Batman: "Suspect's Headed Down Eighth Street. I'll Let You Know When We Have Him"

I physically need Jason Todd to have several popular accounts as a reviewer of, honestly, anything.

New article in Gotham Gazette? A famous five-star reviewer already wrote a comment on what unethical methods the writer had used, along with debunking the rest of the article. And guess what? It has more likes than the original post.

New restaurant opened? Another famous critique just finished polishing a very detailed post regarding everything inside it — the decor, the cooking techniques, the service (he almost never picks up on waiters, though). It is so on the spot that, honestly, the owners can't even argue with the review.

New movie? Uh-uh, be sure you write your characters properly. New vigilante? Get detailed information on your methods of work and fighting style — and, hey, it might be even useful. New book? Be careful, someone is about to kick your ass on the Internet, unless written worthy.

The funniest part? No one assumes that it is the same person.

And the batfamily? Well, they have no time for this. Expect for... Tim.

Tim, sending a link to Vale's article: Hood. Drag her ass.

Jason: lol

Jason: give me, like, an hour–

Tim: Had I told you you are my favourite?

Jason: i might have an idea, yeah

Tim: Hood. The new restaurant is so ass. They are also homophobic and stared at me and Kon the whole evening like we killed someone. Do something.

Jason: sec

(The restaurant gets closed in, like, two days after that)

Tim: Jason. Bruce pisses me off this week.

Jason: LOL

Jason: wake up, birdie, the new article shitting on Batman's technics just dropped

Tim: YAY

De-aged Batfamily concept, but with one more usually skipped member.

Usual stuff first, maybe it was a Gotham rogue with science, perhaps somebody external with magic; doesn't matter much. Except this wasn't an attack on Batman, it was meant for Bruce Wayne...meaning the manor was attacked.

First, the JL get rid of the threat, and then find the rest of the family. Diana finds Dick, he's a very small baby, maybe even months old, and he hangs from a chandelier.

While everyone freaks out about how he got there, Oliver, who remembers seeing Dick's first gala stunt, deduces he probably shrunk down until he was that age, and either an eight or seven old Dick was the one to climb there.

The ones who don't stay babying baby Dick and taking pics, look for Bruce. This has happened before, so they are betting on two options: a recently traumatized eight-year-old, or younger and looking for his parents. Hal bets on an angry teenager Bruce because it would be hilarious.

What they don't expect to find, is a twenty-something Alfred Pennyworth with Bruce on his hips and in a state of absolute panic. Because he is the youngest intelligence agent Britain has seen in a while, he can tell something is very wrong, and will not reason with these weird people in Wayne Manor for the life of him.

Hal tries to approach him, having apparently not learned his lesson of not judging someone's capabilities just because they don't have magic, powers or a ring, from Batman. Agent A has him immobilized on the ground in three seconds flat, Bruce on his hip and all.

Hal then understands this young man raised Batman after all.

Superman is ready for when he inevitably asks where the Waynes are, he's had this conversation with little Bruce before, and it was actually Alfred himself who advised him how to. Clark is not ready for Alfred to ask for his father, the previous butler who would indeed know what's going on, because what do you say to that? It doesn't help that Bruce is absolutely not letting go of Alfred, the only person he recognizes there.

It's not Batman's business, it's Bruce Wayne's business, so the GCPD does get there. The JL don't know what to do when instead of being understanding and helping out, Jim Gordon *pales*. "You're telling me...a young Alfred Pennyworth-an on edge young Alfred Pennyworth, is in there...nope, not in a million years, I remember the Martha incident" no one asks what he means.

It takes a retired Harvey Bullock to come down grunting to calm the Brit down a bit, he tells him to let them help out rather harshly, and the JL thinks Gordon fucked up by calling this man: But Alfred does back down then, the issue getting resolved after that.

