The YJ Has Done This At Least Once. Tim Has Never Let Any Of Them Live It Down For It Either.

LmO

Damian: Baba, I've brought a new member into the family. His name is Raul The Rat. Would you like to hold him?

Bruce, who's scared out of his skin of rats: yes

Damian: Excellent. Mama?

Talia, who's even MORE scared: yes my precious child of course

Give me unhinged Timberkon.

Give me Bernard stalking Red Robin the same way Tim stalked batman. Give me stalker Kon, who while stalking Tim when he's overwhelmed by the world, discovers Bernard and chooses to stalk him too- just to sus him out at first, but slowly it becomes an infatuation. He's listening to both their heartbeats at night.

Give me Bernard realising he's being followed because Kon isn't as subtle as he thinks. Bernard stalking SB back, creating a theory board dedicated just to him.

Give me Tim stalking SB when they're at the tower and he's bored. Tim stalking Bernard to make sure he gets home safe. Tim realising that he's not the only one keeping him safe when he spots a flash of red and blue and leather speed off and out of sight. Tim realising that Bernard has been stalking his hero persona, that he has several boards of photos and newspaper clippings about him and Kon, about the bats and the core four.

Give me Kon, who would die for either of them, put himself in the way of immense danger, become stupid and reckless in the name of protecting what he loves. Would sacrifice himself in every scenario to ensure Tim and Bernard are safe.

Give me Tim who would infiltrate the government for his boys, would do anything, hack anything to assure their safety. Would bug their house just to make sure nothing ever happened to them. Would go insane trying to bring them back if he ever failed.

Give me Bernard who would kill for them. Who would readily bloody his hands in the name of love if it ever came to it. Who would use everything he learned in that cult to ruins someone's life if they hurt what was his.

Give me timberkon who's love is so whole, so intense, that it cannot be contained by ethics nor morals.

Okay okay. Hear me out. Xisuma finds out because he has to go to the Life Games to get Grian’s real body back, Pearl had someone else(maybe Cleo? Or someone else, IDK). fWhip finds out because he has to grab Jimmy and then later Pearl.

I've seen mcyt aus where both Grian and Jimmy are living dolls. I propose an au where watchers/listeners all have dolls or sculptures for fake bodies and their real bodies are tucked inside like hermit crabs. They fake bodies don't respawn, they have to sneak back and crawl back inside

Luke refuses to have a brain-to-mouth filter for the sheer fact if you try to come at him for his alarmingly high level of weird, dumbass, queer-coded sass, he can straight-up fucking juggle you in front of your peers.

Paz: *demonstrating his complete lack of knowledge on a subject*

Luke: I hope you’re attractive under that helmet because no one is going to marry you for your intelligence

Din, sweet, dearly beloved himbo: That man could roast me into oblivion on our wedding night and for every day after and I would thank him

The horror Tim feels when Jack starts randomly showing up at the cave and helicoptering. Tim has vague recollections of having to constantly hide his phone when he was at boarding school because teachers would randomly pop in, talk to their phone, snap a picture, and leave again because of Jacks need to make sure his babies okay.

i know the fandom likes to make Jack out to be a terrible dad but i personally enjoy to imagine him as a man who's just not that smart, but tries his best.

Tim, like six years old, angry that he wasn't allowed desert before dinner: I hate you! I wish lived on my own and never saw you or Mommy again!

Jack, tearing up and booking flight tickets: Okay kiddo, love you.

Janet, giving birth: AAAAARGH. LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME, YOU COWARDLY BITCH. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTS A BABY SO BAD, YOU SHOULD BE GIVING BIRTH!

Jack, tearing up and booking gender reassignment surgery: Okay darling, love you.

Nurse, glancing at his phone: You.. you know that surgery wont make you able to carry a child right?

Jack: Yes it will, it gives me a vagina!

Nurse: ...you know you need a uterus to actually carry the baby right?

Jack: What the fuck is a uterus? WAIT I CAN SEE THE BABYS HEAD OH MY GOSH JANET DEAR YOU'RE DOING SO WELL!

Tim, age 15: Dad, i'm glad you're trying to be better now but... Why did you and mom neglect me for so long?

Jack: You told us too! I wanted to raise you, i was a stay at home dad, but you said i was horrible and that you wanted to live on your own!

Tim: ...

Jack: Obviously that was irresponsible so we sent you to boarding school, but we only visited a few times a year to respect your boundaries. I would send you back, but I was in a coma so i'm allowed to be a little selfish and spend time with my baby.

Dick: Didn't your dad just wake up from a coma? And he's already got a girlfriend? No offense but-

Tim: My mom told him to.

Dick: Timmy, sometimes men lie-

Tim: No, literally, it was in her will. She literally told him that if she died first, he had to get a new partner, because she knew he'd die alone without her.

Dick: What...

Tim: Also, i was the one who chose Dana. She's great! Mom said I had to pick a blonde because yellow is his favourite colour.

Tim: Dad, why is the only picture of Mom you have framed one of her in a bikini? Do you not have any others?

Jack: I do, i have hundreds! But this was taken on the day she proposed to me! Well, i have more from that day, but they're not safe for little eyes.

Tim: Thats both the most romantic and disgusting thing i've ever heard.

Jack, puling out a picture of Janet sobbing and very obviously screaming: I have this picture of her on my bedside table though, its from when she found out she was pregnant with you! Two of the best days of my life!

Alfred: Injury report?

26-year-old Bruce: All the blood is on the inside?

Alfred:

Some years down the road

Bruce: Injury report?

Tim: I left no DNA behind.

Cass: I can still beat the rest of you.

Jason: Haven’t died again.

Dick: No bones are visible from the outside.

Damian: I won.

Duke: I think I discovered a new power.

Steph: You’re not my dad.

Bruce:

Bruce:

Alfred: And how *is* Karma doing today, Master Bruce?

Geralt, pushing Jaskier behind him: The Bard meant no disrespect.

Jaskier, looking directly into a local lord’s eyes: No, I absolutely did.

Like… Anakin literally almost left Palpatine multiple times cause Obi Wan was in danger… this man could’ve been made Emperor if he had even HINTED at it..

Obi-Wan being star wars' biggest damsel in distress while also being one of the most powerful jedi ever is so funny to me. Like he's getting captured on purpose. That has to be whats happening. "Oh nooo ive gotten tied up by somebody who's obsessed with me again!!looks like someone equally obsessed with me has to swoop in and save me :33" He's the pillow princess of warfare

bruce would be fucking HILARIOUS in his idgaf era just imagine:

bruce: come home

jason: what? so you can throw me in--

bruce: no, just come home. i want you home, so come home.

jason: i'm not fallin for this shit!

bruce: i no longer care about all of *points between himself and jason* this mess. i want to go home, play monopoly with my kids and be mad about the lot of you cheating. that is what i want, so that is what will happen.

jason: you're being ridiculous.

bruce: frankly, i dont give a fuck. now, what piece do you want, the hat or the car?

jason:....

bruce:.....

jason: the car.

bruce: fantastic, be home in 10.

Humans were made to love. To love our ancestors, to love out descendants, to love ourselves, the people around us. Humans were meant to love, the moment we as a species learned to hate is when humans lost ourselves. We were meant to love and be loved. No matter what you think of yourself or the people around you, remember that. Everyone is loved and loves. No matter what, no matter how horrible, no matter how evil. There is someone that once cradled them or someone that they cradle.

i think we've done a great job expanding the view of what a child's favorite animal can be. kids these days can say they love axolotls or pangolins or coelecanths and their decision is respected. maybe their parents can even find them a stuffed animal of it if they know where to look. and i think that's beautiful