Genji Is Always Showing Up To Your House When He Can, Like A Story Cat After Food He's A Simple Man After

pettiness is a dish always best served hot; guardian x crow and cayde :)

after getting that ask about Cayde being a third-wheel in this situation, I just had to write something for the Wild Card mission :) I hope this is as funny as it is in my mind :D also on ao3

Cayde hates stake outs. 

Getting into the fray, guns blazing, is where his true approach lies. A knife here, a bullet there, everyone who should be dead is dead, and he gets to eat ramen right on the dinner clock. 

Yet here they are, former Hunter Vanguard, his little Guardian protege and their formerly of the Awoken royalty boyfriend. Slash killer. Slash no, not anymore. Slash, unsure. What a crew!

“Cayde, stop moving!” Crow chastises him, kicking him lightly in the shin. 

Cayde narrows his eyes but obliges by sitting down on the ground, watching Crow. Now that one was made for scouting. Patient to a Hunter appropriate degree, wicked with a sniper, if Cayde were to judge. Knows his stuff. And according to the few conversations they shared, not even mildly scared by bureaucracy. Good, Cayde thinks.

A multitude of feelings swarm inside him. Curiosity, jealousy, a little bit of anger for the spice. Resentment, pride, appreciation.

But above all those warm and fuzzy feelings, there is one more. One that Cayde has made sure to nurture over his long long life. One that feeds into his very psyche.

“Guardian?” Crow calls on the comms. “I have you in my sights. There is a swarm of Scorn approaching your location. Wait, what? Uh…”

Whatever the reply is, Cayde doesn’t get to hear as the channel switches to private but for a second. And so he gives in to that feeling instead.

A wave of playful and unyielding pettiness.

And so Cayde-6 forms a plan. 

***

They sit around a small fire, celebrating one of the many latest victories of their hunt. Crow reenacts a shoot-out with a horde of war beasts, accidentally sending one of the bottles flying at the wall, covering the rock side with rich red. The Guardian is laughing, while the two Ghosts watch with a mixture of disapproval and parental condescension. 

Crow thoughtfully rubs his nape and reaches for another wine bottle, offering it to the Guardian. But before the bottle can make contact, Cayde smiles and swipes it from Crow's hand. 

“Oh, that's my favourite!” he exclaims. “Not vintage enough, but that will do.”

He lets the cool liquid pour down his mechanical throat, watching from the corner of the eye as Crow can't find any more wine in their supplies. The Guardian is smiling at Crow's quiet frustration and reassures him that it's fine and they can transmat in some more if need be. Their hands brush against each other as Crow sits next to the Guardian, and Cayde wonders if they don’t see him notice.

“Good wine?” Crow asks with a mocking tone, to which Cayde wipes his mouth and sighs with great content.

“Good enough, kid.”

Crow huffs and turns his attention to stoking the fire.

A warm feeling spreads in Cayde's chest. He oh so loves being up to no good. 

***

In-between the many battles within the Pale Heart, they take a moment of respite to take care of their weapons and ammunition. The Guardian is trying to get screeb stuff out of their armour to no avail. Rookie mistake to run straight into the thick of the horde and serves them right.

Crow polishes the feather-etched barrel of his gun. Cayde watches, proud that the kid has already figured out the important business of having a signature gun. Cayde tucks away a thought about a signature cloak, one step a time, but that's a done deal. He's decided, it’s just that no one else needs to know for now. 

Cayde looks at his own weapon, the Ace of Spades glowing with Light through cracks. Shabby, but trusty. His thumb runs over the white spade. Even here in this strange version of the afterlife, a memory of something distant and unattainable is haunting him.

When he raises his eyes, he finds that Crow has joined the Guardian in a fruitless attempt to wipe off the Scorn ether, yet the more they both try, the more the stain seems to eat into the armour.

Lovebirds, Cayde thinks. Oh how the tables have turned.

***

The hunt for the ether-thieves goes on for a few more days. In that time Cayde thinks he and Crow have discussed every possible facet of things he would rather never talk about again. Good thing the kid is easily distracted with a healthy bit of competition, which they indulge in by shooting distant targets while the Guardian spots them both. 

At night they take turns to meditate and rest, another taking watch.

On one of the nights, Cayde wanders off from the camp. An excuse is easy, a strange noise nearby he wants to investigate, as if there isn't something strange happening every minute anyway. They are inside the Traveler, after all.

