Bruce's Kids Are All Agents Of Chaos In Different Ways, The Poor Poor Man

Saw a post somewhere on TikTok a while back where Janet Drake survives and starts dating Talia al Ghul.

I find this in my mind every single day and it's absolutely hilarious the way this would play out.

Like, Tim and Damian, absolutely hate each other and one actively tries to kill the other while the other actively tries to get the other disowned.

But now neither can get disowned because both their mothers are dating, making them siblings in 3/4 ways.

I need more of this au.

Freshly adopted Jason, who is so used to taking care of his mother that the first morning in the manor, he wakes up in early hours to cook for Bruce, too.

Logically speaking, he understands that Bruce doesn't need it — he is a healthy adult, and they have Alfred — but it is six in the morning, and his mind is foggy, so he just follows his instincts. Maybe he does not even realise that mom is not here, after all.

Alfred finds him in the weakly dimmed kitchen when he finishes his walk around the Manor before starting with his chores. He is amused at first, stopping quietly behind the child. He is doing great (that's a surprise since Dick intentionally just stirred more trouble), and Alfred can't help but smile a little.

'Good morning, master Jason. If you are hungry, you should wake me up the next time. I promise to take care of you.'

Jason blinks owlishly, still awfully sleepy. His eyes are barely opened, his hands working on the automat.

'Breakfast,' he mumbles, frowning a little. 'For mom- I mean, for dad.'

Alfred's smile falters. His original impression shifts in a late realisation.

Oh.

'Master Jason, you shouldn't really-'

'Finished,' he yawns, putting a one — just one, nothing for himself at all — plate in front of Alfred.

It is a very simple dish, scrambled eggs with some black paper and toasted bread — but not even made in a toaster, just on the pan; this kid probably doesn't know how to use toasters. It smells nice, Alfred compliments mentally.

'Can you-' He yawns. 'Pass to-'

And then little Jason falls asleep helplessly, falling right in Alfred's arms. He catches him, of course. This boy weighs nothing at all.

'Hey, Al,' Bruce sticks his head in the kitchen, no less sleepy. 'What is going on?'

Alfred explains to Bruce what happened, and he is no less distraught. He helps him to put Jason in the bed and eats all the breakfast he prepared, with a mixture of delight and despair.

And when Jason wakes up, embarrassed by the faint memories of the early morning, Alfred puts a big plate in front of him, filled with so much food that his big blue eyes light up instantly.

'Bon appetite, master Jason,' he smiles. 'Your cooking had passed my personal standards for a cook. You are a good soldier.'

Jason giggles, his mouth already stuffed with bacon.

'That I am.'

And that he always will be.

Imagine being Alfred during Batman Begins when Bruce leaves to “find himself.” Alfred is worried, but reminds himself that all rich men do this and he’s probably just going to come back as a worldly, obnoxious vegetarian. Then Bruce shows up several years later buff as hell and it’s like no, he’s a ninja. he’s a ninja and he wants to terrorize Gotham in a bat costume.

Alfred: Master Bruce… what are you doing?

Bruce: *putting out extra cookies and milk* I think… if I’m extra good… maybe Santa will let me see my parents for Christmas?

Alfred: *stunned* I- Master Bruce-

Bruce: *interrupting him with a pleading look* It doesn’t hafta be for the whole day! I… I just want one last hug, that’s all. I made sure to be extra good this year.

Monster High: Phantom Year

Danny Phantom x Monster High

Old wip idea.

The ghost world had been awfully quiet as mysteriously tremors rumbled throughout the monster and normi worlds, all for a week straight. Everyone in Monster High was stressed, especially the ghostly students, as their mysterious new king had gone missing. However, there wasn’t much any of the students could do… Until one night, while having a creepover to calm some nerves Frankie, Clawdeen, Draculaura, Cleo, Ghoulia, and Spectra get a surprise visit from Operetta. Asking them to come to the Catacombs immediately.

While in the Catacombs, the ghouls find an injured normi boy.

While on the way to a diplomatic meeting to meet with other monster leaders, Danny got ambushed and gravely injured. He flew into a random portal and landed in a strange, dark, damp, and musty place. Being too weak to move any further he passed out, excepting his fate; only to wake up in some sort of creepy nurses office. He didn’t know what to expect, but finding a monster high school and being asked to attend said school wasn’t it.

