Enter Dani Stage Left !

Lex was having a perfectly good day until his … son barged in with his shenanigans.

Kon: I need a favor

Lex, finally a bonding opportunity: whatever you need

Kon: I need you to marry this dude

Lex:… I beg your pardon

Kon: … it’ll make Clark really mad

Lex: ….. go on….

Kon: okay! So his name is Vlad Masters and ….

Lex rubbing his bald head in annoyance: who?

Kon without breaking a sweat and glancing at Tim behind him in the window: Vlad masters!!! The guy that’s been trying to get into your pants for months!

Lex: be more specific ?

Kon: uh, grey hair, kinda tall, has that punk son

Lex rubbing his temples thinking of a way out of this

Kon: he curses in desserts uh

Lex stilled… oh… him… he was… memories of the cute man sloshed into the billionaires head. Well it’s not that he hadn’t thought about it before… Conner coughed into his fist. Lex looked up to his sons knowing expression and all he could think was… oh shit.

Vlad was having a good day, a fine day.

Finally having put his obsession with Maddie to rest, nothing at Vladco big enough to need his immediate attention, and no Jack Fenton or Jack Fenton like situation to end his peace.

He was sat down at his table, eating the cupcakes he baked earlier with a new recipe and some tea.

It was a good day

Something was going to ruin this. So, he sent out a clone, sent it to one of his cupboards, took out one of his bigger teacups, went to his fridge, poured in some mango juice, took an extra plate, and came right back to the table Vlad was setting at.

It dutifully took a few cupcakes and put it onto the extra plate, placed said plate at the other end of the table and gently rested the teacup down beside it and pulled the chair just enough for another to sit down and returned to the original.

Now he waits.

"VLAD!"

Ah, there it was.

The Jack Fenton like situation that would ruin his day.

Just like his father, the boy for some reason lost his ability to use the very there door and instead busts through the wall right beside said door.

But it wasn't anything he couldn't fix.

He brought the highly expensive and his favorite teacup to his lips, content to enjoy the last dregs of peace he can before the boy opens his mouth-

"VLAD I NEED YOU TO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE!"

Vlad choked.

A few minutes later, after a series of coughs and heaving, he stares at his godson with the most incredulous face he could muster. The brat, being Jack's son, instead of giving him further context decides to eat the cupcakes he made without even asking him.

Barbarians, honestly.

He cleared his throat before the boy could snatch another one of his delicate treats. "Explain yourself, Daniel."

"Hm? Oh, right." Danny swallowed, petting his chest before swiping up a teacup (That was filled with mango juice instead of tea, that Vlad, as an ever-accommodating host, laid out for him a few moments before his arrival.) and taking a giant gulp. Danny then sighed. "I need you to sleep with someone, basically."

"I will need further explanation, if your feeble brain cannot understand that fact," Vlad took a slow sip of his tea, eyes closed and playing every part of the refined high-society member he's crafted for himself over the years. "Then I can and will direct you to the door."

Vlad then glanced at his broken wall. "And for the love of all that is holy, please remember that they exist for a reason."

"Yea yea whatever." Danny waved his off, taking up another cupcake and chewing on it. "Riht so a ned yoz ta-"

"Try again, this time without your mouth full so that I may understand you Daniel."

As Danny swallowed, Vlad took another sip of his tea.

"Right so I need you to sleep with Lex Luthor."

And promptly spat it all out onto both his table and his unfortunate, innocent little cupcakes (Danny managed to move his away from the blast) and doubled over into a coughing fit.

Family Discussions-

Big Sis: why do you call everyone “baby” but be?

Me: I call you a baby all the time

Big Sis: when?

Me: usually when I’m insulting you

JL: what the hell man why are saying these things? That is not how you train a child!

Marvel: first off they are teens not kids, second off what do you mean ? (Flashbacks to Hercules making carry heavy shit and Zeus threatening him and his siblings with lightning ever other day) that’s how I was trained???

JL (blinking wildly and thinking of how marvel brushed horrible stuff off like it’s no big deal): ohhh OH!!!! NO!!!

Marvel Can Be Intense

Billy wants these little guys to go into heroics being the best hero they can be. He just doesn’t realize that while he has good intentions, he can come off as kind of intense. Like the time he tried teaching Wally how to vibrate his entire body through an object.

Marvel: *holding Tim by the neck with one hand while his other hand is crackling with electricity* “You better hurry up Wally or else I’ll blow his brains out on the floor!”

