People Are So Forgetful. Like Whenever Bruce Isn’t A Shitty Dad He’s Like, “Tim! Tim! My Boy! My

Bruce: I'm so relieved that Tim and Damian are getting along :)

Damian: shoving the antibiotic down Tim's throat like a dog

(Also Bruce: How's karma taste Tim?)

Part 2 from this

black hair, blue eyes

It’s a coincidence, with Dick, and Bruce thinks little of it. They share so much beyond dark hair and blue eyes, beyond trivial appearances. Besides, Dick enjoys putting on a show when Bruce’s colleagues gape at him, when they swear the boy looks exactly like his father and question where Bruce has been hiding him all this time. “Sent me off to a circus for eight years. Can you believe it? Dad,” he’ll say, solemn, hand over his heart as he clutches Bruce’s tailored sleeve. “I bunked with an elephant. How am I supposed to function in high society now?” Bruce ignores him, ignores the polite, bemused laughter that accompanies his charade. It hasn’t yet been a full year, but the boy is laughing, the boy is calling him “Dad” with no hint of sorrow, and Bruce realizes they don’t share as much as he once thought. Dick refuses to remain a boy forever, and Bruce isn’t as careful with Jason. His eyes glint blue like the gunmetal of the hubcap he’s trying to steal, and Bruce steals him instead. Drags him screaming from the streets, binds him in a cave and lays down the rules for belonging to him. Bruce takes him from the night, returns him to the night, and Jason’s eyes burn with a fire Bruce has long since extinguished in his own.  It remains only a matter of chance. Alfred comments on the parade of dark-haired boys that have passed through the halls of Wayne Manor, and Bruce ignores it still. He ignores it until the day that blue fire goes cold in Jason’s eyes, until he cradles the lifeless form in his arms and wonders what might have happened if the mugger had shot him, Bruce, that night long ago instead of killing his parents.  No more, he tells himself. The end. Dick joins him at the graveside, and Bruce can’t bear to look at him, or his own reflection in the lake that borders the grounds. He focuses on the wispy gray of Alfred’s hair instead, tries to forget that it was black and full when he was a younger man. 

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Sometimes when Dicks just too tired to deal with the batfam’s shit he starts encouraging them.

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Surrounded by gang members and caught in the crossfire between two gangs

Jason *pulling out a gun* : I’m gonna fucking obliterate all of them

Nightwing: Go right ahead

Jason: .. you serious? I’m not playing Dick I WILL shoot every single one of them in the head

Nightwing: sure.

Jason:

Nightwing: What you want me to start? Okay.

Jason: .. Dick why the fuck do you have a gun? DICK STOP LOADING THE GUN-

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At a stakeout waiting for the proof before intervening

Tim: Why can’t we just force a confession instead of waiting for him to crack?

Stephanie: Ooo or threaten him with blackmail so bad he starts crying!

Duke: Guys *eyes point to Dick sitting in a corner*

Stephanie: Right.. party pooper

Nightwing:

Nightwing: Okay got it.

*heads out*

Duke: No Dick wait! We were joking!

Stephanie: drama queen just needs a minute sunshine- wait is that him approaching the target?

Tim *who’s seen this happen before* *panicking knowing what’s gonna go down* : OH SHIT ABORT-

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Being stuck with a very annoying henchmen who won’t stop talking

Damian: .. Can we simply shut him up?

Nightwing: whatever you wanna do

Damian *narrows eyes*: I can’t ruin my katanna for this

Nightwing: *hands him knife*

Damian:

Nightwing: And remember, the most effective place to silence someone without causing them excruciating pain and also temporarily depriving them of air is right here *points to a small area on the neck*

Damian: ..

Nightwing: .? Go on?

Damian *putting it away* : .. no..

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It works a 1000 times more effectively just because either all of them are bluffing or they’re scared Dick’s not.

