I’m Really Beginning To Feel Lost When It Comes To My Feelings For This Guy I Work With. It Truly Feels

i’m really beginning to feel lost when it comes to my feelings for this guy i work with. it truly feels like i am so small in his eyes, and i never know how to move forward. this is so out of the norm for me and it frustrates me that i feel powerless around him. i keep calling him pet names like, “babe, honey, sweetheart, pretty boy, etc.”, but i do that with literally everyone. i’m so bad at flirting and i really don’t think he would be receptive to that. he’s so charming, funny, goofy, and hot. but he’s talking to a different guy, and i feels like i’m too late. it all seems so pointless in the grand scheme of things. i don’t believe i’m his type, both physically and personally, and i don’t know him outside of work. but it’s terrifying to try for more. it makes me vulnerable and i feel worthless, disposable, unwanted.

this always happens to me though. i always catch feelings for some guy, and it literally has always ended the same; me hating myself for thinking it was a good idea and that i had even the slightest chance. it’s so hard to not think that i’m meant to be alone when rejection is so consistent. i’m running out of patience for my own self. i can’t keep letting myself put so much hope and emotion in finding that one person who will like/love me when so many people have turned the other way. when all of these things are stacked on top of me, it is so difficult to find a reason to keep trying and being open. i’ve been single for years already and it’s becoming easier to turn off this yearning to be with someone, until those moments like now. when someone draws your attention and you feel like they could be yours and this could be the chance. but 9.9 times out of 10 it isn’t. and the 1.1% chance that it could be, doesn't seem worth it anymore.

so, who knows what could happen between me and the guy honestly.  but my track record shows what is most likely to happen. it sucks, it really does, but that’s just my love life... lonely.

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1 year ago
Week 1: July 10th - July 16th

Week 1: July 10th - July 16th

Episodes 1x01 - 1x04

Week 2: July 17th - July 23rd

Episodes 1x05 - 1x08

Week 3: July 24th - July 30th

Episodes 1x09 - 2x02

Week 4: July 31st - August 6th

Episodes 2x03 - 2x06

Week 5: August 7th - August 13th

Episodes 2x07 - 2x10

Week 6: August 14th - 20th

Episodes 2x11 - 2x14

Week 7: August 21st - August 27th

Episodes 2x15 - 2x18

Week 8: August 28th - September 3rd

Episodes 3x01 - 3x04

Week 9: September 4th - September 10th

Episodes 3x05 - 3x08

Week 10: September 11th - September 17th

Episodes 3x09 - 3x12

Week 11: September 18th - September 24th

Episodes 3x13 - 3x16

Week 12: September 25th - October 1st

Episodes 3x17- 4x02

Week 13: October 2nd - October 8th

Episodes 4x03 - 4x06

Week 14: October 9th - October 15th

Episodes 4x07 - 4x10

Week 15: October 16th - October 22nd

Episodes 4x11 - 4x14

Week 16: October 23rd - October 29th

Episodes 5x01 - 5x04

Week 17: October 30th - November 5th

Episodes 5x05 - 5x08

Week 18: November 6th - November 12th

Episodes 5x09 - 5x12

Week 19: November 13th - November 19th

Episodes 5x13 - 5x16

Week 20: November 20th - November 26th

Break

Week 21: November 27th - December 3rd

Episodes 5x17 - 6x02

Week 22: December 4th - December 10th

Episodes 6x03 - 6x06

Week 23: December 11th - December 17th

Episodes 6x07 - 6x09

*only 3 episodes

Week 24: December 18th - December 24th

Break

Week 25: December 25th - December 31st

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Week 26: January 1st - January 7th

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Week 27: January 8th - January 14th

Episodes 6x10 - 6x14

*5 episodes so 6x10 & 6x11 are in the same week

Week 28: January 15th - January 21st

Episodes 6x15 - 6x18

*will adjust the January schedule if needed when we’re given a premiere date

Find the event info here.

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  • duchesstopaz
    duchesstopaz reblogged this · 3 years ago
duchesstopaz - Essence
Essence

Discovering and Rediscovering Me, while Adapting, Changing, and Evolving along the Way - Public Diary21 y/o Black, Non-Binary, Queer Individual with Dreams, and a Life to Live and a Story to Share TW: Abuse, Su*c*de Attempt, Su*c*dal Ideation, Depression, Anxiety

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