Ghost Helpline Part 6

Wade wears one of those “I’m not a step dad I’m the dad that stepped up” shirts

So from what I heard, Wade wanted a family with Vanessa right? A baby?? A family of his own??

He would definitely treat Mary Puppins as his own actual biological daughter even though she's a deadpool, but she's the closest thing he has to an actual baby

And and Wade was no doubt happy for Laura that she has a Logan, not hers, but a Logan that she'll love and cherish all the same as her father

And Logan slowly opening himself to her and taking the parental role and treating her like she was always his own daughter

But oh my God IMAGINE PLEASE IMAGINE how HAPPY he would be when Laura refers to him as papa one day

Wade would always hang out and treat Laura like the questionable Uncle, and leaving the "father-bonding-and-other-fatherly-things" to Logan

But then one night, after she comes over for dinner and hangs out with them and now she has to return back to the X-Mansion she goes:

"Thanks for letting me come over agajn guys. Goodnight, love you Dad, love you Papi." And shuts the door and Wade almost trips over Mary Puppins.

"That's a little odd, baby peanut mentioned you twice. Must be really tired after tonight."

"Papi is you, bub."

He slowly turns to Logan, refusing to believe it

Before quietly and brokenly asking with so much joy

"I'm a dad?"

And if he cried that night, then that'll just be between him, Logan and Mary Puppins until Wade starts telling anyone and everyone that he's a step father and proceeds to prove how much of a great step father he can be

Helpline part 2 “Why the hell is a child here?” Hall yelled! Constantine rolled his eyes, “Age is relative … tho even by demon standards I assume you’re rather young eh Sheila ?”

The demon pouted, “My name isn’t Sheila, I told you call me Konstelacio!”

“Right my apologies.”

Damian sneered,”Idiot.” Only to have Dick elbow him,”Don’t.”

“Now then! What do you need?” The girl crossed her arms and slowly paced by the edge of the circle.

“Wait wait hold up! What is the Infinite Realms?”

Demon girl kept on examining the circle, “Exactly what it sounds like.”

“What are you?”

“Rude”

“How old are you?”

“Depends”

“I thought this spell was supposed to be random?”

Dick groaned, “Wally-“ Zatanna put her hand up, “Hold on that actually is an important question. Why did you show up?”

The demons face contorted. “Uh because it’s my job?” Her hands coming up to her chest.

“How do you get a job like this Konstelacio ? This doesn’t exactly seem like a safe job for a kid?” Superman pondered.

She shrugged, “Eh, community service.”

The heroes gapped. Hal’s ring shone, “And what exactly does a demon have to do to be sentenced with community service?”

“None of your business!!!” The girl grew flustered shoulders tensing.

“Was it a violent crime?” Batman questioned

“That’s it I’m leaving!” She stepped closer to the middle of the circle “You humans are so rude!!!”

“Wait wait,” Constantine pleaded “I apologize on behalf of my colleagues. They have simply never met anyone as…” weird, different, odd “magnificent as you o great one!”

She hummed, “Oh no! The Great One is my uncle!!!”

Uncle? What did that even mean?!?! John was gonna have a heart attack at this rate.

“Yes well please don’t leave we truly do need your assistance!”

Batman cleared his throat, “We were trying to reach someone to help us with several world ending threats that have appeared.”

“Yes, you said that you were uh a helpline? Could you connect us with someone else?” Superman spoke in a kind tone.

“Well duh” the girl relaxed, “You need to actually talk about the issue tho and what exactly it is you’re looking for these things can be tricky.”

“Tell me about it. ….ow”

Batman continued, “ There seems to be some sort of disease spreading everywhere as well as a monster running rampant.”

“If it’s a magical monster why not have your magic users take care of it?”

“Captain Marvel and Dr Fate are both currently of world. We also think the disease may also be magic in nature.” Superman butted in.

The demons eyes lit up at the mention of the Captain only to turn to stone right after. Interesting thought Damian this might be useful information.

“ Alright then I’ll need as much info on these issues as I can! Tho I already do have a few ideas on who to contact about it!”

“This is the monster,” Aquaman pulled up photos of a blue glowing dragon in a gold amulet on screen. “It first appeared in Atlantis wreaking havoc in it wake as it took over the mainland along the coast of California. Our magicians were in able to harm it at all! One second it was there the next gone.”