Cayde walks down a narrow trodden path and contemplates the ridiculous lip locking happening right around the corner. It doesn’t particularly bother him, but oh, amuse him it does. His favourite Guardian, all tangled up with this Crow. He wonders how it happened. Actually, he doesn’t, the more he thinks about it, the stranger it seems.

When Cayde makes it back to the camp, the kiss is still ongoing, with the two lovebirds none the wiser to his presence. Dangerous, could get shot like this, so they should be happy it’s just him.

Cayde pushes between the Guardian and Crow, plopping himself down on the ground. The Guardian is looking away flushed, while Crow crosses his arms.

“Found anything suspicious?” he asks, moving to make space.

“Nah, false alarm. There was this pair of love birds though…”

The Guardian chokes on a small hidden laugh.

***

“...that’s when Zavala punched him right. In. The. Face!”

As the Guardian laughs, Crow rubs his forehead with tired fingers. Cayde rummages through his memories to grapple onto a new story - and good thing that not all of them have to be true - when the Guardian stretches their arms. After a few pops, a glance at Crow and a ridiculously tired yawn, they begin to rise from the chair.

“Hold on, I’ve got one more!” Cayde exclaims. “Just one more, and off you go to see your sweet dreams. Promise!”

The Guardian sits right back, and Crow watches Cayde with eyes narrowed, only two brightly coloured irises glowing in the dark. He means to say something, and Cayde eggs him on with a prolonged pause, just to talk as Crow’s mouth opens.

“A-”

“Okay, there was this one time I sat in a bar, and in came a titan, a hunter and a warlock…”

One story turns into a couple more. A wine bottle is fished from the supplies, and the Guardian is doing all in their power to not let their eyes closed, when Cayde puts a final flourish on the story.

“And that’s why you don’t play cards with Ikora.”

“Good to know,” Crow says with an amused grin. “I think I’m going to catch some sleep. How… about you, Guardian?”

They rise from the chair and dust off their armour, even though it has now been made pristine.

As the Guardian heads to the tent, Crow turns to Cayde. Their eyes meet, some kind of momentary agreement or understanding. He doesn’t want to talk about it now, but he has learnt the importance of well-timed words. It may always be that you would not get a chance to say them.

“Come on,” Cayde ushers Crow with a flick of his hand. “Go get that sleep.”

Crow crosses his arms and arches his eyebrow.

“What, not another story? Or sleeping right in the middle of the tent like the last time?”

“Nope,” Cayde responds. “Let’s just say, I got my retaliation. Now go, shoo. The Guardian is going to fall asleep if you don’t get all cuddly and snuggly.”

Crow’s lips stretch into a wild grind.

“What in the Light’s name are those words?”

“No idea, hope I don’t get to repeat them ever again. Now go, kid. And… look after them, yeah? They are my favourite.”

Crow looks at the tent where the Guardian is fumbling with a light blanket.

“I will. They are my favourite, too.”

Ahem *taps the mic* I wanna... I want some Genji smoochies because yes go ninja boy who deserves to be smooched <3

I've actually already given out Genji smooches here, HOWEVER! I will happily write you more because ily and you deserve Genji smooches and he deserves smooches from you <3

You and Genji were just hanging out on the couch when he accidently poked your side a bit.

You laughed and pulled away from him. "That tickles, Genji."

He smirked at you playfully. "Does it?"

"Genji, don't." You saw him creep forward. You set of a bomb that you didn't like.

"Don't.... what?"

"Genji, I'm serious!!!" You went to run off, but Genji tackled you to the couch and tickled your sides until you couldn't breath.

"GENJI STAWP!!!" You laughed and laughed, heaving for breath.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop." He stopped for one second before laughing and pouncing on you again. But this time he didn't tickle you, instead he pressed kisses all over your face and neck, which definitely still tickled.

"Genji," you grabbed his face mid kiss, which made his lips adorably squishy. "Quit that, cutie." You pressed your lips to his, making him smile.

"But you're so cute." His voice was muffled from you still grabbing his face.

"You're so cute." You let go of his face and pressed kisses all over him this time.

He laughed that cute laugh you always loved. You and your sweet boy. There was nothing more you needed.

~~~~~

if you want character smoochies, go ahead and send some in!!!

