Childhood Friends To Lovers Au

Tim is panicking because he doesn't know what to give Kon for his birthday so he asks Cassie.

Cassie: (she is so done with their pathetic pining) Just get really close to his face, close your eyes and count to five. Trust me, that will make him very happy.

Tim has not been sleeping enough for the past few days so he does not question it. He doesn't really know how this would make Kon happy, but Cassie used to date him after all, so she must know what she is talking about. He would do anything to make his crush best friend happy anyways.

I think we all know how this ended up. (But Tim got a boyfriend out of it so "a win is a win"?)

bonus - at the birthday party:

Kon: *panicking because the guy who he has been in love with for years is suddenly very close and Rao he closed his eyes, does this mean he wants to ki-? No Kon get your head out of the gutter there is no way Tim likes you like that. But what else could he possibly intend to do and Kon would be a fool not to use this chance if Tim might actually like him too so he leans in and- OMG! He is kissing Tim. Best birthday ever. Best day ever. Probably best thing to evr happen in the whole history of this universe and Gahhjhdsk<sduhsd*

friends

Yea so Ody is finally home and he’s with his wife and son. It’s all cool and fun. But hold on. Can you imagine how HORRIFYING Odysseus and his family must be to other Royals now?

Here is a king that fought monsters, witches, slaughtered most of the male Nobles in his kingdom. FOUGHT POSEIDON AND MADE HIM BEG FOR MERCY!

And worst of all, he is crazy smart. So negotiating or trying to make deals with Odysseus must be the most horrifying thing in existence at the time. You can’t threaten him, you can’t negotiate a better position than him, you can only just sit there and smile as you pray you don’t accidentally offend him.

Oh and that’s not all, If Penelope also dislikes you, you’re f***ed. Because Odysseus fought a war for 10 years over an oath. Imagine what he would do if someone tried something with his wife… OH WAIT, we don’t have to. He SLAUGHTERED them! And she might not even need him to.

She is from Sparta and by Odysseus own words JUST AS SMART AS HIM. The main reason she didn’t go out and fight those nobles/kick them out is because of the laws of hospitality (which are enforced by Zeus). But with her god piercer husband, she doesn’t need to be so polite anymore. And she held the kingdom together for 20 years! She knows how to handle business. So yea, don’t mess with her either.

And his kid? He’s a warrior of the mind now! Who has the favor of ATHENA! WHO in a very short time learned how to fight. Going from losing a fist fight, to fighting dozens of men who only overwhelmed him because he got TIRED of kicking their asses! He has ATHENA on his side as his best friend. Dont even try

Point is The Ithaca royal family is a f***ing nightmare to deal with now.

Tim and Jason are currently in a tentative truce/alliance, and despite their history their loyalty to this truce is locked the fuck down. they REFUSE to wrong the other or partake in any kinda shenanigan bullshit that could effect the other, to the point where while at first the others were just relieved the two were bonding after their colourful first start, at this point they’re just concerned about the closeness of the two most feral members of the family; wondering if this alliance should be something to fear.

the reason for this alliance, is because both Tim and Jason realised very shortly after coming into contact with each other that neither of them has any sense of self control when it comes to being spiteful or petty. Jason has had 90% of his will to give a fuck and his self preservation stripped away from him via Lazarus pit and the other 10% clearly didn’t exist anyway(see: stealing Batman’s tires and hitting him with a tire iron when caught). Tim meanwhile is completely feral regardless; he had to have no boundaries to survive with less-than-present parents and surviving a grieving Bruce’s version of Robin-training. plus the whole business with the LOA and Ra’s? his sense of escalation got lost in the fray years ago.

the issue with this, the two found out shortly after Jason first started interacting with the kid, is that them fighting in any way starts to become like a pushing-two-magnets situation. neither of them have ever come across somebody with as little sense of control as they have, so neither of them ever consider backing down from any kind of battle or feud. they find the dangers of this when Jason trips Tim in the hall and within 12 hours it’s escalated to Tim shooting a bazooka into Jason’s favourite safe house while Jason sets fire to Drake manor, framing Tim for insurance fraud in the process.

any kind of battle of spite between the two has no visible end, and it wont even occur to either of them for a second to back down or apologise, simply because fuck it amiright?