“Uuughgghhhh Aragon!”

Necks almost broke looking back at her.

“Oh great you two know each other,” Constantine’s voice began to rise in pitch, “lovely.”

“What is he? My magic barely did anything to him too!” Zatanna asked

“Yeah,” Wally backed her up, “We couldn’t do anything against that thing!”

“He’s not a thing! He is a ghost his name is Arragon!”

Flash paled, “A ghost?? That thing couldn’t be a ghost !”

“That’s it I’m leaving! You are being rude again!”

John ran towards the circle, “Wait wait hold on now..”

“You are all being so rude! We are people! We have sentience Aragon is a person!” Red hot anger flushed her cheeks as her eyes wavered.

Flash went up to the circle, “You’re right you’re right it’s my fault entirely I’m sorry! Konstelacio!” Barry felt awful the young girl reminded him of Wally before the adoption. Sad and joking. Sad and demanding to be seen for what they are.

“Yeah whatever,” she looked away, “what about the illness ?”

“It started around the same time as the mons- as Aragon arrived. The illness seems to be random causing deterioration of the skin and violent outbursts,” Batman threw the file over the ring of the circle, “Here’s more info.”

“Hhhmm I’m going to be honest I don’t understand half of this stuff. You said it might be magic based?”

WonderWoman nodded, “ Yes I use to hear tales of something similar back on Themyscira. Supposedly it is one of the illnesses Pandora released from her box.”

“Well why didn’t you start with that ? I’m sure NanaDora will be happy to help!”

With elves heightened ability never before had one fainted of stress or even fainted in general.

And then there’s Lindir.

(Important political meeting)

Thranduil: Of course the dwarves are late!

Lindir (flashbacks to the last time there were dwarves in Rivendell): dwarves?!??

Elrond: Lindir I was going to tell you but...

Lindir faints.

Thranduil: what the hell!!! Someone get a healer he’s dying!!!

Elrond (sighing): First off I AM A HEALER Second off he’s probably fine. This happens to Lindir quite a bit.

Thranduil: PROBABLY!!!!

Same!!! Just everyone thinking this poor funky little human got wrapped up in this nonsense while Danny has the time of his life girlbossing and gaslighting.

Have Sam and Tucker and jazz as different types of lawyers or the IRS lol

The King's Informants

Many would say that the Infinite Realms were at peace, now that the ghosts weren't constantly attacking Amity. And in a way they were, but still had some problems.

The Infinite Realms were chaotic and usually didn't follow any rules, Danny's reign didn't change that. That was because death had its own rules and the Realms did their job, Pariah was just horrible at being a ruler and also horrible at making sure everything was more or less where it should be.

When the Ancients recorded a lost soul (which was more common than it seemed), which was neither a ghost nor had passed "to the afterlife" directly, Danny tended to ask the citizens of Amity Park for help, who were grateful with him for his ex job as hero and used to help him. Even if they weren't living in Amity.

Danny would sometimes communicate with them in their sleep, with some help from Nocturne, and explain what they needed to investigate (Danny felt they were some kind of secret informants, or spies, if he was being honest.)

This time, the Realms were in turmoil as "Jason Todd's" soul was missing (and no, Danny wasn't pouting about losing his friend), his soul hadn't registered in any other death cycles or Resurrection. So the King asked Dash to investigate about it and Dash, now a Policeman from Gotham, taked his job seriously.

The "no one is forgotten" network was made up of Amity citizens willing to investigate missing soul anomalies in other cities. This was mostly the Justice League's fault or to do with them, which was pretty frustrating.

Danny was wondering if he should pay them a visit when he was informed that the missing soul was in the realm of the living. The halfa sighed tiredly, he wasn't going to kill Jason to repair the "cycle of life and death" (because that would be hypocritical) but he had to solve the problems caused by said alteration. Being King was fucking tiring.

I can’t stop laughing

You Knew the Demon Head?

For this AU, I suppose we’d have to pretend that Ra’s al Ghul isn’t hundreds of years old, but rather thousands. So pretend for that this specific post he is.

Billy got a call from Nightwing. The man said he’d meant to call for Batman but had instead fumbled and called him instead for help. Cap still came to see if they needed anything. See, it turned out that Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, and Robin were all patrolling when one of them found Lazarus Pit. So, now all four of them, now with the added Captain Marvel, were all standing around the Pit watching the green liquid.

