I'm Sorry. I Wasn't Thinking About You I Swear

Mom

If there was something that annoyed me greatly in my childhood,

It would be all the little boys and girls– That would cry out for their mothers

Their shrieks and wailing. It made my head ache

No, I'm nothing like those children

I don't need a mother, I don't need her at all

I've grown stronger, becoming an adult more quickly than others

She looks at me with foggy eyes, they are unable to comfort

I hate her, I can't bear to look into her eyes devoid of love

She doesn't say anything, only sighs, and I immediately know what she means

I pity her, I'm okay with her leaving a child she didn't want.

She holds a knife, slowly cutting into the board

I loathe her, I wish she'd step out of my life– let me breathe

She leaves the room, and it's like she was never there. I'm left with an open wound

I miss her. I yearn for her touch, no matter how forced it felt

“Mom, where did you go?” I ask

“Mom, come back!” I cry out.

“Mom, hold me!” I yell.

“Mom, tell me I'm still your little girl,” I beg.

Mom, you really are a cruel and tragic woman

How dare you give birth to a child and walk away

How dare you leave me all alone in this world

having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!

there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.

i love sociopaths i love narcissists i love low/no empathy havers i love people so mentally scarred it makes them generally mean people who push everyone away i love chronically angry people i love people with horrible intrusive thoughts (yes even yours) i love people who want horrible things to happen to the people who hurt them i love people with pervasive feelings of hate i love people who are uncontrollably agitated and irritable i see you i care about you i want you to get better i think you deserve as many chances as it takes for you to pull through i mean it i really really mean it

ChatGPT is my biggest fan

my shadowvanilla idol AU! i've been cooking this in my mind for a long time so I finally made it happen!

everyone says 'prioritize your health' 'look after yourself' until they realize that making your wellbeing your first priority means making everything else a lower priority. and yeah, that's sometimes ok if it's temporary, but if those health issues are chronic? oh boy do they not like it when you actually take their advice. sometimes prioritizing your health means neglecting your work, your household chores, your social life. 'looking after yourself' means not putting your energy into looking after everyone else first. and the same people who tell you to prioritize your health will get upset with you when they realize it means you're no longer priorizing them.

if you have disabled or chronically ill people in your life and you extend them sympathy and tell them to look after themselves when they're feeling sick, but then you get upset at then because they keep canceling plans. please. reevaluate.

Sorry about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine.

@dog-teeth/nobody - mitski/@ lilrainpoety on instagram/little weirds - jenny slate/@blossomfully/@chaandajaan/strawberry blond - mitski/wishbone - richard siken/salt - salma deera/unable to find a source/mia hollow/the unabridged journals of sylvia plath/nobody - mitski/crush - richard siken