Just, de-aged Alfred, an intelligence Agent, ready to take down the freaks (Justice League, heroes of the world) to make sure they don't get close to Thomas and Martha's kid (Batman, founder of the league)

MORE DAD LESS SAD

Dc: Fans made wayne family adventure comics surpass regular dc comics

i'm so deep into the brainrot so are they

Very nice art

Thee kiddos

allow me to hit Tim with the Slavic beam for a second. and torture Jason Todd in the same breath

so in the magical land of Czech Republic we have a dessert. it is a hard slab of egg and vanilla, typically served with whipped cream, sometimes fruit and coco powder. its name? coffins.

so imagine for me Jason pisses Tim off somehow for the twelve hundredth time or whatever and Tim is like Hm. I could be passive aggressive or physically attack him or start a prank war like a normal person bat. But I have been spending unheterosexual amounts of time with my friend Conner "Midwestern farm boy" Kent and it has moved some ancient brick of my DNA into place.

he shows up at Jason's door with a plate of these and then happily skips away.

cue Jason being strangely pleased when the tox screen turns up clean and it actually doesn't taste bad. until he looks up the name

AU where Jason, Cass and Damian meet in the League and cause so much chaos that a burnt out Ra's just dropped them with a note

"Two of them are yours the third one is free"

And Bruce rolls with it

Batman, arresting Harley for the umpteenth time: You're going to prison, Quinn.

Harley: You know what I was thinking?

Batman: what.

Harley: That you don't send me to prison. *grins*

Batman:...

Batman: I have no idea what to say to that.

Harley: No, think about it! I could wear my sexy nurse outfit and you me and kitty could have some fun!

Batman: *sighs* As appealing as that prospect is,....

Harley: *low squeal*

Batman: No.

Harley: You need a therapist who can fuck you and tell you about your mommy issues at the same time

Batman: I don't think anyone ever in the history of humanity has needed that.

Harley: (begging) Come on, Bats. They drug me in there! It gets all...spooky sometimes. Not your kind of spooky, the bad kind.

Batman: *hesitating*

Harley: And they feed me pea soup! PEA SOUP!! *kicks a rock and starts crying*

Batman: Quinn, you should have thought of that before you ran away with Ivy and killed the CEO of FutureTech.

Harley, pleading: That was Ivy, not me!

Batman: Uh huh.

Harley: She said he was a plant murderer. And I gotta admit, I wasn't feeling too good myself about him dumping all that toxic waste in the Amazon.

Batman: When things like this happen, you come to me.

Harley: You've never shown interest in plant shit before.

Batman, pinching the bridge of his nose: I can handle it. I know how important 'plant shit' is to Ivy and you. It's important to me too. That's why, next time, before you murder someone, let me handle it legally by scaring the shit out of them first. Okay?

Harley: *hiccups* okay.

Batman: Now. I'll talk to the Arkham parole board about your early conditional release. But I will make sure they give you some truly, spectacularly, horribly disgusting community service.

Harley, desperate: No. Not the garbage route again.

Batman, smiling grimly: Oh it gets worse. Trust me. *begins typing into his phone*

Harley: Oh my god I think I'll just do my time. I'm not going into the trash cans, you don't know the kind of shit people throw out! I think I'll just take my meds and stare at the walls instead.

Batman, looking up from his phone: I'm afraid that ship has sailed. *smiles evilly*

Harley: Oh my fucking shit you monster!

Batman: Remember that feeling the next time your trigger finger itches to pop off a human being.

Harley, gritting her teeth: It's itching now, bitch!

Batman, smugly: Good.

Ra's losing lasertag is hilarious

Dick: we don’t talk about Jason’s death, Dami, because it’s insensitive and we don’t want to remind him of bad memories!

Damian: *squints*

-later-

Damian: -and then he said because he doesn’t want to remind you of any bad memories, which-

Jason, absently: that’s fucking rude. what bad memories?

Damian: -right?! you coming to the league and becoming my ahki was the best thing that could have ever happened to you. it is NOT a bad memory.

Jason: i mean i was talking about convincing Ra’s to play a match of laser tag with us as ‘moving target training’ but sure you’re great too.

Damian: Grayson simply does not understand our bond.

Jason, not even looking up from his phone: uh-huh. so true kiddo.

Damian: *grins smugly*

Tim, watching them interact:

Tim:

Tim: he’s talking about Jason being beaten and blown up you fucking weirdos.

Tim:

Tim: …you got Ra’s to play laser tag?

Jason: mhm.

Damian: he lost devastatingly quickly.

Let’s be honest, the only thing funnier than Dick and Bruce trying to co-parent Damian is Dick, Bruce, and Jason trying to co-parent Damian.