The Secret History Changed My Brain Chemisty

Forgive me for all the things I did, but mostly for the ones that I did not.

- The Secret History by Donna Tartt

one day you think: I want to die. and then you think, very quietly: actually. actually. I think I want a coffee. a nap. a sandwich. a book. and I want to die turns day by day into want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friend, I want to sit in the sun, I want a cleaner kitchen, I want a better job, I want to live somewhere else. I want to live.

- via duckbunny

I may look fine but deep down I wanna do this.

"Well, of course I’ve tried lavender. And pulling my memory out, ribbonlike and dripping. And shrieking into my pillow. And writing the poems. And making more friends. And baking warm brown cookies. And therapy. And intimacy. And pictures of rainbows. And all of the movies about lovers and the terrible things they do to each other. And watching the ones in other languages. And leaving the subtitles off. And listening to the language. And forgetting my name. And feeling the dirt on my skin. And screaming in the shower. And changing my shampoo. And living alone. And cutting my hair. And buying a turtle. And petting the cat. And traveling. And writing more poems. And touching a different body. And digging a grave. And digging a grave. Of course, I’ve tried it. Of course I have."

– Yasmin Belkhyr

What's so upsetting is that the very thing which Qala wanted to prove her mom that women have ambitions of their own and are capable of achieving their own kind of gets lost in this seemingly unending effort.

Her mom believes that to sing in the showbiz is indicative of loose character and she... well had to go to extreme lengths to get where she was...

So in the process of proving her mom wrong she kind prolly went along the lines of why her mom said that. And it's so sad that she was always forced into this competition to prove all these notions wrong and in this unhealthy race had to lose her ideals and the One person she truly *cared* about

we're all mad here

- Alice's adventures in wonderland

You're trying not to tell him you love him, and you're trying to choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you don't even have a name for.

"Everybody talks about cutting people off....But nobody talks about the grief that comes with having to stand firm on that decision knowing it's not what you wanted but what was necessary for your well- being."

~Anonymous

adonis, tr. by khaled mattawa