Chaw. Gouache Watercolor Painting

Study of an autopsy

We should have some

he's doing so fine, actually, why do you ask

F1 x tumblr but it's just @infectiouspiss's textposts

someone just needs to tell dean winchester like. that is not how people behave. i genuinely don’t think he knows! to him that is how people behave!

so i was reading a bunch of star wars fanfic (i have not actually watched star wars yet. shh.) and ruminating about how clearly the Jedi teachings have a serious disconnect between what they ostensibly mean (as a perfectly stable space philosophy based on a perfectly stable nonspace philosphy) and how they are presented, definitely irl (i.e. a number of people being like NO ATTACHMENTS?! NO EMOTIONS?! HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU GOVERN?! HAVE YOU NO COMPASSION?! when i am given to know that is in fact strictly incorrect) and presumably also in-universe because i have a very limited view of what exactly happened in Anakin’s head during Everything but popular consensus seems to be that There Was A Disconnect. and also possibly he needed therapy he maybe didn’t get, and also possibly that since the Jedi didn’t usually take in older initiates, they were legitimately unprepared to raise someone with different fundamental foundational ideas, even notwithstanding his specific circumstances.

*anyway*

then i jumped to reading a youjo senki fanfiction where Tanya was doing the ‘i believe strongly in the intensely rational and try not to let myself be ruled by emotions because that’s foolish and inefficient, what do you mean i am not always self aware about that’ thing. (i have personal interpretations of Tanya but they’re neither here nor there for the purposes of this thought.)

and then i made the connection of hey, what if post-life-as-Tanya she got yeeted into star wars? i mean you could also do some neat things with Salaryman getting yeeted directly there without being in youjo senki proper first, idk, but the main point is just… what sort of Jedi would Tanya be? because like her thing about ah yes we must not let emotions rule us, rational behaviour is the only way forward, *is* in direct opposition of any YOU MUST USE EMOTIONS TO FUEL THE DARK SIDE or whatever is going on there, like, that shit is something Tanya would be explicitly philosophically opposed to. (especially if she doesn’t have to go full magical doping into combat.)

on the other hand Tanya is… her decisions do not make her seem like an ideal Jedi, to the untrained eye. also while i personally interpet her even as Salaryman to have been neuroatypical as heck and therefore (mood) having a somewhat nonaverage experience with how emotions work, i feel also like there are some that she probably does just… not unpack properly? like, in a way that impedes inner peace and self-understanding or something, idk. which i feel like would be a quiet albatross around any potential Jedi teachings she may or may not absorb?

like i said idk, but mostly it would be interesting to explore the idea of how Tanya would react to getting isekai’d again, now into Star Wars, maybe as a baby Jedi. even notwithstanding how you could use her to fuck up the entire plot of Star Wars in basically any way you see fit, her relationship with the philosophical structure would be interesting to explore. also there are many ways you could append Being X to that superstructure, or, like, unappend him, and I think that would be neat.

ccaanniidd. gouache watercolor, 2019

I must ask how my Most Favorite Boys, Jushiro Ukitake and Shinji Hirako, are doing in AEIWAM?

When Shinji returns to his post as Captain of the 5th after his exile, he is DETERMINED to not repeat his past mistakes and actually get to know the shinigami serving under him. He needs... Some kind of event, something people will voluntarily attend, where they'll tell him about themselves, and with a bit of structure because he is an awkward sod, and social interactions need RULES, DAMMIT-

"Now hang on-" says Shinji after staring at the blank office wall in silence for the last thirty minutes. "-that's not a bad idea!"

"...Is he okay?" Lieutenant Momo asks quietly.

"Oh yeah, he's always a little freak. Talks to himself and gets a lot out of the conversation." Also Lieutenant Hiyori nods. "You don't need to worry until he breaks out the craft supplies."

"He just pulled out a bunch of markers and construction paper." Momo pointed to their captain as he scribbled furiously on the paperwork he was ignoring.

"Aw. Fuck." Groaned Hiyori. "Well this is gonna be cringe as hell."