Alfred finds them one day in the kitchen engaging in a ‘water fight’ with special metal water-guns that spew acid. Jason has been stabbed at some point, and is bleeding onto the floor. He only seems to recognise this injury in the perimeters of using it against Tim by swiping the blood across the floor to make him slip. Tim has barbed wire in his hair and a clearly dislocated shoulder but he’s ice skating in that blood towards Jason without a single beat missed. Alfred gets them to stop specifically to clean up his goddam kitchen, and, while they guiltily clean, he finds out the root cause of this fight.

the night before, Tim stole Jason’s pencil. that’s it.

slightly terrified for the well-being on his grandsons, he spends the rest of the day acting as a peace-maker/lawyer to draft up an ‘alliance contract’ between the two, knowing that the only way to keep them safe from both themselves and each other is to make them a team, forever and unbreakably loyal towards each other. it takes a sleepless night to draft up all the details but he convinces the two to sign it, making it both a bat-pact, a blood-pact, and a legal document. it is the most important document in the manor, and Alfred hides it in his own personal quarters just to ensure it is kept safe.

because of the contract Jason and Tim are no longer allowed to engage in any kind of fight. any kind of disagreement, no matter how little, must be brought to Alfred, something he knows he’ll lose sleep over but at least Tim and Jason will be safe- it also gives them incentive to compromise with each other because if they don’t then one of them will have to wake Alfred up in the middle of the night just to ask which one of them gets the last of the cereal. they have to become a duo, loyal to each other first and foremost and always reliable enough that the other can turn to them in need. it becomes a very serious deal, and after realising the danger their fights could potentially put the family in(Tim tried to poison Jason’s food once but failed to account for Dick stealing Jason’s food like a normal big brother would), they decide they need to take this alliance up with the upmost sincerity.

for the good of Gotham.

nobody else in the family is sure as to why the fuck ‘team red’ suddenly became such a constant rock-hard alliance between the two brothers, but Alfred has never been more relieved.

Batfam incorrect quotes because I like to:

—

Bruce: Alfred, what do I do?

Damian: This is an issue...

De aged Dick: I told you I didn't want little siblings! D:<

De aged Jason, crying under a table with a batarang: I DON'T WANNA BE KIDNAPPED!

De aged Tim, staring at Bruce with big, wide eyes: :o

De aged Stephanie, tackling Dick:

—

Bruce: Alright, until Zatanna can get here, you're gonna need to be on your best behavior.

Stephanie: I want my Mom!

Stephanie, kicking Bruce's shins:

Bruce: I am so glad you're not my kid.

Dick, staring at a Nintento game card: Why's the game cartridge so small!?

Bruce: Oh, yeah, I forgot you grew up in the 90's... Um...

Tim, trying to eat said game card:

Bruce: Timothy Jackson Drake, no!

Tim, dropping it quickly and posing like a startled Red Panda: :o

Alfred, holding Jason by the scruff: Sir, master Jason attempted escape again.

Jason: I'm telling my Dad on you! He'll beat you up! MY PARENTS ARE GONNA CALL THE COPS ON YOU! JUST YA WAIT, THEY'RE GONNA BE HERE AND TAKE ME AWAY FROM YOU FOREVER!

Bruce: Hrn, maybe I should've talked to Jason more about his birth parents when I got him...

Alfred: No Father is perfect, sir.

Stephanie: MY MOM SAYS EAT THE RICH!

Stephanie, taking a bite out of Bruce's hand:

—

Bruce: Look, I turned on a movie!

Dick: . . . Why is THE LION KING IN REAL LIFE!?

Bruce: It's live action—

Dick: KILL IT!

Tim, lifting a camera up slowly and snapping a picture of Bruce from a corner:

Bruce: !? Tim?! Where'd you get a camera!?

Tim, dropping to all fours and quietly crawling along the shadows to leave the room:

Bruce: . . . What?

Damian: Father, permission to be a tad bit suspicious of Tim's humanity?

Bruce: He didn't have any when I met him, now I think he might not be human.

—

Jason: I'M IN A BATMOBILE AND YOU'RE NOT!

Bruce, trying to open the door frantically: Jason Peter Todd get out of that car right this instance!

Jason: TAKE ME HOME!

Bruce: Jason, please, I'm not trying to kidnap you.

Jason: I WANT MY MOM!

Tim, popping up from the back seats to climb into the passenger seat and snap a photo of Bruce, desperately struggling to get inside the bat mobile:

Jason: WHERE'D YOU COME FROM!?

Tim, shrugging:

Jason: . . . YOU'RE WEIRD!

Dick, running around in Stephanie's Robin uniform: BATMAN, NANANANANANANA!!!

Stephanie, squealing as she swings Tim's bō staff around:

Damian, chasing after them both: ENOUGH, BOTH OF YOU! YOU ARE ACTING CHILDISH!

Jason, crying: I want my Mooooom.

Tim, turning on the radio, gasping when it works: :o

—

Dick, glaring at a laptop: That's not normal. Why'd you flatten the computer?! WHAT IS THAT THING ON IT!?

Bruce: It's a laptop, and that's internet, and I'm trying to contact Lucius to inform him neither Tim or I will be there for work today.

