Regulus, Turning To Lucius: Stop Calling Yourself Hot, The Only Thing You Can Turn On Is The Microwave.

More incorrect quotes

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Severus: Start talking!

James: Well, I-

Severus: Shut up!

*****************************

James: This date is boring!

Severus: This isnt a date. I said I was going to the store.

James: Then why did you invite me?

Severus: I didnt, I specifically said "dont come with me" then you said " fuck you Severus I'll do whatever I want!

****************************

Severus: Bro-

James: No, no, hold up, rewind.

James: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

***************************

Sirius: Oh, my God. Do you know what this is?

Severus: It’s a book. There’s a lot of those in here, this is a library.

**************************

James: Can I ask a dumb question?

Severus: Better than anyone I know.

*************************

Remus: Why should I make my bed, when I'm just gunna unmake it to sleep in it anyways?

Severus: Why should I feed you if your just gunna die anyways?

Remus:

Remus: I'll go make my bed-

************************

Severus: Remus, get that hidious thing out of the living room, would you?

Remus: Sirius, Severus wants you to get out of the house.

***********************

Remus, bursting into the room: You two are having sex!

Severus, not looking up from their book: Really? James, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.

**********************

Sirius: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.

Severus: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory.

James: Fuck you.

*********************

Sirius: Severus, I am questioning your sanity...

James: I never questioned it, I knew their sanity was missing from the start.

********************

James: Remus, I’m afraid.

Remus: Just stay close to Severus.

James: That's why I’m afraid.

*******************

Remus: And now for a gay update with Severus and Sirius.

Sirius: Getting gayer.

Remus: Thank you, Sirius.

******************

Remus: H-how do you ask someone out?

Sirius: Well, first-

Severus: Don't ask him, he asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot.

Remus: ...And you said yes?

*****************

James: When you work at lush and a customer comes in and bites the soap because they think it’s cheese... this happens way more frequently than you think.

Severus: If you stopped literally presenting soap as deli food this wouldn't happen.

James: Who goes into a bath store and thinks something covered in glitter is cheese?

Remus: Who goes to the store and just takes a bite from the cheese?

****************

Sirius: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Severus: Okay.

Sirius: And make out during the scary parts.

Severus: Th-

Severus: The scary parts.

Severus: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

***************

Severus: Look, last night was a mistake.

Sirius: A sexy mistake.

Severus: No, just a regular mistake.

**************

Severus, after getting a job as a life guard: Hmm... I wonder what those things at the bottom of the pool are..

Remus: THOSE ARE PEOPLE DROWNING!

*************

Remus: *angrily presses Severus against a wall* WHERE'S THE CHOCOLATE?!

Severus: ...

Severus: Are we about to kiss-

************

Severus: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.

Remus: Those are wanted posters!

***********

Severus: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.

James: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.

Severus: ...

Severus: You mean ring bearER, right?

James: ...

Severus: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

**********

*James and Severus looking at a locked gate into a park*

James: Aw. :(

Severus: You know what they say.

James: Please don’t-

Severus: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*

James: Fuck-

*********

Severus: Watcha doin?

James: Stealing my neighbour’s cat.

Severus: Scandalous.

Severus: Can I help?

********

James: I got grounded for a whole week just because I came home late.

Severus: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone's hopes up like that and then showing up again.

*******

Severus: What's gone wrong, James?

James: Hey! That’s one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis.

Severus: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling?

James: Well... There’s a crisis.

******

Severus: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before. I don’t know the rules.

James: What?

Severus: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?

*****

Sirius, dramatically: They called me a fool.

Severus, sick of Sirius's shit: They weren’t wrong.

****

Severus: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Sirius: This is a lie.

Sirius: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.

Sirius: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

***

Severus: You shouldn't be using a straw.

Sirius: I know, I know, it's bad for the environment and stuff.

Severus: Yeah, but I mean... it's a weird way to eat spaghetti.

**

Sirius: We all have our demons.

Sirius, grabbing Severus: This one’s mine.

*

Sirius: What goes up but never comes down?

Severus: The amount of stress you're bringing this family.

Y'all- this fucking toxicity 🤡✋

Hold up there's more

Sirius: I mean. Severus's just standing there now.

Sirius: Waiting for me, I guess.

Sirius: But it's okay, I think he's pretty much settled down.

Remus: Settled down?

Sirius: Well, he only stabbed me once.

Lily, about Bellatrix: I like her, she has that, what do you call it?

Regulus: Cold blooded ruthlessness?

Lily: No, that’s not it.

Lily: Ah, a knife, she has a knife.

Sad Bois (Tʖ̯T)

Severus: What goes up but never comes down?

Narcissa: The amount of stress you're bringing this family.

TW!! DEATH + Negligent Officers

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Severus: I regret getting dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.

Nuuuu. I'm crying why you gotta be like that 😭

When you get this, please respond with five things that make you happy (but only if you want to)! Then, send to the last ten people in your notifs (anonymously if you want). You never know who might benefit from spreading positivity ♡

Okay so five things that make me happy. Uh

Reading

My late cat

Crafting (painting, sewing, origami, ect.)

Music

Honestly sleeping