***

A few nights later, most of the fifth division assembled in the auditorium, slightly confused, but they had been promised there would be no additional work from this meeting, and there was an open bar, so they were in figurative and literal high spirits.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the Fifth Division, welcome to TONIGHT'S GAME!" A cheerful and showman-like voice called out over the speakers, and the stage curtain rose to reveal a brightly colored game show stage where there had not been one before.

"Tonight's lovely contestants are- all the way from payroll, it's Fifth Division Tenth Seat Tenya Danshin!" The voice called out as the familiar face of their payroll and scheduling manager trotted out onstage and took his place behind the first of three podiums. There was some scattered and genuine, if confused applause from the audience.

"He's Big, he's Bad, he's just a little Bizarre, he's Josuke Araki!" The voice continued as a notably tall and muscular member took his place behind the middle podium with a wave and broad grin. There was more clapping and a few cheers this time.

"Currently being dragged onstage by my lovely assistant, it's my second favorite Lieutenant, Hiyori Sarugaki!" The voice continued as Hiyori was wrestled onstage and behind the third podium by Momo. The audience whooped and snickered at the spectacle.

"FUCK YOU, YOU FREAK!" Hiyori roared, flipping off the audience and the figure behind the final podium on the other side of the stage.

"I'm your host, ME! I've been here the whole time!" Grinned Shinji, dressed in a rather snappy three piece suit and holding a microphone. "WELCOME, all my lovely division members and Hiyori, to Tonight's Game! Now, you all know how to play, right?"

"Um. No. Sorry sir." Muttered Tenya as Josuke shook his head.

"You didn't tell us shit!" Hiyori growled.

"That's RIGHT!" Shinji's Cheshire Cat smile shined under the spotlights.

"You see, I wanted to get to know everyone in the 5th a little better, and there is nothing quite like a game show to get people to reveal some truly startling sides of themselves, but playing the same game over and over would be boring! So, every night we play Tonight's Game, the game is a different game than last time, and the contestants will all start with blank slates!" He explained, entirely too pleased with himself. "So- the only way to win is by learning, the only way to learn is by playing, and the only way to begin is by beginning, so without further ado- Momo, will you please bring out THE LIE DETECTOR."

The small curtains at the back of the stage opened, and Momo rolled out a cart with a strange device covered in dials and switches with a long antenna and a large lightbulb on top.

"Thank you Momo! Now, the clever bastards in the 12th whipped this up for me so I have absolutely no idea how it actually works, but I am assured this is the latest cutting-edge in Veracity Technology. Let's turn it on and try it out! Tenya-!"

"Yes, sir!" Tenya snapped to attention. "No need to be formal, I'm only your host, not your captain right now." Shinji waved. "Tell me Tenya- Do you have any children?"

"I- Um, my wife and I have three children, two little boys and our infant daughter?" He stammered, confused.

DING! The Device charmed, light bulb lighting up bright green.

"That is CORRECT!" Shinji grinned. "You get a point!"

There was another chime as the screen on the front of Tenya's Podium lit up and displayed a "1".

"Oh, I see!" Laughed Tenya.

"Josuke!" called Shinji.

"Capt- Host?" Josuke stopped mid-salute.

"Very good! Tell me Josuke, do you live in the barracks?" Shinji asked with genuine interest.

"Uh, no. I live with my Mom." Josuke shook his head.

DING! Said the device.

"That is Correct!" Shinji nodded approvingly. "You get a point as well!"

"Oh, so, every time we tell the truth, we get a point?" Asked Josuke.

"Very quick on the uptake my friend!" Shinji winked. "Of course, as the game goes on, the questions are going to get much harder to answer Truthfully..."

Oooooooh! Gasped the audience, invested now.

"What happens if we lie?" Wondered Tenya.

"Even if we did- how would he fucking know?" Hiyori rolled her eyes.

"You can try it and find out!" Shinji grinned with more than a hint of Menace. "Hiyori! It's your turn!"

"Ugh. What?" She groaned.

"Tell me, When is my birthday?" Asked Shinji.

"I don't know and I don't care." She smirked, sticking her tongue out at him.

BZZRK! The Device buzzed angrily, and the light flashed red. OHH! laughed the audience.

