Diaryofanagingirl - Diary Of An Aging Girl

i hate when people are nonchalant even when i give them a way out. like im asking you, if you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to but they don’t take it. they’ll still reply with the most blandest shit and it’s not like i want much i just want to have a convo

i see my future, and it's taking care of my butch. whether that's cooking their favourite food or giving them a massage after a long day at work. i want to shower them with gifts. i'll get them whatever they desire. i'll listen to all their troubles while i hold them and give them kisses.

i actually DO want the lesbian that’s MUCH older than me.. like very bad like need and want and will break no contact

just bought my first s*x toy and i’m petrified if my mom opens my package cause it’s coming tomorrow or that i won’t like it …

secretary (2002)

it actually came the same day lol

and one is too big so now what?

just bought my first s*x toy and i’m petrified if my mom opens my package cause it’s coming tomorrow or that i won’t like it …

genuinely me right now

Party Girl (1995) dir. Daisy Von Scherler Mayer

diary of an aging girl #2

When i was younger I felt drawn to the “olden days” and felt very much like an imposter among my peers and looking back at it now it was definitely because of how much of a shy person I was and still am. It is not like I was selectively being shy, it felt and still does feel like this bubble that if I would burst it i’d be offending everyone and also become the stupidest person in the world.

Whatever. So I grew up and realised it was very weird to look back on a time I wasn’t born (the 90s and before) and say how good they were when I didn’t experience it and hadn’t even indulged in the generation I was growing up with.

But but it’s times like these where it does feel like the world is becoming less and less progressive and for people who are minorities AKA my whole identity I feel like it’s okay to look back. I’ve always had like this nagging need to feel what I felt a couple years ago which I am sure everyone has felt and nostalgia is it’s own disease.

But I am looking to the 2010s and some of the 90s where yk for a certain part in a certain place it was blooming with community for dykes and all I can think about is we’re never going to have the same opportunities as the ones before us because of this need to conform to straight people’s standards.

Phones shoved in our faces… what if i don’t want to promote it on insta.. what if i want our communities to bloom w/o social media? is that even possible?

-doaag xx

(1) Pay phone at corner store, (2) Harry Dodge & Silas Howard, (3) Anna Joy, Elitreo, and Asia. San Francisco 1996 by Chloe Sherman