~~~~~

Phantom Pain

Genji Shimada x Reader

Most of Genji's time at Overwatch has mostly been the same. He always would go to Dr. Ziegler, when something would happen with his many prosthetics. Missing an arm and 2 legs was something he never really could accept. His reflection always put him off even after coming to terms and accepting his new life. Genji still was able to do what he was able to before, I infact better with his range of motion heightened in his legs, making jumping easier and his jumps holding more power than they did before. But there would be days he felt the loss of his limbs, stings of pain would shoot through his missing extremities. Aches would plauge his day. Sometimes, it would just be a feeling for a moment, and others it would last for hours with seemingly no end to the pain. Those days were always his worst.

Angela always helped him, always giving him explanations on why it's happening and she would treat him the way she could. Genji always knew it was something to expect. In fact, when he first woke up with his limbs replaced, he was told the news and what to expect. But with how much mirror therapy and medications sometimes they never worked, Genji hated the fact they never truly worked.

He knew stress could impact the severity of how painful it could be. Meditation was something that grew to be just as important as training for him. Genji thought he was at peace with himself, with his life, but deep down, he was still lonely. He went from a man with a family, maybe not a good one, but Hanzo was there when he was younger and had the time. And Genji would always have a girlfriend, someone to talk his mind to and someone to be there for him. At Overwatch, that wasn't there.

Sure, at Overwatch, he had friends. Angela was friendly, and so was everybody else. But he never had someone close to someone who made that spark in his heart and someone to hold close.

Those days where he would lay there in pain, each stump of his throbbing made it hurt to walk or let alone stand in place. His whole body ached, the metal feeling like in was still his flesh, and every single cell was in pain. He just wished someone was there for him. He wished he wasn't so alone. Meditation felt impossible, and he just needed to be grounded. But nobody could willingly hold someone more metal than skin. He was accepting of himself, but that didn't hold true to everyone.

Genji kept everyone's at arms length. The only individual he spoke his mind to was Zenyatta, and even then, it wasn't about his love life. Any desire he pushed down, he focused on the blade rather than his heart. That was until he saw someone who caught his eye.

Usually, he would be cordial with anyone he saw as attractive, but he couldn't shake it away when talking to you. The way you smiled at him, the way you played with the hem of your shirt when talking to him, the way your face flushed when he said your name. You blushed when he spoke, and he couldn't help but smile when you did. Weeks passed and you two continued to get closer and closer, he didn't open up much but you could tell he was comfortable around you. He loved how much you had in common, a similar sense in humor and a bond over shared interests.

Genji had caught feelings, and as a leap of faith, he asked you to go on a date. Of course, you said yes. It was Genji, after all. He brought you to a secluded spot out of the city, a place with a perfect view of the night sky. You saw his face for the first time, and after that, you two were inseparable. Eventually, he would start staying the night at your place, always helping with any chores or watching a show together. Nights every once a while turned to once a week, and then all of a sudden, your boyfriend was living with you.

Genji was a joy to live with. He did his part of chores, and rent was always paid in time. But some days, he would be slightly off. He always would brush you off, either saying its pain from training or a rough nights sleep. Eventually, he would say it was medical things to do with his injuries, but it was nothing to worry about. He was used to it. He told you of his past, his near death, and the remnants of his body after his fight. He told you about phantom pain, but brushing it off by saying he has medication for it and you never really questioned him. Genji was an honest man and partner. He never had a reason to be dishonest.

But one day, you both were home. It was one of those days he seemed off. Genji looked horrible. His face was pale, and he was distant. He was just laying on your shared bed.

"Genji, what's wrong? You can tell me."

Genji's eyes shifting slightly to look up to you, he gulped for speaking.

"It's nothing.. just health things."

He told you about his flare-ups of pains, the feeling that his body was still one piece, and it would feel weird or hurt. But you never saw him like this before. You sighed before sitting the bed beside him, running fingers through his hair.

"I can help you, just say the word, and I'll do it."

You felt Genji melt into your touch, a soft hum coming from him.

"Just hold me.. please."

You shifted so you were lying down beside him, his back facing you. Wrapping an arm around his stomach, you nuzzled into the back of his neck, his black hair tickling your face. You felt Genji's body relaxed a bit. You ran your hand up and down his stomach, which seemed to relax him more. He let out another content hum, his human hand reaching to pat your arm.

"Thank you, this.. this helps. It helps me alot more then anything else I've tried for this."

