderline raised by eldest sibling, internal conflict of this is your parent vs this is the man that raised you and instilled/cemented the moral beliefs you try so hard to maintain in you.

Tag yourself

You wrote about murder?? Murder is illegal?? You wrote about this dude killing someone and you didn’t even say ‘murder is bad’ at the start of the book, wht wtf, wtf is wrong with you? I can’t believe you condone murder, I can’t believe you’re pro murber, oh my fucking God don'ttalk to me when ou literally kill people, freak. I’m calling the cops, what the fuck, I’m shaking and crying.

Listen the ‘Bruce brought dick in to stop him killing Zucco” is fun

You know what’s more fun

The fact that Dick Grayson is the fundamental opposite of Jokers one bad day

Because he was 9 and insane

Jokers “all it takes is one bad day” meet Dick Grayson also terminally insane but in the opposite direction.

(“I had a bad day not a fan, it’s illegal now”

“Chum murder is already illegal”

“Yeah in the eyes of the law, but who follows that! I’ve decided it’s illegal for people to have bad days”

“You have to follow laws Dick. You have to”

“Says the man getting shot at by the cops bc he dresses as a giant bat monster and fights crime using ancient martial arts”

“Hnnng”

“Anyway it’s illegal now, people suffering I have decided and I’m adorable so what I say goes!”

Bruce pinching bridge of nose “Dick you can’t save everyone and change every person you meets life”

“How about! No!”

“Di-“

“Great talk Bruce! Bye bye now!”)

Like when I say Dick Grayson was the crazy Robin I don’t mean he was aggressive or cruel

No I mean this man would not be out of place in Lewis Carol’s Alice in wonderland.

He’d see all the insane shit in Gotham and go ‘that makes perfect sense’ and continue on his merry way

Like he’s the type of kid who when he’s mad at Bruce for sidelining him on a fight against the joker (and making him fight Harley)

Will pull out a chessboard, grab Harley Quinn and go “I win, you get arkhamed you win we fight”

“Kid-“

“I have a gymnastics competition coming up and I wanna show up this douche in my class- you are not breaking my legs before then. Sit down. Play chess”

“Shit kid why didncha say so”

Why does he wanna fight the Joker who will objectively injure him far more throughly

“Well it’s simple math, I grew up in a circus, I like clowns, he is the biggest disgrace to clownery I’ve ever seen bet he didn’t even go to clown college. Doesn’t even have any iconic makeup, he just has toxic waste skin?? Like not even eye makeup or a red nose?? If you wanna do thematic crime do it right? Anyway it’s my legal obligation to try at any given moment to reck the embarrassment to all things goofy and funs shit.”

—————

Bruce looking for his 9 year old ward who was kidnapped as Robin

Dick hanging upside down on semi sentient vine gesturing wildly at poison Ivy who is nodding empathically

“And the water here is not normal!! Like how do you grow plants! I used to have to take care of plants all the time and now if I water them they rot! Like right in front of me!!? And I feel so bad but?? It’s water?? Please drink it?? Mr plant”

“Oh yeah it’s because of all the toxic ace chemicals in the water, you have to triple filter it. Honestly Robin I’m disappointed, your plants should be drinking the same water as you”

“ they do tho!”

“You…drink… Gotham tap water? Batman lets you drink Gotham tap water?”

“Well no… he always tells me to use the filter but I like the tap water!! Sometimes it’s fun colors and spicy”

“oh… oh that explains so much about you..”

“No he just came like that.”

“Oh HI B I was asking miss Dr.ivy why my plants keep dying”

“Robin don’t consort with villains”

“Miss Dr. Ivy you’re a doctor right”

Poison Ivy who is violently amused “PHD not MD but yeah I am”

“So you’re smart”

“Yeasss”

“Cool!…. What does consort mean?”

————-

Annoys the riddler by going with the most out of pocket technically true answer

Think “a sparrow with a shotgun”

———-

Makes the Jokers goons laugh, louder than the joker. Even while under threats of death by sufficiently wacky murder plot

———-

Dick Grayson was so abnormal as a child but so normal as an adult which leads me to believe he’s a liar.