Kid Flash: “WHAT DUDE IM TRYING.”

Robin!Tim: “HE’S BURNING MY HAIR! I THINK HE’S ACTUALLY GOING TO KILL ME IF YOU DON’T HURRY!”

Kid Flash: “I’m TRYING!” *only got his arm through it*

Marvel: “Try harder!”

Or the time he tried teaching Stargirl how to fly one of the ships.

Marvel: “Alright, so the best type of practice is getting it firsthand so what you’re gonna do is fly straight through that asteroid belt.” *points to the belt*

Stargirl: *sounds super concerned* “What? I can’t do that!”

Marvel: “Yeah you can! You just gotta believe. Now do it.”

Stargirl: “I just told you, I can’t. I can barely fly this thing already. Flying through an asteroid belt would completely total the entire thing and we might be stranded out here for God’s sake.”

Marvel: *nods head* “I see. I see. I get your concerns. So instead I’ll just…” *grabs the acceleration and cranks it all the way up and they start flying to the belt*

Stargirl: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” *grabs the steering wheel and starts making the ship dodge the asteroids*

Marvel: “You’re doing great!” *sunny ahh smile as if he hadn’t put the both of them in mortal danger*

Later…

Marvel: “That was wonderful for your first time, Stargirl.” *looking at the dents in the ship*

Stargirl: “You’re a psychopath.” *still a little shell shocked*

Marvel: “Nuh uh. Here, have some candy.” *hands her some candy*

Then there was the time Beast Boy was interviewed.

Interviewer: “So, who would you say is your toughest teacher? Batman?”

Beast Boy: “Oh, definitely Captain Marvel.”

Interviewer: *slightly surprised* “May I ask why?”

Beast Boy: “Well, he’s a psychopath. Like actually. Like don’t get me wrong. He’s really nice. He makes us cookies. He’s like super kind, but when it comes to training, he’s a complete psychopath. Like the other day he said he’d tear off Starfire’s arms if I couldn’t complete a training exercise. I did complete it don’t get me wrong, and he gave me cookies afterwards, but you don’t just threaten to tear off another person’s arms!”

Omg I love this!!!

Let Dani have two loving parents!

Hell let the Batfamily be technically right about it being an arranged marriage! (To Danny’s horror! And to Tims gain.)

Have Tim and Danny falling in love while they save Bruce and just being unhinged!

Just a little idea

What if when Tim went off to look for Batman when he was lost in time he bumped into Phantom.

They made a Deal

Phantom knowing CW helped him find Bruce and how to get him back safely, Phantom in return for reasons (hurt badly & recovering, or evolving in power) needed someone very ecto-contaminated (Ra's fault) like Tim, to be contained in.

From a magic user point of view, knowing very little of the GZ and how they work, Tim made a very powerful Deal with a powerful death being (High Ghost King Phantom: Hello!) and is now somehow pregnant (not really but they don't know that)

Danny while inside Tim inside his core can still hear the world outside normally and can share his emotions with Tim to communicate. Which looks a lot like Tim is speaking to his belly just like expecting parents do.

This could be angst or crack

or

my personal favourite, different genres for different pov's

Tim's would be happy, just regular getting his life back together being a total BAMF, coming of age type of vibe

The rest of the Batfam and other heroes pov would be angst, paranormal, psychological horror.

Misunderstandings galore

Dick regretting heavily his decisions which caused Tim to run away because he did not believe him and he has many Regrets.

Bruce feeling guilty that Tim felt the need to make such a decision as to make a Deal and end up pregnant just to bring him back.

Meanwhile the magic users have told the other heroes about Tim's situation and now think that he's going to give birth to the child of a very powerful death being and if something happens to Tim to risk the baby it would cause all of their worlds destruction.

so pretty much-

Tim-Girl Boss, Gatekeep, Gaslight

Batfam- Much Angst

Others- *panicked chicken noises*

~

Just an Idea

An excerpt of tonight’s date convo

Me: this is my exact problem with MHA like yeah blood is gross and Japan has different sensibilities than us but you can not tell me Toga wouldn’t fucking book it to America and instantly gain a huge following

(we had been talking about vampires)

My datemate: just makes a cult

Me: exactly! Or like discrimination against quirkless people you can’t tell me they’re isn’t like quirkless cities dominating some niche part of the market (like Silicon Valley and all the gays moving to the same places)

DM (datemate): like basketball or or

Me: they make all the icecream

DM: XD all the dairy farmers are quirkless

Me: the cows just fucking smell a quirk and kick them

I counter this with the idea of Tim positively LOVING it and rubbing it in everyone’s noses!!!