Genji never really went too far into what it was like. You only knew what the internet had to say of what it was like to feel phantom pain. But anything to help your boyfriend was something you were willing to do. Hearing his fast-paced breaths turn to slower and more relaxed ones was enough to make you want to stay there for him. And the soft snores that came from him after only a couple minutes was enough to make you want to stay there forever.

Your voice like a whisper Breaking the silence You say there's a treasure You'll look 'til You find it

You search to find me ...

Seems even more fitting today. 💕

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I’m waking up to ash and dust I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust I’m breathing in the chemicals I’m breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus This is it, the apocalypse [x]

THERE’S STILL A LOT OF WORK AHEAD.

Felt obliged to make some Sonic ones.

Artwork used is from the Sonic Channel's 2023 wallpaper art

Thoughts on Shadow the Hedgehog (2005)

Shadow has been my favorite Sonic character for years. My earliest exposure to Shadow was at my local Boys & Girls Club. We had a GameCube where kids would take turns playing games. I distinctly remember watching several kids try to beat the final boss of Sonic Adventure 2, though I didn’t fully click with it at the time. My first real exposure to him was through cutscenes posted to YouTube in the early 2000s because I didn’t have a gaming console growing up. I would watch Sonic X when I was able, specifically seeking out the episodes with Shadow. When I finally got a PS2, I got Shadow the Hedgehog because, well, Shadow.

I was not great at it. I struggled a lot because of the slippery controls, flying off stages, and bombardment of bullets. I maybe got through one ending if that.

And for the longest time, that’s all I really had. I got a PS2 towards the end of its lifecycle, the PS3 was already out and I struggled to find other titles.

I had other Sonic games like Sonic Unleashed, Sonic Colors, Sonic and the Black Knight, but outside of party games like Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games and Sonic & SEGA All Stars Racing, Shadow the Hedgehog is still the only story driven game I own where Shadow is playable*.

So, when the recent news about Sonic the Hedgehog 3 and Sonic x Shadow Generations dropped, I decided to finally beat Shadow the Hedgehog after all these years.

Over the course of 4 days, I worked my way through the 8 remaining endings I had left (having completed the true hero path and the semi hero path a few years prior). And after a decade of owning the game, I beat it.

So what are my thoughts?

While I can acknowledge the game’s flaws…I still don’t hate it.

I’ve watched several videos that explain why this game is terrible, from the mechanics to the butchering of Shadow’s character. And I agree.

Chaos Controls

The game is hard to control, I recognized this even growing up, but I mainly chalked that up to “I’m bad at Sonic games”, which is also true.

Until I beat Shadow, I’d never beaten a Sonic game because I lacked the reaction time. We’ve come close, we’re at Eggmanland on Sonic Unleashed, but I had never beaten a Sonic game.

I even tried to play Radical Highway on my friend’s copy of Sonic Adventure 2, and I struggled hard with the controls.

Shadow’s controls are indeed wonky. Multiple times my homing attack would send me flying off the stage, Shadow wouldn’t aim at the enemy right in front of him, and I’d miss jumps because Shadow would stagger on the edge of a platform.

After I learned how to better manage these flaws, the game became much easier. I began to slow down my homing attacks so I wouldn’t fly away, and started jumping before the edge of the platform. This didn’t erase these problems, I still fell off the stage from time to time, but they didn’t happen as frequently. I got so good that I got A Ranks on the neutral paths for Westopolis and Prison Island.

Shadow’s air shoes make him slippery to control, but I feel like all Sonic games are slippery? Maybe that’s just me, but even with Adventure 2 and Unleashed, I felt like I was slipping and sliding all over the place. So, with Shadow, I’d slow down a bit if I felt like I was going out of control. Granted, this is still a Sonic title where speed is key, so the advice to “slow down” is not really the best if you’re going for all A Ranks.

I Think You’re the Fake Hedgehog Around Here

This is the game where Shadow gains his “Edgy Hedgie” status.

He has guns!

He says “damn”!

He hates humans for killing Maria! (Even though…that’s not what Maria wanted)

He wants to learn the truth about his past cause amnesia’s a bitch! (Even though…he already learned hakuna matata in Sonic Heroes, apparently)

Yea, I admit this game is a huge step backwards for Shadow’s development. Post-SA2 Shadow cares deeply for his closest friends, mainly Rouge and Omega, but is reserved around others. He’s a hedgehog of few words. He has respect for Sonic, a little bit of a rivalry, but it’s not to the extreme where Shadow hates him. He doesn’t hate humans, but if push comes to shove, he will defend himself if they attack him first. This side of him is well illustrated in the cutscenes for Sonic Heroes and, yes, even Sonic ‘06.

