So

Are you ever so hyperaware of your body whilst in public and you’re trying not to burst into tears…. Hahah yeah me either

Saturdays are always bad for me food wise

Not only do I have to eat at least two of the meals my family cook, but then I'm also at home most of the time and around food, and that becomes especially difficult when I have work to do I don't particularly enjoy.

I feel so fucking pathetic for this though but I'll have to find something that works for me, somehow.

This one bathroom stall at my school has a fucking heater and it's turned on and I'll spend the rest of the day here omfg I don't care about religion class I just need the WARMTH

I'm going to get my height measured tomorrow

I always use a number I think is lower than I actually am when calculating my BMI and such, but at this point, I don't know my real height, but I'm pretty sure it's higher than I think it is at the moment, anyway. Because my shorter friends say they're as tall as me in numbers, but, well, I am definitely physically taller, so.... yeah, Ig I hope for the best lol

Part of me wants to get better so badly, whereas on the other hand I want to get as bad as possible

as much as im the main factor of my downfall into this disorder i really hope one day i can recover and truly love myself as i am

Sometimes I just like to drink hot water no tea no nothing

I swear it tastes different than cold water

This Moment when I've borrowed my friend money the other day and I ask her about it - it's not even that I care about the money on itself that much, just wanted to remind her - and she just says that she doesn't have cash and offers to buy me something in the cafeteria instead - despite always being the first to make jokes about how I never eat

It's not that big of a deal, but it did kinda bug me, because the way she said it made it sound like she knew exactly what she was doing and stuff

Because she's always trying to pressure me into eating, which I appreciate, but then it also gets annoying

was at my friend's birthday party and I fucked up SO BADLY. I promised myself to only eat one slice of cake and a to y portion of dinner today, but then came the evening snacks and all the stupid food and in my head I was constantly like, "I need to stop" but I fucking couldn't and now I feel like the worst person on earth. I woke up to the regret and we're about to eat breakfast, and here's the thing: I never eat around them usually and they keep pestering me with those "What have you eaten today? It's unhealthy" and stuff, and now I completely ruined that. So I planned not to eat breakfast at all, but if I don't eat that now after that fucking horrible binge yesterday... I'm just going to try to go to the bathroom in between and then get away with eating some fruit.

I fucking hate myself.

I had my first strawberries these time of year. They were fucking huge and juicy and so, so red and they reminded me of that huge ass banana I had the other day.

Fruit are so fucking good they're like my candy

(I don't even like that packaged junk anymore, but now when I crave it's oats and yoghurt and honey and - thankfully - fruit, which is still super easy to binge on, even if it's healthier)

I love the sun I love sunny stuff this is the most beautiful time of the year and I'm so here for it