With the promise of protection by the school and to help him in his kingly and high school studies, Danny accepts. With only a small handful of monsters who knew of his kingly and hero identities, and location, he must navigate this strange knew environment without revealing who he is for his protection as villains search for him.

Friendships will be made, mysteries will be uncovered, old enemies will resurface, grades will go up, and dreams will be reclaimed.

All that and more in a single Phantom Year.

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I have a silly little headcanon that the only reason Gordon knows Batman is Bruce Wayne is because one time, shortly after the Bat and him started working "together" semi-regularly he had to interview Mr. Wayne at a crime scene and when he's done he turns around for a second as he grabs a cig from his pocket. When he goes to offer one to Wayne like he does to everyone, and the Bat, Wayne is just gone.

Gordon spots him a few moments later on the other side of the crime scene

Just, it's still early so the disappearing once done talking to Gordon has become habit but not a conscious one yet that Bruce is aware of and controls. So for a moment he disappeared like he would of if he were in the suit

“Things the Bats accidentally do outside of the suit because they’re so used to doing it in the suit” is one of new favorite tropes. It includes that Jason post the other day about walking differently with/without a 20 lb gun belt around your hips, etc.

Superman is asked in an interview if he walks around without his costume in the streets, he says yes, that he has perfected the way to disguise has a regular human, they ask for an example of one of his costumes so he grabs a black jacket and puts it on before slouching, warping himself in his cape and using his fingers to make little ears*

Superman (in grave voice): "I'm the night. *stretching the i* people think I live in the shadows, but I'M the shadows. I'm Batman *this continues for a couple of minutes, after that, the interview ends without problems*

...

Next morning all signs of Superman in Metropolis have been vandalized, either by painting bats as moustaches or by painting Batman's suit and cowl over Clark's faces

Later, he realizes all his suits have been replaced with Bat-suits bought from a Halloween costume shop, the Planet's windows were covered with photos of Batman and his kids wearing the suits they stole (plus masks), the internet is full of Superman memes and there's a viral video of Batman seemingly flying like Superman, in Superman's suit, while still wearing the Bat-cowl, only for the image to pull back and show Batman strapped to the Bat-mobile's roof, that's being driven by Spoiler, who is cackling like an Arkham inmate.

Damian: I check out of school to go volunteer at the hospital

Alfred: *raising from the grave* FINALLY a member of this family with a NORMAL hobby, and it's volunteering at the hospital *dabbs corner of his eye with a handkerchief* it's about time.

Guests at a gala notice that Brucie Wayne is surprisingly jacked. Like, a suspicious amount of muscle for a CEO who lives a life of luxury and doesn't do any physical labour. An amount of muscle that goes beyond "works out to stay fit and look good". And when he's asked about this by a gossip columnist guest he panicks (he's running on 2 hours sleep) and says "It's so I can pick up my kids!"

Now everyone is looking at his kids. Cass and Tim are tiny at 5’ 5 and 5' 7. Damian is still a kid and he's also small. Dick is bigger, but picking him up wouldn't require that much muscle. Maybe Duke, who is still growing but looks like he could be about Bruce's height when he's fully grown? Maybe him?

Then Jason officially returns from the dead. And everyone looks at the 6' 4, 260lbs walking double fridge and goes "Ahhh, ok then."

Jason’s Titan’s Tower Attack AU

Bruce: *gets the notification of an attack 2 hours too late because of Hood’s hacking*

Bruce: *rushes to the Titan’s Tower, scared that Tim’s dead*

Bruce: *runs into the Tower’s living room and shouts with a breaking voice*

Bruce: Robin? ROBIN?! Where are you?!

Tim: *excitedly dashes into the room with a plate of cookies*

Tim: Look, B! We made cookies! Try them!

Bruce: *confused af, tries one*

Bruce: They… taste like Jason’s…

Bruce: *ready to burst into tears*

Tim: That’s because we made them together. Duh!

Jason: *waltzes in without helmet or mask but in full gear*

Jason: Well, Baby Bird, that’s it for today. Next bird sitting session will cost ya, old man!

Jason: *zetas away with a cheeky smirk*

Tim: Bruce, can I have another playdate with Jay?

Bruce: *Bruce.exe stopped working*