Titi Window 

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I wish I could study. <I can I just make up excuses>

I wish I could draw. <I can I just am too afraid to show it>

I wish I could dance. <I can I am just too shy to go>

There is so much I can do but I stop myself from doing over fear of being judge. But the truth is: I am the only person judging me. 

Танцы. 1963. Якобсон Александра Николаевна (1903-1966)

Instagram: @moonprincessinwonderland follow for more cute content every day ^-^

✧・ﾟ:*Today’s magical girl of the afternoon is: Prisma Illya from Fate/kaleid liner Prisma☆Illya✧・ﾟ:*

There is a while since the last time I've been here.

Lately I can't really tell what day it is but I guess that's everybody who's actually following social distancing and quarantine.

So, I am deeply struggling with anxiety over my life. Thankfully, I have people by my side helping me out, people to tell me I am overthinking or just trying too hard to be perfect. I've been judging myself for not be working during this quarantine. I was working at least 3 times a week a studying everyday. Now I am just studying, what should be enough, if I wasn't so critical with myself. I want to be successful, I want to have a nice job, a nice degree, a nice house and everything for yesterday

That's anxiety, wanting to achieve everything now and at the first strike. I am extremely afraid of failing, I am afraid of engaging into something and not being able to finish or have positive results from it. However what I need to think is that every result is positive, even those that are nothing like we planned. Every mistake is a chance to grow, every bad day is a chance to be stronger, every anxiety breakdown is a chance to know how strong and focused you can be.

Day 4 is celestial!! I really wanted to bring back my fav from last year’s mermay for this one!!

Many things give me reasons but almost not brings me energy to do so.

Night in Edinburgh.

I decided it was about time for me to write online about eating disorders and what it takes to truly recover from it.

How to do it? I don't know - yet.

I found myself again undereating And overexercising and somehow I found it to be disturbing. It wasn't my first time doing it, it was definitely not the worst I got. However this time I was older, not a teenager anymore, not as emotional about it and for my luck, I had Instagram.

Might be a good question to ask, how Instagram helped me? Showed me - since I was for a long time searching about diets and exercises- some bloggers defending something called 'intuitive eating'. And what is this? It is basically some women that, tired of suffering during their entire life from undereating and fighting eating disorders caused by what they called the "diet culture", decided to study about nutrition, most of them are professionals of the area, and then decided to speak to other woman about how society has convinced them to be under their set-point weight all for the sake of the "perfect female's body".

Most of them suffered, as I do, of anorex1a nervosa and put their bodies under an extreme stress. All the idea behind what they defend is not that complicated but I can't say I truly absorb it. I am indeed still trying to recover, still trying to eat what I want, to not worry about how fit I look and all that :good: stuff everybody already knows about.

One thing however, I found to be the most important point I got from them: society does tell woman to undereat, it does convince us that if we are not skinny and fit we are not -truly- enough, it does makes us believe there is the ideal body, the ideal BMI - this last one has a dark history on my point of view - and it does for sure put in our minds some crazy productivity standards when it is up to working out. At least, now, I know it is not ok to eat less than 1000 kcal, workout twice a day for 2h straight and weight myself almost everyday.

And that is might point about what it takes to recover from a eating disorder: recognize it, study about it and work on how you see and deal with food and your own body, accept and start to listen to yourself, not to the calorie's app or the fitness blogger that has an intense workout routine while eating only protein shakes and bars. You know what you need, honor yourself and your body. It is all a process but I am happy that I started it and I have people by my side that care and are helping me with it.