Bruce is rescued from the time stream and eventually returns home to recover. For the life of him he cannot figure out why Tim is not staying at the manor and Dick is being horribly vague about it in what Bruce easily realizes is guilt. Eventually Bruce does track down Tim and asks him what happened. What can he do to help? If Tim is alright. And Tim breaks down. He’d been holding it together for so long but here’s his dad, with open arms ready to fold him into the familiar and comfortable warmth and Tim tellshim everything.

Needless to say Bruce is furious. He and Dick have a very long heart to heart. Bruce doesn’t blame him, not entirely. Dick has always tried to do what he thought was best, but he dropped the ball this time. So Bruce says that as soon as he’s ready to hit the streets again, Dick is going to take a break. He’s going to relax. He’s going to talk to Tim when Tim is ready because even though it wasn’t the intent you still hurt him and Dick need to take responsibility for that. Bruce says he’s done well with Damian so far, but things are going to have to change because this house should feel safe for all his kids and right now, half of them don’t feel safe because of Damian.

Bruce also sits down with Damian eventually, but that’s with Dinah present because he knows he’s not the best with words but he’s not gonna mess this up. he wants his family to be whole. It takes a while because Damian is an emotionally repressed reforming killer, but eventually they work out that his dislike of the other members comes from a place of fear and they work together to create ways to help Damian feel secure with his place in the family. No, Bruce won’t send him away, but he needs to see Damian making active attempts to change or there will be consequences (consequences that will be laid out in plain terms like grounding or being benched from patrol or community services but never physical punishment).

Through all of this, Bruce has this simmering rage boiling beneath the surface as he talks to and sorts out his family. Because at the end of the day, while his kids have adult responsibilities, they’re still kids/young.

You know who’s not young? The members of the Justice League. So Bruce, recovered enough and with permission from Tim calls a meeting of the league where he spends the next 5 hours ripping them all a new one. Because seriously?

“My kid, my teenage vigilante son, effectively loses everyone and everything he loves and cares about over the short time span of a couple months and your response to said traumatized teenager is to turn you backs on him?”

He then proceeds to go through the backstories of every villain in their roster and how they came to be villains in the first place then proceeds to tell them that they should thank their lucky stars that Tim still kept most of his moral code because good people have turned evil for less than what you all did to him. If Tim turned evil then nobody here would have survived and Bruce states it like a fact, because out of all his kids, Tim is the one who could set the world on fire successfully and get away with it.

Bruce then goes through every hero who has died and come back to life both with a body and without. Shocker it’s a lot. “You really looked at the smartest of my Robin’s, the one I knew would find the clues I left behind, and chose not to believe him because there was a body?” bruce was livid.

He then walked them through the early evidence Tim had gathered and if anyone had bothered to actually take a look, they’d have probably agreed. Even if they hadn’t, everyone grieves in different ways. They should have helped Tim find the evidence because either he was right and Bruce was lost to the time stream, or Tim was wrong, and as meticulous as Tim is, he would eventually reach the conclusion that Bruce was really gone. But no, they gave him the cold shoulder, cut him off from the resources that News Flash! Robin had helped set up, and kicked him to the curb.

Bruce then drags them through most of Tim’s adventures over sea’s and once again reminds them that they should thank their lucky stars that Tim is a stronger man then any of them are because Ra’s ah Ghul is a master manipulator and Tim had just been abandoned by everyone he ever thought cared about him. Tim alone could do serious damage if he applied himself, but Tim backed by the LOA. Ha!

Because Bruce was feeling spiteful and Also thought it would be therapeutic for Tim, he had his third Robin create a plan that would hypothetically bring all of the league to their knees and turn the public opinion against them. Total free reign, but Tim had to show how he would do it, where the resources were coming from, and the time frame.

Because Bruce was right and this was fucking therapeutic, Tim made two different plans. One plan was created assuming he didn’t have the backing of the LOA and one was made assuming he did. In both plans their were audio recordings from the core four members as wells as other younger heroes who all confirmed that, “Yes, Tim, If you went rogue and decided to systematically destroy the Justice League we would 100% side with you.”