Marvel: “Geez it’s been a long while since I’ve seen a Lazarus pit.”

Red Robin: “You know what these are?”

Marvel: “Yeah, I had a friend who used them to stay young.”

Robin!Damian: “The only people who use them for that purpose of the League of Assassins.”

Marvel: “Oh? You know about the League of Assassins, Robin five?”

Robin!Damian: “Robin five…?” *looks him up and down before shaking his head* “I was apart of them.”

Marvel: “Wait, really?”

Robin!Damian: “Yes?”

Marvel: “Wow… Y’know, I haven’t heard that name in so long, and think I get to meet a real life member again. You’re sort of young, but I do remember Ra’s mentioning taking in orphans.”

Robin!Damian: “You say that like you knew my grandfather.”

Marvel: “Ra’s is your grandpa?” *looks him up and down* “I don’t really see the resemblance.”

Robin!Damian: “I’ve been told I look more like my father.”

*silence*

Nightwing: “Uh, Cheese? How do you know about the League of Assassins? Let alone Ra’s al Ghul. I would’ve thought something like this was a little too… gritty for you.”

Marvel: “What’s that mean?”

Red Hood: “He means you’re like a ball of sunshine, and that people like you don’t really associate with stuff like assassins. You normally fight mad scientists or witches or whatever.”

Marvel: “Uh… Red Hood? Your name is Red Hood right?”

Red Hood: *nods head*

Marvel: “I fight against monsters, mind control, and Nazis on an almost daily basis. This isn’t really above me.” *looks back to Nightwing* “Anyways, you asked how I knew him, right?”

Nightwing: *nods head*

Marvel: “Well, you see, a long time ago we used to be best buds!” *all smiley*

*another silence*

Nightwing: “What…?”

Red Robin: “You were best buds with the head of a- sorry, the organization of assassins.”

Marvel: “Yeah! Me and Ra’s go away back. Like thousands upon thousands of years back. I was actually apart of the original LoA if you think about it.

Robin!Damian: “So you and grandfather were comrades?”

Marvel: “Guess so. But we stopped talking ever since I died.”

Red Hood: “Huh…?”

Marvel: “I die, I revive as a new person, and then I remember who I was before, if that makes sense. That’s happened multiple times.” *trying to be as vague about the Champion of Magic stuff as possible*

Red Robin: “So you reincarnate?”

Marvel: “Something like that. It’s not really reincarnation because it’s not my soul that gets reincarnated, it’s mostly just my memories. I become a completely different person.” *looks to Damian* “That’s probably why when your grandpa and I met again, he was a little upset that I wasn’t the me he knew before.”

Robin!Damian: “You’ve both met again?”

Marvel: “We’ve met multiple times over the years. He’s still a little salty whenever he sees me, but I think it’s gone down a little bit.”

*silence*

Nightwing: “I’m still confused though! How do you just become besties with the Demon’s Head?”

Marvel: “Well, he wasn’t always the Demon’s Head, Robin one. He used to be a healer.”

Robin!Damian: “Grandfather was a healer?”

Marvel: “Yeah, he understood germ theory before literally anyone else. You know that right? He was a brilliant man, really. Anyways, when I was just a normal kid before I got my memories, we became friends. Then, when I got my powers and memories back, me and the tribe helped him take over the city.”

Red Hood: “What city?”

Marvel: “You know, the city. The one that Ra’s and his tribe took over after a king sentenced him to killing his own wife, even though the prince of that city actually killed wife.” *said all of that in one breath*

Robin!Damian: “I have a grandmother?”

Marvel: “Yup! I have no idea who your parent is though because when she died, I don’t recall them having any children.”

Red Robin: “I love how you’re dropping all of this lore like it’s nothing.”

Marvel: “Fun fact, after taking over the city, that’s when he started calling himself the Demon’s Head I think.”

Marvel continued to drop multiple lore bombs about Ra’s after that. Meanwhile, Ra’s is minding his own business somewhere else.

Ra’s al Ghul: *pauses whatever he was doing* “Something just happened…”

Witcher fanfic

“Butch” and “butcher” sound a lot alike and Getalt has always been one to take things the wrong way

“That boy ain’t right.” Hank Hill

Just some frog doodles. A fancy frog and a frog that….ain’t right. I think he’s been licking himself again.