"What the FUCK?" Yelped Hiyori.

"Ooh!" Shinji winced, thoroughly enjoying himself. "I'm afraid that is INCORRECT! According to the screen back here, you spent the better part of THREE MONTHS tracking down a specific part to repair my sound system and traveled halfway across the planet to deliver it personally to me on my birthday. So not only do you know, you DO care, and for that I'm afraid I'm going to have to dock you two points."

Hiyori's screen lit up and displayed a "-2"

"WHAT THE HELL?" Hiyori wailed. "You didn't even see me when I gave you that Banana Plug or whatever-!"

"I did not!" Shinji grinned. "-but The Device knows, and is infallible!" "That's terrifying!" Tenya laughed nervously. "Alright contestants, the questions are going to get harder now, so consider your answers to them carefully." Shinji warned, a finger up to his lips. "Contestants- does any of your underwear have holes in it?"

"...Can we refuse to answer on the grounds it might get us in trouble?" asked Josuke.

"Yes! But you won't get any points for that round, and you may not win our Lovely Prize this week. Speaking of- Momo! Will you please show our contestants what they're playing for this week?"

Momo emerged from backstage with a large, blank sign, which she turned over and held over her head for all to see.

AN EXTRA WEEK OF PAID VACATION

OHHH! exclaimed the audience, with a few audible mutters of Damn, a whole week? and How do you get on this show?.

"ALL MY UNDERWEAR HAS GOT HOLES IN IT!" Shouted Josuke, now with heavily-motivated enthusiasm. Laughter exploded out of the audience, thoroughly entertained.

DING! chimed the device, and the score on Josuke's podium went up.

"Josuke taking an early and shameless lead!" Beamed Shinji, delighted that his plan was working. "Tenya?"

"I-ah, I don't think so?" Tenya blushed. "I bathe the kids and get them ready for bed while my wife does the laundry." He tried to explain.

BZZRK! The Device contested, red light flashing and the audience howled with laughter.

"Uh-oh, that's Not Correct!" Grinned Shinji. "According to the device, a significant amount of your clothes have holes in them, and you don't notice because you get dressed in the dark. You didn't outright lie though, so you will only not get a point instead of a deduction."

"WHAT?" Yelped Hiyori, outraged.

"Yeah, that's fair." Tenya winced. "Seriously though- where does this thing get it's information from?"

"...Hiyori?" Shinji leered playfully at his lieutenant.

"Yeah, it's all got holes. They come that way- Two for my legs and one for my torso." Hiyori snarled.

DING! agreed The Device.

"That is *technically* correct, which is the BEST kind of correct! You get a point!" Shinji cheered, and so did the audience.

"FINALLY!" She shouted, but her eyes narrowed with competitive enthusiasm.

---

The game continued for an hour, with a mix of group and solo questions, but equal chances to score points awarded to all contestants. Josuke was shameless but ill-informed, causing him to fail several rounds, Tenya was honest even as his face flushed red and he crumpled behind his Podium. Hiyori did her best to be only as honest as she had to be, and as the game continued, they came to a three-way tie.

"Before we begin the final round-" Shinji said, intoning a gentle sincerity. "Contestants, you've been so honest with me. Like. Alarmingly Honest with me. So I need to be honest with you- I do know how The Lie Detector works."

There was a scandalized gasp from all three contestants and the audience.

"Okay- I *sort of* know how The Device works." Shinji admitted. "I don't know what 'Wiffy' is-"

"YOU MEAN THE FUCKING WI-FI?" Howled Hiyori.

"Oh, like you know how it works!" Shinji glared.

"It's using a radio frequency to transmit Data instead of an electrical pulses like internet usually does." She scoffed. "-AND I KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE IT!"

Shinji glared. "...I should deduct a point from you for insubordination."

"You can't do that, you're the Host, not the Captain!" Said Josuke cheerfully.

"Yeah, unless Host is a Military rank, it's arguing, not insubordination."

DING! Agreed The Device.

