What Really Happened

what if...

the winter soldier gets triggered but instead of hurting or killing people, he just becomes really passive aggressive and generally dickish to everyone.

he refills the salt shaker with sugar

“i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to spill my drink all over your lap”

stealths through the living room and unplugs the tv 5 minutes before your favorite show is about to start

you think it’s just the tv remote and go to get new batteries only to find bucky’s replaced all the new batteries with dead ones

he deletes all your shows and timers on the dvr

but does it slowly, 1 or 2 at a time, so you just think something’s wrong with the dvr

can’t find your toothbrush. bucky took it to clean his guns

waits until you get in the shower to start the dishwasher

double dips in the fondue

writes his name on every food item in the house, even the stuff he didn’t buy

“this is my fruit bowl. no one is allowed to eat from it but me”

sees you washing a load of white clothes. throws his red shirt in

takes up playing the kazoo

best time to practice it is at 3 am. says it helps with his insomnia

all toilet paper in the house has disappeared

fills the candy dish in the kitchen with sugar free gummy bears

“i don’t :) know why :) you’re so :) upset :)”

Darcy and Bucky. 60: Before you decide to murder me, let me explain...

“Damn neat freak. Why can’t he just leave things out where I need them?” Darcy muttered as she shuffled through Steve’s desk as carefully as possible. If she’d had more time to take photo evidence and ensure she put everything back where it was, she would have. But she’d only been able to convince Nat to kick Steve’s ass for two bouts in the ring, maybe three tops. She didn’t want to encourage too much saltiness between teammates, after all.

“I don’t know if it’s the army or your own tight-assed nature Steve, but why the hell do you have to hide your stuff?”

He’d let her go through his sketches a week earlier and she’d found it. The perfect image she needed for her next attack on Sam. Steve had doodled him as a pin-up model, flirty posture, heels and everything. And it was the exact logo she needed to brand her new assault. Literally. If only Steve hadn’t taken away the notebook as soon as he heard her mildly evil chuckle. Spoilsport. 

If she could just find the damn sketchbook.

She had just started gently rifling through the sock drawer when there was a soft click and the door swung open behind her. Her hands clenched and she plastered a placating smile on as she turned her head. But her teasing cajole died in her throat. That wasn’t Stevie Wonder Boy at the door.

It was Bucky.

Shit.

“Before you decide to murder me, let me explain…”

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Fading (Part 3)

Summary: Bucky needs to forget for one night, while you come to a gripping realization.

Word Count: 1773

Warnings: angst, swearing, 1 tiny mention of cocaine (“the butterflies whipping around as if on cocaine,”), heavily implied smut, anxiety attack

A/N: Just a quick note; if you guys want to be tagged in anything, please send me asks instead of comments because asks are easier to keep up with :)

Part 1   Part 2

”That’s what it is Y/N! There’s always something wrong with you! You’re so goddamn clingy, will you just back the fuck off?!”

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me, interacting with another 20+ year old on tumblr:

husband: brock barnes is not your son

me: what

husband: brock barnes and captain america do not sleep in this bed

me: brock

husband: *something unintelligible*

**white noise**

me: brock barnes

jack & diane

Pairing:  Bucky Barnes/Darcy Lewis For:  @phoenix-173 Prompt:  Phone Sex Operator AU

Bucky stared at the business card in his hand, half in disbelief that he was even considering doing this, and half in blind excitement at what was about to happen.  

It was true, it had been a while for him. For a lot of things.  

Sex.  Emotional connections.

He’d had the card for Clandestine Calls for a while now, but hadn’t felt the need to use it until recently.  He hadn’t had a reason to fix this part of himself.

But he’d felt a twinge of something the other day.  A twinge of something akin to attraction. For a woman.  A woman he knew, and thought highly of. Someone he respected.  And he’d panicked.  He’d absolutely panicked.       

And this?  This didn’t feel as cringey (or illegal) as hiring an actual…call girl would be.  It was just practice.

Or at least, that’s what he was telling himself as he logged into the website.

And he wouldn’t even have to engage in anything sexual. And if he wanted, he could just hang up.  And these women wouldn’t hold it against him.  No one was getting hurt.  

Except, possibly, his credit card balance.

A chat window popped up immediately.  Someone from customer service wanting to help him through the process.

Whether it was a bot or a real person, the rep was nice, informative.  They explained the blocks of time he could choose from.  The first was five minutes.  The second, an extension to seven, the third, an extension to twelve and so on. He chose the seven minute block to start, mostly because he wasn’t sure if he was even going to do anything this time around.  But five seemed too short a time to decide.

An extra two minutes, though.  That was apparently where the magic happened.  

He was directed to a payment page, where he gave his credit card information.  So his real name was attached to this account.  But that was something to be kept secret, apparently.  This company prided themselves on their ability to keep things confidential.  Because the next question after he entered his credit card info was what he’d prefer to be called.  

Jack, he’d typed, coming up with the name out of necessity because he suddenly couldn’t think of anything besides his real name.

Your consultant’s name is ‘Diane’, have a good time.

A number was listed below.

Diane.  

Most assuredly a fake name.  As fake as ‘Jack’ was, at any rate.

Jack & Diane.  

Kind of funny, now that he thought about it.

Possibly to be continued as long as no one else is writing anything similar…

I wrote 'Accidental' Assault on my tablet and I'm really afraid that typing the last part will be lost to tumblr's app crashes.. 😃😂😢 But it'll be up in the next 3 hours

IF HE DOES I’LL LIVE FOREVER LMFAO ,, Also should I write one shots?? Request characters for me.

bucky in fic: steve u asshole u could’ve been killed! what were u thinking? let me bandage u up and get u a nice cup of tea, i love u so much

actual bucky:

Auld Lang Syne

summary: biker!bucky and reader realise they both don’t like new year’s. word count: 1.385 note: so this is my first time writing biker!bucky so please please please tell me how it is and what i could do better masterlist

Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky could see someone pacing and kicking the dirt up and muttering to themselves just outside the bar’s entrance.

“Not a crowd person?” Bucky called out, flicking his cigarette before placing it in his mouth again. You stopped pacing and turned your head in the direction of the voice, heart almost coming to a complete stop as you made eye contact with the leader of the motorcycle club that owned the bar. He looked like a sin, leaning back against his black motorcycle, feet crossed and muscles just begging to be released from the confines of his plaid shirt. You watched as he threw his cigarette to the ground and toed it out with his dirty brown boots and god did he look good doing that.

“You gonna answer me, sweetheart?” Bucky asked as he wiped his hands on his jeans.

“Uh, yeah, yeah,” you muttered, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks.

“So?”

“So what?” You asked as you cautiously walked closer to him.

Bucky let out a chuckle and began to roll up his sleeves, showing off his incredibly toned arms which made it even harder to focus.

“I asked ya if you weren’t a crowd person.”

“Oh yeah, no, not really. Well, I don’t really mind but I prefer to not be in a crowd, so really yeah I’m not a crowd person,” you rambled on. Bucky just nodded and you could hear someone yell something inside of the bar causing a loud combined laughter to erupt, filling the silence that had washed over the two of you. You couldn’t help but smile at hearing everyone’s laugh and knowing they were having a good time. Bucky looked down at you and smiled because of how infectious your smile was.

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