Oh boohoo Jason hasn’t talked to you in days ? He just sent me a bird pic for the third time this hour! Get fucked!

Or even

Of course Jason loves me? I’m his favorite? He sends me birds all the time?

And just walks out without explanation

Jason sending Tim pictures of cardinals with the caption “this u” after he becomes red robin. like, every time he sees a cardinal (which is surprisingly often) he takes a pic and sends it to him.

One day Tim gets sick of the spamming so he just sends a video of a trash can exploding and goes “this u”

Ghost helpline part 16- Everyone goes home

Billy walked out of the, surprisingly opened at 3 am, art store with bags of painting supply. Ducking into an alley, he transformed. He felt a lot better.

Alright he was ready to head for Gotham, after all his family was waiting for him there.

Now how to get around the Bats, he could probably avoid them if he walked in Bludhaven right?

- “Ow! What the hell! Billy???” The kid had decided to detransform mid air and ended up on top of the small vampire.

“Jack?”

The two looked at each other, “Holly shit are you bleeding! Did I do that?”

“What no of course not! I just got caught up with some bigoted werewolf.” Reds blood was already dry, skin scared as if the encounter had taken place days ago. “Billy what are you even doing here?!”

“Finished that pie at the diner and took a walk around the place. Was just starting to head home”

Translation: I’m done with my mission and patrol of Fawcett and am trying to go home.

“And you didn’t take the short cut home because?”

Billy quizzically raised an eyebrow, seriously what does my sister see in this guy? “ Taking the long way seemed like a safer bet, especially in a town like this.”

Translation: Do you want me to get caught by the Batman ?? Huh? Do you?

“Right, we should get going there’s no telling if that wolf will come back. Need a lift?”

“Can’t we just call Dandy to pick us up?”

Red shook his head, “No can do, he left to go pick up Violet chances are he’s barely coming back into town.”

“What do you mean pick Violet up? Where is she?!?”

“It’s a whole thing, just look I am not comfortable being here right now. Don’t you know wolves travel in packs? Do you want a lift or not!?!?”

“Fine.” Jack hoisted Billy over his shoulder, “This is humiliating.”

“Hardy har har, I may be a weak vampire but even I can care you in this form. Now hold tight.”

They disappeared in a blur of pink.

And Nightwing set down the binoculars, this was going to be a long report.

—-

Dandy was ready to strangle them.

“Hold on hold on we can just check the mirror again!”

“Flipping flapjacks, where the heck is Small-ville?”

Klarion could feel Dandy’s eyes burning into him. Whoops, “Well I at least need to know what state we’re in for me to teleport more accurately… so.”

Danka smiled, “So we ask for directions! We are literally on top of a farm right now - someone has got to be here!”

“Well not like we got any other plans here.”

A short walk, a pie and a conversation later Klarion managed to teleport them to the mansion.

Dandy couldn’t enjoy it for a minute. He stopped dead in his tracks, “Klarion, we forgot the car.”

—- —- —-

Bruce’s neck hurt, did he sleep on the

bat-puter again? No it was too soft. He shifted and opened his eyes… he was on a couch? Oh, OH. That wasn’t suppose to happen, he couldn’t have been that tired. The tv was off, and there was a blanket on top of him.

Vlad was gone and the lights were dimmed.

Great he had made a fool out of himself.

Right, it was time to leave. Right now. He could apologize later but he had to leave.

CRASH!

Bruce jolted into action. The sound came from upstairs.

// He’s so going to get robbed.//

Dick was right, for god sakes the house didn’t even have cameras!

Bruce ran up the stairs.

CRash! ThUd! “Ow damn nmit”

Oh that didn’t sound like a criminal… that sounded like a kid.

Two doors opened, Vlad and a little boy came out of them.

The kid had black hair and blue eyes, “Who the fuck are you?”

“Billy!”

“Whatever old man, next time just let us know before you bring some side piece over.”

Oh good god he was another Jason.

——

Bruce got into his car and went home.

He left felling giddy and guilty, holding Vlad’s number.