"DON'T GANG UP ON ME!" Shinji wailed. "Fine, fine. Anyway, I might not know how Why-Figh works, but I *DO* know how the device knows if you're lying or not. Would my Lovely Assistants please come to the stage?"

Momo emerged from backstage, wearing a labcoat and holding another device with an antenna that matched the Lie Detector, followed by a middle aged woman holding a Baby, an older woman, and Mashiro Kuna.

"Akkiko?" Tenya yelped, and his wife laughed manically.

"MOM??" Wailed Josuke.

"MASHIRO??" Hiyori bellowed, jumping up onto her Podium. "YOU SOLD ME OUT?!"

"FOR A BAG OF CORN CHIPS!" Mashiro cackled.

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN PAY HER?!" Hiyori howled at Shinji.

"She was gonna do it for free! I talked her UP to a bag of corn chips!" Shinji protested. "But YES! You've all been deceived! Hoodwinked!Bamboozled, even! Which brings us to our Final Question!"

The crowd roared with excitement.

"I started this game because I wanted to get to know everyone better- but I have to ask, how well do YOU know each other, and so I must ask you all if you know these people as well as they know you?"

There was a loud OOOH! of intrigue from the audience.

"Just to make it extra-exciting, all of these questions will be worth up to three points!" Shinji grinned, then slowly turned to the first Podium. "Tenya."

"Oh god." Tenya laughed nervously.

"Your lovely wife. You've been married for ten year now, so you theoretically know what she looks like, right?" Shinji teased. "So, for a potential three points and week of paid vacation- Do you know what color Akkiko's eyes are?"

Akkiko giggled, turning around as Tenya leaned as far forward on his Podium and squinted at her. With a deep sigh, he slumped over the podium in defeat.

"...I do not." He groaned and Akkiko cackled.

"That is CORRECT!" Shinji cheered.

"I'm not good with colors." Tenya tried to explain. "-this morning I actually asked her what color MY eyes are."

"YES! That's what I was waiting to hear!" Shinji shouted, pumping his fist in the air. "All three points!"

The audience cheered loudly.

Shinji turned to the next contestant. "Josuke."

"Oh no." Josuke giggled.

"What is your mother's favorite food?" Shinji asked.

Josuke stared blankly.

"SURELY you are not living in your mother's house and NOT COOKING FOR HER, are you?" Shinji asked with no small amount of menace.

"You're never going to get married if you can't cook!" Tenya nodded in agreement.

"I COOK!" Josuke protested. "...sometimes." he added, cringing.

"-So. What do you make for your beloved mother, who works so hard taking care of her adult son?" Shinji teased.

"LOTSA STUFF THAT'S WHY I DON'T KNOW!" Josuke wailed. "I COOK KATSUDON, I COOK RAMEN, I COOK CURRY, I COOK OMURICE- I EVEN LEARNED HOW TO COOK WESTERN FOODS LIKE LASAGNA AND CHILLI CHEESE DOG-! DING! Went the device, Josuke's mother holding the radio.

"Was your favorite in there Mrs. Akari?"

"Yes! I like Chili Cheese Dog." She smiled. "I always eat seconds!"

"YOU ALWAYS EAT SECONDS OF EVERYTHING I COOK I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE YOU LIKE THE MOST!" Josuke wailed.

"That is also true! He is a very good cook! And single!" She nodded up at Shinji.

"-And he's single!" Shinji grinned at the audience, some of whom whistled back. "Three points, for your culinary skills! Which means we have a Tie!"

The audience tittered with speculation and excitement.

"...Hiyori." Shinji grinned.

"You're a dead man as soon as you sign off on my vacation time." She glared.

"I mean, I can end the game right now." Shinji wagged his finger at her. "-But I can't resist the opportunity to humliate you. Now, You and Mashiro have been living under the same roof for longer than Josuke and Tenya have been alive, so to be fair to them, I'll ask you about someone you've met more recently but should still know pretty well-"

Hiyori squinted at him.

"-What is Momo's Favorite Animal?"

"What?" Hiyori laughed. "-Everyone knows it's Penguins!"

"Really?" asked Josuke. "I didn't know that."

"Yeah, I didn't know that either and I've served under her for decades now!" Said Tenya.