Like 8yro dick stared into the abyss (Bruce Wayne’s entire personality as viewed through the windows of one’s eyes to the soul bc he’s a creepy 8 yr old ofc he can tell ur life story from the amount of light reflected in your eyes don’t be dumb) and instead of running away screaming he just nodded like that made complete sense and then went

I need to look like a traffic light to fight crime bc the big guy is into thematics and that all makes perfect sense to me

And Dick as an adults is like

“What are you doing?” *pinches no bridge* “no that’s stupid don’t be stupid”

“No I don’t think dead bodies are a healthy escalation”

“Idk man when I’m sad I call Clancy ya know my therapist I don’t traumatize random strangers?”

Like yeah sure he has anger issues I would also have them if I had his life

And he’s like suffered hallucinations sometimes (after living in Gotham who wouldn’t?)

But he has like friends and hobbies and seems like the type of dude who’d wear flannel and take you to a dog friendly farmers market for organic lavender honey but also the best pulled pork sandwich of your life for a first date.

Like normal guy with quirks

Vs

Might be the anti Christ

So he’s lying

(But it’s also funny to think that Dick accidentally developed himself into being a normal dude and then him and Bruce fought bc Dick no longer matched is insane- I disagree with this bc no they just can’t communicate also nothing in Dicks internal monologue bodes well for his mental health)

Like 1000% lying

Like he still does the creepy giggle to scare criminals when no other hero’s are around

He definitely does like ventriloquy stuff where he’ll make people think there are children’s ghosts trapped inside cargo

Like he absolutely has made the riddler cry out of sheer wtf

DICK GRAYSON and TALIA AL GHUL coparenting is such a cruel and unusual punishment for both of them but also for damian. I know they don’t do a good job of it either it’s a shitshow in the way typically only brought on by an acrimonious divorce. First time these behaviors have been seen outside of a walmart parking lot weekend custody swap

I’m done ranting about Steph and Damian this is nightwing first account I’m here to thirst over him, his morally ambiguous tall younger brother and his ex-fiancé

That’s my job

Now PAY attention to my girl so I can go back to leering at Dan moras art thank you

Dick Grayson Olympics

Dick has absolutely been in the olympics multiple times by the point he's Nightwing.

Dick just also happens to have like 9 different countries in which he is a citizen. So he competes for a new country every 4 years and every time the olympics is near his phone gets absolute bombarded by a bunch of official teams and recruiters begging him to join.

He is also the world's youngest Olympian and gold medalist in general. (the youngest Olympian on record is 12 but Dick Grayson was beating up grown men by 8 so i'm starting there, he's an overachiever, no I will not accept criticism)

here me out

first one at age 8 right before his parents die, he competed for France

second one at age 12 and he competes for Italy

third one at 16 and he competes for Switzerland

fourth one at 20 and he's with Romania

you get where i'm going with this

There are 6 events and he wins gold in every one of them except one time he showed up hungover, concussed with a stomach flu (he got a silver on the uneven bars bc his vision was so blurry so he did it blindfolded so he wouldn't throw up.)

No one except Tim and Alfred know (Tim bc he's a stalker and Alfred bc Dick needed his help getting to the airport as a child) but he takes a sabbatical from work and does missions covertly in the countries he's competing in (not as Nightwing bc that would be too obvious)

He also refuses to compete for the USA bc he's still bitter about being thrown in Juvie and they can't make him

He leaves every medal by his parent's grave as a promise that he has not abandoned their dreams for him.

When anyone ever figures out he was in the Olympics he just smiles and said he competed for France once when he was a kid (bc its technically true he's only competed for France exactly one time) and he's like really bashful about it and says stuff like "oh even though my routine wasn't perfect as a kid it was still an amazing experience to have with my Mom and Dad." (he is absolutely faking the bashfulness he just doesn't want people to google him and see he's won 15 gold medals before he turned 25 bc then there are questions and he's a relatively private person).

Bruce doesn't know that Dick was in the Olympics because an 8 yr old boy who grew up in a circus would have no idea of scale. (this is based on a random fic I read where a 12yr Dick Grayson did not call Bruce when there was an active gunmen at school -he found out from another parent a week later- but called him absolutely balling, making him rush home from work bc someone stuck gum in his hair.

So 12yro Dick just tells Bruce he wants to go to an acrobatics competition and Bruce is like sure, okay how long will you gone? and Dicks like a few weeks. And because Bruce has no scale of normal parenting things, he does not see this as an issue.