However, this is not the Shadow we see in his titular game. Shadow’s cold towards Sonic, he sounds annoyed anytime he shows up. Depending on the path you take, he becomes downright cruel. He never really talks to many of the other characters outside of the ones in cutscenes. And when he does speak to them, it just feels out of character most of the time. Shadow has a distain for humanity, commenting how they’re pathetic and he doesn’t have time to for them when the Black Arms begin destroying Westopolis.

However, there are a handful of parts where the Shadow of Sonic Adventure 2 and Sonic Heroes can be seen.

Any level where Maria is your companion is a good example. Especially the cutscene before Lost Impact.

Cryptic Castle Hero, you help save Cream and Cheese, afterwards he heeds them to stay away from Doctor Eggman, showing he does care about them.

The Pure Hero path is probably the closest you get to Shadow’s true character, even though there’s still a few moments that feel off. “This is like taking candy from a baby, which is fine by me” is probably the most out of character line, and you’ll only hear it by doing Hero missions.

Apparently this line still relevant to Shadow, as he steals popcorn from a Chao in an official Sonic Team Racing animation.

This might be a hot take, but the Dark Path on Final Haunt didn’t feel like a sudden betrayal to me? The way Sonic talks during and after the fight makes me feel like he saw it more like a friendly competition. Especially when you compare his dialogue to the other endings where you fight Sonic.

Final Haunt Dark Path

(Before the Boss)

Sonic: “Shadow! Why are you siding with those black creatures?”

Shadow: “Siding with them? You’re joking, right? I’m just siding with whoever goes against you! This time you’re going down, Sonic!”

Sonic: “hehehe, if that’s how it’s gonna be, Shadow, then bring it on!”

(Start Boss Fight)

Sonic: “Alright. Ready to do this? Come on!”

(After the Boss)

Sonic: “…Man…I didn’t think ya had it in ya…”

Sonic’s delivery makes it feel like he’s not angry with Shadow, but that he’s impressed. At least that’s how I read it anyway. He doesn’t sound distraught or scared like he does in the Pure Dark Path, he just sounds exhausted cause Shadow put up a good fight.

Sonic even offers Shadow a “friendly competition” if you do the Hero Path in Westopolis, but Shadow declines because he’s got other priorities at the time. He still doesn’t agree with Black Doom’s mission, he just wants to take Sonic up on his earlier offer.

Regardless, this game has had a lasting effect on Shadow’s character that he’s still trying to shake off. He went from a solemn hero who cared deeply for his closest friends, to an angsty anti-hero who only cares about himself.

Thankfully, it seems like he’s starting to get back to his old self in Sonic Prime (I’ve only seen season 1 and a handful of clips from the recent seasons, haven’t been able to get caught up, so correct me if I’m wrong).

Let’s hope Sonic 3 and Sonic x Shadow Generations continue to repair the damage.

In His World, Your Choices Don’t Matter

Shadow’s gameplay has three paths you can take; Hero, Dark or Neutral, with 10 possible endings. You can mix and match these paths however you please. You can start Dark then redeem yourself, turn on your friends in an act of betrayal, or just say “nah, imma do my own thing”. This freedom of choice was a massive selling point for the game. Do you want Shadow to be a “black-hearted evil” or “brave-hearted hero”?

This freedom of choice is present in a handful of my favorite games, like Epic Mickey and Undertale.

But, Shadow fails at this “choose your own adventure” format. Yes, your choices impact which of the 10 endings you get, but none of these 10 endings are the true ending.

This is apparently left over from the Sonic Adventure-style games where you had to play everyone’s storyline to unlock the last story, where all the characters join together and fight the Final Boss.

However, this format does not work when we follow one character for the entire game.

In order to unlock the true ending, you have to complete all 10 endings. And if you’re someone like me who always goes for the good endings because being mean makes you feel bad, then this will be a hard pill to swallow.

The Last Way begins with Shadow already in possession of all 7 Chaos Emeralds, we have no idea how he got them, so basically every path you spent hours playing mean nothing. They’re not canon. Only a few parts here and there are still relevant past this point.