"What? How do you guys NOT know that?" Demanded Hiyori. "Her phone background is a Rockhopper Penguin, she's got a Fairy penguin squeeze toy in her desk for really long phone calls and she's always talking about wanting to go to the Tokyo aquarium in the living world to see them in person! She's even got a HUGE collection of penguin plushies in her r-" DINGDINGDINGDINGSING!! rang the Machine as Momo furiously pressed the button, face red as a beet.

"Wow!" Shinji smiled. "I'm surprised! You seem to know Miss Hinamori really well!"

"Uh, duh? We're colleagues." Hiyori rolled her eyes.

Momo sighed with relief.

"Interesting! Follow-up question- What's Mashiro's surname?" Shinji asked.

Hiyori blinked. "...uhhhhhhhh..."

"You heard Kensei yell it at least six times a day for the last century you jackass!" Laughed Mashiro.

"UHHHHH..." Hiyori paled, and the audience roared with laughter.

"Hmm... I seem to remember you pretending you didn't care about my birthday, and yet, you do- For you to remember her favorite animal and in such detail, Momo must be VERY IMPORTANT to you!"

The audience giggled Momo turned scarlet again and slowly crumpled into a ball. Mashiro vibrated with excitement beside her.

"Yeah?" Hiyori glared at Shinji. "She's the smartest person in the whole damn division and does half your job for you? If I win, I'm giving the week off to her just to watch you flail around without her! No wait- I'll set up the webcam and we can split the week off, go to the aquarium AND watch Shinji squirm like a worm an a-! Uh? Momo? You okay there?" She asked, finally noticing Momo laying on the floor, borderline catatonic with embarrassment.

"This is FASCINATNG!" Shinji grinned. "You are apparently so immune to embarrassment that you have somehow made it bounce off you and target Momo!"

"What's to be embarrassed about? I like her okay?" Hiyori blinked. "She's great! I wanna work with her forever!"

Shinji leaned forward on his elbows, chin in his hands and stared at Hiyori, positively vibrating with excitement.

"What?" She glared.

"You are. SO CLOSE. To comprehending something." He said, wide-eyed and delighted. "It's fascinating to see someone on the precipice like this."

Hiyori stared blankly at him. clueless.

"So you like Momo. We've established that." Shinji said, attempting to throw her a bone. "H- how do you think Momo feels about you?" Hiyori slowly lowered her gaze to Momo. The entire audience watched in hushed fascination as Hiyori frowned at the situation, thinking hard-

"...Momo?" Hiyori's voice was suddenly nervous. "Do you- have I just been annoying you? Becuase I can stop-"

Momo Hinamori was abruptly on her feet, crouched atop the Podium, fists balled in the front of Hiyori's shushako, pulling the blonde's face up so it was mere inches from hers. "HIYORI SARUGAKI YOU ARE THE MOST INFURIATING WOMAN IN THE UNIVERSE!"

"Fuck!" Hiyori yelped. "I'm really sorry, I'll- I'll leave you alo-"

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO, MISSY!" Momo continued, grabbing Hiyori's face. "YOU'RE WINNING THIS GAME, YOU'RE SPLITTING THE WEEK OFF WITH ME, YOU ARE GETTING A HOTEL IN THE LIVING WORLD AND THEN *I* AM GOING TO-'

In the videotape of the game that mysteriously appeared in the ninth division later that week, the next forty-seven seconds of sound had been obscured by a single, loud, continuous "BLEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" sound, but Mashiro was visibly looking up some of the terms being shouted on her phone, Josuke's mother sprinted up to cover her son's ears to no avail, Akkiko was pointing between herself and Tenya with excitement, and Shinji's jaw fell so far open it looked like it had become unhinged from his skull.

"-AND IF EITHER OF US CAN WALK IN THE MORNING, THEN WE'RE GONNA GO SEE SOME PENGUINS!" Momo finished, staring Hiyori down with a terrifying blend of romantic fury and bloodthirsty lust.

Hiyori stared up, wide-eyed and expressionless, face clearly offline as she underwent several psychological and spiritual awakenings before her she slowly broke into a slow, stupefied grin "Oh you like-like me!"