By the time Dicks 24 he just doesn't tell Bruce because he thinks it's hilarious he hasn't figured it out yet. Alfred doesn't tell him bc he's hardcore judging the 'world's greatest detective' very British-ly.

The only Titans that know are Wally and Donna and they are sworn to secrecy.

And yes he is mad bc he likes the women's gymnastics stuff more bc he grew up in a circus and he thinks it looks more fun.

Hey do you know a canon summary of Jason’s plotline/ development? Or if you don’t at least what you think his development is? I saw your Damian and Jason being league bros rant and I really liked it. Idk shit about jack that’s canon I just see family vibes in fanfic and my trauma says awooga

Hi hi

Yes yes

Okay so my big issue with the league bros Jay and Dami brotherisms

Is that yes Jaybin was a sweetie (I wouldn’t say he wasn’t reckless or that he was the kindest or nicest Robin bc I think that’s a gross exaggeration but he was a sweetie)

But he just? Wasn’t that? When he came back? He was rightfully angry and violent. He gave into the violent tendencies he had as Robin (which unpopular opinion I think were COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED BTW)

but like? Jay had a bat habit of murdering all his teachers when they were done with him

He killed his goons and low level players in his race to take over the Gotham underbelly and like? Idk he just wasn’t? The current red hood or the past Robin.

Like since I am a dick Grayson stan account I’ll use them to demonstrate.

But Jay and Dicks relationship is awful when he first comes back

-he steals dicks nightwing suit and kills people in it ruining dicks standing and making him a target for more anti-hero ‘vigilantes should be killed’ stuff that was happening at the time

- he killed like 100 people in black gate bc he was like ‘well i wanna kill criminals and here i am surrounded by criminals whatever shall i do’

- then there’s all the WEIRD ASS STUFF he did to Dick and Damian when they were Batman and Robin (stripping them naked and trying to reveal them that way to the world??)

Anyway Jay was a fucking VILLAIN

And then after all this, the reboot happened, they gave Jason a collection of very fucked up and traumatized folks that he couldn’t just murder his way out of

And he like actually had to have dimension and he was moved from being imo one of the most interesting Batman/ batfam villains to being a pretty cool anti hero more in the line with batwoman or like the new Harley Quinn

But he didn’t start out that way

He was a murderer with sociopathic tendencies who remembered what it meant to give a fuck through a lot of shared trauma and experiences and now. His relationship with the bats (I’m talking specifically about the batlings rn like dick, Tim and Damian) is much better

Dick helps him clear his name when he’s accused of murder

Tim and him work together on cases

He’s trying to be there for Damian

And this whole dynamic gave me the ability to watch my precious baby boy beat the shit out of Bruce Wayne during Gotham war (I just love angry Grayson lemme live)

Right

But if you think for a SECOND THAT OG VILLAIN JAY TODD WOULD HAVE BEEN LET AROUND TALIAS BABY??

Not happening

Now a lot of people are gonna be like “oh you’re picking and choosing” or “oh you’re ignoring Talia’s characterization in morrisons and using jays” and yeah I think that Talia’s characterization in dicks Batman run was awful and while I think certain things Jason does in the comic he wouldn’t have done if written by someone else. It 100% is more fitting than the racist nonsense Talia Stan’s had to deal with. 

Anyway I think if you want sweet and fuck brotherisms/siblingisms/ other bat relationships (since you don’t read canon and some of these are lowkey ignored by the fanon i 100% you check out like any fanart/ fanfic of them)

Dick Grayson and any younger Robin is always adorable

Tim and Damian in Gotham war

Jay and Damian in the Robin run

Tim and Duke whenever they’re together

Tim, cass and Steph also have a very fun dynamic (the angst potential here goes crazy tho)

Jay and Dick as red hood and nightwing are very very fun

But also nightwing and Jaybin is fucking adorable (cue dick trying to take Jason Todd from Bruce like YOU FUCK UP IM ADOPTING HIM MYSELF)

Jay and babs (we ignore that one time they tried to make them date we IGNORE IT)

Outside of the Batfam batkid relationships are also so fluffy

Jay and bizzaro have a very cute relationship

Tim and the young justice team are fucking adorable esp him Cassie, Kon and Bart

Supersons can be read as platonic or romantic but they’re fucking adorable and I loved the supersons comic so so so much

Dick and the fab 5 trust me Dick and Donna sibling fluff hurts my teeth.