This plus the cults!!!!!

Just the cults surrounding phantom feeling

100 % validated XD

Ra’s cult only to be thrown out by Amity’s cults

AU where Amity Parkers are basically elves in the DC universe.

Hear me out.

Canonically in the DC universe the Lazarus Pits are used to extend the life of Ras Al Ghul and others on top of bringing people back from the dead.

Ras Al Ghul is OLD. He has been around for hundreds of years.

Now in the DP x DC crossovers it is usually agreed that the Lazarus Pits are corrupted ectoplasm or ectoplasm mixed with magic or just un-pure ectoplasm. Regardless of what is chosen it is agreed that it’s base is ectoplasmic in origin.

Ectoplasm extends life and the entire city of Amity Park is

DRENCHED

in Pure ectoplasm.

Think about it for a moment. The ENTIRE CITY of Amity Park has constant exposure to the PURE form of the Lazarus Pits. After a few years they would JUST STOP AGING.

Danny and his sister (and Dani if she’s in your fic) would be first.

Tucker and Sam and Valerie would be next.

Vlad only looks old because of his hair colour.

The teens of amity who are constantly around fights would be next and everyone else afterwords.

Frankly immortal Danny is good.

IMMORTAL AMITY PARK IS HILARIOUS.

If you add in the headcanon that Amity flickers into and out of the ghost zone after the whole Pariah Dark incident which is a place CANONICALLY OUT OF TIME.

Well now you got them aging even slower and the hilarity of Amity park just being a city of holograms to Elmerton and the rest of the world that you can sometimes interact with causing people to treat it more like a myth rather then an actual place you can move to if you’re insane enough. Also the ectoplasmic exposure would probably concentrate over time which would make it hard to move there or leave for long periods of time without getting insanely sick/going mentally insane/dying dissuading people from visiting/moving/leaving there even more and by that point the government might just decide to pretend the city doesn’t exist as long as they promise to keep their problems to themselves (personally I headcanon that ectoplasm is a heavy substance that disperses back into the ghost zone quickly and that it wouldn’t really spread outside of Amity Park so Elmerton and the surrounding are completely fine and that since Amity is exposed slowly over time the ectoplasm won’t immediately kill them). Throw in Tucker/Technus wiping out any information on them on the online world and you get the Justice League completely unaware of a LITERAL CITY OF IMMORTALS JUST CHILLING OUT A STATE OVER FROM WISCONSIN.

Better yet, since the aging is slowed down due to ectoplasm then the people of Amity would age similar to how the neverborn ghosts (like Boxed Lunch daughter of Lunch Lady and Box Ghost) so Mentally they ARE the age they look with just an INSANE amount of experience hence ELVES.

THINK OF ALL THE POSSIBILITIES THIS WOULD CREATE FOR FICS!

World ending event that the Justice League can’t solve unless they somehow develop a cure for an alien disease plaguing the world MEET random Amity Park scientist who has DEDICATED their life, even before it got extended, to solving diseases and has a ton of practice because ectoplasmic disease make logic go out the window anyways and 150 years of practice looking at things sideways means the “world ending plague” is solved within 10 minutes by a person on vacation.

Like the Justice League would be like *surprise Pikachu face* and this random Amity Parker would be like it’s no big deal and my vacation is over so bye AND WHEN THE JUSTICE LEAGUE TRIES TO FIND THE PERSON THAT SAVED THEM NOTHING WOULD COME UP AND IT WOULD DRIVE THEM INSANE.

Now what about Young Justice/Teen titans? They are trying to take down a bad guy and get civilians out of the way but the bad guy is tough and they can’t lose a fighter or more people WILL die and then suddenly this Asian teen (Kwan) who has had like 200 years of dodging practice and taking hits from both football and ghost fights and with slight enhanced strength that even old Amity grandmas have comes barreling through and grabbing people then professionally acrobating his way out of harm while luging like four people and continues to do so until the YJL no longer has to worry about civilians while fighting. Everyone on the team thinks the teen must be a meta and all agree that he’d be a perfect addition to the team only to not be able to find him afterwards and to realize that he doesn’t even come up on the Justice leagues facial recognition. Meanwhile Kwan was just so used to getting out of the way of ghost fights and when he saw people who couldn’t remove themselves from the danger zone he just acted on instinct cause sometimes amity kids can’t move fast enough and need an extra hand getting to safety which is no big deal and sides he’s still got to find that flower shop so he can pick up the lilies he KNOWS Dash loves and can’t get in Amity so that he can pass them on to Jack (another football player) cause Kwan knows they’ve been crushing on each other for the past 50 years and he is nothing if not a great wingman and friend who is more then willing to give them a shove in the right direction.