Damian: Must I go to school? This seems like a family emergency.

Dick: I don't wanna go to school either!

Tim, dropping from an air vent onto the floor, landing face first like a limp rag doll:

Bruce: OH MY GOD!?

Tim, coughing once before picking himself up and snapping a picture of Bruce:

Bruce: . . . I need to get Tim tested.

Damian: For?

Bruce, watching as Tim waddles away: Everything.

—

Stephanie: This place is to big, my Dad would never let me stay at a place this fancy.

Jason: We're being human trafficked!

Stephanie: I dunno, that guy hasn't tried anything.

Jason: Them why do you keep bitin' and kickin' 'im?

Stephanie: I just like to.

Tim:

Jason: WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!?

Tim, lifting up a blank, thick, white binder, flipping it open to reveal page after page of pictures of both Bruce and Batman, as well as Dick and Robin:

Stephanie: What's that?

Tim: Batman.

Jason: YOU CAN SPEAK!?

Tim: . . . Wanna hear me talk about Batman?

Stephanie:

Jason:

Both: Sure.

Tim, big gasp: :O

—

Dick, swinging from a chandelier, singing: WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!? WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!? WOOF WOOF WOOF!

Bruce, sipping from a mug of coffee: I'm glad I got those reinforced...

Tim, taking a picture:

Bruce: . . . Are you hungry?

Tim:

Bruce: You... You haven't eaten.

Tim:

Bruce: . . . Alfred, can you contact Cass? She might be able to communicate with Tim.

Alfred: Right away, sir.

—

Cass: Hi, Tim.

Tim:

Cass: What am I meant to do?

Bruce: Communicate with him..?

Cass: . . . How?

Bruce: You know body language better than I do.

Cass: He seems neutral.

Bruce: I don't think his facial expression has changed once.

Cass: What?

Bruce: Unless blinking counts.

Tim, looking at Bruce: I know what you are.

Tim, waddling off:

Cass: Why was he scarier as a child?

Bruce: The only one who wasn't terrifying as a child was Tim.

Jason, running through the halls with a bucket on his head, right into a wall: Oof!

Bruce: . . . And Jason.

—

Stephanie: You're pretty.

Cassandra: Thank you.

Stephanie: Why is there so many boys here?

Cassandra: Men usually have a harder time dealing with complex emotions and so are more likely to turn to violence to cope, hence why Bruce became Batman. As for Tim, Dick, and Jason? They ended up with Bruce and inherited his... Coping mechanisms.

Stephanie: . . . What?

Cassandra: . . . Want to go hang out at our girls only club?

Stephanie: YES!

—

Babs: Permission to ask?

Cass, braiding Stephanie's hair: No.

Stephanie, eating a king sized Hershey bar, looking like Kirby as she opens her mouth to consume it whole:

—

Bruce: Alright, I had to bribe Alfred with a months vacation, but...

Bruce, putting down two big bags of McDonald's:

Dick: MCDONALD'S!!!!

Tim, snapping a picture:

Jason: Is it drugged?

Bruce: No more than Gotham's food usually is. I got you a Wonder Woman toy.

Dick: I WANT SUPERMAN! :D

Bruce: You got Superman.

Jason: Hm . . . Bribe accepted, but only because if you try to hurt me I'm gonna tell the cops your Batman and get you arrested for forever.

Bruce, knowing damn well Jason hates the police and ain't no snitch: That's fine.

Jason, digging into a bag instantly:

Tim:

Bruce: Uh...

Bruce, slowly lifting a French fry between two fingers:

Tim, eating it from Bruce's fingers before waddling away:

Bruce: . . .

Dick: Wait, isn't that our neighbor?

Jason, lifting his toy in the air: WONDER WOMAN!!!

Dick: Wanna make her fight my Superman!?

Jason: HELL YEAH!

—

Bruce: Alright, Zatanna will be here in an hour. Thank god.

Dick: Is she gonna make us grown ups again?

Bruce: Yes.

Dick: YAY! NO MORE SCHOOL!

Jason: But I like school! Can I still go to school as a grown up?

Bruce: Uh... Of course, Jay, lad.

Jason: YES! EDUCATION! I can't wait to graduate again! :D

Bruce: uhhhh...

Tim: I ate the game card.

Jason:

Dick:

Bruce:

—

BONUS:

*Tim and Bernard, sitting in a hospital room*

Bernard: How'd you get a Stardew Valley Nintendo switch game stuck in your large intestine?

—

Everyone is fighting a tough battle so reblog to give previous a sword 🗡️

When the fanfiction was so good you wish there was fanfiction about it.

to the people who are following me

thank you

im sorry