First Day At My Grandma's, And She Moved Her Bathroom Scale An Now I Can't Find It :(

I binged the second day in a row and I feel fucking awful

I really hate myself and I can never fucking let this happen again

Like yeah, eating more in the weekends is one thing, it's not ideal, but Ig eating maintenance for a day or two is fine

BUT NOT FUCKING STUFFING MYSELF UNTIL MY STOMACH HURTS

I hate, hate, hate myself

I just baked a cake for my Dad's birthday tomorrow

I haven't baked anything in a very long time and I was just remembering how I used to love eating the batter

Not anymore though

I really hope I will get around actually having to eat it, I think I'll just say I'll take a piece to school with me maybe

The other day I got a really hard ball at soccer practice kicked on my arm, not a big deal usually but it hit exactly my fresh cuts and man that shit hurt

Sometimes I just like to drink hot water no tea no nothing

I swear it tastes different than cold water

on that note

while going over your calories is not necessarily a binge, you do not get to decide what binging is for other people!

i’ve seen comments saying “not even 2000 calories is a binge” dude. it’s not about numbers. you can’t put a number on restriction - someone can be anorexic at 0 calories, at 200, at 800, at 1000, at 3000+ because it’s not about the numbers that you eat, it’s your mindset

binging is uncontrollable eating, past the point of fullness, into the point of pain, but it can also be mindless, thoughtless over eating when you don’t want to eat

numbers do not make up your binge. don’t think that because you didn’t reach a certain amount of calories, doesn’t mean you didn’t binge. same as restricting. just because someone went further, doesn’t mean you didn’t go at all

One look in the mirror - and I mean a proper look, not just catching a glimpse of my reflection walking by, no, I mean fully inspecting my body for 5-10 minutes really gets me questioning everything, but it's one of the most motivating things ever, honestly.

Can't decide if I actually wanna weigh myself again or not

Cuz I really don't want to get disappointed

"What do you do in your free time" how do I say "pace around my backyard whilst imagining myself reacting to WL related compliments and situations" without sounding weird

Soooo these busy days I mentioned are over and I have in fact reached my lowest weight since summer! It's probably not that impressive but I am incredibly happy still. (And yes, I am in fact absolutely drained but I did have fun, I'm just so tired now 🥲)

Now I have this Sunday to get through, then a week of school when restricting will be easy of course, but then I'll have two weeks off due to Eastern....

I guess I'll really have to bury myself in work and exercise then and not give myself the chance to eat anything besides the meals I'll have to eat with my family.

Breakfast I should always be able to skip, dinner too I could say I take to my room to eat there because of school work or something, and then lunch I'll just have to always help preparing so I know exactly what we'll eat and so I can make at least my serving lower in calories.

Maybe I'll also have to resort to the sad Pinterest ana meals with half a cucumber and egg whites, because my parents don't seem to know an awful lot about nutrition, and as long as I eat anything they tend to not raise an eyebrow.

(No hate on these kind of meals, they're really a game changer, but since I tend to do OMAD and a small snack, I just really like to make my meals more colorful and more interesting)

I'll also have more time to exercise, then I know of two days on which I can fast, because we'll be travelling to my Grandma, and for a couple of days only my Dad and I will be home, and I have a feeling that will make not eating/eating low-cal meals even easier.

(Partly because the chance someone is going to be in the kitchen when I want to measure out my food will be lower lol)

feeling fatter than ever any oversized clothes but also being scared to wear anything else, because they're my only "safe outfits"