Like just the possibilities even without adding team Phantom professional ghost hunters/martial artists/weapons and technology experts/superhero/eldritch horrors/phycologist/hacker into the mix.

Every time the Justice League gets info on an Amity Parker it would just disappear into thin air like someone hacked into their computer and erased it leaving no traces whatsoever. Any physical documents they print out also just disappear even when placed in a locked room in space.

It would drive them nuts.

Just the Chaos immortal Amity Park would cause

Family Discussions

Bilbo talking to Thorin while he’s dying on Ravenhill.

BFF (crying): kiss him !!! He’s dying kiss him!!!

Me: which character are you talking to

BFF: both! Neither! I don’t know!!!

DC verse Theater 4

“So what there’s just a universe out there where Tim and Jason are best friends or something?”

It was confusing and Konner wasn’t sure how Tim could ever forgive Jason what he’d done in Titans Tower but ….

“Pppfftt. Best friends? This is the multiverse we are talking about! Here I’ll show you some funny ones to lighten the mood!”

Dick felt relieved, two videos in and he wanted to shake his family members. It was nice that Jason and Tim were friends tho, he wanted his brothers to be brothers to each other! He did! But it also left his mouth with a bitter feeling. What is wrong with him?

The scene started with Jason, this one was wearing a suit! No white in his hair to be seen.

Bruce felt something in his chest loosen at the sight.

Jason wrinkled his nose in disgust.

[“- cost Lexcorp hundreds of thousands of dollars in-“] some lawyer aspoused before being cut off.

[“You know what I don’t care if Tim murdered his entire family. Tim is like a son to me.”]

Cass dropped her popcorn, wow just wow.

Konner wrapped his arms around the shorter boy, he was crying.

…

[“Did you really mean that Jason?”]

Tim’s mind was screaming, of course he didn’t mean it. He couldn’t he hates you. Your real dad didn’t want you, Bruce didn’t want you, why would you Robin want you?

[“Of course Tim. Your parents were assholes anyway.” ]

The pit in Jason burned, “So what if I hadn’t died I would have adopted the brat? If I hadn’t died I would be working at Wayne tech and everything would have been all better?” What fucking bullshit.

And what did his counter part mean about Tim’s parents being assholes? Tim was some rich kid who had parent that gave him everything and he still became Robin.

Roy gave him a nudge, “Whatever.”

The next clip played.

Xxxx

[“Tim your parents were extremely neglectful.”]

Jason froze.

[ “No they weren’t.”]

Konner pursed his lips, even after all these years Tim was still in denial.

[“Tim they left you alone for 11 months out of the year.”]

“Well at least they didn’t do that in our dimension!” Dick tried to break the ice, they couldn’t have done that. Not to Timmy, Bruce would have known. He would have known and he wouldn’t have let Tim go back to them.

“Tim?”

“What it’s not a big deal?”

Bruce felt like he had been slapped. No no no no. Jack and Janet weren’t the best people he knew that but they wouldn’t have…Tim had told him it was okay that they called and visited and that he had a nanny and and Tim was a liar. Bruce knew he knew and there was no more telling himself Tim hadn’t lied to him. There was no more space left to say he had actually believed him ethier. Bruce knew.

Xxx Next clip

[“No body is shooting my brother! Imma say this one time you make a move at him and you’ll be dead before you hit the ground you understand!”]

“Tt what mess did Drake get himself into know?” Damian was a tad affronted about this. So it would seem that in these worlds Drake and Todd were close. Tt, well it made sense. Todd hated anyone who hurt kids and it would seem Drake didn’t have the sparkling childhood he had thought he did.

[ I’m feeling untouchable, untouchable]

Roy couldn’t help but chuckle, “Look at how smug he is that you have his back.” Jason rolled his eyes, he did that here too. Sure he didn’t say anything about it but … it’s not like he still had a hit out on him anymore.