No matter what you did, Shadow will always turn on Black Doom, destroy the Black Comet with the Eclipse Cannon, and save the world. Which kinda negates the whole “choose your own adventure” gameplay.

Epic Mickey’s ending is also the same no matter what you do, Mickey still defeats the Blot and frees Wasteland. However, you’re still shown how your actions impacted the residents of Wasteland. For example, if you choose to paint the Clocktower boss, you see it happily playing with some Gremlins. But if you destroy it by thinning its arms, you see it lying in ruin.

Shadow’s endings are more like the ending from Clue.

The only parts that remain canon are the Chaotix story, and conversations Eggman had with Shadow on the Neutral path.

Throughout the game, the Chaotix are digging into old files. Charmy is looking for secret disks on Prison Island, Vector is looking for the notorious computer room on the ARK, and all three were hacking into Eggman’s computer before Digital Circut. The data they found contained a video message from Professor Gerald addressed to Shadow. Gerald explains the purpose of the Eclipse Cannon, and we’re shown it was recorded before Maria’s death, as she pops in at the end.

That is one revelation that enhances Sonic Adventure 2’s story, in my opinion. Professor Gerald created the Eclipse Cannon to destroy the Black Comet when it returns in 50 years, only using it against humanity after Maria was killed.

If you battle Devil Doom past the 9 minute mark (which I did a handful of times because I’m a terrible shot), Eggman will tell Shadow he lied about him being an android and that he rescued Shadow at the end of Sonic Adventure 2, and he is, in fact, the real Shadow. Which…I feel like was obvious because our Shadow had more polygons than the androids.

Also the Sonic Heroes manual straight up says that he is the real Shadow and he survived the events of Sonic Adventure 2, so…

Where There is Shadow, There Must Also Be Light

I’m the type of person who always tries to find the good, even in the worst things. So here’s some things about Shadow that I did love.

The pre-rendered cutscenes look amazing. Almost 20 years later, and they still hold up.

By the way, guess who worked on these amazing cutscenes? After watching the credits 11 times, I noticed a couple names in the credits, Jeff Fowler and Tim Miller. Not ringing any bells? Well, Fowler went on to direct the live-action Sonic movies, and Miller was a producer on them. This is their only Sonic credit outside of those movies, so I think it’s safe to say we wouldn’t have these awesome movies if it weren’t for Shadow.

The soundtrack is also great. “I Am…All of Me” is still one of my favorite Sonic and Crush 40 songs, “Never Turn Back” struck a cord with me, and the rest of the lyrical songs had me vibing while I took a breather during the credits.

It might just be because I had to replay the levels multiple times, but I’ve had a handful of those tracks stuck in my head for years. Circus Park, Sky Troops, Lava Shelter and Cosmic Fall are a few that stick out. “Vengeance is Mine” from Sonic Adventure 2 returns as the soundtrack for the 2P Battle Mode. Yes, it took me a long time to realize it was the same song. Even when Sonic games are “bad”, they never slack on the soundtrack.

Goodbye Forever, Shadow the Hedgehog

I consider Shadow the Hedgehog to be one of my guilty pleasures. I recognize there’s a lot of things that don’t work. Shadow’s character took a drastic turn that he’s still trying to recover from, the controls feel like roller skating on ice, the “choose your own adventure” gameplay forgot about the “choose your own” part, and it’s so edgy you can slice your hand open just by touching it.

But despite all of this…I still enjoy it? Even though I was annoyed and exhausted by the game, I still had fun. The good parts are still good enough that I unironically enjoy them. And the bad parts at least can get a laugh out of me with how dumb they are. “Where’s that damn FOURTH Chaos Emerald?” and “Find the Computer Room!” are classic Sonic memes.

Do I recommend beating Shadow? Oh hell no. Not unless you’re a serious Shadow stan or a masochist. I’d say play as much as you can tolerate.

*in the time since I wrote this, I got a copy of Sonic Heroes. Currently stuck on the Power Plant level with Team Dark. HOW DO I GET PAST THE LAVA??? 😭

FLORENCE CASTLE’S HEROES OF CYBERTRON - EP. 09: OPTIMUS PRIME (3)

Poiché il soggetto in questione è una vera e propria leggenda nella Hall of Fame dei Transformer, la puntata di oggi è particolarmente molto lunga, per cui la suddividerò in più parti.