I personally hated the comic this happened in but if you’re not a big comic fan / you don’t care about pre crisis that Jay and Roy??? Adoptable

Anyway this is mainly based on my opinion I AM mainly a Nightwing reader so some of these things come from my Jay Todd Stan friends (cough cough cough you know who you are cough cough) so I’m sorry if I fucked up any details

This means that Dicks rebellion was bad enough that a severed head bag was not out of left field

Red Hood comes back and everything's the same except Bruce doesn't realise that while Jason's still pissed at him, it's more of a familial feud than it is a genuine casting himself away from the family forever. Jason's under the impression that what's going on between him and B is just normal teenage rebellion- after all, Dick basically did the same shit when they were younger, he remembers sitting on top of the stairs and listening to the arguments, hell he remembers eating popcorn while stood in the middle of a couple of them. they're a family of fucked up vigilantes, it makes sense to him that their father-son brawls are just as dramatic as the rest of their lives.

after the rooftop showdown where Bruce saves the Joker he gets into the batmobile, slightly depressed that he has to go back home and tell Alfred that he failed oh so spectacularly at convincing Jason to come home and probably actually made things a 100% worse and oh god when he finds out about the batarang-

Red Hood opens the passenger door and gets into the car

Jason: jesus christ B are you THAT fucking stubborn? YOU ALMOST DECAPITATED ME WITH THAT THING

Bruce:

Jason: whatever. actually, don't fucking talk to me. I'm not continuing this until next patrol where trust me I WILL be shooting you in the neck.

Bruce: ...w-

Jason: CAN YOU HURRY UP AND FUCKING DRIVE ALREADY? Jesus it's fucking freezing out and the heater isn't even on!

Bruce has absolutely no fucking clue what's going on. He continues to stare in the very rare Batman Bafflement that only his kids have ever managed to get out of him.

Is Jason... coming home with him?

He's so shocked at the sudden turn of events, so scared of flinching slightly in the wrong direction and ruining whatever the fuck convinced his son to actually get in the car with him, that he decides in a moment of pure panic to not question it. He turns the car on, silently turns on the heater, and proceeds to white knuckle the steering wheel and stiffly drive back to the manor, terrified that even breathing too loud will disrupt the way the Red Hood is spitefully messing with the radio station until it's playing Bruce's least favourite station at a way-too-loud volume.

when they get home Jason flips Bruce off and goes straight to the kitchen, dishing himself up some food from the dinner table with a couple of casual greeting grunts as if everyone isn't staring at him in shock and awe. Bruce comes in behind him and shrugs helplessly. Dick's face has gone white, and he's clutching his glass so hard it's started to splinter in his hands. Tim's the only person who manages to get past it all, blinking up at Jason's massive hulking frame.

Tim: I thought you hated us now

Jason: *eating, gives a questioning hum*

Tim: you keep fighting with Batman

Jason: yeah, fuck batman. I'm so pissed at him right now

Bruce: h-

Jason: Shut the fuck up I'm still mad at you.

Jason, to Tim: it's family tradition to hate Bruce and strike out on your own. Doesn't mean I shouldn't be allowed Alfie's impeccable cooking.

Tim:

Tim: ...you also tried to kill me

Jason: you replaced me as Robin. an attempt on your life is also family tradition. Dick tried to kill me a month after I took up the mantle

Tim:

Dick, so exasperated it breaks him out of his shock: oh come on, it was not a murder attempt-

Jason, slamming his fist on the table: I HAVE A PEANUT ALLERGY AND YOU TRIED TO FEED ME A SNICKERS BAR!

Dick: FOR THE LAST TIME I DIDN'T KNOW-

Bruce, desperate: boys-

Jason, whirling around: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT TALKING TO ME?

Bruce:

Jason: oh that reminds me. hey Alfred? guess what B did like twenty minutes ago.

Alfred: ..?

Bruce: Jaylad please-

Jason: he threw a batarang at my neck.

Alfred:

Bruce:

Alfred: master Bruce-

Bruce quite honestly would have preferred it if Jason was a villain instead of a rebellious teen.