Long Ago, The Cabbages Were Sold In Harmony. Then, Everything Changed When The Avatar Attacked.

Emergency cleaning: Unfuck your whole house in the shortest time possible

So, your landlord/parents/home inspector/favorite movie star is dropping by, and your place is a disaster. You don’t have much time to clean it up. You’re in emergency mode. Let’s get started.

Don’t panic. Panic leads to fear, fear leads to procrastination, procrastination leads to the dark side. You can do this, but you have to stay calm.

Unlike maintenance cleaning, we’re not looking to completely unfuck one space at a time. Instead, we want to decrease the overall mess in stages, spread evenly across the whole area that we’re concerned about. If you think your home is at Level 10 filth, we want to bring the whole thing down to a Level 9, and then down from there. One really clean spot in an otherwise messy home is not going to be helpful here.

Get prepared. You’ll want to shut the computer down (or turn the modem off if you need your computer to play music). Trust me. Get your music going. Gather up trash bags, your vacuum and mop, some rags or paper towel, sponges, and other cleaning supplies. Use what you have on hand. Don’t get distracted running to the store and spending an hour browsing cleaning supplies. A multi-purpose cleaning concentrate or a jug of vinegar will be just fine.

Breaks are very important. Depending on your time constraints, work in 20/10s (20 minutes working, 10-minute break) or 45/15s. But take breaks because otherwise you’re marathoning, and marathon cleaning is no one’s friend. Keep hydrated, don’t forget to eat, and check in with yourself frequently to make sure you’re physically doing OK.

Make your bed. This will be your home base if you get overwhelmed or need somewhere clear to take a break.

Start with the garbage. Going from room to room, throw out anything that is obvious trash. Once you fill a bag, take it out. Repeat as many times as necessary.

Move on to dishes. Gather the dishes from all over your house and bring them to the kitchen. If you can, start them soaking in a sink of hot, soapy water or start loading the dishwasher. After the dishes are all in one place, spend one 20/10 getting started getting them under control.

Now it’s time for your flat surfaces. Countertops, tables, dresser tops, etc. Clear them off and wipe them down. Don’t get distracted in too much sorting and organizing. We’re in crisis mode here. There will be time to get in-depth once this is all done. The same applies to cabinets and closets. Unless you have reason to believe people will be opening closed doors, leave these alone for now.

Attack the floordrobe and shoe pile. Get your clothes either put away or in the hamper. Start a load of laundry if you need to, but keep in mind that laundry and dishes have three steps: wash, dry, and put it away, goddammit!

Get random stuff up off the floors. If something is trash-worthy, throw it away now rather than just move it around a bunch of times. Otherwise, put stuff where it belongs.

Take another 20/10 or 45/15 to catch up on more dishes, if needed.

Head into the bathroom. Pour some cleaner in the toilet bowl, fill the sink with hot water and cleaner, and either spray the tub and shower with cleaner, or fill the tub up with some hot water and add cleaner and let it soak. Put everything away that’s out and shouldn’t be, clean the mirror, counters, and toilet seat. Sweep or dry mop the floor. Wipe down the sink and tub/shower, and give the toilet bowl a scrub. Mop the floor.

Sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Vacuum everything you can, and sweep everything you can’t.

Walk outside of your house (don’t lock yourself out, please). Walk back in and see what catches your eye first. Go and deal with that.

If you’re being inspected or your landlord is coming in for repairs, spend time on whatever area they’ll be focusing on.

Give the whole place one more once-over and pay attention to anything you’ve missed so far.

It’s an old trick, but if your place is a little funky-smelling, put a pan of water on the stove on low heat and add some citrus or cinnamon or vanilla. Don’t leave it unattended or forget about it.

Take a shower, put on something clean, and eat something.

You can do this. It’s overwhelming, yes, but it is not impossible. You just need to do it. You have a list. You have directions. You have a whole bunch of Internet strangers who have been there before and who are cheering you on. You can do this, but you need to get started.

Why are you still here? GO. START. NOW.

What if the ninja maintained secret identities.

What if civilian memes.

What if Phil didn't adopt any of his kids and it was all Wilbur

obsessed with the idea that c!wilbur just found tommy one day & was like ‘ :] cool, free baby brother ‘

taking your own advice is so hard. it’s “make bad art” this and “kill your perfectionism” that until i sit down with an idea i like. the i have to execute it perfectly Or Else

How sad to watch him grow

Gabriel overhears Ladybug saying "my Lady" to an akuma or smthn and concludes that she is Chat Noir

(Alya): "Chat Noir, what would you say would be your first defining trait?" (Chat Noir): "My special, one of a kind, trademarked phrase of 'my lady.' " (Felix): "I'm gonna to steal that. In fact, Lila, you look wonderful, my lady." (Lila): "Stop mocking me, kitty. Or else, I'll have to throw you in a trash can." (Gabriel): "Felix is Chat Noir? And Lila is Ladybug? Even though this makes no sense, I've likely found their identities. They'll pay for deceiving me."

New fic prompt: how many ways Gabriel can overhear someone say “my Lady” and conclude that they’re CN.

maybe somewhere, things were different. maybe their promises of running away wouldn’t fall through.

context & bonus under cut!

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When all of my blorbos are my own ocs so I can’t consume content about them unless I make it

I had a dream my parents got a cat called mustard (one of those patchy looking brown/black and orange ones? Tortoiseshell I think) and we were driving somewhere and we drove across some train tracks but I don't think it was an actual crossing because my parents were being shady as hell about it but it was near a the stations I'd of been to a couple of times in my dreams.

We were visiting libraries to get a book and they didn't have it but the second library said they would have it in a couple days and also the librarian who was also a priest was asking me if I knew this girl and I was like yeah? So he showed me my emails and there was a bunch from her asking for details about a meet up except it had already happened. So we went home, back the way we came across the train tracks.

I'd been leaving the cat alone because I was pretty sure it didn't like me but also so as not to overwhelm it and I fell asleep once and was crowding its space when I woke up so I cuddled it a bit but left it alone because it was acting weird and its mouth was being held open uncomfortably near my neck.

So I had to check on the cat because the train tracks were a bumpy ride and it was fine but afterwards we stopped for a pee break or something (one of my parents left the car) and I tried to say hi to the cat again and it tried to kill me, like it was sizing up my throat before and everything to see if it could do it and then it bit me and it hurt so I wrenched it's jaws open but I couldn't hold it for long because it was strong and when I let go it tried to snap down but I dodged and grabbed its muzzle which was now too long to be a cats and I was struggling and yelling for help and my parents were like "what do you need help with? What are you doing? If you could just *explain*"

And then I woke up

I love urchin

my first concern when griffin said parts of the coriolis where floating in the wreckage was that urchin was okay. should’ve known that nasty lil guy would be fine and snackin on some rations