NOTA: Alcune immagini non sono mie, ma vengono dal sito DeviantArt. Articolo scritto da me, con l'approvazione di @jazzluca.

***

PUNTATA 9: OPTIMUS PRIME, terza parte.

Optimus al cinema: Michael Bay e non solo

Il 2007 non è solo l’anno di Animated, ma anche l’anno di nascita dell’universo cinematografico di Michael Bay, croce e delizia dei TF-fan per essere un mondo tanto rivoluzionario e affascinante quanto controverso. Per quanto riguarda Optimus Prime, così accattivante ma anche così criticato, è già la seconda incarnazione ad adottare la maschera retrattile del suo precursore Animated. Allo stesso tempo, egli eredita dal G1 gli avambracci squadrati, la tipica livrea rossa e blu qui distribuita con un accattivante motivo a fiamme, e parti del fronte del camion a costituire il busto del robot (i pettorali/parabrezza, ad esempio). Invece, l’idea del camion più sporgente e non col muso piatto deriva dalla G2/Armada, oltre a essere una buona scusa del regista per dare un’impronta più americana all’intera vicenda. Anche le armi sono state in parte rivisitate, tanto da immortalare l’immagine di Optimus che sfodera delle lame gemelle dagli avambracci nell’immaginario collettivo... e che, a sua volta, avrebbe dato i natali alla controparte Prime nel decennio successivo.

In realtà, questo è l’aspetto principale del Comandante Autobot nella prima trilogia di Michael Bay – quella che, per intenderci, comprende i film TRANSFORMERS 2007, La Vendetta del Caduto e Dark of the Moon – perché, come vedremo, nel corso del tempo si avrà una netta evoluzione nel design del robot con tanto di piccole variazioni sul tema.

Nel secondo capitolo, ad esempio, Optimus viene potenziato con i pezzi di un ferito Jetfire, un vecchio Bot che ha dato la sua vita per permettere al Comandante Autobot di affrontare il pericoloso avversario di turno. Oltre a essere un palese omaggio ad Armada, questa combinazione consente a Optimus anche di volare – capacità che si protrarrà anche nei film successivi, seppur con mezzi sempre più diversi.

Infatti, in TRANSFORMERS 3, dopo diversi anni sulla Terra il nostro ha ulteriormente aggiornato il proprio arsenale, al punto da dover usufruire... di un rimorchio! Rimorchio che finalmente arriva appunto nel terzo capitolo (facendosi un po’ aspettare, magari, dopo aver assaggiato la potenza nell’unione con Jetfire in La Vendetta del Caduto), assumendo una forma tondeggiante e divenendo una postazione per armi, che a pensarci come idea non è malvagia come evoluzione delle vecchie basi o avamposti armati. L’unica differenza dai due film precedenti è il dettaglio della pancia del robot, forse riparazione da parte di Ratchet di una ferita mortale inflitta da Megatron (che nel film precedente ha ucciso il suo rivale in un modo che dire vile è riduttivo!) proprio in quel punto. E, sempre nel terzo film, ecco che Prime sfreccia nei cieli nuovamente con una Modalità Volo, questa volta sottoforma di jetpack alato!

Chiusa la “trilogia classica”, a partire da L’Era dell’Estinzione del 2014 ci si ritroverà in uno scenario completamente diverso. In seguito agli eventi di Chicago i Transformer vengono banditi dalla società umana e diventano tutti dei bersagli... incluso lo stesso Optimus, che è costretto a nascondersi sottoforma di un vecchio camion arrugginito. Di per sé questo è l’unico riferimento alla G1 in tutto il Bayverso, in risposta alle ripetute lamentele dei fan che fino ad allora non hanno apprezzato l’altmode “muso lungo” introdotto nel 2007. Tuttavia, la cosiddetta “Evasion Mode” (come è stata soprannominata dagli addetti ai lavori) è solo una modalità transitoria, non solo perché lo stesso Comandante Autobot è ferito e richiede urgenti riparazioni. Neanche a dirlo, nello stesso film, si assisterà a una vera e propria metamorfosi... a cominciare dal camion, che ritorna ad avere il look affusolato che abbiamo imparato a conoscere.