Dick knew better to keep secrets from The Batman, so he wasn’t going to lie. He just also wasn’t going to tell him what happened to his face. If Bruce really needed to know what happened tonight he could read the report on it.

—- —- —-

Violet stares at the phone longer than necessary, she’s got one shot at this. Don’t fuck up.

She plucks a number out of her inventory and dials.

Violet has never been close to Bradley, he was quiet and reserved. He insisted that she couldn’t do anything without help, well on the upside if someone thinks you’re useless it’s not like you can disappoint them more than you already do.

“Hey Brad, can you come pick me up… I’m at a pub… yeah again…”

- Brad hung up the phone and abandoned his brothers at the movie theater. His sister had called him, him! Not Dandy or Danka or Klarion! She had called him! And now he he had a little sister to save!

He checked the time on his Lock Screen, a picture of Violet having a stuffed animal tea party, it was his prized possession. His little baby sister was just so adorable and kind. And if anyone in Gotham hurt her there was going to be hell to pay! - literally!

—- —- —-

Yesssss a million times yes!!!

But also the Batfamily finding out his “reasoning” behind everything being okay and not needed oh an apology and just crying cuz oh no we broke Tim XD

Someone please write this!

Tag me!!!!

I think Tim, in a combination of a tendency for dissociation, the trained objectivity of the Bats, and a defense mechanism from getting too attached, sees the Waynes, the Bats, as a sort of noontime sitcom. Like, he's an observer so nothing penetrates.

Jason coming back from the dead and proceeding to beat up his successor with no idea whatsoever of exactly how much Tim has worked to turn things around, Jason hurting and angry that his death changed nothing because Tim spent the last three years slaving over the traffic light colors making sure that's exactly how it would seem. Hilarious.

Damian coming out of left field to instate his supposed rights as the rightful heir. Puzzling but tentatively intriguing.

Stephanie coming back from a sabbatical to hire an assassin to try to kill him under Bruce's orders? A neat little plot twist. Not a plot hole because looking back on past events, there were definitely some foreshadowing.

(Dick taking Robin-

That's. Well. Dick's his brother, toeing the line between a character and a fellow observer he can freely share insights with and that definitely. Impacts him. Doesn't quite shatter the screen.)

This mix well with that 'Tim is meta a la Deadpool but just a little bit'.

Okay but what if Danny doesn’t succeed the first time?!

Like imagine everyone watching this guy try to kidnap klarion at every turn and trying to feed him “fae food” or just straight up pomegranates! XD

Ghost King wants a Mate

Danny tried to find ways to not get crowned as the Ghost King. Sam told him about summoning a creature for a deal or something similar; maybe they would know something.

The trio somehow summoned Klarion, and as he asked them what they wanted, Klarion doesn't allow himself to be summoned often, but the meeting in the Light was super boring.

Sam and Tucker wait for Danny to talk about his Ghost King problem and see if he can make sure he doesn't get crowned.

But all those plans changed when Danny saw Klarion. "How to make you my Queen!"

Klarion was more amused than he should be; he let himself be summoned, and this was the question he got?

He laughed and told him to be strong enough to capture him fully, and then he broke the summoing circle and was gone.

Sam and Tucker glared at Danny.

Danny had a plan: he would try to make Klarion his mate.

Danny left for the Ghost Zone to become the new King the next day, and Clockwork just shook his head.

After a few weeks, as Klarion was fighting the young Justice kids, Danny came out of nowhere as the Ghost King. And then pulled a Hades on Klarion as he kidnapped him. Klarion laughed as he noticed that the light and the JL looked shocked, but let it happen; this will bring Chaos.

On the other side, he saw King Hades and Queen Persephone.

Danny:" Your plan actually worked, Lord Hades."

Hades smiled: See, I told you it works. You've got a good companion. Young King."

Persephone looked at both and said, "While you two talk, I will talk with Klarion about the future duties he would do if you married."

JL and the Light broke into the castle and saw King Danny with his married mate, Klarion.

Klarion had joy on his face as he saw their shocked faces, and Teekl loves it here too.

So Lego Batman and the first Batman comics where Batman had a gun and joker was more of a prankster? …. I feel like there’s a fanfic to be written in here somewhere I just can’t find it

Bruce and Joker as an actual couple would NEVER work in the main universe whatsoever (mostly because of how much pain and trauma Joker has caused Bruce and the rest of the batfamily) but in other universes it could totally work