"...Yes." Momo sighed, deeply pained and affectionate at once as the audience howled. "You're okay with... all that?"

Hiyori saluted Momo with an enthusiastic "-Yes, SIR!"

"NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M FUCKING TALKIN' ABOUT!" Shinji whooped with joy, jumping up and down, the audience on their feet with applause. "POINTS AND VACATIONS ALL AROUND, AND FOR BEING THE *MOST* HONEST, THE WINNER OF TONIGHT'S GAME IS MOMO HINAMORI!"

The audience cheered wildly as Momo scooped Hiyori up like a princess and carried her backstage.

"THAT'S IT FOR TONIGHT'S GAME!" called Shinji over the din. "GOODNIGHT EVERYONE, AND GOOD FUCKING LUCK!"

---

As for Jushiro Ukitake, he appears on a special guest episode of Tonight's Game with fellow Captains Soi Fon, Byakuya Kuchiki and Retsu Unohana to play "Never Have I Ever" and *that* episode is widely considered to be one of the most scandalous and unhinged of all the games on Tonight's Game.

i am soooo fascinated by all of your suitehearts ideas hows it going?

ITS GOING GREAT!!!! taking this as my excuse to start yelling abt their backstories bc i was abt to start making the post anyways and this ask came at the PERFECT time gdhgdhd

so the entertainment industry is CRUCIAL to my version of bli to the point where the original company which would become bli began as an animation studio in the 30s/40s (the original studio producing mousekat cartoons which is a whole other post im not gonna get into rn). whats important here is that nostalgia is key to a lot of bli's early success as they bought the rights to many different properties specifically in childrens entertainment in order to sell the idea that their products and their company is Good and Moral and shit. like getting mickey mouse to endorse your product and shit

anyways one of these old shows they acquire the rights to is a shortlived but incredibly popular late 70s/early 80s childrens show: The Adventures of America's Suitehearts. its got loud vibrant colors and costumes and garish sets and im thinking it takes place in like. a magical hotel with like infinite floors to explore filled with magic rooms for any and everything (kinda like the Imagination Movers iirc). the Suitehearts are permanent residents and episodes would revolve around them helping out and going on adventures with the hotels guests, allowing new kids and characters to show up every episode. the whole show would be focused on having fun and using your imagination to its fullest, meant to bring some light into the world for kids dealing with the effects of the wars and shit but it gets cancelled after two seasons bc. yknow. the wars and shit

ANYWAYS bli picks up the idea and reboots the series once the City is built and theyve fully come to power. they use it as a sort of safety net, a way of easing the kids who originally grew up with and are now adults into accepting bli's ideas and control. its a HUGE propaganda tool and it works really fucking well, becoming a staple show in the city. i havent figure out full timeline shit bc i cant find the doc rn but im thinking probably theyd cycle through actors for the suitehearts over the years with the most recent versions being the ones that led to the shoes cancellation & the ones who become rebels. the cast goes as follows (and city names are subject to change bc these are just placeholders i came up with on the spot):

Dr. Benzadrine (portrayed by Mark Desrosiers)

- originally the Dr. Benzadrine character was this kooky mad scientist type with a sort of bill nye meets mrs frizzle energy. he was always encouraging kids to explore and ask questions abt the world around them, showing the audience how to do simple experiments, and explaining scientific concepts and how things work/are made. obviously this is exactly the type of behavior that bli wants to AVOID teaching kids, so in the reboot he becomes this sort of strict, analytical figure who discourages "unscientific" and "unproductive" things such as emotions, and constantly promotes bli's pills and medications as the solutions to problems! any "science" he explains revolves around how the pills "work" to make you Happier and Better

-Mark originally planned to be a chemist. he wanted to help people and figured developing nee medications would be the best way of doing that!! dudes like a GENIUS too, and bli sees this and singles him out and puts him on the fast track for his goals bc obviously they want that brain making their pills. except, the higher up he goes, the more HORRIBLE OBVIOUSLY CORRUPT he realizes the company is so he drops out and through a series of shady events i havent figured out the specifics of yet becomes the new Dr. Benzadrine!!!

