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I wish i had big claws to dig a little burrow in the dirt and sleep in it i think it would solve all my problems

I am biting people i am frothing at the mouth i fucking hate it here sometimes

Sassy self aware narrator is my favorite trope

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THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES HAS POSSESSED ME 

“Oh, Martin saw Jon be a complete mess of a human being and thought I can fix him and that was the reason his crush started”

you fools. you absolute circus clowns. you avatars of pure silliness.

Martin is EXACTLY as unhinged as Jon even before they ever meet each other, and becomes even more so after we meet him. Behold:

List of Reasons why Martin Kartin Blackwood is just as (if not more) unhinged than his avatar-of-all-evil-knowledge-boyfriend:

in order to get a job, he lied on his CV. Not too bad, fuck academic elitism, etc, but this man. claimed to have a very specific degree in a very specific field. and then he got hired. because of that degree

and no one noticed. for ten whole years.

(except the head of the institute, which doesn’t count bc he’s an evil mind reading bastard)

Also claimed to be like ten years older than he really was (him and jon share this unhinged fun fact which is fuckin wild)

ALSO also didn’t have a middle name so just kinda. gave himself a middle initial. for funsies.

let a dog into a building bc it tricked him with its cute face

but also carried out a con for months on an avatar of an evil fear god by just. frowning and nodding.

could have been an avatar of manipulation and control, instead decided to be in love. icon.

actually, could have been an avatar of three different fear gods. said no thanks I will be in love instead ty

boss is specifically an asshole to him. decides to fall in love anyway.

had to be told to put his hands in his pockets so he would stop touching plastic explosives

wanted to kill an old man bc one time that old man kind of threatened to throw him off a rollercoaster

after being trapped in his flat for three weeks by a bug lady, brought a jar full of her bugs with him back to work to prove a point

willing to damn an unknowable number of other realities

met himself. he was an asshole. to himself.

“sorry elias I can’t hear you there’s a door in the way”

decided with no evidence that he was going to take his bf on a hiking trip and figure out a way to shove the fear gods back into their little box

has dreams of making out with his bf over their ex-boss’s corpse

“Hey, Elias! J o n a h M a g n u s !!!!! …. OI DICKHEAD”

big strong rowing arms

(that’s not unhinged i just wanted everyone to remember that martin has big strong arms good for rowing and giving hugs)

thinks tea is cure to all emotional ills

certainly has a large fun patterned jumper collection at home

also advocates that he and his bf “get their murder on”

stole a possibly evil tape recorder to record poetry bc lo-fi vibes

spent several months talking to tape recorders more than humans

wants his bf to do a murder on a hot death man bc he was jealous

That is Rose Lalonde and Doc Scratch! Likely from act 4 i think. (its been a bit since i read it) (^v^)b

it was always the plan to put the world in your hand

Fun fact, on amazon there are headphone ports like that one that also split into another charging port, so you can listen to music and charge your phone. They cost around 8 to 15 bucks, which isn't too bad in my opinion. Look up "usb c to 3.5 mm headphone and charger adapter". I agree that it is stupid we need to buy adapters at all, but if the companies making phones won't listen to their customers, why not get a solution that lets you keep doing what you want.

this is truly some of the dumbest shit i’ve seen from a company as big as apple

the cecil gershwin palmer-Jon sims scale of reaction to hearing the most horrifying shit youve ever heard in your entire life