Intanto Optimus Prime, saputa l’orribile notizia che il Governo sta massacrando i Cybertroniani in modo indiscriminato, è costretto ad appendere la diplomazia al chiodo («Autobot... finora ho giurato che non avrei mai ucciso gli umani. Ma quando scoprirò chi c’è dietro a tutto questo... dovrà morire!»). Così, da supereroe che piange per la perdita degli amici umani e Autobot, si trasforma in un feroce mercenario assetato di sangue e vendetta. Altmode nuovo, vita nuova, robot nuovo: infatti, per qualche assurdo motivo (e dico sul serio!), la nuova forma robotica di Optimus ricorda l’armatura di un cavaliere medievale. Ma allora dov’è la sua fantomatica corazza argentata dei primi bozzetti se vedo solo i guanti, la Spada del Giudizio, lo Scudo Vector, il suo fucile personalizzato e gli stivali a razzo (sic!) per volare via a caccia dei suoi Creatori? Per carità, fin da La Vendetta del Caduto si è insistito molto sul fatto che lui sia “l’ultimo dei Prime”, ma a quanto pare gli autori hanno gettato alle ortiche questo dettaglio. Ciononostante, il dubbio resta: perché rivelare di punto in bianco che Optimus Prime è anche/in realtà un Cavaliere di Cybertron? Non può essere così vecchio!

Purtroppo l’azzardata scelta di virare verso le atmosfere fantasy/medievali/ciclo arturiano ha causato la morte della saga nel 2017 dopo cinque film, a causa sia dell’addio di Michael Bay alla regia sia del drastico e progressivo calo degli incassi e della qualità in generale. In L’Ultimo Cavaliere, tra il serio e il faceto, il nostro ha di nuovo perso la testa, ma non volontariamente. All’inizio, si ritrova su una Cybertron devastata e lui, dinanzi a quell’orribile spettacolo, ne è disgustato, sotto shock... insomma, chi ha osato fare uno scempio simile alla sua vecchia casa? Frase contraddittoria, considerando che in Dark of the Moon è stato proprio Prime a voler distruggere il Ponte Spaziale di Sentinel Prime per evitare che questi schiavizzasse gli umani allo scopo di ricostruire il suo amato pianeta natale. Oppure è solo una domanda retorica, come a dire: «Che cos’ho fatto?!?»... frase che in effetti il nostro dirà una volta rinsavito, rendendosi conto che stava quasi per uccidere il suo amatissimo amico/figlio Bumblebee, quindi interpreterei quella reazione sotto questa chiave di lettura.

Poi, a un certo punto della sua carriera, Optimus Prime viene manipolato e ingannato da Quintessa, trasformandolo nel riflesso oscuro di sé stesso. Ne avevamo già ampliamente parlato nella Puntata 6, tuttavia un breve riepilogo male non fa.

Questo alter ego, ribattezzato Nemesis Prime, è un’autentica versione negativa del Comandante Autobot: completamente devoto alla sua padrona, egli è ormai privo della sua proverbiale gentilezza e bontà d’animo, lasciando posto a una spietata macchina assassina capace solo di annientare chiunque intralci il suo cammino (solo in questa veste, a mio avviso, la minaccia «Io ti ucciderò!» ha molto più senso!). Apparentemente nulla sembra fermarlo... tranne il suono della voce di Bumblebee e della ferrea fiducia dell’amico umano Cade Yeager. E ora che la Terra e Cybertron sono unite come un solo pianeta «È giunto il momento di tornare a casa.»... ma non vedremo mai la fine della storia per i motivi sopra citati.

Nonostante tutto, Optimus Prime resta il più riconoscibile, vero filo conduttore tra i film di Bay e la classica G1. E a proposito di G1... a salvare la reputazione del buon Commander interviene un tal Travis Knight nel 2018, regalando al pubblico quel tenerissimo capolavoro che è BUMBLEBEE. Anche se in realtà è uno spin-off sulle vicende del piccolo ricognitore Autobot giallo (di cui parleremo prossimamente), è il look generale dei robot a riportarli auge sul grande schermo. Ridisegnarli con le classiche fattezze G1, infatti, è stata una mossa vincente e il “nuovo” Optimus Prime è piaciuto subito: squadrato dalla testa ai piedi, armato di fucile a ioni alla vecchia maniera (non integrato nel braccio, quindi) e il volto sempre coperto da una maschera. Certo, qui è un personaggio secondario, ma in futuro lo rivedremo protagonista numero uno nel prossimo film live action TRANSFORMERS: Il Risveglio.

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