Mr. Sandman (played by Dominic no last name yet bc nothing i can think of sounds good!)

- in the original version of the show, Sandman was one of those characters thats looked back on as kinda creepy looking in hindsight and is joked abt constantly for his more spooky appearance. personality wise though, his whole thing was encouraging kids to get creative by using his dream powers to visualize wacky scenarios and solutions to problems. hed also always lead into the a song fitting the theme of the episode by "singing a lullabye" often by the request of one of the other characters. in bli's version, though, they take his creepier appearance and RUN with it, turning him into essentially the series' antagonist. they turn him from the maker of dreams into the maker of nightmares and hes meant to show kids "the dangerous of creativity", always defeated in the end by the others following rules and conforming to authority and shit yk? just the most heavyhanded propaganda you can imagine

- Dominic i think joins the show because he wants to get rich and famous, break out of the slums of the City and really prove that hes worth something. he doesnt even mind playing the villain because, hey, the villains always the most popular character right? except wow jesus christ, being an actually cared about, actually watched member of the city is kind if a lot and suddenly all these freedoms he used to have are being taken away and he didnt realize itd be like this he needs to find a way out oh god-

H. Shoe Crab (played by Sarah Langley)

- so in the original show, Crab was that type of moral compass character always dishing out the episode's lesson. he had exceptionally good luck, which is implied to be due to a sort of karma- he does and acts good so the universe rewards him and shit yk? thats not to say hes perfect and there are episodes dedicating to showing him struggling with his own issues and he often makes mistakes. but at the end of the day hes there to teach kids the value of kindness, emotional awareness, and basic morals. also theres a tunning joke where his good luck will kinda backfire on/cause problems for Sandman like with Goodluck and Grumpy in Care Bears. played by a girl in the reboot, Crab's character essentially becomes Product Placement and Gender Roles!! all her good luck becomes the result of using bli's products, all her "moral lessons" become about respecting authority and reporting suspicious behavior and shit, and she basically gets Mom Friend-ified by the company to top it all off.

- Sarah i think is the most deep into her role bc she is heavily monitored on set and on far more medications than the rest of the cast. this is because she was actually born in the desert, kidnapped as a teenager, and brought into the City to be "rehabilitated". the whole reason she was probably even cast was as a demonstration for higher ups that brainwashing younger joys could be possible as part of a never seen through initiative. also this whole post was just supposed to be abt their backstories/the characters they played and i wasnt gonna get into any of their later true identities once they become rebels, but it is incredibly important to me that you know they become a transmasc butch lesbian who uses exclusively they/them and neopronouns

Donnie the Catcher (played by Cameron Barnes)

- Donnie's a sort of like sportacus from lazytown- the character encouraging fitness and healthy habits in kids. he was also extremely clumsy and not actually that great at many sports, emphasizing the idea that winning/losing doesn't matter so long as you're having fun with what youre doing. i think hed be the least changed character in bli's version, with their version of equality and non exceptionalism being HEAVILY emphasized. he also acts as basically a walking advertisement for the SCARECROW unit, with many of his games and exercises being underscored with encouragements for kids to look into crow recruitment when theyre older.

- Cameron was a Scarecrow, still kind of is as he was switched from active duty in the zones after the rest of his squadron was killed in a firefight and he found himself too traumatized to go back out in the field. the whole thing fosters a hatred for killjoys within him, sure, but it also makes him resent bli for sending him out there underprepared and to fight what hes quickly coming to believe is a pointless battle. he hates that his only options seem to be wasting away in the city or wasting away in the desert. but maybe if there were a third option...

and yeah this has gotten too long already so ill make the post abt their breaking out of the city and killjoy identities later :P all im gonna say rn is that their leaving becomes this huge public scandal, made worse when they continue using the names of their characters and claiming them as their new identities. the show is removed from the air almost instantly, and all mentions if it are scrubbed from public life- if you remember the Suitehearts no you dont.

Random Civilian: I love your accent, Commander. Where's it from?

Commander Fox: A cloning lab