For shits and giggles Tim made a third plan that didn’t involve the use of any of the heroes that pledged their services to Tim’s villainy.

Bruce had Tim do this just so he could make it clear just how close they had been to complete and utter destruction had Tim been just a little less morally sound.

a few members complained about how if he took down the Justice league then no one would be able to protect the planet and beyond to which Bruce simply hmm’d before pulling up the next slide which was a list of new heroes he would replace the league with, how he would position each of them to gain the worlds trust, and again, audio consent from each hero that they would totally help Tim because most of the people Tim had worked with know two things about their Robin.

1) Tim always has a plan and Tim’s plans always work in the end, no matter how much they have to shift on the fly. You do not want to be on the receiving end of a Tim plan because you will lose no matter how long it take for it to happen because the boy is meticulous, petty, and utterly relentless.

2) Tim is a cinnamon roll who forgives too easily and if you fucked up enough for him to actually plan against you? Oh yeah, you’re officially the villains In our book.

Is it concerning that a lot of the you get heroes would turn on their mentees at the drop of Tim’s hat. Yeah a little. They should probably keep a closer eye on them. Not the point.

Bruce goes on to also remind the JL that Bruce funds most of this organization, and Tim is who Bruce legally placed in charge of anything happens to him.

It’s a very long meeting to say the least. Bruce signs off saying that he and his family are going on a sabbatical. Tim’s calling a few favors with some people who will watch Gotham while they’re gone. Under no circumstances outside of world ending threat are they to be contacted. And if Bruce hears of anyone saying or doing anything to Tim or saying trying spread rumors about him, then they should remember that Batman is where Tim learned many of his skills from and Bruce will protect his family from them first and foremost.

This is hilarious and honestly, Capritello is AWESOME.

Casey: Can I buy you a drink?

April: I have a boyfriend.

Casey, counting his money: He can only get something small then.

Kon, having listened and WATCHED him mark a list of things that are on the Geneva Convention as TO DO LIST: alright… but no thank you.

Tim, sighing: you never let me have any fun anymore.

Someone was mean to Kon, you decide the extent

Tim: Hear me out, we kill him.

Kon: Isn't that against your code of ethics?!

Tim: It doesn't have to be

Tim Drake is so funny because he’s like “Everyone hates me and honestly, same” when actually nobody does??

Tim: “Jason hates me :(“

Jason: “Tim is the only member of the Bats that I can spend time with without wanting to strangle him.”

Tim: “Dick just deals with me because he has to :(“

Dick: “I would kill for Tim.”

Tim: “Bruce doesn’t view me as family :(“

Bruce: “I literally adopted Tim.”

Tim: “My friends don’t trust me :(“

Literally all of his friends: “Tim said I should jump off this bridge and while that does seem stupid, it’s Tim asking, so I’m jumping.”

The Alderaanian Royal Guard gets really protective of the Coruscant Guard. Like. Really protective. At some point the people start treating the Corries better if only because they know that there is always an Alderaanian somewhere in the vicinity. Sometimes it's the Senator himself. Once or twice it was the Queen. But there is always at least one member of the Royal Guard there. Somewhere. For people who say they are pacifists, they seem really bloodthirsty.

After a while, people are starting to figure out that they might've been just supressing any murderous intents up until now, and it's better if you don't tempt them too much.

(The word got out at some point that Fox was dating the Queen and the Senator and that it was serious. The Royal Guard immediately turned on the Prince treatment. Fox bluescreened the first time one of them opened a door for him.)

Another day with the 501st

[Anakin underneath his ship doing some maintenance as he hears the distant sounds of chaos]

Anakin: Huh. Maybe I should help with that… nah, Rex usually has it handled. They fear him more than me anyway.

[Rex charges into the hangar, spots Anakin, and wrenches him out from under his ship]

Rex: Help me wrangle our kids or so help me I will get a transfer.

Anakin: … yes, sir.

Fucking lmao

I just watched @pastraspec 's video on Hello Nieghbor and this part made me laugh louder than necessary