I Just Had The Most Intense Ed Nightmare.
I just had the most intense ed nightmare.
I was in the living room just practicing some sort of gymnastic exercise - idk why I don't do gymnastics - and my parents had friends over and they just kept talking about how much weight they were losing and how much better they felt now that they're skinny. I got angrier and sadder and at some point I kinda snapped and yelled, "You guys know I'm still here as well?" and they kind of laughed and my Mom just have me really pitiful look and then told the entire group that she hoped that I would have at least one summer during which I'll feel skinny and confident. Like. What. And then she called me fat and insecure and I just scrambled to the bathroom crying trying to find my blades.
It took me a hot minute after waking up to realize that didn't actually happen.
Wtf honestly
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I feel dirty and I don't feel real
Like it seriously feels like being fat is blocking me from actually living and being someone
I know that sounds silly but I can't take myself serious like this
And I don't know who I am if I'm not skinny
parents tryna get me to wear a dress like noooo don't they fucking get the hints?
feeling fatter than ever any oversized clothes but also being scared to wear anything else, because they're my only "safe outfits"
My class will go on a one week sailing trip in summer, so we're practicing what we'll cook and stuff, starting tomorrow - and I'm so scared. There's no way I'll eat at school, and even though it's kind of established between my friends and I that I just won't eat, what should I tell my teachers or other class mates if they ask?
I could go to the bathroom for a while once it's eating time, but what other things are there?
Please give some kind of advice guys 🥲
wdym just staring at the document won't get me any work done
Maybe locking in starts with simply logging my calories on my app, instead of trying to pretend it didn't happen or "it wasn't that bad".
Yes, I binged, yes, I feel like a piece of shit but I can always draw the line.
I may gain weight today, but I can stay determined during the week and make a realistic plan for the weekend and actually stick to it.
I shouldn't deny my mistakes or wallow in self pity, but rather use them as a reminder what I am actually fighting for and what kind of behaviours even made me (partly) start doing this in the first place, and I can learn from my mistakes. Honestly I'm motivated to take on this week, even if I completely fucked up this weekend, or maybe especially because of that.
What kind of rewards do y'all get yourselves when you hit a gw?
And do you have suggestions for small things I could get, not always clothes, which are not too pricey?
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